Partial Chapter, followed by News
"Oh," Spike said, blinking before he shook his head roughly. "I mean, oh, uhm, hi Tempest- Uhm, Fizzle-." He gulped. "Err, Berrytwist?"
"Any of those works, sir," she said smartly, giving him a nod while retaining her smirk. "Though my soldiers usually stick to Captain Tempest, and my commanders tend towards Captain Berrytwist or Fizzle."
Spike hesitated for a moment, before asking, "Captain Tempest then?"
She laughed, tossing her head back and sitting down in the doorway. Wiping at her eyes, she shook her head. "No Spike, I owe you more than that. Just Tempest, or Fizzle. Fizzlepop if you're feeling figgy."
She chuckled when Spike blushed. "Ah, sorry, not used to being around royals anymore."
"Oh no," Spike said with a smile, "I can appreciate a dirty joke, but that one's closer to the line than I'm used to hearing. Uhm, oh, come... in...?"
He looked over his shoulder and called over his shoulder, "Ladies, this guest is one to stay," before he moved out of the doorway and gestured towards the open kitchen door. He watched Tempest raise one of her eyebrows before she moved in past him, pausing next to him as he shut the door.
Fluttershy popped her head out of the doorway again, glancing at him curiously until she spotted Tempest and froze, squeaking a couple of words.
"Yes ma'am, Tempest Shadow," Tempest said, dipping her head to Fluttershy. "Nice to see you again, Miss Fluttershy."
"Temp-," Spike interrupted himself, frowning, before saying, "Fizzle's here as a part of that training that Celestia wanted me to undergo, to control my draconic side."
"Oh," Fluttershy breathed out, nodding to Spike as Fizzlepop pulled out a notepad and used a charcoal pencil to write something down on it. "Right, sorry. I know it's been years, but I can be kind of jumpy," she said with a small smile.
"I've been briefed as such," Fizzlepop said absently, finishing her note and slipping the charcoal stick back into the loop onto the side of the pad before stowing it. "I know we didn't really interact much before-"
She stopped talking as Rarity poked her head out, around Fluttershy's shoulder.
"Miss Rarity," she said in greeting, her eyebrows scrunching in the middle. "Am I interrupting something?"
"Just lunch, Miss, uhm, Berrytwist," she said, wincing a little as she smiled politely. "I heard from the kitchen that you intend to train our drake? Would you care for some tea or coffee while we talk?"
"Oh, I'll take a coffee," she said, the crease between her eyebrows growing as she let herself be bustled over to the kitchen table.
"Uhm, I wasn't prepared for this to be a conversation," she said, sitting at the last of the chairs around the table. "I came here to talk with Spike and set up a schedule and a place for us to practice. I'm not sure what there is to talk about."
"Oh, we're just curious as to what shape his training will take," Rarity said lightly, filling a kettle from her sink before setting in on the stove-top.
Fizzle's mouth started dipping at the corners. "Well, I'm sorry to be so blunt, but I'm not sure that's anypony's business beyond mine and Spike's," she said, her mouth fulling forming a frown.
Rarity's ears twitched and she opened her mouth around her own frown but paused when Spike straightened up.
"I see you weren't fully briefed on every aspect of me at least," he chuckled. "We're a recently formed group, a herd," he said, gesturing from his chest to Fluttershy and Rarity. "You can speak as openly with them as you would with me," Spike said, frowning before adding, "Maybe not as guard-like, they're ladies."
"Oh, I see," Fizzle said, leaning back and letting the wrinkle between her eyes relax, before one brow quirked up. "Lucky drake. Congratulations."
He smirked through the blush, dipping his head her way.
"If I may pry, has there been a ceremony, or is this...?" she asked, trailing off.
"We're still just dating," Rarity said, pulling a solid mug out of her cabinets and putting a couple of spoonfuls of dark dust into it from a tin. "Dating with intent, I'd like to think," she said with a wink to Fluttershy that made both of them blush slightly, "but just dating right now."
Fizzlepop hummed and nodded, smiling gratefully as Rarity passed her the mug after filling it with steaming water from the kettle.
"Well, if you need security for the event, feel free to call upon me. I've done less for lower nobles on the rung," she said, blowing on her drink and taking a sip.
Rarity giggled, but Tempest blinked when Fluttershy did little more than blush and smile a bit.
"So, to steer us away from that for a moment," Spike said, clearing his throat, "what did you have in mind for me, Fizzle?"
She hummed again, looking Spike over. "From what I've heard, you're able to keep changes localized, like when you forced wings to allow flight from the Empire to Canterlot. We need to dig into how exactly you did that, and find a way for you to have complete control over it. After that, we figure out all the ways you can control the magic innate to you and how you can use them most effectively."
Spike frowned. "Use them effectively for what?" he asked, tone low.
Fizzlepop snorted, sipping her drink.
"Whatever you want to use them for, I assume," she said lightly. "I came here to train you, not enlist you, and have been given no orders otherwise."
Spike narrowed his eyes at her, and she smirked as she narrowed her own back. Rarity glanced between both of them before she rolled her eyes and trotted back over to the table, sitting on the other side from Fluttershy.
After a moment, Spike sighed and relaxed a bit. "Alright, fair. Can I ask who gave you your orders, then?"
"Big Sun herself," Fizzle said, glancing over at Rarity when the mare made a noise. "Ah, Princess Celestia."
"I assumed," Rarity said as she hid her smile behind a hoof. "Code name, or pet name?"
"Both," Spike said with a grin. "But it's too on the nose to use unless the code could either apply to her or the star itself."
Fizzlepop lifted the mug to Spike before taking another sip. Glancing at the mare sitting between herself and the drake, she asked, "Sorry, but do you happen to have any milk?"
Rarity shot Spike a dirty look before saying, "I'm sorry, but we've recently run out," as Spike whistled tunelessly.
"Uh-huh," Fizzle said, smiling gently over at Fluttershy as she giggled. "In-joke, gotcha."
"I made something spicy for lunch," Spike said as he waved his paw through the air. "But, once again, to get us back on track. Training?"
***** ***** ***** ***** *****
They set up a schedule quickly, and Fizzle left the group to settle herself more fully into the room that she'd set up with Twilight in the castle. After lunch the three of them hit the market and stocked up on everything Fluttershy needed for the coming weeks. Rarity then insisted that she come back to the boutique for dinner, cooked by the unicorn this time before the three of them walked to Fluttershy's cabin and helped her put everything away before spending the night in her extra-large bed.
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I really love this story so I'm sad to see it go. I would like to see some kind of end.
. If it is a happy ever after ending with rarity and fluttershy with there dragon pony hybrid kids as alicorns, or if you feel up to a few more chapters of cute snuggleing leading to a end.
I would greatly appreciate that vs a canceled ending.
Tldr near the end ( no idea how long this is I'm on a phone)
I think how you deal with the story depends. Are you burned out? Try writing something else even if it's for your eyes only then try continuing the story ( or just take a break in general if it's writing that has you burned ) Do you believe the story is going dead from lack of interest or you believe you aren't updating enough? For the first, ask the readers.. I am still interested in the story and any shape the story takes so far; for the second I find that if any amount of people like your story the majority will probably wait patiently. In either of those I believe communication is important. Keeping your readers updated occasionally can do wonders for keeping a story alive. I've seen writers come back after a 2-3 year absense that had no warning or anything...just gone and then one day BAM chapter written. While the stragglers will be happy for the return there will be many who lost faith. Communicate. And finally if you just plain don't like how your story has gone there is no shame in a redo. Wether it's going back X amount of chapters and starting from there or a complete reimagining of the whole story that could be what gets it going. Just let the readers know if you do, like blog then make a final chapter linking to the redo. But if in the end you decide that this story is truly a no-go then I think you should just leave it at that and let the readers fill in their own blanks. If your heart and mind aren't in your story then anything you try to past onto that end will feel hollow...if not to us than to you ( my opinion there).
Tldr:;
So in the end if it's just self esteem involving the story I can say that I think you are doing fine with the story, I haven't been disappointed yet. If it's not knowing where to go, sit back and look at it from a different angle or do something else to temp get your mind off it. And if it's dissatisfaction with the story than try rewriting part/all of the story or just drop it all together ( cancel if you are done forever and haiatus if you think you might come back later.)
No matter your desision know I'm rooting for you (and remember to keep your readers updated no matter the plan)
This is not harsh criticism in any way, but as a reader, it felt like the story should've ended when the three of them got together and decided to give it a shot. That was the focus, the main theme of the story up to that point, and everything after that felt like it could've been a second story down the line when you took some time away and came back and possibly decided to tackle a sequel focusing on a different subject entirely (Spike learning to deal with his bodily changes, specifically).
That being said, if you want to end the story proper, I would suggest a time skip. A jump to the future just so your readers know how everything ends down the line.
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-A little, but that's not the issue for me
-No, honestly I'm dead surprised with how many people still read this thing, and I am happy beyond words knowing people still care enough to leave the comment you have.
-Unfortunately, this is the nail. This one's the hammer that hit the head of the nail. I don't much care for how these last... two year's worth of updates? The chapters since Spike's trial. They taste hollow spilling from my fingers, and it's been bugging me and building up in my mind for at least a couple of months. The story has splintered into something I never wanted it to be, and it did so because I selfishly thought it would make people happier this way.
But I'm not happy with it. I haven't been happy with it for a bit, honestly. But it felt wrong to just sit and stew with it any longer than I already had, so I scribbled out some note that I hoped would explain my thoughts. Guess it failed, huh
No decision yet, I'm not settled on anything. Waiting on you guys I suppose, to let me know what needs being done.
Right now I'm at: 1, cancel it (don't like this), 2, write an epilogue (leaning this way), 3, Delete the last two year's worth of chapters after, say, a month for people to download them first if they like, and start from there. I'm willing to go that route, but I just don't know what people would prefer. I don't know which choice is the one people would like the most, and I don't-
I don't know
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Well then, perhaps write one final chapter..but put it where you would have rather ended the story and let us and future readers know that it is the canonical ending and the chapters that appear after were not the direction you originally wanted to go. If anyone like where it was going just make sure they know that it won't go anywhere past that.
Or perhaps take the unwanted chapters and place them in a separate completed story ( maybe labeled something like ..the lost chapters). Then put your preferred last chapter to wrap things up in a way that makes you more satisfied. Just throwing out ideas.
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That's not bad, just place the end chapter where it should be and keep the rest as a possible fork in the road. If I end up just writing the epilogue that's how I'll do it
Sad to see this go, but your right, it felt kind-of-reachy, after the visit with Big Sun and Moon! Personally I was hoping for a one-on-one talk with, Celestia and Rarity, in there but it's whatever.
If it has to end, I say clip it now! Time skip from here, have Spike show off his training in some way, fun and/or fight your call, maybe have Shy pregnant, or already a mother, Rarity doing something, another visit with Sun and Moon, and call it a win!
Just please, please, don't cancel! I think your work and this story are too good for that.
Later, and thanks for the ride!
Woof, I've just been along for the ride since 2018 (a few years late, but that was a few years ago now lol)
It'll be a shame to see it die of old age before it earns it's Complete tag, but it was a good fic while it lasted.
At this point I guess I'd prefer a clip show, but the Cancelled tag would also be suitable if the material for the clip show is hard to scrounge up as it would be to write the story out.
As for retcon/deletion, I reallllllly would prefer if that wasn't done. Deletion is a "D-word" that always rubs me the wrong way. Merely my preference though.
Shame it's become a chore, but thank you for the story.
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You two are old faces, and I really appreciate everything you've said in this little section of the site. I don't want to just slap a 'cancel' on here either, I just wasn't sure how many people shared my opinion on if this has gone too long or whatnot. Think what I'm planning on rn is dual endings, one back where I thought it should have gone and one for this occurrence. Both are gonna be years after the fact, and may be more than one part/longer chapters than usual. IDK yet.
TLDR prolly not gonna just cancel this, no one seems to want that, going to try and wrap this up nicely. Nicer than if I just kept slodging on.
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I'm certainly happy with the dual endings idea. As much as I've enjoyed this (even after it went "off the rails" as it were), it's not good for you to continue on with a story you're unhappy with. With two ends, not only do I get something to end the story as I've known it, but I even get to see how you'd have liked it to end which is also neat!
The endings seem to be a bit out of order, for me they're placed mid story
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They are, if you read through some of the comments the explanation's in there
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I see, the behind the scenes though process is rarely seen kind of cool.
Definitely don't want it to be canceled or sawn in half, I've enjoyed it all. I did have an observation about the endings you chose, though. With the first one labelled the "bad" ending, it feels like the wrong one, the ending you try to avoid if you have any control over the story medium. It certainly wraps up the story; Spike marries his job and everyone else dies, but it compresses about seventy years into a couple paragraphs. Did Celestia, his mom and boss, and Twilight, his sister, not say or do anything about him closing himself off? Did he not meet anyone while on a tour of duty or while driving a desk? I feel like there was still some missing depth there, even with being the bad ending and the understanding of why it's one of the possible endings.