Chapter 1: The First Chapter
1055 AD, April 18th
There are two choices to make when your door is practically torn off its hinges by a hyperactive pink pony wielding a sword twice again the size of your body and shouting something in another language:
Option A – Ignore the pink pony and hope her vision is based on movement.
Option B – Confront the pink pony and get involved with whatever situation she had gotten herself into.
Twilight, unfortunately, chose Option B.
“Pinkie, what in the world-?!”
Twilight hugged the book she had been reading close to her chest, seeking to protect it like it was her own child as Pinkie nimbly leapt around the library, swinging the gigantic sword like it was made of papier-mâché.
“Hey, what’s with all the ruckus?” Spike waltzed in from the kitchen wearing a frilly pink apron and oversized oven mitts.
At the sound of his voice, Pinkie paused, poised on one hind leg on top of a coffee table, and turned her head towards him; the sound of a whip cracking accompanied the action.
“Oho…” Pinkie’s eyes narrowed dangerously. “Sky Dragon Kazuma – my arch-nemesis…”
Spike’s eyes widened and he took a step back fearfully. “Uh… what?”
“Don’t play dumb with me, Sky Dragon Kazuma!” Pinkie swung her massive sword in his direction, a look of righteous fury – maybe constipation? – crossing her face. “You killed my parents and left me and my sisters as orphans!”
“I did?”
“For years I’ve trained, competing against my rival and potential love interest, whose father took my sisters and me in the day my parents died. I remember that day well…”
Twilight carefully placed her book in a safe location and approached Pinkie cautiously. She didn’t know what was going on with her friend, but it was strange even by her standards; something could have been seriously wrong.
Wetting her lips nervously, Twilight softly said, “Pinkie? It’s me, Twilight Sparkle. Do you remem-”
Pinkie spun around with another whip crack and Twilight drew back with a squeak. However, Pinkie merely shut her eyes, brow furrowed, and narrated as cherry blossoms blew in from nowhere in particular and a stray breeze ruffled her mane.
“It was raining. Raining cats and dogs. My sisters and I, now parentless and alone in this shattered world, huddled together for warmth and safety. It was at our bleakest hour, did Miyo’s father arrive. He told us about our parents, about how they were the last warriors of the Equine Ranger Forces, who vanquished the evil Sky Dragons ten years ago. They sought peaceful lives after that, but you, Sky Dragon Kazuma, the last of your kind, killed them in cold blood.
“Miyo’s father told us in graphic detail about our parents’ deaths; it was almost as if he was there to see with his own eyes. He took me and my sisters to his home – after washing ketchup from his hooves – and raised us as his own. Miyo, his daughter, was instantly jealous of us, but mostly me because of my skills in the way of Zweihoofing. For a time, we competed for our father’s attention, but it was only-”
“Hey, um, I’m making cookies and I don’t want them to get burnt,” Spike nodded his head towards the kitchen. “Can we continue over a plate or something?”
“Oh, sure, no problem!”
And just like that, Pinkie was back to her cheerful self.
Twilight watched in shock as Pinkie sat down at the coffee table, placed her sword flat on the floor, and reached for a nearby book to read, all while humming pleasantly.
She looked to Spike, who simply shrugged his shoulders, and walked back into the kitchen.
And so Twilight was left to figure out just what in Tartarus was going on. Surely, this was weird even by Pinkie Pie standards?
“Pinkie…” Twilight approached her friend cautiously, very much aware of the huge sword not a hoof’s length away. “Are you… feeling okay?”
“… heart up with sunshine, sunshine…” Pinkie looked up from the book she had been reading, one eyebrow cocked in question. “Hm? Super-duper! I discovered a new type of chocolate this morning; I’ll bring some over later, ‘kay?” She tilted her head. “Why? Do I look sick or something?”
“Uh…” Twilight briefly gave her friend a once-over to confirm – visually, at least – that she was healthy. “No, you look fine, but I can’t help but wonder about the, uh… sword?”
“Oh, you mean Ultimate Heaven Shredder?”
Pinkie laid her book down and stood to heft her weapon so its weight rested against her shoulder. It was as long as two ponies standing head to tail, thicker than Twilight’s foreleg, and was a dull iron grey; the chips and grooves in the metal did little to hide that it was still very sharp. There was a bright red bandana wrapped around the hilt.
“Yeah, I forged it myself from the Iron of the Old Gods; it can cut through air and can only be lifted by one who has the blood of an Equine Ranger.”
Twilight gestured to the blade. “Is that a price tag?”
“Yeah, it-it came out of the smelter like that.” Pinkie stammered as she quickly tore the price tag off.
“And what’s that piece of paper poking out of your mane? Is that a receipt?”
“Summoning Card,” Pinkie quickly tugged the rec- Summoning Card out of her mane and stuffed it into her mouth, cheeks puffing out as she chewed. “Shuper ‘angeroush – ‘ave to ea’ it.”
“O-kay then…” Twilight’s eyes darted back and forth nervously as she sat down at the coffee table before they centred back on Pinkie. “But what I meant is… why are you carrying the sword and why did you barge into my library like that?”
“Because it’s what the main character of Battle Sensei does in the first episode!” Pinkie said with a roll of her eyes. “I mean, duh…”
Twilight shook her head, even more confused. “Who or what is Battle Sensei?”
“You mean you don’t know?”
At that moment, Spike wandered back in with a plate of steaming cookies. After shooting a strange look at Pinkie, he placed the plate on the table and cocked an eyebrow at Twilight.
‘What the buck?’
Twilight shrugged with an exaggerated frown.
‘You got me…’
Either oblivious or uncaring to their silent messages, Pinkie grabbed several cookies from the plate and practically inhaled them, sending crumbs and chocolate chips everywhere.
“Mmm! Thesh are sho good! Thanksh, Shpike!”
“Well, when you have a gift…” Spike said in an ‘oh so humble’ manner. Head held high, he turned and went back to the kitchen. “Next batch should be out soon!”
Twilight rapped her hoof against the table to get Pinkie’s attention. “I’ve been more or less studying for the past three days on how to conduct myself as a princess. Has something happened in the town recently?”
“Oh yeah!” Pinkie messily devoured another cookie before continuing. “You know what anime is?”
“Well…” Twilight rubbed her chin in thought. “I haven’t really studied pop culture and TV media much, but I think it’s… it’s a type of animation, right? From the Griffon Kingdom, if I’m not mistaken. It’s widely known for the ‘big eyes, small mouth’ visual style and can be considered as ‘cartoons for adults’ because it contains more mature themes.”
“Check, check, and checkaroo!” Pinkie nodded cheerfully. “Anime’s mostly shown in the Griffon Kingdom, so nopony’s even seen it until about three days ago – around the time you mentioned studying up on that princess-y stuff – when Discord decided to extend everypony’s TV signals so they could pick it up allllllll-” She stretched her forelegs out to the sides. “-the way from there.”
Twilight frowned and scratched her head. “Isn’t that… illegal?”
“And ohmigosh, Twilight…” Pinkie pressed her forehooves into her cheeks and squealed in excitement. “Anime is awesome! There’s all this cool fighting and… and swords and angst and ninjas that can control the elements like this!” Pinkie pressed her forehooves together and shouted, “Water Style: Raincloud Jutsu!”
“What are you-”
PSSSSHHHH
Twilight blinked owlishly as a gallon of water was dumped on her head, courtesy of a small, dark cloud that had come from literally nowhere. The anomaly blew away as Twilight reached up to brush her wet mane from out of her eyes, mouth agape.
“But… h-how…?”
“Well, first I have to concentrate my chi into my hooves, and then I draw up the mental symbols-”
“Earth ponies can’t actively use magic!”
“That’s because it’s not magic, Twily,” Pinkie laughed. “It’s chi.”
If Pinkie had just been imitating a show, Twilight would have let this slide, maybe, but here she was doing something which should have been restricted to unicorns.
She had to know more about this ‘chi’.
“Pinkie…” She began. “Could you elaborate more about this ‘chi’ phenomena?”
“Well, I only know the basics…” Pinkie scratched her chin in thought. “But I guess it’s like when you’re baking a cake and you set the oven to max…”
Unfortunately, Twilight’s chance for learning was interrupted by – in what was starting to become a frequent event – a blur of rainbow light smashing through her window.
A reprimand was already on her lips by the time she turned to face Rainbow Dash, but it died on her lips when she realized that the pegasus did not crash and tumble into her books, but instead stuck the landing; head bowed, three hooves on the floor and the remaining one stretched behind her.
“Wh-”
A tremendous gust of wind arrived a split-second later, scattering furniture, books, and two ponies – one squealing in fright and reaching for her precious literature, the other still happily chatting away.
“… then the chi builds in your body like when you stuff chocolate chips into cookies…”
The gust of wind even managed to affect the kitchen and elicit a girlish yelp that was muffled beneath a cacophony of metal pans hitting the walls.
“Oof!”
“… which kinda seems weird since Rarity kept saying, ‘chakra’, so then I said…”
Twilight hit the wall face-first and was buried beneath several dozen – unusually thick – books. Pinkie landed on top of the pile, cross-legged and holding the platter of cookies.
“Hai,” Rainbow Dash rose and whipped her mane to the side in a gesture that also caused a greyish-silver cape tied to her shoulders to billow in a non-existent wind. “We meet again, Ranger…”
“… several dozen piles of manure and- Oh hey, Rainbow!” Pinkie waved cheerily. “Awesome cape! You get it from Rarity?”
“Yeah, but only after I acted as a practise dummy for her sword technique,” Rainbow Dash scratched at the back of her neck. “Man, those air slices are really hard to see…”
“Okay, what in Tartarus is going on around here?!”
Twilight burst from the pile of books in a flurry of flailing limbs and telekinesis. With a pop of displaced air, she appeared in front of Rainbow Dash, ignored the cry of ‘flash step cheater’, and shoved her muzzle against her friend’s.
“I have a lot of questions, but for now, I’ll limit it to one…”
Twilight’s glare went even colder, forcing Rainbow Dash to whimper and back down fearfully.
“How many ponies are affected by this ‘anime’?”
Episode One
奇妙な新世界
Kimyōna shin sekai ~ A Strange New World
“… Hey, Pinkie?”
“Yeah?”
“She’s… sort of been staring like that for a while now. Should we do something?”
“Like what, Dashie?”
“I dunno. Um… here – let me try…”
Twilight only registered a hoof poking her cheek with the vaguest of sensations.
“Hey, egghead! You alright?”
“… I just…” Twilight shook her head in befuddlement, a feeling she wasn’t very familiar with. “What can I say to… this?”
Ponyville had turned from a quaint and quiet town into an almost-theatrical display of flashing lights, flamboyant clothing, long-winded speeches, and superequine feats of physical and magical fortitude.
Twilight knew the ponies in this town were weird, but this seemed a step too far even by their standards.
Yes, the Cutie Mark Crusaders might have built a towering infrastructure of cereal boxes in the middle of the street, but they certainly wouldn’t be flipping about on it in colourful costumes and throwing out blasts of wind, fire, and ice against their ‘arch nemeses’.
“Where did yer sense of duty go, Diamond?!” Apple Bloom cried as she back-flipped over a writhing projectile of tormented souls. “We were supposed to protect these ponies, not enslave ‘em!”
Diamond Tiara swiftly dashed to the side to avoid a fireball and shouted back, “You idiot! Rumble’s the one who betrayed you!”
“Aw, horseapples – Sweetie, can ya’ll say th’ same thing to Rumble when ya see him?”
“Sure thing,” The filly replied sweetly before shrieking horribly and shooting out a storm of ice fashioned into swords. “I trusted you, Silver!”
Silver Spoon grimaced in fear and conjured a barrier of energy to protect herself. “Like, what am I even doing here?!”
And yes, the Flower Trio might have overreacted at the sight of a rabbit eating their surplus, but they wouldn’t act like one of them was dying because of it.
“You baka!” Roseluck wept as she held Daisy in her hooves. Fat tears rolled down her cheeks despite her best efforts to remain stoic. “Why did you have to go and faint so suddenly? Your heart can’t take it!”
Daisy laughed weakly, her breathing laboured. “Heh heh… I had to take the faint for you… I… I don’t really know why. I just… had to. Your coat shouldn’t be so dirty… from lying on the ground…”
Sniffing loudly, Roseluck glared down at her friend, desperately trying to be angry and not feel this crushing despair. “Idiot. I’m still dirty from sitting on the ground… because of your simple butt.”
“Yeah… sorry…”
Roseluck whimpered and looked away, trying to hide her expression. A gentle hoof on her cheek made her look back, into Daisy’s eyes.
“You look prettier when you’re angry, you know… So try and be angry instead of sad…”
“Baka…” She laughed. Strange how the insult seemed to lose its bite… “You always know the right thing to say.”
“What can I say?” Daisy’s eyelashes fluttered as her strength began to wane. “I’m a regular… charmer…”
For the last time, Daisy’s hoof caressed Roseluck’s cheek… before flopping onto her belly, motionless.
“Y-y-you…” Roseluck squeezed her eyes shut, threw her head back, and screamed a heart-breaking cry up at the heavens. “Daaaaiisyyyy!”
Oh, and Lily Valley was also pretending to be dead… somewhere… over there…
“I can’t believe everypony is acting like this!” Twilight – with the dozens of hours of knowledge she accumulated from books on flying – awkwardly flew up and hovered in place so she could overlook the chaos. “Everypony stop!!”
It wasn’t the Royal Canterlot Voice, but it did the trick. The denizens of Ponyville stopped what they were doing and turned to face Equestria’s newest princess.
“What’s going on here?!” Twilight shouted, eyes widening as she almost tipped to the side. “Whoa. How are…?”
She paused and waited as a twenty-foot mechanical monstrosity in a vaguely equine shape carefully tip-toed between houses and stood amongst the crowd. With a hiss of pneumatic steam and mechanisms Twilight was sure didn’t even exist yet, the head bloomed open like a flower to reveal Doctor Hooves piloting the thing.
“Sorry for the interruption, darling,” He apologized with a sheepish grin. “Oh, but do continue!”
“… A-as I was saying… how are all of you achieving this? There is no field of magic that summons souls, there is no part of a pony’s anatomy that stores ‘chi’-”
“I think it’s called chakra!”
“I don’t care what it’s called!” Twilight snapped and then took a deep breath. “Sorry. But there’s nothing logical that could explain any of this!”
“Yeah,” Rainbow Dash nodded in agreement as she flew up to hover beside her friend. “Nothing logical.”
Twilight flapped frantically as she dropped in altitude. “What do you mean by…?”
And then she understood.
Her eyes narrowed dangerously as she growled, “Discord…”
“Mwa hah hah hah hah hah hah!!”
Twilight spun in mid-air and gasped in horror as an enormous figure rose from behind the library amidst flashes of lightning.
“So my involvement has finally been realized…”
Discord, Spirit of Chaos
Personification of All that goes against Order
Standing at a towering height of fifty feet, Discord cast his gargantuan shadow over Ponyville, smiling smugly as he folded his arms. His house-sized eyes were trained on Twilight, who descended back to the ground in shock.
“Yes, it was none other than yours truly who caused all of this,” Discord swept his right arm out in a grandiose gesture. “I gave these ponies anime and now I have given them the ability to re-enact their favourite shows and scenes.”
“Are… are you insane?!” Regaining some of her composure, Twilight craned her neck and shouted up at the draconequus. “Do you want us to use the Elements of Harmony on you again?!”
“Ha!” Discord’s bark of laughter rattled her teeth and made the ground shake. “You’re welcome to try… if you can get to them.”
“You can’t have taken them! Celestia cast a spell that prevents you from-”
“Well, she was kind enough to teleport them back to Canterlot.”
“I… What?”
“Oh yeah,” At once, Discord’s aura lost any form of menacing oppression. He hooked a thumb over his shoulder with a casual shrug. “I told her all about my plan and she was all for it; said that she was up for a bit of fun.”
“…” Twilight blinked owlishly before shaking her head and shooting a heated glare at him. “Don’t try and confuse me, Discord! I’m wise to your tricks and-”
“A-actually, Twilight…”
Fluttershy meekly made her way in front of the crowd, dressed in a beautiful lilac kimono with a giant paper fan strapped to her back.
“He’s telling the truth.”
“Wh-what?” The word was quickly becoming repetitive to Twilight’s ears, but she couldn’t think of another word which perfectly summed up her feelings of exasperated disbelief.
“Th’ only lie he’s been tellin’ is th’ one where he says he done told you as well.” Applejack offered from her nearby stall.
She wore a red, green, and brown cowpony outfit with two katana swords attached to her back in an ‘X’ shape. A convenient sign on the front of her stall informed everypony that some of the apples were prone to exploding and/or spontaneous combustion.
“Oh come now – her reactions are priceless; you all have to understand why I didn’t say anything, right?”
The vast majority of the crowd nodded with murmurs of agreement. Betrayal etched onto her face, Twilight searched amongst the faces for familiar ones.
“You too, Rarity?!”
“Well, the fighting and showboating can be a bit ostentatious at times…” Rarity flipped her mane as several dozen swords held with telekinesis floated around her head like a deadly halo. “But I am just in love with the variety of clothing and costumes that come with this genre. Oh yes, some are garish and clash horribly, but with a bit of ingenuity-”
“This is it, isn’t it?” Twilight moaned in despair as she fell flat on her stomach and covered her head with her hooves. “This is how Equestria ends. Let it be known that I was the last pony to retain their sanity.”
“What’s sanity without a healthy dose of insanity?” Discord stretched his serpentine body downwards, close enough that his every word sent a gust of wind rolling along Ponyville’s streets. “Really now, Your Hineyness, you’re taking this the wrong way.”
“And there’s a right way to take this?” Twilight remarked, deadpan and still refusing to move.
“It’s not as if anypony’s getting hurt,” The draconequus’ beard – large enough to make blankets for all of Ponyville – coiled and wrapped around Twilight to hoist her up. “Is anypony complaining about having their ‘soul’ stolen? Or getting kunai lodged in their rears?”
“It’s pretty awesome, Twilight,” Lyra Heartstrings added and gleefully held up her burning foreleg. “Check it out – not a scratch on me. The only thing that gets damaged is our clothing.”
“I got blown up seven times!” Pipsqueak cried cheerfully.
“I blew him up seven times!” Rumble cried cheerfully as he produced a cartoonish bomb from nowhere in particular.
“Honestly Frown-Face McFrown, I’m just providing everypony with a little entertainment. Nopony’s going to get hurt,” Discord paused and glanced off to the side. “Wellll… ‘cept for those two ‘upstanding’ role models; they’ve been powering up and yelling at each other for an hour now, so maybe a few sore throats.”
KA-BOOM
“I got blown up eight times now!”
“I don’t suppose it’s too late to go inside the library and curl up underneath the covers, is it?” Twilight asked as she hanged limply in the oversized hair follicles.
“Oh, but you’re about to play the most important part!”
Twilight’s world was a blur of colour and motion sickness as she was slingshotted into the air. Fortunately, her melancholy was enough to keep her food in her belly, and she was able to keep upright when she landed on Discord’s shoulder.
“It is written that the only way to stop this outbreak of foreign animation is for The Chosen Killjoy to venture to Canterlot,” Discord turned so they faced the direction of the capitol city. He pointed towards the distant metropolis. “There, she shall find the one being who shares her annoyance, and will help her secure the Elements that will defeat me.”
“The Chosen Killjoy? Really?”
“You will face many hardships along the way-”
“Where is this written exactly? On the back of a cereal box?”
“-but you shall have your companions by your side for support. Do be wary, Chosen Killjoy, that I will be lurking in the shadows, waiting for my opportunity to strike. If you fail, then Equestria will fall to Anime forever… or at least until it becomes tiresome.”
“… Everypony really has nothing better to do, huh?”
Discord shrugged with a forlorn sigh, the action making Twilight tumble off his shoulder. “It’s the weekend and I haven’t yet filled my weekly quota of chaos! Surely you of all ponies can understand keeping to a schedule?”
“Oof!” Rainbow Dash was kind enough to fly up and catch Twilight until she was stabilized. “That, I can understand,” She sighed. “Fine – I’ll play along, but don’t expect me to take part in your… shenanigans.”
“Oh, fabulous day!” Discord whooped and twirled in place ecstatically, incidentally whipping up a strong wind that sent several ponies halfway across town to land harmlessly on beds of cotton candy. “I have a feeling, Twi-butt, that this will be one hell of an adventure! I look forward to seeing you in Canterlot… if you make it, that is. Ta-ta!”
Twilight shielded her eyes as he vanished with a clap of thunder and lightning. She floated back to ground-level with a grumble of irritation.
“And to think that I dared hope we could go one week without something weird happening…” She sighed and sluggishly turned to face the crowd. “Okay, I’m off to Canterlot. Does anypony want to come with?”
Several hooves shot up.
“Preferably ponies who aren’t going to turn around and reveal they’re a traitor.”
Several hooves went down, leaving three still raised.
“Trust me – you aren’t going to get cutie marks for this.”
The remainder went down with groans of disappointment as well as a mutter of, ‘such a killjoy’.
“Are you girls coming?”
“Are you kidding?” Pinkie braced her massive sword against her shoulder, beaming brightly and jittering with excitement. “No way are we gonna let The Chosen Killjoy down; not when she needs us the most!”
“We got yer back, sugarcube.” Applejack nodded firmly.
The rest of her friends chimed in agreement and Twilight felt a warm smile grow on her face. They might have been a part of this, but it was still nice knowing she’d be travelling with them at her side, just as they did so many times before.
She could trust these ponies.
Episode Two
誰もがこれを翻訳するために起こっているのだろうか？
Daremoga kore o hon'yaku suru tame ni okotte iru nodarou ka? ~ Journey to the Mountain City
“… and so I could never trust a stallion ever since that fateful day.”
“Wow, that’s way dark compared to our backstories.”
“Well, the anime I’ve taken a shining to is for a more mature audience. It’s not quite as severe as Enraged, but there are still some things that could make your lip curl.”
“Hey, does anypony have Untold Warrior?”
“What’s that?”
“It’s a Pony-oh card; I need it complete the Warrior Quintet and defeat my rival.”
“Sorry, the only cards I have are from Manehatten Skyline Tournament.”
“Halt! The Great and Powerful Trixie challenges you to a battle!”
“You too?!” Twilight slapped her forehead and groaned. “Can’t believe this…”
Trixie Lulamoon, The Great and Powerful
An ambitious mare unaware that powerful unicorns no longer dress up in starry robes and hats
Her outfit had changed since last time; Trixie’s hat was now even larger – the rim practically covered her eyes – and her cape seemed to have had several centimetres added to its length and perpetually billowed in a non-existent wind.
“You shan’t pass Trixie…” Levitating her hat so her horn was visible, Trixie turned to the train tracks and zapped them. The tracks shuddered and disconnected, rolling backwards onto itself like a party tube. “Unless you defeat her. For The Great and Powerful Trixie is a follower of the Only Slightly Greater and Powerful Discord!”
“Wonderful…” Twilight grumbled. “First Applejack suplexes the train to Canterlot-”
“Tha’ train was cursed, ah tell ya!”
“-then, for whatever reason, flying to Canterlot is grounds for a permit-”
Above them, Spitfire and Soarin watched closely from a small puff of a cloud, sucking on lollipops and glaring from beneath dark sunglasses.
“Don’t think you can give us the slip.” Spitfire murmured darkly.
“Yeah!” Soarin nodded. “You think we have something worthwhile to do with our lives? Ha! Jokes on you: our lives are painfully empty and dull!”
“-and then you show up.”
Trixie inhaled softly and flinched back, wounded. “Y-you’re not happy to see…?” She blinked a few times and cleared her throat before laughing. “I-I mean, so what? It’s not like Trixie likes you or anything, so that’s fine with her… b-baka!”
“I… I have no idea what that means…” Twilight sighed and ignored her friends’ whispers of ‘I knew it’ and ‘so tsun-tsun’; she would only be even more confused by trying to understand it. “And I have no idea why you destroyed the tracks when the train isn’t running, but if the only way to get past is to defeat you, then I guess we don’t have a choice.”
“Kukuku…” Trixie tittered and hid her mouth behind a hoof, eyes glinting menacingly. “Indeed you don’t. Now, here are the r- eek!”
Trixie threw herself to the dirt to dodge a purple bolt of magic. Her hat stayed in the air long enough for the bolt to pass beneath it and fit back onto Trixie’s scalp when she zipped back up, fuming.
“What in Equestria are you doing?”
“Trying to defeat you?” Twilight quirked one eyebrow in confusion. “Isn’t that what you said? Defeat you and we can pass?” Under her breath, she muttered, “Faust knows I’ll probably get fined if I try to teleport…”
“Trixie hasn’t yet explained the rules of the match yet!” Trixie huffed indignantly and straightened her oversized hat. “How would you ever make it to Canterlot otherwise?”
“…” Turning to her friends with a deadened expression, Twilight said, “Seriously?”
“Ya’ll could try jes’ doin’ it normally, ah reckon,” Applejack replied with a small shrug. “Though ah also reckon Discord will jes’ pop up sooner or later an’ tell ya ta follow the match rules, too.”
Twilight sighed and turned back to Trixie, bristling. “Fine. What are the match rules?”
“One-on-one.”
With a flash of her horn and a stomp of her hoof, a line of blue light raced out and curved inwards to make a large circle. It flashed brightly once it completed the ring and Trixie smugly stepped in.
“If whomever you choose to face Trixie steps out of the ring or is unable to continue fighting, then that means victory belongs to her and you will bear the shame of the loser forever!”
“Twilight…” Rarity stepped forwards with a determined look. “Perhaps you should let me deal with this foe.”
“Okay, sure.”
“For I am… Uh, pardon?”
Twilight grumbled as she sat down in the dirt. “I have no idea how to do the things you’re all able to do, so I would be at a disadvantage,” She shrugged and met Rarity’s gaze. “Besides, I have complete faith in you.”
Rarity’s eyes watered and she smiled warmly. “Oh, darling! I shan’t let you down!”
As she turned and stepped into the ring, Rainbow Dash floated down beside Twilight and whispered, “Nice one, Twilight. If she ever starts getting knocked around, then she can remember your words and get a power-boost from them.”
“I don’t think she’ll need it,” Pinkie shrugged and slammed her massive sword into the earth – pointy-end first – so she could lean against it. “We’re the protagonists, so we’re totally going to win every match Discord can throw at us!”
“Hush, you two,” Applejack slapped a hoof across a completely quiet Fluttershy’s muzzle and nodded towards the match. “It’s about ta start!”
“Mwa ha ha ha! Do you really think you can even hope to match The Great and Powerful Trixie?!”
Rarity said nothing and glared at her opponent as she telekinetically levitated a total of seven swords and made them spin in a circle just above her head. The wind was beginning to pick up and it caused both Rarity and Trixie’s cape to billow dramatically to the side.
“Oho…” Trixie narrowed her eyes, covered her mouth, and tittered in amusement. “So you are the long-lost daughter of King Uber-Neo and thus, the last of the Blender Blades! Hmph! Well, your swords shall fail against The Great and Powerful Trixie’s incredible magic prowess! Do you not recognize power when you see it?”
“Darling, I’m not one to usually, ah… criticize, but all I recognize is a rather bland taste in fashion.” Rarity punctuated the last word with a flip of her mane and an upturn of her muzzle.
“Don’t count Trixie out so readily…” Trixie warned as her cape mysteriously extended several feet in length. “Your assurance of yourself is admirable, but Trixie is leagues above you. She has trained for years to become the strongest unicorn in Equestria. You are certainly no Twilight Sparkle.”
Rarity huffed with a smirk and closed her eyes. “You seem to be quite fixated on my friend, dearie. Why might that be, I wonder?”
“Th-that’s…!” Trixie’s cheeks lit up with a great and powerful blush. “That’s none of your concern! Trixie has no need to explain herself to the likes of you.”
“Keeping things to yourself…” Rarity suddenly frowned and opened her eyes. She turned to the side, remembering… “Is not healthy. Someone important once told that to me; I think it could work for you as-”
“Ugh, just fight already!” Rainbow Dash booed and threw some popcorn from a bucket she got from Pinkie. “Boo! Too much exposition!”
“Hmph! How rude!”
“The Great and Powerful Trixie agrees.”
Rarity nodded and turned her nose into the air. “Alas, some ponies simply have no interest in plot and storylines.”
“A shame, isn’t it?”
“Oh, but isn’t it? Why, I had this entire-”
BZZZZZ
Rarity jerked and convulsed and made some amusing expressions as Trixie struck her with a fork of electricity that arced and spat from the showmare’s horn. Trixie grinned devilishly and kept up the surge for several seconds, long enough that once she stopped to smugly blow some smoke from her glowing horn, Rarity was burnt, frazzled, and twitching with wild eyes.
“Ha ha! Trixie’s pre-emptive strike has surely intimidated you with its underhandedness,” Trixie grabbed her cape and gave a dramatic flourish. “Surrender now and crawl away with what dignity you still have!”
“And wh-what little dignity I w-would have th-then…” Rarity stuttered and reached up to push her frazzled mane back into its gorgeous coiffure. “Would still be more than you possess, dearie…”
“Daaaayum!” Pinkie cried with a hoof pressed against her mouth.
“Yo, we got a real match here, Pinks!”
“You will regret saying that!” Trixie growled as she charged up a magic attack. “Feel the sting of Trixie’s Ion Raze!”
Trixie stomped her forehooves against the dirt and countless, writhing tendrils of electricity arced out, reaching towards Rarity with malicious intentions.
Rarity simply smirked and remained still.
The tendrils struck with such force that they created a dust cloud, obscuring their victim from view.
“Mwa ha ha!” Trixie tittered evilly, cheeks bright with mirth. “What a shame; Trixie was sincerely hoping for a good match, but it seems as though her power was too much. Never mind…” With a salacious smirk, she muttered to herself, “Now that Twilight’s champion has been defeated, I am free to woo her until she realizes her hidden feelings for the Great and Powerful-”
“Oh, a soliloquy, darling? That usually only works in plays.”
“Bwuh?”
As the dust cleared, Trixie’s jaw fell when she saw Rarity casually applying some eyeliner, not even looking as she pulled her swords out from the ground. Their metal blades sparked and hissed with the absorbed electricity, filling the air with the smell of ozone.
“Between you and me, darling…” Rarity leaned in slightly and lowered her voice. “I think the direct approach has the highest chance of success.”
“… You really think so?”
“Confidence is very attractive,” She nodded with a reassuring smile. “Though, you might want to cut back on the boasting a little bit.”
Trixie hummed and thought on the advice for a few moments before suddenly shouting, “Trixie sees wisdom in your words, but our battle must continue nonetheless! You may have somehow bested Trixie’s Ion Raze, but she has plenty more attacks up her sleeve! Behold my Tempest Spark!”
Electricity discharged from Trixie’s horn in bright blue sparks and rose high into the air. They brightened and vibrated threateningly before exploding and sending down countless bolts.
Rarity’s smirk faded as she was forced to dodge the deadly shower; she was adept at avoiding her opponent’s attacks, but with so many projectiles and such an enclosed space, it was significantly more difficult to do so.
Noticing this, Trixie cackled and cast another Tempest Spark, effectively doubling the amount of bolts Rarity had to dodge.
“Where is the legendary Blender Blade technique Trixie has heard so much about five minutes before you showed up because Trixie only just got to the manga?! All you can do is dodge and twirl those silly swords around in a… rather… dazzling… uh…”
Rarity’s eyes were closed and a serene smile graced her face as her mane swept out behind. Her body moved and swayed as she literally danced between the bolts and…
No…
She wasn’t dancing between them…
They were…
‘She’s absorbing them?’
Trixie felt a sweat drop roll down her right temple as she watched her opponent’s blades spin and churn about like a school of starving piranha, somehow managing to intercept each bolt of electricity as if the steel had a mind of its own.
And with each bolt that was dispersed, more and more energy was fed into the flashing swords.
“Wh-what is this?!”
Ignoring the strange tension in her chest, Trixie reached out and called off her attacks. Yet, Rarity still danced hypnotically and her swords continued whirling about her, casting light and shadows against the dirt from the gathered electricity.
The sheer power in the air…
“Trixie…” Gulping audibly, Trixie gathered her magic and shouted, “Trixie is not intimidated by your implausible and impractical fencing abilities! She approves whole-heartedly, but she is not intimidated!”
VZZZZZ
“What-?!”
One of the swords had lashed out from its dance routine and made a downwards slice… which incidentally sent a crescent-shaped bundle of electricity to carve a deep furrow into the dirt in its haste to make contact with Trixie.
She teleported several feet to the side with a worried expression and flinched as the attack dissipated, but not before continuing on for several yards and further destroying the battlefield.
“That strength…” Trixie sweat profusely as Rarity’s dance seemed to work the swords into a frenzy; their movements became quicker and their auras brighter. “Those moves… They… they’re making Trixie feel… What is this feeling? F-fear?”
She suddenly shook her head and scratched her chin.
“No, wait – that’s arousal. Hmm… but that’s definitely fear as well. No… can it be? Trixie…” She took a step back and whimpered as her brow creased. “Trixie is scaroused… or… or maybe arouscared?”
Perhaps it didn’t matter because at that exact moment…
“Oh, darling~”
Balancing on her hind legs, Rarity did a pirouette before facing Trixie and winking flirtatiously.
“I’m afraid there’s about to be some rather… ‘shocking’ developments.”
“… Booooo!”
“My faith in ponykind has been shattered! C’mere, AJ – Imma hit you!”
Trixie could only gasp and gawk in utter terror as Rarity’s swords became silver blurs, such was the speed they criss-crossed and slashed in erratic patterns, sending out a grid of electricity which reminded the Great and Powerful Trixie that… she was also the Inflexible and Allergic to Sports Trixie.
BZZAAAP!!
…
Trixie thought back on her past as she was knocked back into the air by a wall of voltage. Her hat fell off her head and her cape’s knot was loosened, leaving it to flutter around her neck for a moment before gradually leaving her…
Just like…
Like…
“Mother, where has father gone?”
“Your father… He just went out to get some milk, dearie. That’s… that’s all…”
From a young age she had to learn to be independent.
“Honey, I’m home with the milk! Uh… Trixie?”
“Oh, just leave her, love; she’s pretending we abandoned her and she’s living out on the streets.”
“… Why?”
Nopony understood her.
And of course… foals picked on those they could not understand.
“Help! Teacher! Trixie’s picking on us!”
Until… until she met Twilight…
“Oh, Trixie – I’m showing off for you because I actually secretly like you, but am too much of a nerd to show it; you should totally act cold towards me so I become infatuated and stuff.”
Why must life be so confounding?
Trixie’s eyes brimmed with tears… and then she was out of the ring.
“…”
Rarity silently called back her swords and looked at her defeated foe. A stray gust of wind picked up her opponent’s hat and cape.
The cape fluttered in the breeze, but the hat was too heavy, so it just sort of… twitched in place.
“Such potential for good… wasted…” Rarity sighed sadly. “Too many times have I seen mares such as you fall to-”
“Let’s go, let’s go if we’re done, please!” Twilight ushered her friends forward with a few pulses of telekinesis. “I don’t mean to be pushy and rude, but I want this over and done with, thank you!”
Trixie continued lying prone on the ground, legs pointing stiffly towards the sky while her tongue flopped out the side of her mouth. As the others shuffled past, she cracked one eye open and waited until they all passed before suddenly shooting one foreleg out to catch Twilight’s hind leg.
“Wait! Twilight! Trixie… has something to say…”
“Ugh, fine, but please make it quick…” Twilight stopped to face her while casting worried looks over to her friends. “I don’t know if they’re still playing around, but I’m sure Rainbow Dash shouldn’t be in that chokehold for more than three minutes.”
“This… All of this may be a play, but…” Trixie flushed red and she averted her gaze. “Trixie’s feelings are not. She… she wishes to… get to know you better.”
Twilight blinked in surprise. “Really?” Suddenly, she narrowed her eyes. “Waaaiit, this isn’t another ploy is it? Some… anime thing concerning the heel-turn trope?”
“No, no… this is true and blue. Much like Trixie’s lovely coat… though… admittedly, it’s more of an azure,” She shrugged. “Anyway, Trixie is genuine when she says she wants to get to know you better. You are… interesting to her.”
“Well, I’m always game for more friends,” Twilight beamed brightly. “I mean, I suppose this whole ‘adventure’ can’t be a complete waste of time if I-”
“No, not like… like that. Trixie… Trixie means…” Trixie swallowed hard and mustered up every ounce of self-confidence she had – the amount she actually had, not the amount she boasted to have. “She means in a… r-romantic sense…”
“… Romance?” Twilight tilted her head to the side. “As in… the term given to the biochemistry that occurs between two or more parties attempting a relationship more intimate than a platonic one?”
“Yes.”
“Oh!” Twilight’s eyes sparkled with scientific curiosity at the prospect of a new challenge and a life experience… for about two seconds, and then her face lit up with a furious blush. Her ears folded back as she muttered, “Oh…”
“Ah… Trixie understands…” Smiling painfully, Trixie gave a shrug which she hoped seemed casual, and flopped onto her side, away from Twilight. “Sh-she probably wouldn’t have time for romance anyway; she’ll j-just go back to being defeated. Bleh…”
“No, no! I didn’t mean it like… u-um…” Twilight cringed as she rubbed the back of her head. “W-what… L-let’s go grab something to eat after this! In Ponyville! How’s that sound?”
“…” Trixie sniffed once and cautiously rolled back to peer up at her with one eye. “You mean it?”
“S… suuure.”
“Ha ha! Trixie is triumphant!” The showmare sat up and threw her forelegs out to the side with a dazzling smile of victory. “O-oh, and unconscious!” She flopped back down and shut her eyes, though her smile remained. “The Triumphant and Defeated Trixie is unconscious.”
“… Come on, girls – let’s go.”
Twilight didn’t see much point in fixing the train tracks when the train had been suplexed, so she left it as it was and simply made a mental note to fix it later. She walked by the carnage alongside her friends and centred her gaze on Canterlot in the distance.
‘Well, that’s one hurdle over and done with; hopefully nothing else will-’
“Are you really gonna date her, Twilight?!”
Startled by Pinkie’s ecstatic cry – not to mention embarrassed – Twilight jolted before stammering, “W-well, I couldn’t just say no to her; not when she was so downtrodden.”
“Feeling sorry for somepony isn’t a particularly great way to start a relationship…” Rarity commented as she took out a pocket mirror and started fixing her attire and mane. “However, wouldn’t it be simply divine if you two became a couple despite it? Oh, like something out of Covert Rose!”
“Trixie seems like a nice mare…” Fluttershy said softly. She gave an aside glance to make sure Applejack hadn’t yet choked Rainbow Dash to sleep before saying, “You know – aside from all the boasting… and that part where she enslaved all of Ponyville. That wasn’t very nice.”
“I really just felt bad…” Twilight murmured and looked down at her hooves. “Honestly, I’ve never really thought about anypony that way…” She shook her head and suddenly frowned in determination whilst looking back up. “But I can’t start now! We have to get to Canterlot and end this madness.”
“It ain’t tha’ much madness, sugarcube…” Applejack replied, dragging a flailing pegasus behind her with one foreleg. “Ya’ll seem t’ be takin’ this pretty seriously though.”
“Grk!” Rainbow Dash agreed.
“I don’t really see the appeal in this… ‘anime’,” Twilight admitted with a sigh. “I understand that you all seem to enjoy it, but so far, nothing’s clicked for me. It really feels like I’m the only pony that feels this way…”
Meanwhile, in the heart of Canterlot…
“Sister… they draw near…”
Sitting in a throne enchanted to take the appearance that it was comprised of skulls and wearing an intimidating set of golden armor, Celestia’s delighted giggle and hoof clap seemed very out of place. The fact that the throne room itself had been refurnished with a macabre and dark décor of black satin tapestries and stained glass windows with gothic art only added to how out-of-place it was.
“Oh, this is so exciting!” Celestia trilled as she lounged back and addressed her sibling standing before her. “I told you how much I wished life could be more like Obsidian Rain, didn’t I?”
Even with her face shrouded in the shadow of her black cloak, Luna’s bioluminescent eyes managed to convey exasperation. “Yes, sister… twenty-two times by my count.”
“Oh, you’re just upset it’s not one of your video games.”
“There is a video game adaptation of Obsidian Rain…” Luna replied as she turned and made to exit. “It is… not something I would wish on an enemy.”
Celestia stuck her tongue out at her sister’s retreating form before lazily turning to her right and grinning widely. “So, are you excited to work with Twilight to defeat Discord when she gets here?”
“…”
Star Secret s-l-o-w-l-y turned her head to meet the princesses’ gaze.
“I am filled with cautious optimism.”
Smiling at the answer, Celestia averted her gaze, leaving Star Secret to freely scowl and fume in barely-restrained anger.
‘Why didn’t I execute my Faust-damn plan earlier?!’
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i LOVE this
I smell a weeb
It became tiresome when Americans and Europeans started becoming crazy over it.
Huh. Reminds me of Ranma 1/2.
that
what
what
6670694 Because we make shit by comparison.
Twilight's Bizzare Adventure! Sweet chapter, keep goin and stay golden^^
6671168
That's a matter of opinion, I much rather watch Tom and Jerry than anime
6671168 Japan was inspired to do the whole Anime thing because of Disney animation
6671598 Indeed, as was every country which has dipped into animation. The best anime I've seen has consistently outshone every cartoon I've seen in terms of emotion and character development. It's no wonder MLP: FiM imitates the anime style so heavily.
6671904 I... really can't argue with that...
Classic disney was good, but dated...
Current cartoons just show a lack of foresight... especially *shudders* Uncle Grandpa... Really! Your Father's brother who also happens to be your father's Father!
But anime... how anime has entranced and endeared itself to me, showing amazing quality despite age or anything of that significance. One of my personal favorites is Full Metal Panic! because GIANT ROBOTS! WHAT MORE DO YOU NEED!?
Who is Star Secret?
Tracking this because it's insane enough to get my attention.
6671921 A character from my other story, Ambition. Reading that gives a better understanding to her... 'character'.
Yes, by the way.
So who will be the mecha fans?
I love stories where Twilight is the straight man
I was hopping to see Fluttershy as Alucard, or some Griffin version of the Hellsing series
This is hilarious. Go on, by all means.
Twilight's bizarre adventure begins. Now pose o great killjoy.
Break Twilight by putting her in Evangelion or Puella...something. Also, Twilight's Bizzare Adventure!
Pinkie and mikey sitting in a tree k-i-s-s-i-n-g
First comes love second comes marriage then comes a fillie in a fillie carriage.
Not
Pinkie pie killing in a tree
She is going c r a z y...
(You get the idea right?)
I approve of this
Twilight's theme:
Every major protagonists need a theme.
Even without having apparently watched a lick of anime, Twilight is still genre-savvy enough from reading other books to know to watch out for this.
I feel like, in lieu of the written boss subtitles you have, it'd be pretty nifty if you actually had images inserted into the text. Something like from here, for example.
If AJ is the Sabin expy, does that mean her brother Big Mac makes weapons?
Chapter 1...
This is one of the most hilarious things I've read in quite some time. I know, for a fact, that I am not getting all the anime references. And I don't care. It's just so delightfully over the top I can't help but squee in delight. Woo!
-GM, master of SWEETIE SCOUTING PROTOCOL: IN PROCESS