The Lost Spell Book

by ASGeek2012

Chapter 1 - Accidents Happen

Spike awoke with a start to darkness, and he yawned as he rubbed his eyes. "Umm ... Twilight?" he called out in a sleepy voice as his half-lidded eyes looked around.

The library was dark, largely because it was still dark outside. His eyes snapped fully open when he remembered exactly why it was still dark. "Twilight!" he called out as he hopped out of his basket. "Is this when you're supposed to find those Elements of, um, whatever they were? Twilight! -- Oh!"

Spike had found a parchment tacked to the wall, thoughtfully placed where his small stature would find it, filled with Twilight's impeccable script. He tore the parchment from the wall and read: "Dear Spike: Went to get Elements of Harmony and defeat Nightmare Moon. Will be back by dawn, so don't worry about me. Regards, Twilight Sparkle."

Spike looked up and let out a breath of relief. "Oh, well, if it's only going to take until dawn, then that shouldn't be too ... wait ... if it's eternal night until she defeats Nightmare Moon, then the dawn ..." Spike frowned. He could not tell if Twilight had simply been nervous when she wrote that or was trolling him.

In either case, Spike tried to take Twilight's words to heart, but, troll or no, Twilight was too beloved a friend for him to find solace in his basket. He instead decided to keep himself busy. Where Twilight had only just moved into the library the day before, she had not had time to unpack a lot of personal effects. In fact, many of her belongings had to be sent to her afterward, arriving much later in the day. Well, most of them ...

---

Earlier that day ...

"What do you mean, half my luggage got sent to Manehattan?!" a wild-eyed Twilight cried.

"Hey, don't yell at me!" Spike said as he brandished the parchment he had just coughed up. "I'm just your underpaid messenger!"

Twilight rolled her eyes. "You'd think Moondancer would have gotten it right when I asked her to do me just this one favor and send my stuff to me."

"Unless she was sore over you missing her party," Spike muttered.

"Huh?"

"Nothing!"

Twilight looked askance at him. "Look, it's not like she's going to harbor some sort of grudge that will fester for the next two or three years."

"Oh, of course not," Spike murmured.

---

Spike chuckled at the memory.

What had made it were several boxes of books, mostly rare titles and special editions. Spike decided to sort through a few and file them. Twilight would likely frantically refile everything to match her own arcane style later, which was amusing for Spike to watch, so win-win all around.

Spike was down to the very last box, which contained only three volumes. All were quite old, their bindings creaking as he picked them up, their pages yellowed and crinkly.

"What's this one?" Spike said as he lifted the first. "Hmm. Totally Tanna ... Tanta ... Tanlat ... er, something-and-something Transformations. Huh. I thought transformation magic was forbidden."

He flipped through the pages. Most of the arcana was lost on him, but from the drawings he ascertained that much of the magic was centered around transforming other creatures into ponies. He had no idea why anypony would want to do such a thing. His confusion only increased when he found other spells that further modified the pony body.

He scratched his head at one particular page. "Why in Equestria would you want to do that to a stallion? And that specific part of him, too? Hmm, Twilight has that page bookmarked. Huh, I wonder why."

He shrugged and closed the book. Only then did he note a warning at the bottom of the front cover: Do not subject book to jarring thuds from a height.

Spike frowned. "That's a weird warning."

He picked up the next book. "And this one is ... Ancient Portal Magic - What We Know And Don't Know." He noted it had a warning as well: Do not stack this book atop other books. Spike raised an eyebrow and set the book aside.

He reached for the third book. "Coincidences, Con ... Contra ... Con-tri-van-cies, and Chaos - How to Avoid Them in Life And Magic. Oh, let me guess, this has a warning, too."

It did indeed: Do not stack with other books on powerful magic.

Spike stood and placed his hands on his hips. "Oh, I see where this is going!"

Now, Spike did not become Twilight's assistant by being dumb. Well, actually, he didn't get the position by being smart, either, given that he was hatched by Twilight and was effectively an indentured servant, but that's beside the point. That Twilight had not turned him over to a dragon orphanage meant that he at least had some intelligence for the job.

And with that intelligence, he knew books that he should not touch when he saw them.

A smug smile on his face, Spike carefully put the books back the way he had found them, avoiding any jarring thuds, placing them on edge without stacking them. He would do something else instead, like tacking down some of those loose floorboards Twilight had complained about earlier. He just had to find where they were again.

Spike's plans were forever interrupted when he noticed it was getting lighter. He gasped when he realized it could only be one thing. When he saw that Twilight had not, in fact, left the oven on accidentally and started a fire, he realized it could only be the other one thing.

He climbed into the window as fast as he could, and his face broke into a wide smile as the first rays of the morning sun streamed into the room. "Hooray! You did it, Twilight!" Spike cheered, dancing on the windowsill. "No more eternal night! We won't freeze to death! We get to live! We -- whoa!"

He lost his footing and fell from the windowsill. Not a big deal, really, as he had fallen from tops of ladders and had been body-slammed by doors multiple times. A little fall was not going to hurt him. Besides, it allowed him to find where one of those loose boards were, as his feet sank far into it, the other end levering up and catapulting the object that sat upon it high into the air.

Unfortunately, that object was the box he had so cleverly stashed away, its contents immediately slipping free of their container.

"Oh, come on!" Spike cried even as the books continued to arc through the air.

The transformation book fell from a height and landed with a jarring thud.

The portal book fell next, neatly stacked atop the first.

The contrivances book fell last, stacking it with the other two books on powerful magic.

The inside of the library was bathed in a flash of light far rivaling the morning sun, accompanied by a thunderous boom which shook the walls. When the small earthquake set off by the explosion had abated, Spike slowly lowered his claws and opened his eyes.

At first, he thought perhaps all that had resulted was a light show and a bit of charring on the wooden floor, as a stack of books still remained at the center of the magical explosion. His relief was short-lived when he realized that now two books sat where three had fallen. Spike rushed up to the pile and discovered that the book on transformation magic was missing.

Somewhere outside in the distance came Pinkie Pie yelling, "A PARTY!"

Spike sat down heavily, still staring at the scene of the accident. "Yay," he said in a lackluster voice. "No more eternal night. We get to live. Except me. I am so dead."

---

Ultimately, Spike did indeed live to see another day, as he did what any good panic-struck loyal assistant would do in a case like this: he covered his tracks.

Some judicious filing of the remaining books, a mop to clean up the char marks, and what Twilight did not know would not hurt him. With it and the whole Nightmare Moon incident behind him, he settled down into a largely care-free life where Twilight dealt with the much more important matters, like running off griffon bullies, helping her crazy-flanked Apple family friend with the harvest, and having sleepovers (he was still pissed at being sent away when Rarity -- Rarity! -- was there all night in her beautiful slumbering glory).

He awoke late one morning, grateful to be allowed to sleep in after the latest incident had disturbed his slumber the night before. What was her name again? Dixie? Pixie? Whatever. All he knew was that he had been woken from a sound sleep because of that infernal unicorn.

He made an executive decision that he needed even more sleep. He rolled over and closed his eyes with a contented smile.

"Where is it?!"

Spike's eyes snapped open at the sound of Twilight's frantic voice.

"Is it here?! ... Is it over there?! ... Did it get misfiled?!"

"Um, Twilight?" Spike called out, lifting his head.

In the library below, dozens of books spun about, glowing with unicorn magic, a frizzy-maned Twilight at the center of this organized maelstrom of the printed word. "Where is it?! Where is it whereisitwhereisitWHEREISIT?!"

Spike stretched and climbed out of his basket with a sigh. "You okay, Twilight?"

"I am not okay!" Twilight cried as the books twirling about her stacked themselves neatly off to the side, joining half a dozen other piles. A new set of books were magicked off the shelves and spun about her like some strange literature roulette game. "I am missing a very important book! So help me, if I find out this got lost in Manehattan because of Moondancer's screw-up--"

Spike hid a smirk behind his claw. "Which book was it?"

"A book on transformation magic!"

Spike stopped smirking.

"That book could be very, very dangerous in the wrong hooves!"

Spike fidgeted, his gaze sliding off to the side. "Um ... h-how dangerous?"

"Indescribably dangerous!"

"Oh, come on, nothing is indescribable! That's just being lazy."

The books halted. Twilight looked up. "What?"

"Using words like 'indescribable' is just a way for the author to get out of coming up with properly descriptive text to allow the reader to sufficiently envision the scene."

Twilight blinked. "What in Celestia's name are you talking about?"

"Just repeating back what you told me about stuff you read. I'm totally not trying to stall or misdirect you!"

Twilight's eyes narrowed. "Oh, really, now?"

Spike gulped. "Oh, look at the time! I better go put the tea on and just leave you to your 'indescribable' dangers while -- whoa!"

The books fell as Twilight's magic grabbed the dragonling and plopped him down before her. "Spiiiike ..."

"I have no idea where your book is!" Spike cried.

"Which book, Spike?" Twilight said in a dangerous voice as she stepped forward.

Spike took a step back. "Um ... the one you didn't tell me the title of yet?"

"That's right, I didn't. So how would you even know what I'm talking about?"

"Because ... I-I'm such an excellent assistant! I just know exactly what you need."

"And do you have the book I need?"

"You mean the one you haven't told me the title of yet?"

"Yes, that one."

"Um ..."

"Do you know the title, Spike?"

Spike grunted when he discovered he had been backed up against the wall. "I might know ... it was, er, Totally, um, Tanta-something--"

"Tantalizing," Twilight said through clenched teeth.

"Oh, that was the word!" Spike paused. "And the next one?"

"Titilla ... um, er ..." Twilight blushed. "Never mind what it was! The final word was Transformations!"

"So the full title was ...?"

Twilight rolled her eyes. "Totally Tantalizing and ... that other word ... Transformations!" She loomed over Spike. "Now. Where. Is. That. Book?!"

Spike swallowed. "I, um, may or may not have seen that book."

"That makes no sense. It's either one or the other."

"It's called plausible deniability, Twilight."

"How do you even know words like that?" Twilight cried. "You can't even spell 'threshold', 'precipice', or 'brink'!"

Spike folded his arms. "I know whatever words will prevent me from being sent to the dragon orphanage."

Twilight lowered her head. "I am not going to send you to the dragon orphanage, Spike."

Spike paused. "You're not?"

"Of course not! Do you think I would do that to my loyal assistant?"

"Well ..."

"I mean, yes, the only dragon orphanage in Equestria burned down last month, so I really don't have one to send you to anyway, but that's the beside the point," said Twilight. "Now, tell me exactly what happened to my book. Start from the very beginning."

Spike nodded. "Okay, well, about three or so millennia ago, unicorn ponies invented what would become known as paper in order to better preserve the written word--"

Twilight glared at Spike. "Not that far back. No more stalling now. Tell me."

Spike sighed. "Okay, fine, here's what happened ..."

He went on to recount everything that had happened with only a few minor embellishments concerning his attempts to save the books with little regard to his own safety.

"--and then when using my breath as a rocket flame to propel me to the spot where the books would land failed, I--"

"Thank you, Spike, I've heard enough," said Twilight, turning away. "Pack your bags."

Spike blinked. "What? Why??"

"I'm sending you to the dragon orphanage."

"B-but you said it burned down!"

"I'll rebuild it with my own horn and hooves brick by brick if I have to!"

---

Spike did not, in fact, have to go anywhere, other than a quick trip to the store to get some of the herbal tea Twilight used to settle her nerves. She uttered a sigh as she sat on her haunches near the spot where the books had crashed to the floor that night months ago, sipping a steaming cup of said tea.

"Well, Spike, at least I've confirmed from tracing the faint remnants of the teleportation magic that the book is nowhere in Equestria," she said with a sigh.

"So ... I don't have to go to the dragon orphanage after all?" Spike said hopefully.

"Oh, I wasn't serious, I was just upset. I apologize."

"I really am sorry I lost your book," said Spike. "Are you sure it's nowhere to be found?"

"Nowhere in this world, anyway."

Spike raised an eyebrow. "Come again?"

"The force of the magical explosion likely quantum-tunneled it through the thaumic barrier, thereby resulting in a hyperdimensional warp encapsulating a spacetime conduit through the metaversal aether."

Spike scratched his head. "You lost me after the word 'explosion'."

"It got dumped into another world, Spike."

Spike gasped. "Oh, no! Is that part of the indescribable stuff you mentioned earlier?"

"Actually, no, this is a good thing."

"It is?"

"Yes. You see, Spike, if it wound up in Equestria, it could be found by any competent unicorn mage and used for twisted purposes," Twilight explained. "If it instead went to another world, then the odds of somepony finding it intact, and translating it from a foreign language with no proper primer, and being able to work a spell from what would likely be an incompatible magic system -- if that world even had magic at all -- are so astronomically small that the book would effectively be useless. It would be complete nonsense to them, like the Ponyich Manuscript is to us."

Spike considered. "Are you really sure of that, Twilight? I mean, what if they did have--"

"No, it's impossible!" Twilight declared. "You'd have about as much chance of finding, I don't know, a magic mirror that allowed a pony to step into an alien world that just happened to speak the same language, where our magic would just happen to work, and where there are analogues to every pony we know here except represented as aliens."

"Huh, yeah, that's pretty far-fetched all right," Spike said with a chuckle.

"Exactly. So as much as it pains me to no longer have that book, at least it didn't fall into the wrong hooves."

An uneasy quiet settled over them.

"So, um," Spike said. "Just why did you have that book in the first place if it's so dangerous?"

"Oh, um, well, not all the spells are dangerous," Twilight said as she took another sip of tea.

"You mean like the one to enlarge a stallion's--"

Twilight spit out her tea. "Spike! You read it?!"

"Well, no, I didn't. I can't read magic, remember?"

"Oh ... well, good." Twilight lifted her cup.

"But it did have pictures."

Twilight spit out her tea again. "You looked at the pictures?!"

Spike frowned. "Jeez, Twilight, what's the big deal? I mean, yeah, no idea why you'd want to do that sort of stuff to a stallion, but I'm not the magic-user here."

"Er, right. You're not."

Spike tilted his head. "Are you blushing?"

"I am not!" Twilight lied. "It's just ... warm in here."

Spike smirked. "Uh-huh."

"Listen, Spike," said Twilight, her lips twitching into a smile. "I'd appreciate it if you kept this quiet."

Spike shrugged. "Yeah, sure, I can. Why?"

"Never mind why, just do as I say."

Spike paused. "Does this have something to do with sex?"

"What?? No! Absolutely not!" Twilight cried. "Why would you even say that?"

"Because it's the one subject that makes you completely freak out, so I just toss it against the wall sometimes and see if it sticks. Like now."

Twilight frowned. "You can be a real troll, sometimes, Spike."

Spike grinned. "Takes one to know one. Oh, and you're still blushing."

"I'll have you know that my interest in those spells was purely academic."

"So then I shouldn't read anything into the names of Princess Celestia's guards that you scribbled on the bookmark?"

"Right. Nothing at all."

"Or the measurements next to them?"

"Estimations! Not real hooves-on data!"

"And the formula projecting their final--"

"A thought experiment only!"

"You're blushing harder."

Twilight ground her teeth. "What is it going to take to end this awkward conversation?"

Spike smiled. "I get to sleep in for the next two weeks."

"Fine, done. Now--"

"And a hot fudge sundae every day at Sugarcube Corner for three weeks."

Twilight rolled her eyes. "Okay, done."

"And you let me set up a hidden camera next time Rarity is here for a sleepover."

"Don't push it, Spike."

"Sorry." Spike paused. "So what was the part of the danger, then, that was indescribable? The stuff you bookmarked was kinda weird but not Nightmare Moon level danger."

"It's not that part that worried me, Spike," said Twilight. "It's the first part of the book."

"Oh, the transforming creatures into ponies bit?"

"Yes!" Twilight shivered. "That part of the book goes into great detail on the workings of earth, unicorn, and pegasus magic. It even talks about the magic behind cutie marks. It would have to in order to convey the necessary magicks to ensure a proper transformation."

"O-kay," said Spike, scratching his head. "And this is bad how?"

"Spike, don't you get it? Armed with that knowledge, somepony could create their own magical pony civilization from scratch! I don't think the original author really understood the implications of her work. That's why I was protecting the book, to keep it out of irresponsible hooves."

"And so you can enjoy testing out the stallion-modifying spells."

"Yes -- no!"

Spike laughed.

"Argh! You can be a real pain, sometimes."

"You don't mean that."

Twilight smiled weakly. "No, I don't. But let's stop talking about this, okay? It's been said and done, and you've wheedled enough concessions out of me. Deal?"

Spike smiled. "Deal."

---

Time heals all wounds, and thus did the terrible rending in Twilight's heart over the loss of her beloved book finally scab over and slowly mend. It helped that she had so many other responsibilities to distract her over the next few years. From her crazy friends' friendship problems to a recalcitrant draconequus; from Canterlot's bug problem to ancient empires appearing out of thin air; from that damn draconequus again to, well, that stupid draconequus again; from Tartarus prison escapees (and that infernal draconequus yet again) to cutie-mark mad ponies (no, not the Crusaders). Through all this, Twilight had her hooves quite full and had all but forgotten about the book, except perhaps in her (totally academic) dreams.

As Twilight would soon discover, however, having something be lost and forgotten does not preclude it coming back to bite one on the flank later ...

Comments

[Sigmacipher]

If this ends up being a TCB story due to the first half of the book then I'm going to hurt you so bad.

[ASGeek2012]

6701950
No, this is definitely not a TCB story. I'm actually not that fond of the TCB universe as it currently stands. If I ever get it in my head to write a TCB story (not likely anytime soon unless someone reboots the whole damn thing to something more palatable), I'll properly flag it in the title like I've seen other authors do.

[DT42]

You have my attention, please continue.

[ASGeek2012]

6702250
I fully intend to, thank you for the comment

[WiseFireCracker]

This story does sound actually interesting. I mean, surely a contrived coincidence like someone being able to make use of that magical book of spell would never happen. Just like stacking three books by accident.

...Nah, okay, I really thought this one was funny. The banter between Spike and Twilight felt really good. They were in-character, and the just randomness of some lines and developments made me chuckle. (Of course, Twily would wonder, seeing all those muscle-bound stallions in uniform around the castle for all those years.) The dragon orphanage line was also quite amusing. Good job.

[ASGeek2012]

6702384
Thank you for your detailed comment

I know I've set myself a bit of a challenge here in writing a comedy story, as comedy is one of the harder things to pull off right. So I've tried to also make it an engaging story as well. I'm really glad to hear that the dialog is working out. My stories tend to be big on dialog rather than action overall.

[Emperor]

I almost have the expectation that the magical pony part of the book is a red herring and when humans show up they'll be using the OTHER part of the book, whatever is in there.

[CCC]

...well, that seems to be off to a good start.

[ASGeek2012]

6702850
Yes, well, if I did that, I'd likely have to bump up the rating to mature

6704224
Thank you!

[Dravkwn]

The dragon orphanage burned down? I think I might see where the problem with that might be. Fire breathing reptile youths contained in a structure capable of burning.

[wlam]

"I mean, yes, the only dragon orphanage in Equestria burned down last month

Well, that's just sloppy.

[AvoidingFever17]

He scratched his head at one particular page. "Why in Equestria would you want to do that to a stallion? And that specific part of him, too? Hmm, Twilight has that page bookmarked. Huh, I wonder why."

Me: hiding something no reason NO REASONS AT ALL!

[AvoidingFever17]

"The force of the magical explosion likely quantum-tunneled it through the thaumic barrier, thereby resulting in a hyperdimensional warp encapsulating a spacetime conduit through the metaversal aether."

...how do i understand some of this?
I swear my mind is becoming my reality