The Equestrian Honor Guard
Chapter 5
By Honored Service
I slowed my jog to a brisk walk as I moved through the dark foliage of the Everfree forest. 15 minutes of traveling and i was covered in sweat, dirt, leaves, and other bits of the damn forest.
"I need to find a path or something. Playing jungle explorer is hell here. Actually I would imagine playing jungle explorer would be hell on earth too." I pushed another arm thick vine out of the way onto to be semi choked by another one right behind it.
"Uggghghhhhh."
Stopping for a brief moment I pulled out my canteen and took a pull from it, thankful for whatever had put me in this new world had been merciful enough to leave with all of my things.
It was actually time to make sure that was true. I pulled of my backpack and sat in down in front of me.
"Time to take inventory." flipping open the top flap I began emptying everything out onto the forest floor in front of me.
"Ok what do I have...
4 standard issued MREs, of the rice and tuna variety. My least favorite. Fuck me.
3 Nonstandard Pop tarts of the brown sugar cinnamon variety. My favorite.
1 canteen. Now half full thanks to that thing called thirst.
1 flashlight with 4 different colored lenses. So fabulous
A compass. That at the moment was spinning very quickly and not pointing north. You had one job compass!
Binoculars with handy neck strap. Sweet
3 Emergency flares. Red color. Of the red variety
A bedroll. Not very comfy, more of a layer to put between me and the yucky ground.
An extra pair of military issued OD green socks. Because socks. That's why.
2 Smoke grenades. One red the other white. For when I decide to feel Smokey
1 First aid medical kit. Actually nothing to joke about, this one is pretty important.
7 and half magazines of 5.56 blanks = 225 blank rounds
5 clips of 9mm blanks = 75 blank rounds
My beautiful M16A2 with 3.4x zoom Ecotech hologram sight and a fore grip. To help be badass
My 92F Berretta with the name Spike scratched into the barrel, because it was my number one assistant.
My combat clothes. A tactical vest with 6 pouches for ammo and other necessities.
Digital camouflage uniform under the combat vest
Tan combat boots
And the last item under inventory. A knife. A bad knife. I named her Bad Bertha.
I made her myself. After senior year at high school (4 years of doodling well spent) I paid for a forging class were I designed and forged my own knife. A graduation present if you will. Showing how I was ready to take my future and CARVE my own fate. Get it... Like with a knife... Fuck you that was funny
Bad Bertha (BB) was 10 inches of cold steel. Serrated on one side. Nice and sharp on the other. The handle was black, with an easy to grip rubber coating. And while crafting it my imagination ran a tad bit wild. The handle itself was hallow, but with a quick twist and pull, a small 5 inch spike blade would come out. I did this so I could stab with BB and the rip out the steel spike to deliver the final blow in a close range battle.
I’m Sick, I know. But listen fighting was something I was good at. And I was doing it as job on Earth. Or at least I was training to.
Ok so that's all I have to my name in this new world. Not really screaming love and tolerance, but I was in the middle of the freaking Everfree forest. Kinda hard to tolerate manticore, timber wolves, and whatever else that lurked in the death trap.
Putting everything back neatly into the pack and strapping the knife onto my belt next to the holster, I stood up and began to plot my next course of action.
"Let’s see, assuming that the tv show was right, I need to find a landmark of some kind. Every HIE fanfic I read had something to do with that long named castle in the middle of the forest. The castle of the alicorn sisters... Nope fuck that to long. I like the Castle. Boom. But Johnson what about the castle in Canterlot? Isn't that the castle? No STFU, that will be called the... The Modern Day Castle of the Regal Alicorn Sisters. Boom problem solved. TMDCRAS for short.
The only other thing in the forest that the show had shown was Zecora's hut. And her home was on a path from Ponyville.
"That's it! I need to find that path. At least then I would have some bearings out here in the forest." I looked around hoping that I would step right onto it and have completed today's mission.
But with no such luck, I was met with only more damn dreary forest.
"Ok. So that is first objective. Find the path. Second objective, find a clearing or cave or some kind of area I can use to establish a base camp." I thought about the cave Spike has ran into that had an angry dragon in it. I could take a dragon.
"Yo what up dragon? Oh this is your cave? That's nice, how about some FUS RO DAH all over your face?"
Ok so maybe I would do that if I had some actual bullets. That's objective three. Now with three things I needed to do, I pulled out my ops manual and started a new list next to the list of options I made earlier.
Mission Objectives
1st objective- find path that leads to Ponyville.
2nd objective- find a base camp (not a dragon filled cave until 3rd objective is complete)
3rd objective- make blanks into bullets. Find some kind of metal substance and make some bullets. FSU (fuck shit up)
I looked at my watch, 1:30. It was going to be a long day.
i know that this wasn't the most eventful chapter, but i wanted to establish what Johnson had with him in Equestria. Now you know, so when he pulls out some poptars for a snack you don't think he just pulled them out of his ass.) Enjoy. more chapters to come. I right these chapters at work before people show up at the pool i lifeguard at. Just so ya know. interesting fact
Time to wait for something more
um.....ok?
what would be nice is longer chapters....
otherwise, i can't wait for more!
Just one thing;
FUS RO DOH
It'd be good if you could fix that.
717160
good find, fixed
716844
I can do that, it might just take longer to put out chapters to beef em up
718406
i know
but it will take a longer time to read them, and (if you play it right) leave the reader with a better cliffhanger
And now I play the waiting game...
I like what I'm reading, can't wait for more.
I love Johnson's personality!
hey bedrolls arnt too bad. go ahead and dig yourself a ranger grave buddy.
but anyways this is a wonderful story.
Way to make an inventory sound freaking hilarious bro, I enjoyed it.
Lol it would be pretty funny if he just suddenly pulled a pop-tart out of his ass
I laughed by ass off this chapter. Nice job.
I like how he got spikes name on the barrel of his handgun that shit was funny yo
"Yo what up dragon? Oh this is your cave? That's nice, how about some FUS RO DAH all over your face?"
Holy fuck omg so funny
Omg that whole 'spike' inscribed gun bit was genius, genius bro! Il admit I laughed a bit to much at that
TUNDAR THE BURNATIOR
no dont do it! your gonna end up taking a ... dragon breath to the knee!
Bertha sounds absolutely glorious.
Ever heard of the CRKT FE9? It's pretty sick, got one of my own.
this was hilarious especially that 'spike' bit love his personality xDD
How did this get so many upvotes?
dam i love it
Spike and Bad Bertha huh? FSU!
I'm curious enough to keep reading, but I'm having a little trouble suspending my disbelief on how he immediately seemed to realize he was in the Everfree Forest. Brony or not, if someone wound up in some woods I doubt they would just assume they had been transported into a cartoon world.
Unless the forest looks like a cartoon to him? I don't know. It just seems like an odd jump of logic.
718406
did that red note at the bottom say 'poptars'???
bad bertha meets balloon boy
BB vs bb
that's a very KNIFE pun you have some SHARP wit your a CUT above all the other jokes
(I regret nothing)
I like how you write chapters waiting for people to show up at your pool...I do the very same thing.- LIFEGUARD BROHOOF
nice pun but you got nothing out of me...
That 92F Beretta pun... it's your number one assistant?
Well, that was a LONG SHOT at a pun, but really, it was quite well AIMED...
get it? Because with a gun you sh-...
Oh fuck you it was funny.
(All puns and references to MLP and this chapter, intended.)
Get it... Like with a knife... Fuck you that was funny
k
I like it better thinking he pulled them out of his ass.