Asher a Gang member is looking for a second chance for all the blood he has spilled. Though he never thought discord would be the one to grant that second chance. Follow him as he tries to lead the changelings out from the image of evil love sucking bugs to Equestrian Citizens.
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This looks like a good story in the making. Please continue updating ok?
6704767
I will thank you.
might be a good story. needs more complexity though. hope to see the political, social, economic, military and ideological impact from having a human turned changeling leading changelings. Ideas from earth can really muck up equestria if the wrong ones gain any influence and besides the changelings could have an effective Constitutional Monarchy set-up easily or a democratic republic.
After seeing the first chapter I think that it could use a lot of work, but I do see a lot of potential in this story if it is pule off right. I like the idea that BiE was originally street fugue, a gang member, and that he becomes the new leader of the Changeling by having a lucky shot at killing Chrysalis because he just so happened to have a weapon on hand/hoof and accepted.
The idea that the main character if a former gang member and that he didn’t want to continue in that way of life, show that he couldn’t take the pressure and that he has a very limited education and doesn’t really know how to be a leader. On that last one I have the last point I have a hard time imagining that he managed to keep his hive together feed and happy of him for over six months without needing to feed his minions with love. I would imagine that the guy relies heavily on his lieutenant to keep the hive in order and that he only serve to be the relay of the hive mind as well as sort of figurehead.
Seeing the main character was originally had criminal activities I wouldn’t be surprised to see that he did stole a lot of material to keep his hive functioning and I wouldn’t be surprised that it will bite him in the ass in the future. Seeing that he has a very limited education, I assume that he dropout from high school, he will have to go back to school and go to university to if he ever hopes to consider seriously by the equestrian government and its nobility as well not to mansion to know how to govern his free minded hive. I could imagine that the hive mind could dumps some of the info on how to make a hive function, but that would not be enough, and all of it would be the same as it was before, with chrysalis, and that is exactly what the Changelings don’t want to happened again. I would be surprised if the character fallback on the old ways if he fell that it is the only way to get what he wants from his minions or that he doesn’t feel sure of his leadership; but he will have to learn not to lean on this if he doesn’t want to be like the old Queen that he killed for the same reason. I also suppose that some Changelings will try to break off from the hive and do things their own way and some would start doing criminal activities with their changeling magic.
I like the idea that the changeling hive has been annex by Equestia and that they have to follow Equestrian law and procedures. This is interesting as the main character will probably become part of the nobility but everyone will be suspiciously and that it will be hard to be accepted and not fall into the same trap as before.
The main character will probably need a guide from the princesses to help the changelings to better integrate into equestrian society and to facilitate communication with other ponies
I hope this help a little for your story and I am looking forward to see the next chapter soon.
6754745
Holy crap thank you so much for the critique its awesome. Its given me a lot to add and think about. Plus added some drive to keep working. There going to be some fixes to this chap soon, my previous editor took out a good section at the start that was really important that I hadn't noticed was gone.
6754868 thank for appreciating my comments. An again I am looking forward to the next chapter and if you work hard on the next few chapters... well you might get a little surprise n the near future if you over my DeviantArt gallery here...
Hope this encourages you further
I'm taking it that some of these thumbs down are from the hateful ducks or they just mad that the bug bitch is dead in this fic. Its a good start.
Needs more
7735413
Or from the shitty premise that's been done to death and the yawn inducing "OC".
Did that ever occur to you, my fedoralord not-friend?