• Member Since 11th Dec, 2011
  • offline last seen August 29th

The Crystal Maiden


| Writing is the reason I live. With writing, I can express myself. With writing, I can make anything possible. | 19 year old Brit with a somewhat unhealthy MLP obsession. But she's proud of it.

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While many ponies live in happiness, celebrating their achievements and their special talents, a troubled young colt lives in his own world of misery and hatred.

Black Sail hates his Cutie Mark. In fact, he hates all Cutie Marks.

With so much anger and confusion, and for such strange reasons, is it possible for anypony to bring meaning to his life again?


WARNING: Self-harm, and hints of depression

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 9 )

I have an odd addiction toward those whom express dislike toward cutiemarks. I totally want more of this, please!

6712628 Thanks for your comment! More is definitely coming soon! :)

This is a good start. I can't find any real mistakes so far. Maybe a bit short. Some things could have been described better maybe.
But for the fact that it is only your third story, this is very good.

I love the idea you're going for here. I can't wait until three certain fillies who just recently got marked come into play and try to be of help with their special talent. :scootangel:

6719745 Thanks for your comment! :) I appreciate the fact that you like it, as well as the constructive criticism. This story is meant to be a little short, since it's something I'm just writing on a whim, but I'll try better with descriptions since I know I can improve on that. :)

Thank you! Happy to know you like it so far! More soon. :)

Well, that was a long "soon". But it was worth the wait. Whatever you did to tweak your writing skills in this long period of time, it paid off.
What I read here is much better than what I read in the first chapter. There are quite a few worlds in between.
I did not expect such an increase in quality of the story. I can't even point out any mistakes or flaws. Whatever you did, it worked.
What I also didn't expect is a timeskip almost three years ahead into the future where Applebloom, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle are teenagers. I was expecting that Black Sail's parents would hear about the "Cutie Mark Crusaders" and their special talent and then reach out to them in hope they can help Black Sail with this cutie mark problem.
I'm now even more intrigued how this story continues.
Which leads me to the only thing I don't understand:

If Black Sail's parents moved with him to Ponyville almost three years ago, around the time when Applebloom, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle have gotten their cutie marks, why didn't his parents ask them for help after finding out about their special talent?
And what about Applebloom? She is suspicious of Black's cutie mark and apparently on the case already, but why only now and not in the three years before? And why does she only now invite him to their "Cutie Mark Club" (which I assume is a Cutie Mark Crusaders branch in the new highschool?)? Why didn't she make contact with him earlier?
The story would benefit greatly from getting some clarification on that.

7005733 Yeeeeeahh sorry about that. XD I ended up getting a bit of a block with the story as well as being sidetracked with other projects which is why it took a while. ;)

But WOW thank you so much for your comments! It's great that you've stayed loyal and left such a large amount of feedback! I'm really glad you like the way I wrote this chapter! I'll admit I uploaded it feeling anxious, as I wasn't certain if it was my best work. It could still be better, but I'm really happy you're so complimentary of it! :)

But I'll clarify that confusion. ;)

Regarding your first point, even though the CMC have talents in helping ponies with their cutie marks, they're not necessarily well known by EVERYONE, especially adult ponies who aren't involved in the school environment. Black Sail is aware of them but probably never mentions them to his mum because he doesn't really care about a great deal in Ponyville. So Flare wouldn't know about them enough to seek out their help.

With your second point, I would say that Black Sail has been very closed off about his feelings for the last three years, so ponies like Apple Bloom are aware of him but they don't actually understand what problems he might have. It's getting to the point where Apple Bloom is genuinely concerned and she wants to do something to help. She may have tried to coax him into friendly gatherings like clubs before but he'll have politely brushed them off, meaning they only have an acquaintance-like relationship.

I hope that clears everything up! I understand that was a slight plothole and could easily confuse people! ;)

7007828

Regarding your first point, even though the CMC have talents in helping ponies with their cutie marks, they're not necessarily well known by EVERYONE, especially adult ponies who aren't involved in the school environment. Black Sail is aware of them but probably never mentions them to his mum because he doesn't really care about a great deal in Ponyville. So Flare wouldn't know about them enough to seek out their help.

Hmm, here I already have to oppose.
The three have a talent that nopony ever had before, have basically become the guardians of cutie marks now. Additionally, they got their cutie marks at the same time and all of them have the same cutie marks, which are again things that didn't happen to anypony before.
The way they got their cutie marks and what special talents they have discovered are extraordinary events unheard of everywhere in Equestria through its history, something like this creates waves.
Ponies definitely talked about it after it happened, no, they even still do, newspapers reported about it, they probably even got interviewed, scientists got interested in their case and started to overthink what they know about cutie marks.....
We even have gotten a confirmation for the last point in that list, when we saw that Twilight mentioned Applebloom, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle in her Cutie Mark Magic lecture as she talked about the simultaneous aquisition of cutie marks in Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns during the Season 5 Finale.
Three years after, they should be pretty famous for all of that.
Furthermore, Ponyville is a small, rural town, especially in such a small town unusual events go round in the population quickly.
It sounds very unlikely that Black Sail's parents never heard about it.
I hope that doesn't sound intidimating to you as new author, but that's a dent in the story that needs to be smoothed out somehow.

7007884 Well, that's fair enough. I'm sure in some way they'd be aware of the CMC and their success, but because Black Sail is so closed off about his feelings, Flare never thinks to ask anyone for help with cutie marks because he never talks about it.

But yeah I get what you mean. I'm not a new author as such but I've only recently gotten back into posting stories. I'm also still young so I'm learning things all the time and am aware I often need to smooth out my plotlines. So thanks for pointing this plothole out. ;)

7008366

To be honest, I'm not sure if you could smooth out this hole without substantially changing the whole plans you already made for the story, which I assume you don't wanna do.
But maybe you'll find a way.

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