• Member Since 23rd Mar, 2012
  • offline last seen Dec 16th, 2012

MagentaFlare


I'm just a young writer who only hopes to write something worthy of being in Equestria Daily.

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Source

Pinkie Pie goes to bed one night after an average day in Ponyville only to wake up in a strange world as a creature she had never seen before. Now other creatures of this world claim that she is one of them who disappeared fifteen years ago.
Now as she sleeps in the new world she awakens in Ponyville and as she sleeps in Ponyville she awakens in the new world. With both sides saying they're real and the other isn't she must decide what is reality and what is just a delusion.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 8 )

in my opinion, i think pinkie would be more scared, worried about where her friends are, etc.
i dont think anyone could easily accept the fact that they wake up as an entirely new species, pinkie seems to not be surprised at all :pinkiegasp:

Interesting idea. There's a lot you can do with something like this. I like the concept, but we didn't get to see too much of what Pinkie was thinking about her situation. She just kind of went with it. That's fine to some degree because it's Pinkie Pie (if anyone could wake up in a new world and just go with it, it's her), but you want the audience to relate to her plight, so adding a bit of anxiety on her part might help build a bridge of sympathy between your character and the reader. If you are effective, the reader will feel what Pinkie feels, and right now we don't know what to feel because she just seems to go "okay then" to what's going on around her.

Also, not a lot happens in the chapter, plot-wise. I wanted to see Pinkie actually do something other than get dressed. I wanted to see her have an effect on the people around her, and them on her. Everything seems to be waiting to start happening in chapter two.

The grammar and mechanical part of the writing seems solid (though I wished for some indentations at the start of new paragraphs, or an extra line of space between them; do not underestimate how helpful those are to a reader). All in all, I really think there is a lot of potential to your idea and that you can write well enough to carry it through, but I wanted to get more of an inside-view of what's going on in Pinkie's head and see just a bit more happen in this chapter.

The wall of text and lack of any footing story wise cause me to deem this worthy of this:
weknowmemes.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/dj-facepalm.jpg

Like another fanfic I've read it's too early to tell what direction this is taking so for now I'll fave it, and eventually I'll comment when I get a good idea of what this fanfic has to offer. :applejackunsure:

The way that the description of the story is written makes me think of The Circle Trilogy written by Ted Dekker.
It's about a man who wakes up in one place, and when he falls asleep he awakes in the next world. It's some alternate universe kind of thing that references Christian faith heavily. Any wounds he gets in one world, he gets in another, and he has to save both worlds.
It is only the description though that makes me think of this.
I would hope it wouldn't turn out to be almost exactly like it.
Otherwise, I hope that this fanfiction has potential and will make others happy.

This story reminds me of a TV show that i know of. The story is that a father lost his son, goes to sleep and then the next day he lost his wife. Sad, I know. :applecry:

I need a new chapter!

UPDATE!!!!!!!!! Please? This is getting good!!:pinkiehappy:

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