• Member Since 29th Jul, 2015
  • offline last seen 2 hours ago

Hoops


Global warming: Nature trying to kill us before we kill it.


T
Source

Hoops, the bully from Summer flight camp.
Dumbbell, The other bully.
Today was their anniversary. And things were supposed to be perfect. Seeing old friends, partying. But it would all change.
Editor: BerginatorGaming
Chapter two: Gallent Rage

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 6 )
Comment posted by BerginatorGaming deleted Dec 13th, 2015

Some help with editing:

The 21 of June

"The 21st"

The day would go like this.

It should be a colon instead of a period. ("The day would go like this:")

He was know

*Known

Meanwhile The day was going fine for Dumbbell.

"Meanwhile, the day was going fine for Dumbbell."

There names,

*Their

The police searching threw the wreckage. Not letting anyone threw.

"The police searched through the wreckage, not letting anyone through."

Hope this helps! The story is intriguing so far! (You have gotten me to ship these two! Thanks for the new ship inspiration! :yay:)

6729077 Sorry for late answer, but thanks! Cute ship!!

That chapter was pretty good and I didn't really see any errors.

6753535 thanks!

gallent rage says thanks

6753977 not a problem at all my friends

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