Chapter 21: The Queen and I
I was stunned, staring at the statues of the Hall, as the weight of my consciousness suddenly crashed in on me. Like waking up for the first time in years, I suddenly felt very small, very lost, and very alone.
Where has all of the time gone? How many years have gone by, while I've been distracted? What about my dreams, the things I wanted to do?
My breath hitched as I suddenly put my life into context. My dreams of peaceful coexistence, and the despicable invasion I had led; my rebellious stance towards the Queen, and how I had come to succeed her; the honest friendships of my youth, and the deceitful manipulations of my adulthood.
Iqqel! She grew up while I was too distracted being a Queen to notice…
I tried to shake these thoughts from my mind, but they only grew in intensity. Somehow, the immediate situation seemed so distant, so unimportant; the need to no longer be distracted by one crisis after another overwhelmed me, for a time. Snapping back to reality, I shook myself free of my reverie and straightened myself, looking across the animated statues – all of the former Queens of the Hive Chrysalis – and tried to focus.
I've made a lot of mistakes. I'm not what I thought I would be… but I have to keep looking forward. I have to take care of this, now – I can focus on the rest afterward.
“… One of you has been tampering with my mind, trying to influence my reign as Queen.”
A series of murmurs went up from the statues, who looked at each other in alarm.
“You've been able to control me so far – but no more. I'm going to find out which of you is responsible, and I'll-”
“Wait.”
I jerked in surprise. It was my immediate predecessor – my 'mother' – who had spoken. She looked at me in alarm, continuing.
“Are you absolutely certain about that?”
“Yes. It's only my projection of all of you into the Hall that has freed me – so I cannot leave until I figure out which of you it is.”
“If you're certain that one of us has been doing that… then you have to destroy the statues. All of them.”
I reeled at that suggestion. The other Queens reacted with a series of cries of alarm.
Destroy them all?! The collected memories of the Queens?! But that would mean losing the most important part of our history – the original sources themselves! Why would she…?
I could only look at her in confusion and shock.
“Why?”
“We're only imprints. We shouldn't even be close to capable of controlling an active Queen… and if we are, how many of us must have been manipulated in the past, to keep the rest of us unaware that this was possible?”
I boggled at the implications of her statement. She was right; if someone held that power, they could easily have manipulated things to hide it… and worse yet, there wouldn't be any way to tell which imprint was responsible.
“Even if I could figure out which of you was the culprit… every Queen holds an imprint of the past Queen, and so on until the first Queen of the hive. I had thought that I could try to separate the one responsible...”
She shook her head sadly, as the other statues mirrored my horror in realization.
“Because they felt like a distinct personality in your mind… but it's just not that simple. If anything threatens your sovereignty as Queen, you must eliminate it.”
The statues murmured their agreement. I looked around the hall to see a series of grim, determined expressions, and my horror grew. I had expected resistance and resentment – not quiet acquiescence.
“But… if I were to do that, I'd be alone. The hive would have lost the collective memory of its past leaders – its true guide. Why would you-”
“There's no time for that. You can't maintain the projection forever. Just… before you do it, I wanted to ask you something.”
She met my eyes with sadness. Things had suddenly become far too real for me.
“What – what is it?”
“You never did have any respect for authority or reverence for tradition...”
I shook my head in confusion.
She's bringing this up now?!
“So why did you seek my approval? Why did you always seem to care what I thought?”
“… Because… because you were my family. You were the closest I had, anyway, aside from my close friends – and that's different. I chose my friends, but you… you were always there. I think, maybe because I didn't care about your position or authority… I saw you more as a mother and less as a Queen.”
She smiled softly.
“I tried to act as a mother to all, but I still felt like a ruler to most of my subjects. I think the real reason I may have made you my successor was that… you felt more like a daughter to me.”
She gently reached out and touched a hoof to mine; I had walked closer to her statue without realizing it.
“Thank you, Cecily. I love you.”
I could only stare in silence. I finally settled on nodding to her, and she smiled again.
“Now do it. Take back control of yourself and your hive, and lead our people the way they deserve.”
I weakly nodded. After a few seconds' hesitation, and feeling the weight of the projection spell on my mind, I finally cast the spell – a simple disenchantment, more symbolic than powerful, but the Hall interpreted and augmented the command. I watched as the statues all fell apart, including hers, her smile still visible until the final moments.
What have I done?!
I found myself backing up rapidly, wracked with anguish. I knew that they were only imprints, but they were still a massive an important part of the hive, and my only connection to my forebears – and to my mother.
I can't believe that just happened… what will I do?! What will I tell everyone?!
Chrysalis turned to leave, wracked with guilt at what she'd done.
Wait. I'm… I'm not Chrysalis. I'm Cecily.
I backed away from the door, now feeling like a panicked animal.
Why… why am I not better?! Why do I still have this strange voice in my head?! Am I insane? Did I simply lose my mind? Keep it together, Cecily! You're better than this! Focus! You know this is a foreign influence – now extract it!
I focused, pulling my will and my mind together, and weaving the complex spell together. I formed a projection of the influence, and expelled it, giving it a physical form. I stared in revulsion as the form of a creature like a changeling, or a pony, took shape; broad wings, bones held together by a thin, transparent membrane, with patches of feathers hanging off of them irregularly; a horn, but gnarled, with a broken tip; a thin, dark-blue fur coat, missing entirely in patches, accented by a tattered green-blue mane; and on its flanks, crescent-shaped patches of missing fur, revealing the white skin underneath.
But most disturbing were the two sickly, green flames where its eyes should have been.
What is this twisted creature?!
It looked around, blinking a few times in confusion before focusing on me, spreading its face into a horrible grin of yellowed, broken teeth, with two distinctive changeling fangs gleaming at me.
“Well, now. You've summoned My presence to the Hall, now. Aren't you the determined one? Of course, you should know that you've been very foolish; I would have let you live out your petty existence, despite all of the trouble you've caused, if you hadn't gone so far.”
“So it was you. Who are you?”
Chrysalis recoiled as the specter simply laughed at her. She was wracked with guilt at the realization that she had eliminated the imprints of the former Queens for no reason; she knew she should stop herself before she caused any further damage. She began to charge a spell to eliminate herself, to bring an end to this madness.
I'm NOT Chrysalis! This won't work on me any more!
I dispersed the spell in my horn and leveled an acrid glare at the specter, which simply laughed again, before composing itself and staring back at with me with that sickening grin again, speaking in its deep, melodic voice.
“You're so much more persistent than the others. The last time this happened, it was so easy to deal with.”
I found my mind racing over the history of the hive.
“The third Queen. She wasn't killed in a scouting accident, you killed her!”
The specter smirked at me.
“Well, naturally. She was insubordinate, and an insubordinate servant is worse than useless.”
“I am no one's servant! I am the Queen of this hive, and unless I miss my guess, that makes you one of my subjects!”
The specter rolled its eyes – a much more disturbing gesture than it would have been for a normal creature – and clicked its tongue at me in condescending disapproval.
“If you are the Queen of the changelings, then I am their Goddess.”
I found myself rapidly piecing together what this creature's existence meant for the history of the hive.
“You've been manipulating us since the beginning. Why?! For what purpose have you tried to… to enslave us?!”
“Oh, you're less quick on the uptake than I'd hoped. I didn't enslave the changelings, I created them.”
“Oh, I figured that, but it's irrelevant; you brought an intelligent race into being only to use them as tools?!”
“Intelligent? Changelings weren't intelligent when I created them – they were bugs, worker-drones. It was troublesome when they started thinking for themselves – though their love for each other made an excellent source of power.”
I started, staring in horror.
This monstrosity has been feeding on the hive?!
“Then… the castes. They're just attempts to… to customize nymphs for particular tasks.”
“The Soldiers were first. I think I made a mistake in delegating Feeding, though – that seems to be where this aggravating sense of self-awareness started.”
“So you fed on the love of ponies – despite being a pony yourself. You really were the original changeling… and by that mark on your flank, I can guess which pony you tried to take the place of.”
The specter chuckled at that, its grin turning sardonic.
“Celestia would have done anything to have her sister back. I was just giving her what she wanted.”
I felt my lips and snout curl into a disgusted snarl.
She's insane. I need to find a way to get this monster out of my mind!
“You resented them for casting you out after that? That's why you hate ponies?!”
The specter drew up to its full height, spreading its wings to their full expanse. It snarled in hatred, though it looked grotesquely smile-like on its ghastly face.
“You have it backwards; I already hated them. I did it to spite her, one who thought she was above me, who would live forever and watch me fall to old age – no one is above me!”
With its wings spread out like that, I got a good look at the specter, which resembled nothing so much as a sick parody of an alicorn; the crude wings were attached at different angles to its torso, and I realized they were slightly different sizes.
She wanted Celestia's power – to be an alicorn. She hates Celestia for how it turned out; that's why Celestia always brought out the worst impulses in me.
“So… all of it. The castes, the hive, the Ceremony of Names, it's all just control mechanisms so you could keep enslaving us, so you could spite-”
“I've bantered with you enough. You're more interesting than the others, but no less foolish for confronting me. As the Queen of the hive, your job is to enact My will, destroy Mine enemies – and you've failed.”
I immediately felt a horrendous pressure build up behind my eyes, like my head was going to explode. I felt the projection spell weakening, and a strange sensation – like falling asleep, but more subconscious – taking hold. I struggled to keep my tearing eyes open despite the pain, my legs wobbling as I tried to glare at her, my mind racing.
She's trying to put me under a more permanent control – I have to stop her, but how?!
“Trying to… control me with brute force? Nothing speaks of a failure to manipulate… quite like that.”
I found myself panting and short of breath, even from that small exertion. The specter snorted, its horn glowing a sickly green.
“I've no need for tact where you're concerned. You're an insect – no, even less, a shell – for My will.”
She wouldn't have bothered to manipulate Queens for so long if that were the case. WHY did she do it? How do I get rid of her?! I got rid of all of the imprints of the former Queens, my mind should be clear! She can't exist in every changeling, it could only be the Queens, but I've eliminated everything that was imparted to me at my Ceremony!
The realization hit me, and an acrid taste filled my mouth as I realized what I had to do. I began to charge a spell in my horn.
“You must have encountered others who were willing to die to stop you. At least the third Queen. That's really how she died, isn't it?”
Now I understand. It all makes sense; that's why changelings feed on others, why their love for each other isn't enough.
The specter stared at me, the tug-of-war between our horns continuing for a few more seconds before it released its hold on me, a smirk forming.
“She felt My control taking hold, and she panicked. Insubordinate to the end, and her death cost Me decades of planning. You're very clever to realize it, but it doesn't matter – even if you destroy yourself, the treaty you've made with the ponies means that next time, I will be in the perfect place to strike. Oh, the hive will need some house-cleaning – starting with that ugly half-breed 'sister' of yours – but you've done quite well for me in the long run.”
This must be why changelings leave imprints, why the ritual of Last Rites exists. It's all to ensure that her control can be passed down at the Ceremony, even if the previous Queen dies. She just swaps out with another nymph, taking away their chance at a name for themselves… and she marks them.
“There won't be a next time for you.”
That mark must be the key.
The specter looked at me quizzically, amused.
“Oh? How do you figure that?”
I'll put an end to it here.
“Because I'm willing to give up anything for my subjects. My life, certainly – but also, more specifically...”
Her reaction will confirm my theory...
The specter looked confused for a second, before horrified realization dawned on it as I concluded my statement.
“… my eyes.”
The specter barely had time to release a shriek and light up its horn again before I released my spell; a targeted love-dispersal spell, made to keep Chiri from accidentally intoxicating my subjects, unlike any magic the hive had ever had need of before, targeted at my own eyes. I had just enough time to consider the irony of it all – a society of deceivers, deceived, manipulators manipulated, parasites fed upon – before my vision faded, all of the light in the world seeming to fall away to a pinpoint and wink out.
With that one spell, I had eliminated the only other thing imparted to me at my Ceremony of Names; the distinctive, pony-like eyes of the Queen. The mechanism, I had realized, by which the Queens had been controlled, and the focal point for all of the love of the hive.
My cheek feels cold. I think… I must be lying down. I'm so tired…
I lay there for some time, my mind wandering, unable to control my thoughts, as though on the edge of sleep. I knew that if I let myself rest, I wouldn't get back up – but it was impossible to focus for more than a second on anything. My thoughts wandered to Chiri, Twilight and Celestia; I wondered if they could take care of the hive without me. In the back of my mind, I fretted about the damage I had done; my subjects would no longer be able to access the memories of the hive's past, and without me, no new nymphs would be born. I felt terrible about it, but I felt I could trust the others to take care of the hive without me; the changelings living now would be happy, even if there wouldn't be future generations. I thought of the nymphs in Whitefall, and decided that had to be enough.
I felt at peace with that. I felt the stress and panic leaving me, replaced with a soothing coolness, smiling gently. Just as I started to drift off, my mind wandered to someone else.
What about Iqqel?
My eyes snapped open – a useless gesture, I thought, but I saw something; a faint blue glow in the distance. It was almost too faint to see, like a patch of shimmering fog in the darkness, but I felt compelled to go towards it. I feebly tried to move my legs, but all I got for my trouble were a few twitches. I had to scoff in embarrassment, unable to even walk a few feet. To my surprise, the glow brightened, until it was bright as a luminite lantern shining right at me, and formed glowing blue streamers in the air above me. I watched them for some time, entranced by the beauty of the spectacle, before I realized I was upright – moving, even. I couldn't feel my limbs, but I could faintly feel the air on my face as I moved.
I heard a low rumbling sound, as some kind of gate opened for me, and I felt myself move again. The blue glow intensified, glowing white at its center, and I drew closer to it, feeling a soothing wave of warmth run through me, growing stronger as I grew closer. For a second, I worried I might be burned if I got too close, but I must have accelerated because suddenly the light was upon me. Warmth and feeling began to return to me, and sound started to fade in – when had I lost that faculty? – as I blinked and looked around in a haze, lost in a field of blue.
“Cecily! Cecily, what happened?! I heard a scream, are you okay?!”
That's Iqqel. She seems worried… but she always worries a lot.
I chuckled weakly.
“It's fine, Iqqel. Just have… er, hrm?”
I lost my train of thought. That's embarassing – good thing it's just Iqqel. I can always slip up around her – she doesn't mind.
“What?! Just have what?! Speak to me!”
“Oh, uh… just have Celestia and Chiri take care of things. It should be fine. Don't worry.”
“What… what are you talking about?! Have them take care of what?! You want me to take you to them?”
“Huh? No, no, not me, the hive. Let them take care of it, things will be fine.”
Iqqel can be silly when she's worried.
“So… so you mean you're…?”
I felt something cold hit my cheek, which made me groan and paw at it. I wasn't very coordinated, and I found my own grogginess somewhat amusing. Something amusing occurred to me.
“Hey… Iqqel?”
“… Y-yes?”
“You called me Cecily.”
I snorted in amusement.
“Oh… I'm… sorry?”
I giggled at her.
“No, no, that's good. I finally had my Ceremony of Names, get it? Went into the Hall, came out Cecily. Took me long enough, right?"
Iqqel didn't say anything in response, so I decided to just go through with my silly idea.
“So it's finally time for this...”
“Time for what…?”
I reached out with my magic for my violins, and began playing simple, deep tune. I heard Iqqel gasp in response.
She's seen me do it so many times, you would think she'd be used to it.
I shrugged that off and cleared my throat, singing.
~
What now?
What now?
What should I do now?
It's a new day, and I'll find my destiny!
The name's Cecily, I'll lead the way!
I made my journey
Filled with uncertainty
Fear and hope inside me warred
But that's over now, there's no room for doubt anymore!
Peace and hope will be my creations
I'm finally so relieved
For with this final transformation
Those dreams can be achieved!
~
What will the others say? I do not know~
Perhaps that I should leave, that I don't belong
But this is my home~
And I still believe, I'll show them to get along!
~
I subconsciously cracked a smile as I let the music fade.
“You know how the rest goes. I finally remembered how the original was supposed to go.”
Iqqel was quiet, but I felt a pat on my head. I realized she must have been holding me, which seemed a little embarrassing, but I didn't mind. I stared up at the lights some more, as the streamers seemed to become more erratic, little streaks of red, white and purple mixed in with the blue light.
“Oh, Iqqel. Can you see that? It's so beautiful.”
I feebly waved my hoof at the lights, and heard a sniffle come from her.
“Huh? Iqqel, are you crying?”
“Cecily, are you… blind?”
I looked towards her voice, seeing a cascade of light. Peering into it, I realized that the light faintly took the form of her face – and I realized that she had been the source of the light all along.
“I think that… now, for the first time, I can see what really matters.”
~FIN
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Well, that felt a bit Diabolus ex Machina.
6794722 Thank you person, I love your Latin. (My immediate reaction)
Sorry if it felt out of left-field. I was worried that it may come across that way.
Welp. That was kinda outta nowhere
6794764 Sorry that it seemed that way. I hope that didn't drag the experience down for you in any way.
There is a lot of stuff to suggest it earlier in the story, though nothing definitive. The ending recontextualizes a lot of stuff; it may be interesting to look back over some stuff now. I also intend to write a few more sidestories, and some epilogue pieces.
(spoiler alert for those reading from the story's main page)
----------------------
It also feels like it undermines everything this story was going for so far.
Chrysalis wasn't trying to overcome herself to bring peace, to grow as a character. This entire inner drama, struggle and everything are all meaningless. It was all just a nightmare essence lookalike causing bad things to happen.
And then the final outcome left me with a feeling of emptiness. We learn that other queens weren't as bad either... only to see them shatter. Changeling history is destroyed forever. Chrysalis is blinded which sure is a fitting ending for someone who had to suffer and give up so much... not.
All in all it was a really good story, props to the author as I enjoyed the whole trilogy a lot.
Except for the ending.
6794908 (Spoiler alert; responding to a post with spoilers)
First off, I am glad that at least everything aside from the ending was pleasing to you. I definitely get where you're coming from with your criticism of the ending; I don't know how much I can say to assuage that, but maybe I can put a couple of things into context.
You're right, what happens to Chrysalis isn't really a 'fitting end'. Life isn't always fair, even in fiction. That having been said, I'd say that for everything she lost, she gained something far more precious - that's worth consideration, I hope.
Regarding whether or not these things were an internal struggle, or the ending takes away the validity of that. I think it was fairly obvious to a lot of people, since the letters chapter, that Cecily didn't personally feel any malice towards ponies, and that was the result of conditioning and encouragement by outside forces. Overcoming that conditioning was an act of will; the struggle Chrysalis goes through to see ponies in even a neutral light, despite her conditioning, takes up the better part of Book 3. As a sidenote, while I generally try not to spoil this for people (So, even more spoiler alert), the story is meant to be read twice, as there are several aspects of it that are meant to have layered meaning; the emotional context and underlying meaning of a passage is meant to change a little after the chapter's ending, significantly after the book's ending, and the entire fic is recontextualized after the fic's ending. You probably noticed the writing style quirk associated with Chrysalis' mental influence; look for it in earlier chapters/books. That doesn't really 'fix' the problem you present, but all I can say is that this situation doesn't invalidate her struggle, it changes the nature of it; she's not struggling to overcome her own evil nature, she's struggling to overcome her perceptions and impulses, which were not originally hers. A lot of racism is like that.
I am sorry if the ending was a significant downer for you, I get that. It isn't meant to be a very happy ending. More disturbing to me is that you apparently felt it invalidated what you felt before; for that I'm truly sorry.
6794908 There's apparently a spoiler tag, please spoiler tag your post. It's just ]spoiler] ]/spoiler] with the first ] reversed, standard HTML style. This will prevent new readers from stumbling across your post. I just did it to mine.
Also, I hope the epilogues do a little to help with your feelings on the ending.
6796102
Done.
Well, I guess I have to wait and see then :)
6809744 Really?
6810052 Yep. And I see that you're in the final chapter, now; anything to share?
6810101 I shed a tear at the end.
Chryssie...
This ending made me sad.
Cya
Raziel-chan
6816016 So many comments to wake up to, heh. I hope you enjoyed the story; hopefully, the epilogues will help you deal with the feels.
This is Brilliant!!!!!
and so much creativity 
So many feels
6822851 I'm really glad to hear you liked it so much. It took quite a bit of effort to write; there are a little of quirks to the structure and design of the piece. For instance, did you notice that the narrative style, among other things, changes with every character?
I recently put out another sidefic to this (there are several of them), and I plan to put out one more, plus four epilogue sidefics.
HOLY FUCKING BALLS THAT WAS AMAZING! I was sorta impressed. But also confused. What happened to the eyes of Chrysalis? She can still see right? What happens to the eyes of everyone else? Can she see? I'm so confused right now! Will you continue this?
6848571 The letters of course! The whole thing about Cecily!
6848888 There will be four epilogue sidefics, to give closure and go into more detail on the aftermath. And no, she can no longer see.
6850133 Then what did she see when she opened her eyes?
Huh. This is a lot to take in. A fascinating development and origin for the changelings... and sad to say, I'm pretty sure the mass disenchant was necessary, since the Nightmare Lich was embedded in every queen's mind.
In all, this definitely took a sudden left turn, but the twist and story were both executed well. Nice work, Solo. Thank you for this.
Read this one and... scince when the Iqquelverse is so complex? And the ending... Her... I wonder if Cecile is gonna score down an evolution just how Chili did. XD chili, get it?
Because it can't be the end. We know the Changeling's past and present - what abaut their future? And the end is manure if the foggy vision Cecile got is the ending of Iqquelverse.
6850552
She is seeing Love I think. Arguably synthesia (so?) with her preexisting Emotiin Sense.
7277804 Yea i got it.
I...thus is going to take some real time to put words to properly. As I said earlier, I had read the first one, but not all of them, apparently. The ending was a bit out of left field, though I thought there was something weird with her, I thought it was a less overly evil thing and just like, typical rasict indoctrination. Idk. Either way, this was a great rwad for today and I'm really glad you pmd me earlier.
7326600 7326600 Aww. I'm really happy to hear that you felt that way, and I'm really glad you finally got to the conclusion. The ending does seem a bit out of left field, though I dropped hints throughout the story (If you re-read it, you'll see them).
It really warms my heart to know someone came back after so long and saw the ending. I put a lot of effort into making the fic have layers of deception and reinterpretation. In general, the ending of each chapter recontextualizes the chapter slightly, and the ending of each book recontextualizes the book somewhat. The ending of the fic recontextualizes the entire fic significantly, and building up to that was really difficult, heh.
I hope you enjoy the sidestories, too. I've been considering writing a blogpost explaining how I wrote the entire thing in depth, and what it was motivated by. To that end, I'll give you a quick hint; the entire The Queen and I series was about one simple concept. Family.
6850133 Which epilogue/side fics deal with the aftermath of this story? The four fics listed after this one in the chronology page seem to take place before the story or follow things happening in Equestria.
7400663 Check out My Language is Music.
I don't often see the narrative style used in the first chapter, and I think that very rarity adds something to the disorienting feeling of it being in a dream.
“You had to feed on somepony to survive.”
Ah, I'd wondered about this: it has kind of felt like most of the stories had rolled back the idea that seemed to be in "Cheersalis" that changelings didn't actually need to consume love to live.
I like that this is structured something like and feels like a mystery, without explicitly calling attention to it.
Hmm, censoring of memories in order to ensure she'd fit some standard for being the queen? Based on reaction related to instruments next chapter, quite possibly not just that, but additions of some kind as well.
Thinking drone in dream=Cecily? Projecting self back onto herself as a child, and her monster is a twisted version (or different time/concurrent with invasion) of who she didn't want to be after growing up? So Luna actually may have been right in that sense. And that looks pretty confirmed about a paragraph later. Or not entirely. Old queen makes a degree of sense too.
Oh my god, just kiss her already!
Hmm, some discord between the narration Chrysalis is making and her words to the old Queen. Or no, that's not her in the narrative voice. ... At end, realize not even quite what I thought then, but close. ... Man, it's making me think of "Duck Amok."
Okay, for the last chapter, did not see that coming. Still, the work with the infiltrator knight did nice work prepping for the push on the sympathy where the changelings were concerned.
7469272
Well, I was close.
Hot. Damn.
34 likes? CRIMINAL.
Well, that was a thing that happened. :/ I'm not sure a lick of story three made any sense.
11 Daww Onions/10