• Member Since 27th Oct, 2015
  • offline last seen Aug 1st, 2017

jayjaejai


Clop is proof that God wants us to be happy.

Sequels1

Comments ( 57 )

Awesome job!

WHAT IS WITH YOUR PROFILE PICTURE AND WHERE CAN I FIND IT?

Damn that was good

New lines for each speaker. Please.

6679973

Edited for increased readability!

When I reached the end I was not pleased, I wanted to keep reading more and more! This is an OUTSTANDING story! I can only hope you make a sequel to it!

6679540
6680221

Thank you for your kind comments!

This was a really good story, I really enjoyed it.

6680040 And NOW it gets a thumbs up ^~^

6680221 That isn't actually a bad idea...

The exposition in the beginning really, really drags on a lot. It's a really telly and ineffective way to open your story and gives us a ton of information we don't really need. It would have been better to intersperse the action with some of the stuff said there. I'm not trying to ask you to not have buildup, far from it, but a prologue is not buildup.

Your grammar and spelling could use some work too. A prereader or an editor would be extremely helpful.

6680682

True, I felt that the beginning did go on for a bit. The original draft of the story was a little bit more forward getting to the point with the exposition kind of interspersed, but the mods felt it wasn't relevant enough to MLP FiM. The beginning part was originally going to be in the middle as exposition but I fleshed it out more and put at the top so as to make it a bit more related to the show. If I had to re-write it I'd probably talk about Scootaloo and Eclipse's first sexual encounters in the beginning though with the sex scenes never being explicitly written out, only implied. I'd probably then have their two back stories filtered through as mental flashbacks as Scootaloo waited in Eclipse's office.

But yeah you are right about the whole needing a proof reader thingy.

6680530

You came up with the idea in the first place. If you have anymore ideas you can PM me. :twilightsmile:

I just see a little filly who was manipulated by her father during her upbringing to believe it's okay to give her body to him.

6680988

I just see a schmuck on the internet with his pseudo psychology degree who really should just let smut be smut.

6680988
Why do you read clop fics if you don't like them?

6681952 I see a river. It's quite relaxing, actually.

6682921 i my self see a lone bike trail. mountain biking is fun.

6680717 on the subject of flashbacks of their previous encounters, are you going to expand on this story? maybe as sequels/prequels?

No nononononononono Internet is doing it again! I was just recovering now this.

tvo770 #25 · Nov 30th, 2015 · · 11 ·

Scootaloo not an orphan 0 out of 10.

Isseus #26 · Nov 30th, 2015 · · 15 ·

"All characters are of age." Boo!
"Anthro" Boo!

This clopfic is phenomenal. I really love how this is written, in-particular Scootaloo's and Eclipse's thoughts about the other are interspersed throughout the action. I really hope there is a follow-up, maybe even multiple follow-ups. It's dirty, but cute at the same time. 10/10 :scootangel: :heart:

I don't particularly have anything for or against incest (my first cousin is a fireman so sexy he should be on a calendar!), so I read this for the nice clop. Well-written daddy/teacher/student sex! :ajsmug:

This was actually really good, but there was one grammatical error that could do to be fixed.

This is one example:

“You’re on your way to being a very good little filly, Miss Scootaloo.” Eclipse said, his words broken up by his gasps.

The period/full-stop is supposed to be a comma. It's the proper thing to do when writing dialogue, as it's continuing the same sentence, not starting a new one.

It should read like this:

“You’re on your way to being a very good little filly, Miss Scootaloo,” Eclipse said, his words broken up by his gasps.

Shame on you!
*left click - download*
Publishing something this disgusting.
*upvote*
This kind of smut only cheapens us all!
*presses favorites*
You disgust me! You and your sick, sick filth!
*follows*

So awful!

6685157

Damn my poor grammar!

I'll go fix it.

I feel so dirty for getting horny while reading this :rainbowwild::heart:

6686137 Now try proofreading and editing like 20 of these from authors that ONLY write clop. Such are the struggles of editors.

Now on the other hand, reading them when you're not editing... the fun begins...


6686202
OMG I SAW THAT AN I WANTED TO POST IT!

6686137

There is no greater praise to clop writer than an erection.

6686384 I just realize that elections and erections are practically the same besides the 'L' and 'R'.

Boner acheived...well done good sir.

6686409

I've been informed that Japanese politicians explicitly avoid saying the word election in english because of that very reason.

Can I get the link to the story picture?

6687152

Source added to picture

Sup

No.

6680221
I'm in agreement with you. I want to see what fantasies Scoots had. You're quite good at writing clop and I'd love to see you write more.

incest clopfic awesome :trollestia:

My god, those heresies are just too perfect! :heart:

normally this would be awkward for me to read and i would be nauseous. especially considering im not a big fan of father daughter incest, i prefer mother son, but anyway not a bad read. not too many errors that i could find so not bad in the editing department. 8/10 from me. good but not great.

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