• Member Since 26th May, 2013
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I write FLOOF! It's like fluff, but FLOOFIER. I also do art and have a Tumblr: http://thiccarus.tumblr.com/


Every day is a new lie for Rainbow Dash. Every morning meant a new mask to put on. He knew he shouldn't deny the nagging at the back of his head, but fear kept him silent. On his first day of school at Canterlot High, an opportunity presents itself that he couldn't miss. His one chance to be who he wants to be.


This story is set in a sort of alternate universe of eqg. Not really a prequel, but a sought of re - imagining of the setting. All of the main 6 are just starting high school. Rated teen for naughty words.

Chapters (5)
Comments ( 52 )

That was actually a fairly solid read. Glad it got all of the common coming-out tropes out of the way in the first chapter. So now Dash's mom knows... I guess the other girls are next, hmmmm?

Hmm. I like the concept and the subject matter appeals to me. Some of the 'naughty words' at the start felt out of place but as the story went on you either rectified their use or I just adjusted to the tone of writing.

I have two relatively minor criticisms: firstly the whole "I feel like I am in the wrong body" part of dash's perspective felt a tad repetitive. I know how large a part of someone's life it is to them but it doesn't make for good reading. I recommend bringing it up in different ways whenever you wish to reflect upon her internal conflict to add more variety and give yourself more avenues to explore the character.

Second of all I'd recommend avoiding repitition in sentences. It is just a small thing that I would tell any writer but in this instance I have you early onin a story (mwahaha). Anyway, my main example is "different, but not overly different." In order to make the sentence nicer to read and less repetitive I'd say something along the lines of "different, but nothing completely new" or "different, though still somewhat familiar."

Overall though I am gonna give you a like, a favourite and follow the story. If you want me to preread anything or wish to ask me any other questions feel free to pm me or just reply to the comment.

Edit: Whoa I posted a wall of text haha.

A minor point about the hormone pills: I don't know how it is in countries that aren't Canada, but you certainly can't order them online (unless you're implying that she found some black market meds). You need a prescription given by an endocrinologist, someone who really knows what they're doing, because hormone imbalance can be really bad. Coming out enough to talk to your doctor and getting the prescription can be difficult for a lot of people, and there's always a long waiting period before they'll let you start on them; the changes to your body are permanent so they don't let you just rush into it. Faced with these difficulties, some do turn to alternative means of getting their hormones: again, black market, but there's other drugs that include estrogen or testosterone like birth control and steroids that some people use. This, however, is not a safe alternative. I'm not highly knowledgeable about all this, but screwing with your body chemistry can have some pretty bad results and I think before the story is over, she needs to talk to a hormone specialist.

6747816 contrary to what you may believe by the nitpicking nature of my post, I would say this detail is not exactly necessary. Allowing it to pass is not the worst thing the author could do but at the same time, you have a whole story arc right there with conflict between dash and herself, dash and her mother and dash and her behavioral therapist (which she would be passed onto by the doctor before being allowed to take hormone pills) who is teaching her to be a lady.

The number of characters and unique interactions there is a veritable gold mine for exposition and storylines. It would also allow for more than one easy chapter should you face writer's block.

Edit: While I was originally responding to the other post, a lot of this ended up aimed at the writer. Half way through I realised just how useful that detail could be, but only if the writer wishes to take the story in that direction.

Hey everyone, thanks for all the replies.
I am very aware if how dangerous hormone therapy is without an endocrinologist supervising the treatment as I am transgender myself. It's difficult, but it is possible to obtain those pills without a prescription in America. I, myself, have been out successfully and taking medication with a diagnosis for about a year now. I have spent a lot of time talking to people who have self medicated and I plan to use the fact that Rainbow is self medding as a plot point.
I'm not in the exact same position as Dash, but i did pass completely without medication. I plan on using her attempts to keep her secret hidden from friends as a possible plot point too. I haven't decided where I want this story to go yet.

Thanks for the criticism, i will attempt to amend the things you talked about in my next chapter. The biggest reason why I keep on bringing up Rainbows body dysphoria is the fact that it is an intrusive thought. As a transgender person, I know exactly how hard it is to remove those thoughts from my mind and I become very irrational when I start thinking them. I used the repetition to hammer into the reader that these thoughts are constant and impossible to avoid (hence being intrusive thoughts). The story is being told from Rainbows eyes, so every reaction and line of text is effectively her thoughts.

Again, thank you all for reading my story and thank you for taking the time to comment.

As a side note for those who are unaware, the process people usually (I say usually because it can be quite different between countries) go through in a transition is as follows: Talk to a psychiatrist for around three sessions (on average, there are some psychs who will diagnose on more or less appointments.), then you must see an endocrinologist who will prescribe hormone medication and take blood tests to check hormone levels. After a year of presenting as your chosen gender, you can obtain written permission from a few psychs to go through with sex reassignment surgery, facial surgery, voice surgery (although a lot of trans women train their voice to pass successfully and trans men go through natural male puberty, thus affecting their voice naturally. Rainbow has not properly gone through male puberty yet and as such, her voice has not been adversely affected by male hormones yet) and many other types of surgery to help them present as their chosen gender.

Oh yeah, as another side note, Rainbow does not know that taking medication without medical supervision is dangerous.


...Are there people that actually think that?

Rainbow is shown many times to brush over many important details, and I'd like to think that, in her rush to get hormones as soon as possible, she may have overlooked the details about the dangers, or even might not care about the consequences, anything to speed up the process is what she cares about.

There are a lot of trans people who either don't know it's dangerous or don't care too.

I thought it was a really good start.

I assure you that the next chapter is nearing completion and should be ready in a week at the latest :twilightsmile:

The World needs more of this. I'm tracking.

Great second chapter, I can't wait for more... This story is fantastic already.

Misery loves company, after all.:3

I hope to see this update soon. It's been a good read so far.

This story is great! I would suggest some little breaks, like :
__________________________________ (a bunch of underscores)
When you have a time jump in the story. Helps the reader understand that the story venue has changed a bit!

Great job, and keep up the wonderful work!

Yeah, I actually started using the underscore thing in my most recent chapter of Birds of a Feather :P thanks for reading, hopefully I can get off my ass and finish the next chapter some time soon

This story is amazing. Keep up the great work :twilightsmile:

This town was just as average as the last.

Definitely not 20% cooler.

It could use a bit of neatening up, but it otherwise hits all the right (painful) notes.

shit hole town


I'm not to most

not the most

Fourty bucks


“No, Rainbow ! Quite the contrary! You look ravishing! “

“No, Rainbow! Quite the contrary! You look ravishing!”

no one can!”. And look at you now!”

no one can! And look at you now!”

“That sounds great Rarity. ” I smiled properly for the first time in my life. “It really does

“That sounds great Rarity.” I smiled properly for the first time in my life. “It really does.”

More corrections without malice.

it for any friend. “


And h-he had hung…

had hanged… (unusual, but it avoids confusion with other meanings of "to hang")

the families problems


Mrs Harshwhinny

Mrs. (This period seems to be going out of vogue, especially in Britain)

farm pony

I don't think this Applejack is a pony…?

Miss Mares office.


She did.” I answered for her.


After god knows how long,

God (and Hell, for that matter) are proper nouns, and should be capitalized.

the farmer farmer


you sought of did it backwards.

sort of

over enthusiasm


this girls


christmas and new years

Christmas and New Year's

Alas that bad things happened over the Winter break. I hope to see more from you soon. :twilightsmile:

set in a sort of alternate universe of eqg

P.S. add EQG, AU tags; remove human?

Thanks for all the stuff :twilightsmile: I don't mind receiving this kind of stuff at all, it's a lot of stuff that passes by my less than accurate editing eyes :applejackunsure:

As for the human tag, they're not really eqg characters, they're just humans in a similar setting to the eqg universe. Although, the AU tag does apply, so next time I have some free time, I'll be fixing those errors and editing the tags.

Thanks again for the criticism and assistance.

I'm also totally looking for a proof reader, if you're interested. Shoot me a PM if you like.

I'd like to but I don't have a consistent schedule that would make it nice. Send me a PM so I don't forget when my free time is less erratic. I apparently can't send a PM on phone due to viewport size.

Shit, no stall? I couldn’t get changed in front of all these girls! And Dust was right, I was soaked in sweat. There was no way I could wear this outfit to my next period.

Oh gee, if only the girls washrooms had stalls you could change in. If only.


Probably should have worded it differently. There were stalls, they were just flooded.
I shall fix the description of the scenario in the story to more accurately represent what i meant :P
Thanks for pointing out the hole :twilightsmile:

7008441 Naw, I mean like in the toilets, not the changing room. I was suggesting she grab her stuff and head to one of those instead to change.

Ah, I see. This scenario was based a lot off my old highschool changing rooms, where we were made to use the specified changing rooms instead of any of the bathrooms

Long shirts are your friend. Or being very early/late to the locker-room. Dash, being Dash, could easily fall into either early or late.

Very engrossing, definitely reminding me of some 80s teenage romance flicks. That's good thing, I love watching those. I hope she doesn't run off before she can speak the truth to the girls.

Love it so far :pinkiehappy: I do hope for more regular updates :applejackunsure:

Thanks :twilightsmile: I try to update as much as possible, but I have five stories running at the moment (two on here, three on /ptfg/) as well as a personal project, so I try and get the time to write while avoiding writers block and writing those other stories. Glad you're enjoying it :)

I was inspired a lot by 80's drama's, so I'm glad that I hit the right note then :twilightsmile:

This story is very well done thus far. A bit of a challenge to read as I feel what Rainbow feels when she deals with the pain of dysphoria. Looking forward to the next chapter!

You really hit the nail on the head when it comes to describing the pain and fear that comes with being transgender. I should know. Having delt with it my whole life. And the fear of rejection fro, your family. It can really bring about a crippling anxiety.

Thanks, I myself am trans and capturing what it's like to be like this has been a struggle. I have a hard time deciding whether to write realistically or to write in a way that keeps me from crying when I do it. Luckily, I've had the conviction so far to be able to be as realistic as possible, and I'm glad that you're enjoying it.

Oh lookie here, a new chapter. *reads with the enthusiasm of a junkie doing a line of coke* :rainbowlaugh:

Cool, I was worried that she would run. It's good she got 'caught'. Can't wait for the next chapter.

“Who’s a silly pony? You is.”

Oh, sweet Luna, YAAAASSS!
That is such a great line! I'm not even mad that I'll be humming that song for hours now, it's just so perfect!
This chapter was really touching and great. I'm loving this story.

This is an amazing story and really conveys a lot of deep emotion and feeling to a very touchy subject.

It's really well thought out and a really good story! Well done!:pinkiehappy:

Another really great chapter.

Corrections offered without malice.

both Applejacks and my life


until i moved


“it's not to make you feel bad,



“worthy of forgiveness”?

Usually one uses different (often single) quotes for in-quotation quotations.

Applejacks frown relaxed


games.” Rarity protested. “Plus,

Speech tag! Use commas.

Fluttershy looked at me nervously.”

Stray quotation mark

Truth.” She muttered.

Truth,” she muttered.

Pinkie.” Rarity interrupted

Pinkie,” Rarity interrupted

as i held the bottle.


Applejacks fingers


Applejacks hands

Applejack's (...does your spelling check try to remove these particular apostrophes; applejacks being a normal word?)

As helpful as ever :twilightsmile: Thanks very much, shall fix those errors when possible.

I do believe my phone corrects Applejack's to Applejacks, I write a lot of this stuff on my phone using a bluetooth keyboard.

Autocorrect is your enemy. Spellcheckers can be helpful, but one must get/tune a dictionary that is useful for one's needs. For instance, mine does not recognize "spellcheckers" nor "autocorrect". Nor exsanguinate, anypony, everypony, somepony, Cadance will suggest Cadence (for all that I'm annoyed they changed the name)...

Yes. A person who physically harms another student is such a way can not be completely forgiven. She may change and learn from her mistakes in the future, but it is with deep regret that I must say she is not going to be doing that at CHS.

Now bullying the students for three years, turning into a demon, destroying the front of the school and trying to mind control the students into invading a foreign world? Masonry work and a few months detention. But heaven forbid you should throw a punch, that's an immediate expulsion!

“Yes Ah am. Ah’m… Angry all the time.”

"Yes Ah am. Tha author done flanderized a single character trait until ah'm a volcaner of anger fer the sake a drama!"

For… all of our sakes.

"Mostly for Applejack and me though."

Quartz let out a “tch” and folded her arms.

"No, I'm so one dimensional I'm gonna go piss 'heteros only' in the snow in front of the gay and transgendered sick puppy orphanage after this!"

“I am a hypocrite… I told my mum and she went off at Applejacks granny, telling her that she raised “trash” and all that kind of stuff. I just kinda… agreed with her. I didn't want to stop being friends with Applejack! She was one of the only friends I had, and now I'm being told I can't ever hang out with her again?”

What an insane turn around. I'd almost call it a phoenix wright breakdown for its suddenness and extreme shift.

"I don't like you!"

The power of friendship is a wonderful thing.

You could almost say it's magical...*cough cough*

“Oh gosh, sugarcube. Ah’m sorry, Ah let anger get control of me again.”

"Oh gosh, sugarcube. Ah'm sorry. Ah hope the author realizes someday that ah may have somewhat of a temper sometimes but it ain't mah biggest definin' characteristic by a country mile."

Ah l-love you,

Bit early in the relationship to be breaking out the big l word, don't you think AJ?

“Uh…” Fluttershy trailed off quietly. “I d-dare you to… drink a litre of soda in one minute.”
“Oh, come on!” I said, cock sure of myself. “I want a real challenge.”
“Okay then… I dare you to drink a litre of soda in thirty seconds… While Applejack tickles you.”
I froze, my skin turning to ice. No. Anything but that.


“Uh…” Fluttershy trailed off quietly. “I d-dare you to… drink a litre of soda in one minute.”


“Okay then… I dare you to drink a litre of soda in thirty seconds… While Applejack tickles you.”



I like the story so far, although I have a few bits of criticism. The first is the one that’s most relevant to this chapter—Quartz’ character. I’m going to have to agree with the argument that she seems to Kick the Dog a little much so far, and that she changes in an unrealistic way and time. Given that she had homophobia deeply internalized, something that short wouldn’t have swayed her, even with a severe Verbal Weakness being hit; instead, a more realistic reaction might be that they double-down. A way that you might account for that is to add a bit of weak points to her that a few of which are given before the scene in the office, followed by Rainbow hitting each of these Verbal Weaknesses, exposing more in the process, endeded by the verbal Achilles’ Heel, resulting in the character-change scene. The result is a more complete story that is more interesting outside of the premise.

The second is that of Applejack being out of character. In the show, I can’t recall the last time that I saw Applejack get angry, yet in this story, that seems to be her defining characteristic. This would not be all that important if she wasn’t an important character of this fanfic—after all, for all we know she just had a bad day before the scene she would be in the story—but she seems like she will be extremely important to the story going forward; now that is a problem. What you might do is to not define Applejack as being the angry one, and instead explain that anger by protectiveness; otherwise, you could explain it by giving reasons why this Applejack has anger problems when that’s an emotion that she has not memorably expressed (admittedly, I’m behind, so she might have later that I’m not aware of).

Two final critiques that go together are (I) public school is never that forgiving; if the written punishment is expulsion, as Celestia said, it is explusion, end of story; (II) in all public schools I’ve been to, explusion requires weapons on campus, numerious serious offences, and a school board hearing; unless Quartz came at Rainbow with a knife, and maybe not even then, none of these would be the cases, unless I’m missing something.

I believe I should probably add the AU tag, because I seem to have created a more alternate version of the characters too. Applejack is not angry in the show, I created her to be like that in the story. Various problems in her life might have magnified her temper, especially dealing with the death of her parents. Dealing with the death of a loved one can cause you to deal with issues in different ways, one of them being anger.

It's a little bit of a weak point, but my explanation to Celestia forgiving Quartz is that I'm a sucker for redemption. I don't want my story to be all sad and depressing, I want there to be a light side too. My transition wasn't all positive, but there were so many happy and great things that happened to me during, including finding a much greater sense of who I was. I want to reflect that in my story as well, it's not all sadness.

7207144 For putting that Nazi Fluttershy picture on your comment, you nearly earned yourself a follower

Is this dead, or just asleep? It's been months

It's asleep :( I've had to put a few stories on the backburner now that I have a job. Hopefully I get the drive to continue it soon :twilightsheepish:

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