Twilight, learn a valuable lesson that will change her for the better. Now what could this lesson be?
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 3rd Jan, 2015
- offline last seen March 28th
Gloria Beezus Rose
~Enter funny sentence here~
Gloria Beezus Rose
Joined 3rd Jan, 2015 ·
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Please leave a dislike or a like, so I can hear your opinions!
This was a really, really good! It's really different from your usual stories!
6685568 Thankyou I'm glad to hear it!
i did a dramatic read of your fan fic
6688394 Whoa! Thanks! I never expected anything like this!
Has she been yelling at her friends? Mistreating Spike? Solving the table-given problems with violence? Has she killed somebody? I want to hear the juicy details of a crime so terrible that she believes lunar banishment to be a reasonable punishment.
I'll admit that I'm having some trouble parsing that first, monstrous paragraph. That could use some chopping up.
6835526 Actually that sounds like a good idea!
Brace yourself: here comes some negative criticism.
I'm certain that if this story had more attention, the like/dislike ratio would probably be evenly split. "Rushed" doesn't even begin to describe the terrible pacing. You don't even give yourself the chance to set up the conflict before it's resolved. You use a lot of "purple prose" (unnecessary excessive descriptors). I see a huge number of spelling and grammar mistakes. To top it all off, the plot just doesn't make any sense.
The only good thing I can think of to say about this is: "I've seen worse". I suggest you read through the official FiMFiction writing guide: https://www.fimfiction.net/writing-guide
6950201 Thanks for the criticism! Ths story is dead by the way but I'll take your word for future reference thanks!