• Member Since 29th Jul, 2015
  • offline last seen 6 minutes ago

Hoops


Global warming: Nature trying to kill us before we kill it.


T

Hoops wasn't always a bully, he used to be a happy little colt. He had kind friends, a nice family, and his life was almost perfect! Well, that was up until four days before Hearths Warming, that's when it all changed. That's when Hoops messed up, big time.

This story is rated T for minor swearing.

Editors: Lord Dragon,BerginatorGaming
Flighter Space Kitty

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 11 )
Comment posted by BerginatorGaming deleted Dec 7th, 2015

I found a few errors here to point out:

A time for festivity, A time for Caring

it should be "a time for caring".

Anyway then he noticed

A comma should be placed after anyway.

So He went out

This should be "So, he went out" instead.

His best friend, Ditzy Hooves lives there. Ditzy and Hoops are best friends.

You could probably get rid of "Ditzy and Hoops are best friends", since it was already stated the sentence before.

Ditzy had stopped once she saw Hoops at her door she ran behind the table on her porch.

There should be a conjunction or a period after "door". There are two independent clauses that should be separated in some sort.

Everything happened so fast. As usual.

A comma should be after "fast" instead of a period.

Your no freak

*You're

One room and had a flight course set up outside.

"and" should not be in the sentence.

2... Just do it!

i.ytimg.com/vi/Z6gG3tKDBlk/maxresdefault.jpg
(Sorry, I had to. :rainbowlaugh:)

Oh no Hoops thought

Quotation marks should be around "Oh no".

Ditzy hit the pole. With her wing.

These two sentences could be combined into one: "Ditzy hit the pole with her wing."

I hope my suggestions help you. :derpytongue2:

Other than the errors, I'm enjoying this story so far! Can't wait to see more! :twilightsmile:

Hearthswarming isn't in the Summer...

6756534 uh? Vut?
Edit: No I say how he became that bully. It is set the winter before

So, this story is about how Hoops, the bully at the summer flight summer camp became, well, a bully. I also don't believe he really is a bully. By the way.

It's Hearthswarming.

6756742 No I was explaining who it was. Like saying the bully who bullied RD at summer flight camp. But I can see where your thought that :3 Ill go fix

day light savings -- daylight savings
Anyway then -- Anyway, then
house hold -- household
As he stepped back he was -- As he stepped back, he was

Then he stopped.

He noticed that

Ditzy Hooves lives there

Past, past, present, and it sways around. Pick one, stick to it religiously.

8594979
Thanks so much for reviewing it.

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