The Dressing Up
The Equestrian Honor Guard
Chapter 17
By Honored Service
I reached the elegant white and purple building in the shopping district of Ponyville. Compared to the surrounding buildings Carousel Boutique was a lot taller than everything else. From the show I knew it had at least two stories, but here it looked like it had three at least. I'll find out soon enough.
I saw a small white button next to the regal purple door.
Ding Dong Dong Ding
I could hear the bell melody from out here as it rang throughout the shop. I removed m hand from the door bell and waited.
"Coming darling! Just a moment." The trotting got louder and the door was finally opens by the shop's owner.
"Good afternoon Rarity." I bowed ever so slightly. I could always respect Rarity's attitude and manners. I was raised down south were chivalry and manners still meant something. (And that the Civil War wasn't over) "I hope that I have arrived at the appropriate time."
Rarity returned my bow and stepped aside allowing me entrance to her store. "Of course Johnson, right on time. Dear Applejack said she would send you over after lunch and she didn't lie." Rarity smiled and laid down on a large red velvet couch.
She nodded to a chair across from her. I took the hint and placed myself in it.
"Ok darling, please tell me everything about fashion from your world! What colors are in? What style is mainly never out of make? Do humans wear those clothes all the time? What is the average price on personal styled attire? Who designed that... um lovely ensemble you are sporting?" she cracked a large smile and fluttered her eyelashes at me.
Wow Rarity had totally just pulled a Pinkie Pie rant there. Well let's try to answer some of the girl's questions.
"Rarity I may not be able to answer all of those questions because for the last 6 months I was issued a uniform to wear every day. My personal fashion wasn't up to me. What I'm wearing now is the Army Combat Uniform. It was my standard uniform."
Rarity nodded and pulled out a large sketch pad and began to draw on it. I tried to look over it, but she pulled it closer against her chest keeping me from seeing what she was designing.
"Well I'm sorry to hear that dear. Being told what to wear all the time. How boring. Now do you have any ideas to what you want or should I just guess for you?"
Oh I had some ideas alright. First I needed this right sleeve stitched up. I was keeping this Army uniform. It was a part of me. It helped remind me of what I was. A protector.
Second I needed a more fiction type of armored clothing. Something that would look more cartoony badass-ish. And the Fallout New Vegas NCR combat armor was what I had in mind. Badass brown duster covering my holster and ammo belt as well as Bad Bertha. I could also just wear the tactical vest under the duster as well. It wasn't black, but maybe Rarity could dye it gray blackish for me.
And thirdly I needed some clothes that didn't look so scary. Maybe some jeans and a button up shirt. I didn't want to look threatening all the time.
I explained to Miss Rarity what I had in mind. The tears in my Army uniform were fixed in literally a second. She smiled as she let my arm out of the telekinesis grip that had held it still while she stitched it.
"Wow! That was fast Rarity, thank you."
"Oh think nothing of it darling. Now how about something challenging?" She smirked at that last part. Rarity was having fun designing clothes for a new species.
Using a piece of sketch paper, I made a very crude drawing of the duster and belt that I wanted her to try and make. I made sure she knew that I wanted Velcro patches on the sleeves of it like my Army uniform had. She made a note of it on her sketch paper.
"Now pants to go with it? What would you like?" she looked up at me from her couch.
I scratched my chin stubble. Aw what the hell. "Whatever you think would look intimidating and tough Rarity. I'll leave it up to you. But the belt needs to be strong. Everything on this outfit needs to be tough so it protects me as much as possible."
Her eyes widened and she immediate scribbled feverishly for a few minutes before smiling up at me and turning the page.
"And last thing Rarity." She beamed at me. She really was enjoying this cross species clothing designing. "Could I have some normal clothes? Somethings that isn’t scary or intimidating. Jeans and some button up shirts. You know normal things. Some socks and boxers would be nice too."
She drew some more in her sketch pad; but then bit her lip and looked at me with a questioning glance.
"What are boxers darling?" She turned her head at an angle and looked me up and down.
"Um boxers are basically thin pants that I wear under my regular pants." I was trying to not get into too much detail. I had already been exposed to one pony. No need to try and have Rarity faint in the description of this true purpose.
"But why would you wear pants under pants? I understand layers when it's cold and wintry but why now in summer?" oh my gosh she wasn't going to let this go. Dear God why do you do this to me.
"Okay how can explain this delicately." My face was turning a bit red at this point. "Humans reproductive organs don't go inside of them like stallions."
Rarity open and closed her mouth like a fish. She turned red and nodded her head furiously.
"Oh ha-ha okay. So sorry darling that I made you explain that." She picked up a paper fan from a shelf with her magic and began to fan herself.
"It's fine Rarity. At least you didn't walk in on me naked." I laughed and saw Rarity raise an eyebrow at me.
"Now this is a story that will need some tea darling." she trotted through a door to the rift and into the kitchen. After a minute or two I heard a tea pot whistle and Rarity came back in levitating a tray with cups, sugar, milk and a steaming pot of tea.
"Now about this story dear...?"
**************************************************
"And she says, 'but we don't normally wear clothes!" We both shared a laugh over our tea.
"Oh that sounds just like our Applejack! Well I guess she learned her lesson the hard was darling." Rarity levitated her cup to her lips and sipped some of the wonderful tea she had made. It was a type of strawberry tea. It was pretty good, and it was incredibly sweet.
I looked down at my watch and saw that it was nearing 4 in the afternoon.
"Alright Miss Rarity, I'll depart soon. I'm sure that you have work to do. I'd hate to keep you from it." I stood up and placed the tea cup back onto the tray.
"Well thank you Johnson for the story. And I'll begin working on your new ensembles tonight. You should be able to get them in a day or two." Rarity escorted me to the door and the door handle glowed with her light blue magic as it opened.
"Thank you for the tea Miss Rarity, and thank you for my new clothes. I'm sure they will be magnificent." I bowed to her and stepped out into the street.
"Ta Ta darling!" the door closed shut behind me as I walked back towards the market. I wonder if Big Macintosh was still at the apple stand.
I rounded the corner and ran into a cream yellow pony.
"Oh I'm so sorry!" I scrambled up and helped the other pony up.
"It was my fault really. I... I wasn't looking where I was going...sorry again." I had just ran into Fluttershy. She was slowly backing away from me. I was towering over her. I kneeled in front of her, putting me on her level.
"Well sorry again. Hey, we haven't properly meet yet." I stuck out my hand; maybe a little to fast because the easily startled Pegasus flinched from it. "My name is Johnson. And you must be Fluttershy."
She carefully put her hoof in my hand and I gently shook her hoof. "Yes. I'm Fluttershy. Um thanks for saving the foals from the Timber Wolves. I... just wished you didn't....have to kill them though."
Ah that's why I hadn't seen much of Fluttershy. She must be truly terrified of me. She worked hard to help animals and I had ended the life of 4 wolves. I wonder if she knew about the manticore. Oh man I hope that wasn't the same manticore from the pilot.
"I'm sorry about that Fluttershy, but I had no choice. They were going to attack the foals." Come on Johnson don't get all soft. You are a solider...in training.
"I just wish that I had been there. I could have tried using reason or my Stare on them. That way nopony or nowolf would have gotten hurt." Fluttershy is just too sweet for her own good. Unless her stare really is that powerful to stop 4 Timber Wolves.
"Yea me too, Fluttershy. I don't like having to kill unless it's absolutely necessary."
"I better get back to Angel Bunny. He wanted some special radishes for a dish I was making for him." Fluttershy waved good bye and continued on her errands.
I
'm glad I was able to finally meet another one of the mane 6. Let's see here, I met Applejack, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Twilight Sparkle, and Rainbow Dash; but that was very briefly. I still need to see if she is okay from the scare I have her yesterday.
"Hey Big Macintosh. Everything going good?" I spotted the large red stallion from across the market square.
He waved and said, "Eeyup. Y'all see Miss Rarity?"
I leaned up against the side of the stand. "Sure did. We talked about some new clothes that I'm going to get. It should help me not stink so much, wearing the same thing day after day."
He chuckled, "Ah wondered what that smell was."
"Oh excuse me for not packing more clothes when I was pulled into the world!" I lobbed a bruised apple at him, which he
caught and placed under the stand. Good reflexes.
"So ya' gonna stick around here and help me close up the stand?" He removed a half empty basket of apples from the shelf on the stand and placed it on the wagon behind the stand.
"Sure, why not? I don't have anything else to do." Big Macintosh would hoof me a basket of apples and I would stack them on the wagon. Soon I noticed a small crowd of ponies gathering a small distance away watching the two workers packing up the stand.
"Hey Big Macintosh; do you usually get this kind of audience when closing shop?" He looked up from his work and saw the group of ponies standing across the square.
"Eenope. Must have come to watch ya I reckon." he picked up another basket in his mouth and carried it over to me. I grabbed the handle and placed on top of another empty container.
"Well what should I do? I'm just working."
The red pony just rolled his shoulders as a shrug and continued to pack everything up.
"Hi everypony." I waved at the gathering of pastel ponies.
Some of the ponies turned the other direction and trotted off talking quietly to themselves. While two ponies walked over to me. A sea foam green unicorn and a tan earth pony. Lyra and Bon Bon.
"Hello there human!" Lyra was speaking loudly and very slowly. Oh boy, this was going to be fun. "My name is Lyra Heartstrings and this is my friend Bon Bon. I studied ancient human culture at the Canterlot University. Do you understand me?" she waved her hooves a lot while she was talking. I guess she thought that would help me understand.
I looked at Bon Bon and smiled at her, making sure that the sharp canine teeth were seen.
"Excuse me ma'm, but this unicorn is communicating with me, could you please be an interpreter for us?" Bon Bon laughed and Lyra blushed a little.
"Yes Lyra, I can understand you. How are you two mares doing today?" I asked them while loading the last of the empty apple baskets onto the wagon.
"Well we were on our way to get some dinner at the Four Horseshoes, when Lyra here wanted to stop and talk to Equestria's only human." Bon Bon turned to her friend who smiled and nodded in conformation.
"Well I'm flattered that I have caught your attention Lyra. What can I do for you?" I could recall so many FanFics revolving around the human crazed pony, but so far she seemed normal.
"I was wondering of you could read over some papers I have written about human emotions and culture. Having a real live human co-editor would be a dream come true!" The smile on her face would have made Pinkie Pie break into song.
"I would be happy to help you Lyra; but I'm not an expert on Equestria's humans. They were here over a thousand years ago. I've been here for 10 days." I didn't see how I could help her with her research. Lyra probably knew more about the Equestrian humans than I did.
"Oh I know that," she said waving off my comment, "These papers are focusing on the new species of humans. Well human."
"I can help with that. So you just need me to explain about my species of humans?"
"That's right! Simple and easy! Will you do it?" She scooted closer to me than I was comfortable with.
"Absolutely! I'll do anything to get my species into the history books. And having ponies know more about me will hopefully change some opinions. When are you going to be working on these papers?"
"I'm working with Twilight Sparkle on them. Stop by tomorrow and we can start the first paper."
She started cantering off with Bon Bon in tow.
"First paper out of...?" I hollered after the pair of ponies.
"55!" Lyra called back rounding a corner down another street.
"Fuck." What have I gotten myself into.
I heard a deep chuckle come from behind me.
"Looks like ya' just bit off more than ya' can chew."
"Oh shut up Big Macintosh. How was I supposed to know it wasn't going to be a one shot?" I walked alongside the red work horse.
"What the hay does that mean?" Big Macintosh said as he pulled the wagon back towards Sweet Apple Acres.
"Ugh never mind. Let's just get home and eat. I'm so hungry I could eat a hor....hornet. So hungry I could a hornet. Yup."
"Ya' humans have some weird sayings."
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Love the chapter and I knew Lyra would have to make an appearance! What is a HiE story without Lyra at least once in it!?
wow that ending could have gone bad
that would have been interesting if he actually finished that saying
Im so hungry, wait....I have candy, Im not hungry! I wonder what would have happened if Johnson finished that last word.
Hornets are tasty.
well that could have gone very badly
Why you gotta bee that way?
haha this story is really good
hornet good save.
Hornets are good
ooohhh nice save you sly dog you!
xDDDD
dam i love it
Let's just get home and eat. I'm so hungry I could eat a (w)hor(e)....hornet. So hungry I could a hornet. Yup."
Hard it is... If you know what i mean
3420441
Has anyone told you you have perverted mind?
3420441
s3.amazonaws.com/rapgenius/YitObMefTbKZR8cXZ1fo_if_you_know_what_i_mean_meme.jpg
786891
Why is the answer to "why do you wear underwear" always "I got a big ol dick that swings around and needs extra protection." Science the shit out of it and say "well due to humans lacking fur we need an extra layer to prevent chafing in areas of high friction." Twilight would nerd out and rarity would be all "What an intelligent gentlehorse."
3420441 HARD. If you know what I mean.
10/1( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ign
that actually makes sense
Are you a perfect soldier,
or are you human
You can't be both
There's nothing wrong with sympathy my friend
XD,
Well.......... shit,