The Bidding War (Bonus Chapter)
“Looks like your plan worked perfectly, eh, boss?” Discord said smugly, as he lazily skated through the streets of the newly recreated Potatoville.
Bad Dude sat on one of the draconequus’ shoulders, a hoof wrapped around a horn so he wouldn’t slip off and his royal blue cape billowing out behind him. “That wasn’t my plan!” he exclaimed stubbornly. “You tricked me!”
Discord harrumphed. “That’s not the way I remember it. Let me see if I can recall what happened exactly.” He pulled on his beard in thought. “You said, ‘Hello,’ and I said, ‘Hi,’ and then you asked me to turn everything into potatoes. Yep. That’s how it went, I remember now. Case closed.”
“I didn’t say anything like that!” Bad Dude said squeakily. “I asked if you liked capes and you said you had to think about it.”
“Hmm. Maybe I just had potatoes on the brain. And look at that! Now they’re on the streets and on the buildings as well! We really make a good team, Bad Dude.”
Bad Dude turned to the side and found a trio of foals making a snowpony out of the mashed potatoes on their lawn. While the children laughed as they rolled their potato balls bigger and bigger, the adults looking on only shook their heads and grumbled in annoyance.
“My parents were really mad at me,” Bad Dude admitted sadly. “They said I shouldn’t be playing with you anymore.”
When he rounded a street corner, Discord leapt into the air and performed a spin, landing gracefully on his skates and spraying bits of hash browns everywhere. Bad Dude had to grip his head tight so he wouldn’t fall off.
Discord rolled his eyes. “So what? You got in trouble! You thought villains never got in trouble?” He giggled richly. “I must say for your first ‘official’ day as super villain, you did exceedingly well. Not only does Potatoville finally come to pass, but both Princesses are suddenly put out of commission?”
Bad Dude pouted. “I didn’t mean to!”
Discord twirled them around a lamppost made out of giant fries. “Well, that’s not what the doctors are saying. Massive heart problems, wasn’t it? From what I understand, they have enough energy to fiddle with the sun and the moon while stuck in bed and little else. You really let them have it, didn’t you?”
“But!” Bad Dude stammered out, his voice cracking around the edges. “But… I didn’t mean to do any—”
Discord came to an abrupt halt and gripped his chest with his claws, grimacing in pain. “Now cut that out, Bad Dude! Just because my heart is smaller than most does not mean it cannot be torn asunder by your cute, adorable little ways!” He gave the colt’s head a playful pat. “Remember, boss, we’re on the same team here!” A single tear had oozed out of one of his eyes and he flicked it away with a claw. He muttered, “Great! Now you got me leaking pure nastiness again!”
They skated up another street and came to a stop in front of a potato statue in the form of a singing Discord. Out of his mouth was spewing a never-ending supply of rich, warm gravy.
Discord set Bad Dude down at the edge of the gravy fountain. “I know what’ll make you feel better!” He snapped a small container loaded with strips of potato and mounds of cheese onto his hand, then he stuck his hand under the statue’s mouth, drowning it in gravy. He handed the soaking container down to Bad Dude.
For a time, Bad Dude merely stared at it. “What is it?”
“Not sure, really,” Discord replied absently. “Some specialty from the Frozen North—potato, cheese curds, gravy. Some ponies must like it.”
Back on Discord’s shoulder, the pair made their may to the edge of Potatoville, where a large, purple castle seemed to be the only structure unaffected by the starchy makeover. During the ride over, Bad Dude tried his best to explain all that had happened inside Celestia’s study.
“Secret soup phones?” Discord raised a mischievous brow. “So that’s how they’ve been communicating so easily. It makes perfect sense! Of course it does!”
They stopped a few meters in front of the purple castle’s doors and Bad Dude leapt off Discord’s shoulder. Discord knelt down to him. “There’s just one more alicorn I’d like for you to meet, Bad Dude. She’s really friendly and super nice.”
Bad Dude stared up at him. “Another princess? Does she need to sign my villain application form too?”
Discord thought on that. “Uh… yes, of course. That’s totally why I brought you here. Villains also gotta make a name for themselves, don’t yah know? Spread as much fear as they can.”
Bad Dude nodded slowly. “I… guess that makes sense.” He hesitated, before asking, “After… do you think… do you think we could have a mashed potato ball fight? I saw some other kids doing it and it looked like a lot of fun.”
Angrily, Discord shut his eyes and grabbed at the skin above his heart again. “Stop being so cute, damn it!”
Bad Dude stared down at his hooves. “Sorry.”
Discord sighed. “That’s all right. It’s a talent, isn’t it? Here’s what you’re gonna do. You’re gonna—” But he cut his sentence short as he noticed a bright pink mare standing beside them. Her mane and tail expanded rapidly like an inflating balloon.
When her eyes found Bad Dude’s—and most importantly, his cape—she gasped in shock.
“Pinkie…” Discord warned her calmly. “Let’s not get excited now.”
She narrowed her eyes at him. “But you forget that I’m always excited!” Before anymore could be said, she inhaled loudly and screamed, “It’s the Princess Slayer! Run for your lives! Especially Twilight! Bwahhhhh!”
Like a cannonball, the pink mare retreated into the front doors of the purple castle, before every window and opening on the huge place was sealed shut by a thick wall of stainless steel.
“Hmm.” Discord scratched his chin. “Looks like they might’ve heard about you already, Bad Dude; it seems this plan of yours was doomed to fail before it even began.”
Bad Dude stomped his hooves on the ground. “This wasn’t my idea!”
“It wasn’t? You really need to start keeping me up to date on your latest schemes, then.”
Bad Dude frowned, then frowned harder when Discord pelted him in the face with a mashed potato ball.
***
Bad Dude arrived home a while later and hid his cape underneath a leg as he entered the shop. His dad owned a world renowned donut store in Canterlot and him and his parents lived above it. Already Bad Dude’s dad was planning on giving out free donuts to anyone whose homes were “potatofied” days prior. Bad Dude just knew he’d be the one baking with him over the weekend, having been the one that caused it all to begin with.
“Hello, Sweet Glaze,” his mother greeted him warmly. “You help clean up some of those potatoes in town?”
Bad Dude gave a weak nod, clutching his cape to his side and out of sight. “Yep. Sure did.”
“And no more super villain tomfoolery?”
He paused. “Nope.”
“Good! You got a few letters in the mail today. Even a package.” His mother giggled to herself. “Couldn’t be from that unicorn in school again, could it? The one that sent you the Hearts and Hooves day card?”
Bad Dude blushed as his mother continued to laugh. Without another word, he stormed upstairs to his room and found a half-dozen brightly colored letters on his bed as well as a small attached package. He stared at them curiously, before selecting the black envelope on top first.
He pulled the parchment out and read:
Dearest Bad Dude,
My spies in Canterlot have informed me of your absolute and total destruction of the princess sisters and I must say I am impressed. As a new villain, you must be curious about which direction to go, but have you ever thought about joining my changeling family? It’s clear that you are a force to be reckoned with and I, for one, would love to see you come aboard team Chrysalis. Why waste your time with a loon like Discord? Could he possibly match my current pay rate or exciting advancement opportunities? I think not. We’re not just a ‘team’ here in my ever expanding hive. We’re a family. And family’s what’s important here.
If you’d like to schedule a meeting to discuss things further, don’t hesitate to write.
Lots of love and kisses,
Queen Chrysalis
With jittering hooves, Bad Dude set down the letter and picked up the next one without thinking. The envelope was blood red with specks of dirt along the edges.
It read:
Bad Dude,
I hope this letter finds you well, or better than myself at the moment. The great King Sombra has taken refuge in a small cave somewhere near the edge of the Frozen North. Over the last several months, I have been returning to my former strength and now word travels through the icy winds about a colt that manages to best both alicorn princesses at once. It is something even I was not able to do during my rule.
Although I cannot offer you the title of king, have you ever thought about a life as a prince? Together, I believe we can take back the Crystal Empire and regain control of my slaves. Sick of chores around the house? Slaves make the hardest of chores a snap. And doesn’t the thought of owning an entire empire sound the least bit intriguing? Why join sides with a clown or a bug queen when you can join sides with a true king?
As a fellow cape connoisseur, I have included one of my old capes as a gift.
Looking forward to many lifetimes of cruelty together,
Yours truly, K. Sombra
With hooves shaking even worse than before, Bad Dude undid the wrapping on the small box attached to the letter and scooped out the long red cape with white-and-black trim. He rubbed his face along it for a moment. It felt soft. It also smelled of pure nastiness tears.
After opening up the remaining letters and learning of Tirek’s current visiting hours and whether he’d like to meet for tea and talk (while also mentioning that betraying Discord is a perfectly natural thing to do), Bad Dude really couldn’t stop fidgeting on his bed.
Anxious, he packed up his letters into a saddlebag and hurried down the stairs.
“Mom?” he asked innocently enough. “Can I go play with some new friends I made?”
“As long as those friends aren’t Discord,” she answered curtly from the kitchen.
“Okay. Could I invite them over for dinner if I wanted to?”
“As long as they behave themselves and wash their hooves.”
“Okay!” Bad Dude said, before bolting to the front door.
But what would Chrysalis eat? he suddenly wondered.
Then it came to him. I’ll just give her a bunch of hugs. Maybe a kiss on the cheek for dessert.
He snickered as he left the house.
“I really am good at this whole villain thing.”
All right. Just a little extra idea that came to me today and also to thank everyone for making this story as big as it's become. Honestly, it was very unexpected, but of course very welcome. All I've done the last three days is read and reread comments with a really dumb grin on my face. Sadly, that means I haven't written much either. Hopefully this story falls away soon so I can get back to work already! 
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for all the likes, favs, and comments. It's been a very nice early Christmas present, I must say. 
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Equestria is dooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooomed!
There's something way too funny about evil villain spam mail
well, i weep for equestria, but im sure the colts and fillies wont care.
Although Chrysalis also sounds like a really sweet sort. Decisions, decisions.
~hugz and kisses~
Bad Dude just keeps getting adorabler! That's a word dammit. Pinkie said so.
Best super villain ever.
The image of Chrysalis, Sombra, and Tirek all glaring at each other over a giant plate of donuts while
Sweet GlazeBad Dude chows down and his parents cower in the corner is now burned into my mind,WHAT HAVE YOU DONE YOU FOOL?! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!?
YOU HAVE CREATED FLUTTERSHY 2.0 AS A VILLAIN?!
JOIN TEAM CHRYSALIS NAO!
I'LL SACRICICE GOATS TO SATAN! I WILL BAKE YOU COOKIESI LICK YOUR BOOTS CLEAN, JUST PLEEEEEASE TO WRITE MORE OF THIS! PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE!
Okay seriously dude you have done the impossible and made this fic have the greatest potential for fluffy comedy. I'd love to see Chrysalis and Sombra be like commanded and ashamed that they disobeyed THE GREAT BAD DUDE!
I have the greatest grins of all time in my face right now.
Kid's parents are going to freak.
Sombra and chrysalis are going to have heart attacks.
And it will be GLORIOUS!
Aawwwww XD heeheehee, Equestria is so doomed. heeheehee!
I wanna see more of Bad Dude
Nice bonus! :D
6743354 *Gloriousness intensifies*i.imgur.com/2u93btR.gif
Damn it....must...keep...straight....face.....
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA
more!
And then Bad Dude was hailed as the most powerful pony in all of existence due to taking down not only the princesses but Sombra, Chrysalis, Discord, and Tirek as well. They were all found dead clutching their chests with pained smiles on their faces! He then went on to unify all the races of his world as he claimed the title of: High Emperor. The High Emperor later requested to have cookies and to be read a bedtime story. Half of his kingdom fell that moment, but the rest lived on and serve their emperor to this day as his loyal subjects.
we need a sequel where Bad Dude and his villain friends get into misadventures
I can see the name now; "The adventures of Bad Dude and the Coalition of Terrible Evils"
Too cute.... Moar
We're going to need weapons, armor, and insulin!
D'awwwwwwww.
Great. I died twice. I didn't know I could do that.
Bad Dude shall be Equestria's biggest challenge yet!
new them music
dem flood gates be ope, ya gonna make a squeal?... id like a squeal
Bwahahaa, d'aww induced cardiac arrest attack.
I loved this story, equestria is in soo much trouble and only his parents can save it now! Cookies ban!
Win. The bonus chapter is even more win.
The real question is if the villains will be able to stay within Bad Dude's presence without heart failures.
AHHHH
This did not end how i was thinking it would
AND IT BETTER THAN I THOOOOOUGHT
I really need to see more of this. Like, Bad Dude coming home with a bunch of villains and his parents being confused and also terrified but then he's just like "it's a business meeting" and finally it hits them.
Their son is a competent villain.
Well I have a feeling that this isn't gonna stop any time soon
6743611 "Bad Dude and the Especially Not Nice Evil League of Evil'? (With all respect to Dr. Horrible)
6744471 crap, I missed a letter in that, it should be the 'Coalition of Undeniably Terrible Evils' or CUTE for short
also, awesome Dr. Horrible reference mate
6744486 Thanks! and your idea is best idea, go with that, C.U.T.E
The annual villain convention will now officially begin. The first item on the agenda is to welcome Bad Dude into the villain organization and acknowledge his success in incapacitating both of the Equestrian Princesses on his first battle. Earning himself the title of Equestria`s most cutest/ feared villain.
6744493 gotta love acronyms
and it honestly sounds like a group name a kid would make for his group of 'evil' friends, without meaning for it to be an acronym of CUTE, so it works for the setting
fingers crossed that Bad Dude and his new friends go to battle the elements and the princesses and use their group name
This demands a sequel!
I can see it now, each villain trying to get Bad Dude on their side while the mane six hear of the villain gathering and try to stop it! Hijinks will ensue!
I'll start this off by saying: Has no one realized Donut Joe is Sweet Glaze/Bad Dude's dad? I thought it only made sense given his name...
6744624 Thank you for saying so!
It's a tempting idea to be sure, especially with how much I love the show's villains.
6744498 I can imagine it as just a big pizza party with every rehashing their stories of how they almost got 'em.
6744493
Reminds me of SPECTRE in a good way. It would be great if none of the villains notice the short version of the name until Twilight or one of them point it out. Then it would be, "Who was in charge of the name!? Bad Dude!?" 
6744486 Damn. C.U.T.E. is a great idea.
6744418 He'd do the best because he wouldn't overcomplicate things. Just... take over Equestria, then take a nap.
6744311 What was your ending? I'm curious now.
6744227 They'll make him wear a paper bag over his head at all times.
6744070 It wasn't shown, but they're both stuck in the hospital due to heart problems. Enough energy to monitor the sun and the moon, but little else. Leaving Equestria under Bad Dude merciless rule.
6744067 Thank you for saying so!
6744033 I can see him grounded and all the big baddies standing outside his window waiting for him. "I can't play now, I'm in trouble." "Do you want us to get rid of your parents for you?" "No!"
6744001 A sequel or a squeal? They might be close to the same thing, I guess.
6743819 Sorry about that. Hope it was worth it.
6743687 And warm blankets and fresh baked cookies! The only things that could stop him!
6743669 You never know...
6743611 The sad thing is they'd probably succeed after a time. Without Bad Dude, they wouldn't want to work together, but because he's there, he'd teach them about friendship and getting along and then WHAM! Global takeover!
6743563 Ha!
Awesome. He'd be a great interrogator/torturer. "Where did you hide the cookies?" "I don't know!" "Maybe some hugs will get you to talk." "No! No, please!" 
6743531
Hmm...
6743429 Why try?
6743361 Thank you!
Glad you liked it.
6743354 Heart attacks while strangling each other.
6743351 The notion of all the villains fighting over someone has always been an idea of mine... especially someone as cute and innocent as Bad Dude.
6743350 "Why aren't you guys having any?"
"You never said anything about him."
"You never said anything about her."
"But I made bread sticks!"
"We do like bread sticks."
6743341 Best "accidental" super villain.
6743320 I've heard of it. I believe it!
6743318 Tough choice, right? Chrysalis would treat him like a son. Sombra would treat him like an up and coming apprentice. Discord would treat him... how he treats everyone. Tirek... hard to say. But if Bad Dude betrays Discord, then that means the mane six get Discord back.
What's an evil little colt to do? 
6743253 I agree.
Especially when the envelope colors match the villain sending them.
6743199 Eeyup.
6742552 I actually like Rifftrax quite a bit...
6742281 Thank you!
6741980 Glad you enjoyed it!
6740395 Yes, it's definitely been a pretty awesome ride and I'm very grateful for all the positivity the story's received. Also...
I would indeed agree with your comments on the clop stories and how easily they appear in the feature box. Got a thousand followers and write clop? In you go! Don't have an idea for a new clop story? Easy! Spin the big wheel of random characters until you get two, then spin the big wheel of fetishes! Now you got a story ready to go!
I may be talking shit, but I've also tested this theory as I think I've mentioned to you. I spent two hours popping out a clop story with no edits onto a hidden account and it was featured the same day. It's not impossible!
Enough negativity. Thanks for the continued comments!
6744761
Yeah, that's a toughie. On the one hand, seeing Chrysalis be villainously maternal like that would be nice, but on the other hand, a story where Sombra actually has a villainously respectful relationship with a villainous equal is something I haven't seen before. Paternal, yes, manipulative, yes, annoying, yes, annoyed yes, but I don't think you've ever done genuine respect and equality. And, of course, Discord already seems to have a villainously soft spot for him.
I have no idea what anyone could actually do with Tirek, though.
6744761 Well as long as it doesn't end up into some daaawrem ((daw+harem)) fic I'm fine.
And that was Discord's plan all along.
6744761 why not both?
6744761
huh -looks back at my comment-
OOOH
no your ending was better
hah sorry
i Thought it was gonna be one of those he is so spooked that all the villains want to hang with him he tries to be good and such
but him just loving his new evil friends is MUCH better
6744761
Thank you for writing this deliciously adorably funny story :D
This seriously needs a third chapter. I can just imagine how his poor parents would react.
If Discord is prone to Bad Dude's cuteness, then I would like to see how Chrysalis, Sombra, and Tirek would react to his cuteness as well. They would probably keel over and twitch uncontrollably while Bad Dude stares at them with wide eyes and say, "Wow, I really do have super villain powers!"
Congratulations, Sweet Glaze/Bad Dude! You are onto becoming one of the most infamous villains in Equestria! Now show the rest of Equestria just how deadly your adorableness is!
6744761
New idea! The mane six decide to infiltrate their villainous ranks with their own spies: Sunset Satan & Midnight Sparkle... and they unknowingly bring lead the Dazzlings to the event as well...
I love it. I absolutely love it.
Very cute and funny. I do hope this gets another chapter at some point.
I also now can't get shake the image from my head of Chryssi and half dozen changelings knocking on Donut Joe's door. "Can Bad dude come out and play? We know he's grounded and all, but our hoofball league game is this afternoon...."
One of the most dastardly villains to have ever been written about! Such evil! And all that villany, it's just too much! No greater villain could ever hope to exist! I can't wait to read about his triumph over the Elements Of Harmony. *hint hint*
This story was wonderful, well written and I'd like to read more. Much more.
This is adorable and silly and I doubt anybody would complain if you decided to continue this whenever the fancy strikes you. I, for one, welcome our new evil overload. Long live Bad Dude!