Chapter 3: Not the Equestria I Expected (edited)
December 14
Twilight awoke to the smell of pancakes. It was, as always, a pleasant smell, and one that she welcomed every morning.
Groggily, she stretched out her muscles, stiff from the deep sleep she enjoyed, and got up to start her day. She walked downstairs and noticed the basement door was slightly open.
“Spike, where’s Shiro?” she asked.
The dragon replied, “He’s in the back yard… dancing.”
With a cocked eyebrow she headed to the back door and opened it. Sure enough, he was out there doing what looked like a strange dance on his hind legs.
--- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- ---
Twilight came out to greet me in the middle of my morning routine.
“What are you doing?” she asked me with a puzzled look. I’m not surprised she didn’t know. I doubted anyone in this world would.
“It’s called Tai-Chi. It’s an exercise that promotes physical, mental, and spiritual health,” I explained.
“Mental health, huh?” She smiled at me. Smart ass.
“Eeyup,” I said.
“How does it work?” she asked.
“It improves the flow of your chi, or spiritual energy. This energy, in turn, improves your health. It is also very relaxing and helps reduce stress,” I explained.
“Oh, it sounds very interesting,” she said. “And it’s beautiful; very graceful. Well, breakfast is almost ready so finish up and come eat.”
She didn’t have to tell me twice. Spike makes the best pancakes in either world. It was strawberries today, so I finished my routine and ran inside.
As usual, we ate in silence, only speaking to ask for syrup and such. After we finished I asked about the schedule for the day.
“Well, you’re going to find a job. I won’t have a lazy bum mooching off of me,” she said.
“Any idea where I should start?” I asked.
“Well, I don’t think Applejack would want you destroying her trees, not until you learn to control your strength.” She thought for a moment. “Can you cook?”
“Yeah, I can cook.” A light bulb flicked on. “I could work at Sugarcube Corner!” I said hopefully.
Twilight stared in confusion at the sudden illumination over my head. “Where did...? You know what? No. I’m not doing this again.”
She took a deep breath and continued. “No, they don’t need any more help. I was talking about the café. I’ll talk to the owner and see if I can get you in as a cook,” she said.
“Wait a second. If you can cook, why am I still making all the meals?” Spike asked, giving me a deadpanned stare.
“I’ll take over for dinner, how does that sound?” I said.
“Sweet,” he said. “If you two are going to be gone all day I’m going to the boutique. See ya.” Just like that, the dragon was gone.
Me and Purple didn’t take long to finish eating. As soon as we were done, Twilight left to talk with the owner of the café, leaving me alone. After a couple minutes I got bored, so I decided I would go for a walk. I walked around town for a while before heading off to the outskirts.
It was amazing how beautiful this world was; so full of life and color. The flowers in the countless gardens were the most vivid I had ever seen, every bird displayed bright colors and patterns, butterflies of every kind imaginable fluttered through the air, and even the ponies themselves added to the beauty. I must have been walking for about an hour and a half when Rainbow Dash stopped me.
“Hey, Stripes,” -she has a few nicknames for me- “heard you broke one of AJ’s trees. That is so awesome! I mean, not the whole breaking the tree part, but the fact that you can. So, what’cha up to?”
“Just going for a stroll,” I said.
“Cool, I’ll join you,” she said. “You can tell me about your world, or even better, about that show about us.”
“I did mention the show, didn’t I?” Crap. “What do you want to know about it?”
“What were some of the stories it told?” she asked.
“Well the first two episodes were about you girls meeting and going to stop Nightmare Moon. After that, it had all kinds of stories, like the parasprites, the sleeping dragon, the thing with your old friend Gilda…”
“Who?” She looked confused, and I mirrored the expression.
“Gilda, your griffin friend?” She stared at me for a minute and started laughing hard.
“Oh, wow, that’s a good one. Gilda… I have to tell Pinkie Pie that.”
“What’s so funny? Is she not real?” I asked.
“Oh, you’re serious,” she said still laughing. “She’s real, but his name is Gil, and he’s a guy. We actually use to date.” Now it was my turn to laugh. “What are you laughing at?”
After a few breaths to calm down I answered, “Back on Earth, fans of the show saw how possessive Gilda was of you. Everyone guessed you two use to date, but because in the show Gilda was female, a lot of people think you’re lesbian.” I laughed even harder than before; Dash’s face was priceless.
“What?!” she said. “That’s ridiculous. I am not into mares!”
“Hey, don’t be mad at me, I didn’t make the show, although I can see you going for Applejack.” It felt like my side was going to burst open.
“What?!” she said. “I’m not a filly-fooler!” She was getting mad now.
“I don’t know. You are rather butch. Oh god, I can’t breath!”
“Grrrr, fine. You want proof…” She flew straight up to my face and planted her lips on mine. She held it for several seconds before finally releasing it.
She grinned and said, “Still think I’m gay?”
“Shu bu hum fod uk ha tastes like skittles...” My brain crashed.
It took several minutes for my brain to reboot. Dash was laughing, and seemed to have been for quite some time, so I decided to turn the tables on her.
“Wow, Rainbow Dash, I didn’t know you thought of me like that,” I said being as convincing as I could, and it worked.
“What? No, no, that was just to prove a point! I didn’t mean it like that, honest,” she said waving her hooves in front of her.
“Oh.” I put on a fake pout. “I see, I guess I’ll never find my special someone.” God, it was hard not to start laughing again. I was laying it on thick.
“Oh, geez, I’m sorry. If I knew you’d take it like that I wouldn’t have kissed you.” A little snicker escaped me and she noticed. “...Are you laughing?” That opened the flood gate. My reply was drowned out by my convulsing mirth. I was on my back turning blue. “You flank hole! I thought I really upset you.”
I finally pulled myself together and said, “I know.” I struggled to my hooves and gave her a friendly one foreleg hug. “Thanks for being so concerned for me. You’re a good friend, Dash.”
We walked a bit more in relative silence. Dash seemed to still be a bit embarrassed about my joke, so I figured I’d get her mind on something else. “So why did you and Gil break up?”
“He was a spy,” she said bluntly.
“Pardon?” Seriously?
“He was a spy for the Griffin Republic. I was just part of his cover,” she said. “It was messed up. I mean, I was just sitting in class one day when the Royal Guard busted in and tackled me, put hoof-cuffs on me and dragged me off to the Canterlot dungeons.
“They interrogated me for a month. They wanted to know where he was, what he wanted, why I was helping him... After I got out, everypony avoided me and my teachers kept failing me for everything. That's why I dropped out and moved here.”
“Holy shit!” was all I could say.
“Tell me about it. That's why I have some trouble trusting ponies I just met... and tend to accuse them of being spies. I just don't want to go through that again.”
It was funny. I asked about Gil to cheer her up and it only managed to bring the mood even lower. I decided to try again, this time talking about the funnier moments of the show, like Twilight stalking Pinkie and trying to study her. Thankfully, that got a laugh out of her.
We walked on some more as told her a bit more about the show. Turns out there are quite a few things that the show got wrong. Nothing major, just a few details. For example, Twilight didn’t outrun the hydra at Froggy Bottom Bog, she dropped a boulder on it, the diamond dogs actually whipped Rarity with a whip, Spike ate a pony when he grew out of control, and Fluttershy’s ‘stare’ gave the cockatrice a heart attack and killed it (which is why she doesn’t like using it). I guessed that people on Earth subconsciously caught ‘glimpses’ of other worlds through dreams or something and thought it was their imagination. There’s not enough evidence to say how they did it, but Twilight likes my theory.
“So...” the pegasus began, “what was your world like?”
I had to ponder that for a moment. “You remember what I told you about ‘true chaos’ right? Earth is a prime example of that concept. There are terrible things about Earth. We have war, famine, and hatred everywhere. At any given moment, there is someone killing someone else. People lie, cheat, steal, kill, destroy, it doesn’t matter to them.
“But for every evil person there is one who will feed, clothe, and shelter someone they don't even know. There are people who will travel across the world just to help people from other countries recover from natural disasters. There are even people who are willing to give their own lives to stop evil people from hurting others.”
“It sounds like a confusing place,” Dash said. “How do you know if you should trust a person or not?”
“You don’t,” I said. “You either give them a chance or you don’t. If you do, they might betray you, but if you don't you might miss out on the best and most loyal friend you would ever have. It is kind of confusing.”
“Do you miss it?”
I stopped in my tracks at that. That’s a question I had been hoping to avoid. I mean, yeah, I missed it a bit, but do I miss it enough to want to go back? If I do, can I go back? What if I want to, but can’t?
Rainbow noticed my discomfort and said, “Hey, you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to. I should have figured it’s a touchy subject.”
“That’s alright. I do, but I don’t know if I want to go back,” I finally answered with the truth.
“Really? What about friends and family?” she asked me.
“I don’t have many friends, and my family is the only reason I’m thinking about going back. If I had a way to contact them I would be happy, but that’s just not in the cards right now. I’m trying not to think about it.”
“Oh, sorry,” she said.
I decided to change the subject. “So, when is my ‘Welcome to Ponyville’ Pinkie Pie party?”
Dash giggled. “You know way too much about us, you know that?”
“I know.”
--- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- ---
“SURPRISE!!!” The library came alive the second I walked in and immediately my vision was filled with pink.
“Were you surprised I bet you weren’t with how much you already know about us you probably knew I was going to throw a party for you but maybe you didn’t know when or where did that surprise you no probably not maybe I should have had it outside somewhere that I knew you would be like in front of the library in the morning so when you leave for the day I could be likeSURPRISEthereandthenyouwouldbeshockedanditreallywouldbeasurprisepartybecauseyouwouldn’thaveexpectedit!” She sucked in a massive gulp of air while, somehow, remaining conscious.
“Pinkie is Pinkie,” Twilight said seeing the look on my face.
“The bad thing is, I knew what to expect and it still didn’t prepare me for the real deal,” I said.
“I’d still like to know how you know so much about us,” she said.
“I already told you how. It’s not my fault you don’t believe me,” I said.
“I believe you,” Pinkie said popping up beside me.
“Pinkie, don’t encourage him. He’ll never get better if ya talk like that,” AJ joined in.
“Well, who’s to say he needs to get better?” Rainbow Dash must have been eager to earn back those lost cool points. “Maybe he is from another world.”
“Does it really matter?” Rarity said. “If he is just ill, we will help him get better. If he is from another world, we’ll help him get home. Until we can do one or the other he’s here as he is.”
“What do you say, Fluttershy?” The pegasus in question squeaked at the sudden attention. “You want to break the tie?” I asked. “I don’t care if you think I’m crazy, too. Honestly, it’s no big deal. Hell, I’d think I were crazy if I were y'all.”
“Well, um,” -she’s so adorable when she’s shy, which is always- “Twilight knows about these things better than me, so, um, I’m sorry, but I agree with Twilight. Eep!” She recoiled as if she thought I would be mad.
“Cool, now I know who I have to convince. Thanks for being honest with me, Fluttershy. A real friend always says what they feel they must.
“Now, let us commence operation ‘par-tay’. Do ponies have alcohol?”
“Ya bet yer stripes we do.” Applejack pulled out several bottles full of clear liquid. “This here is some a’ Granny Smith’s finest.”
“Is that what I think it is?” I had to ask. Though I mean, if a country pony pulls out bottles of clear booze with no label, what else could it be?
“Apple family moonshine, what else?” From some unknown location, a beam of light shone on the bottles and a chorus of angels started singing ‘hallelujah’. “What in tarnation? Where’s that music comin’ from?” Yeah, I was serious about the music, it was weird, but just like that it stopped and the light faded.
AJ shrugged it off. “Now, this stuff is mighty potent,” she warned me.
“Don’t worry about me, I’m a country boy myself,” I said.
“That explains the little bit of an accent,” Dash said.
She poured me a glass and handed it to me. In most fics, pony alcohol is weak as water. This is a lie. This was some of the best stuff I’d ever had, and I downed it in a gulp.
Applejack stared at me with her jaw hanging and her eyes wide. “Ah ain’t never seen anypony ‘cept Granny take it like that.”
“That’s the good shit, right there! I got a pretty good buzz off that one,” I said as my head instantly lightened.
I saw my pegasus friend’s eyes narrow challengingly. “If he can do it, I can too,” Rainbow Dash said as she poured herself a glass and downed it. What followed was something that I will remember for the rest of my life.
Rainbow Dash froze. I mean like, statue froze. She stayed like that for about three seconds before a huge drunken grin plastered her face.
She looked at the glass and said, “Maybe I sshulddn’t haf done tthat. Hokay, thash my li… limit.” She set down her glass and fell towards Applejack. “Hey guesh what. In hish world they think we’re buckin’” She gave a drunken giggle and AJ leveled a bemused expression at me.
“Yeah, it’s true.” My buzz was just at that ‘fuck it’ point. “With the way you two act around each other, everyone thinks ya’ll got the hots fer each other.”
“Really…” AJ’s bemused look turned into a glare, but again, the ‘fuck it’ prevented me from caring.
“But Ahh proved him wong. Yoo should, too. It’sh funny,” Dash slurred.
“And how’d ya do that,” AJ asked, turning to Rainbow, her gaze becoming suspicious.
“Ah kisshed ‘im.” All eyes were suddenly wide and on me.
My ‘fuck it’ just failed.
Stats
Page generated in 0.073 seconds
Total duration
1,053 users online
1,338,523 hits today, 2,004,447 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
"Spike ate a pony when he grew out of control"
And he hasn't committed suicide from guilt yet... why?
4133874 i have to guess he dosn't remeber most of it nopony going to tell him
Okay I haven't laughed this hard since I saw celestias first wing boner after I spiked the punch, claws up to you my friend
- dying of laughter, discord
Bullshit.
If this happened, where are the consequences? He proved himself a lethal threat to Ponyville's citizens, and he's not a pony. In the real world, a creature like him would be put down.
If this world is as 'realistic' as you make it out to be, why wasn't Spike banished at the very least? Being eaten alive is a special kind of primordial nightmare, and a horrific way to die. I'd have expected a mob of angry townsfolk to have either driven him out or killed him themselves, immediately upon his return to normal size.
And don't tell me that he doesn't know about it because he doesn't remember it. If he ate someone, there would be a friend or a loved one out to get him for it. They would at the least wind up informing him of what happened.
Hell, knowing Spike, I'd expect him to go into self-imposed exile out of guilt, if nothing else.
That ending!
4133874
Cuz they obviously saved them
Instantly drink, heh. That actually makes sense in a way, a light weight Pegasus is a light weight because they gotta be (relatively) light weight to fly, and so are more easily intoxicated.
Is there a group for Rainbow Dash x Gilda?
Absolutly PRICELESS
Amazing story! 
4133874
Shit happens... Wonder who get eaten...
Just because he ate a pony, doesn't mean they stayed eaten.
Maybe Spike eat 'Spoiled Milk', might make Diamond Tiara more agreeable.