Discord was thought to have finally come to the side of harmony and light, but it turns out to be quite the opposite. He betrayed the land of Equestria--a land which has forgiven him twice--for a second time. He has now released all of Equestria's greatest foes against his most formidable adversaries, the Elements of Harmony.
The land was flooded with smoke, and great fires that ravage all in its path. The treacherous Chrysalis aims to control the land and oppress the ponies into nothing but mindless servants for her hungry children, while brutes like Tirek aim to gain as much power as possible. In the mean time Discord just sits back and watches with a gleeful, menacing, and malicious smile.
Luckily for Equestria, they just got a new hero.
Chapters (1)
Man, this story is awesome and I liked how Saitama developed the dimensional punch and defeated the Changelings.
I love how he's just like "pony from another dimension? Okay"
yes yes yes yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES
Wait a second...*Dials phone*
Jerry, I would like all of my yeses right here please. *mumbles* I don't caare how you get them. I just want all of them right here, right now! *click*
*Suddenly 90 Tons of yes were teleported next to the commenter*
Ok! This should sum up my opinion for the story quite nicely
.......what?.......
I just waisted a minute singing the theme song...
POWER! POWER!
HERO EVMXJGMFLDBSJDHDJ! HERO!
VDKXBXM HEROOOOOO!
I don't know what it says
6797382 Glad to see you enjoyed this first chapter.
6797412 I listened to it at least a thousand times while writing this.
Saitamma being able to punch a hole in reality is not that far fetched when you consider at his full power he a universe buster as stated by his creator.
I hope to see more soon.
media.giphy.com/media/amkxRknWsbWtG/giphy.gif
6797513 *Counts the amount of dollar bills in his hand.* Don't mind if I do.
Background Pony: Wow. That thing doesn't have a single fur!
P.S.
Hoof or hand? I don't get it. she not in Equestria girls. how did she know Hand - someone?
I was wondering when someone made a crossover of this...
6797525 I don't like writing all the equestrianisms, I prefer to write in our own tongue. Also I'm writing in third person omniscient, so I have the freedom to escape that rule of thumb.
6797534 Maybe...
is he supposed to be a bad guy in this one? I´m not sure if I understand the description here, but I guess I´m just still tired.
6797566 Tired, I recommend a daily dose of sleeping.
This is awesome!! Can't wait for more
I was in the process of conceptualizing my own OPM+MLP fanfic when I saw this. Mine doesn't actually feature Saitama and is about the Heroes Association recruiting from Equestria.
6797868 Well, don't let me hold you back. Go out there and make your dreams a reality.
6797412 Look up the lyrics. They are amazing.
I haven't watched the anime so maybe they messed it up but Saitama's personality really isn't like this. He's much more blunt and deadpan since he's so bored and he's only serious about mundane stuff. He rarely acts heroic and when he actually does, it rarely gets recognized and only a few actually know his strength while the rest think something else happened and he just happened to be there at the moment. He also wouldn't consider the ponies his friends. He doesn't even consider Fubuki a friend, only an acquaintance.
6798285 I beg to differ on some of the points in this comment. While yes I can easily see where this is coming from, I like to see another side to Saitama. As shown when he accoutered Murmen Rider, he showed him a great deal of respect for his heroism. He also genuinely has a playful friendly like banter with Genos. If the person shows they have drive to protect those who are too weak to help themselves, and those who have real determination in them. He actually starts to show signs of a friendly manner. At first he may appear like a shallow, deadpanned person, but underneath that is a genuine caring soul.
I'm not sure if this is properly channeling One Punch Man or not. I mean, Saitama in terms of power is a Gary Stu of the worst kind, but it mocks that kind of thing. In fact, it mocks everything about heroes and monsters and villains, and is rather about the weirdness of Saitama's existence and being around him.
All the stuff he does that gets deconstructed again and again, such as the fact he lives in a ghost town due to all the monsters that keep showing up to fight him, as well as the damages done. Or the fact that no one knows him because he treats the hero thing as such a bore he comes and goes so quickly that his victories are assigned to others. Or his soft spot for heroes, the dream of it, such that he'll take blame and scorn so as to keep the idea of other heroes alive. The emphasis on the slice-of-life moments and everyone's weird obsession with him (especially his discipline Genos)...
Not to mention, of course, all the other heroes and their weird quirks as they do their own thing, while he is off doing a decapitation strike in one punch.
It's not really about Saitama saving the day, though that does happen. It's all the little stuff, the great buildup only for the anti-climatic resolution, and the others roles they play, no matter how minor in comparison. Saitama is supposed to be the walking deus ex machina, randomly thwarting plans wherever he goes, no matter what the narrative is.
While this story does get most of Saitama's personality correct, it misses the progression of things. Saitama is more than willing to let himself be hit, repeatedly, by his enemies, because he is too lazy to get out of the way. Or not be hit, if he thinks it demonstrates his overwhelming counter to others like Sonic. It feels a little too focused on Saitama to be a proper parody. Instead, it risks moving into the very thing it should be parodying.
6798410 That was some really great criticism, I couldn't agree more with what you said. It covered everything that needed to be stated. Yes I did kind of drag onto Saitama's heroics a little to much, and under developed the other characters in this story thus far. This is the first time I've actually written a story like this, so it's a learning experience. It's comments like this that help me develop a better structured story, and make me reconsider actions to better improve in the future.
In the next chapter I have plenty of nonsense planned that I think really suits the idea of One Punch Man, so I hope I can really nail that one. As said, I really appreciate your advise and criticism on this chapter, and I'm definitely gonna hold it true for the writing of the next chapter.
i.imgur.com/7nPIzZg.jpg
Saitama sure is a conundrum. you can't have a good story without conflict but Saitama negates conflict by his very being. They had to add a other characters fast in the anime and make the fights as graphical amazing as possible to be successful. Not sure how your gonna accomplish that in a fanfic. My advice would be to focus one his interactions with ponies so you don't run out of villains too fast. He is a bit of a blank slate with not much other then his overwhelming strength and bland attitude to define him. Anyway good luck writing this crossover it'll be tougher the longer you make it.
6798541 This was originally going to be a one-shot, but ended up being longer than expected. The next chapter will be the only other one after this, sorry to those who would want more. It took so long to get this part done, I wasn't quite sure how it would be received, so I just split it in two halves. I am so happy to hear all the love and criticism this has gained thus far, It really means a lot to me as an artist, and an author,
This is promising.
If I may add to the rising pile of constructive criticism.
One Punch man it's a comedy at is core. Even though the anime crew decided to downplay that and capitalize on the epic aspects of the series. (A questionable decision if I do say so myself)
Saitama's powers, personality and all the way down to his design are constructed specifically for the comedy genera and that's the genera he is best suited for.
I don't feel like the Saitama here in your story matches the original. HE TALKS TOO MUCH! XD
Now I don't mean to discourage you from writing, the most important thing is that you enjoyed making this. Please don't you forget that as I proceed.
I feel the whole concept behind your story to be rather swallow, the conflict lacks depth, there is no reason why getting closer to his enemies would help Discord "take them out easier.".
That makes it harder to take the narrative seriously, which is not a good thing in this case since this is not a comedy.
Actually, everything happens for a reason and every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Even if the thought process behind a villain's actions is often illogical, the reasons why they follow such course are always there. Even when they are lame and not always plain to see.
You should at the very least put a comma between the two "was".
Something that in the series is not true. Remember the time he encountered Hammer Head? He punch him with such precision and just the right force to break his power suit without harming him at all.
Typo: here.
No idea. Twilight has no clue...
Well besides, the bended characterisations, there is the basic plot holes. Saitama being a Mary Sue like character and the convenience that Fluttershy would be transported to the right next proximity of one who can not only send her back, but also save her world.
But those last two are to be expected from a premise like this.
Also, make no mistake, I wasn't displeased while reading this despite how my review might sound like.
Is just that going arond giving feedback and telling people how the improve their writing is what I do for fun.
~Leonzilla
I dunno . . . He doesn't really . . . Feel like Saitama? He sounds more enthusiastic and caring then normal, which I find kind of odd.
...the word is stalemate.
6798616 Yeah. In the anime, Saitama lost his feelings when he became strong
FUCKIN MORE
Well, this looks like it'll be completely horrible already.
6798627 I like Snail Mate better.
ONE PUNCH MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!!!!
(Never saw the anime, though. That will be rectified, however. Any major plot spoilers I should know about?
6797296
That's actually exactly how he would likely react. From the manga:
"BEHOLD! The technique I developed specifically to kill you! THE TEN THOUSAND SANDS BURIAL!"
"kay show me."
Excellent story, I can't wait for the next chapter.
I have only seen the anime, (will start to read the manga someday) but I can say you really got Saitama's personality just right, he only talks when he has to.
Keep up the good work.
6798582 Hey, the more criticism, the better. I live for it, and they are my favorite comments.
Yup, Saitama may have got a little over-played in this chapter. On part that I may have gotten a little too enthusiastic while writing.
Where I see the breaking of character happening the most was during the Chrysalis confrontation, him getting into the role of hero a little too easily there. I feel that that area could have be resolved in a more One Punch Man like style. As for the next chapter, I'm gonna see what I can do to tune down Saitama just a bit, but at the same time give all the little things a boost in development. Since it's the little things that make this series so great.
I love to write, and writing this so far was a blast, so don't hesitant on any review for my stories.
P.S Listening to, "Row Row Fight Tha Powa." From Gurren Lagann may have influenced me the most at that end scene.
6798912 I approve. For the most part
Pre-reading comment, spoilered in case the writer already thought of it and either included it or wanted to save it for a later chapter:
So what exactly keeps Discord, who's already shown the ability to perform instant amputations, from snapping his talons and making Saitama's arms vanish?
*reads*
Time will tell...
OMFG! NEED MOOOORE!
Nice story! Keep doing what you do. BTW, during the fight with the changelings, I listened to this. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=zAz6svcil1I
6798986
Discord is a mod in the game of life.
Saitama accidentally discovered a glitch in the code that made all his stats -1 which the system recognizes as infinite and since he is no longer considered part of the original code discord can't use his mod powers to affect him. Only thing that can happen is if the game maker fixes the glitch, but he posted on Twitter that he finds saitama funny so it's unlikely he will fix it unless saitama starts causing trouble.
I love Saitama, he's so amazing. I want more!!!
the best part of that anime is that is NOT a goody two shoos hero like superman he is just lazy man that wants a good fight but hardly anything can even scratch him that why nearly all his opponents he lets beat the crap out of him he wants to see if they can hurt him
OH SHIT ITS CALLIOU!
6799260 Caillou dude.
6798896 Since the manga's been licensed, it's rather difficult to find it online. However, this site has it up all the way up to chapter 63.
I don't know. Something doesn't seem right with this.
I somehow suddenly want a screwattack video, one of that fighting stuff, Saitama VS Son Goku, but I´m honestly affraid that it wouldn´t be fair for Son Goku.
I believe everyone who knows him, has no other choice then to believe this stuff, even if he had never done it in the anime.
why couldn´t you just give up?
6798986 I get the feeling he would just headbutt him if he get´s the time, but then again with his speed he can probably just take this time to do exactly that. I mean Discord still needs time to do his little finger trick.
Well I like this story, even if my favourite Villain, or one of them had to die.