• Caramel wishes he'd never moved to the desolate outskirts of Ponyville. Created in the same gross comedic vein as A Bad Decision and Once Upon a Best Pony. Secreted by the newly awakened Cockroach Club, and prompted by Not_A_Hat.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 3rd Apr, 2012
- offline last seen Oct 15th, 2023
Twifight Sparkill
• I'm one book short of a trashy paperback trilogy, written entirely in crayon. "Dense and vague, yet unimaginably interesting." - Regidar.
Twifight Sparkill
Joined 3rd Apr, 2012 ·
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- Twifight Sparkill · 2.4k words · 26 2 · 584 views
- Twifight Sparkill · 3.1k words · 51 0 · 1.5k views
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welp. rip Caramel
6667430
Exactly. Welcome to Ponyville indeed!
6667442 really enjoyed it
even if that ending was unexpected 
6667446
Based on the best joke I've ever heard, and ponified.
Okay, that's better. Unfortunately, I have work in a little bit. I'll get to this sometime tomorrow afternoon, then that new chapter of Survivor Shy (love that story, and that chapter's been out for two weeks, so this is long overdue), and sleep.
Not necessarily in that order though. That Survivor Shy chapter is almost 17k words. Yikes...
6667475
So you wrote 17,000 words in your spare time?
... well heck. I can't wait to read it, but you make me feel REALLY SMALL!
Nice to hear from you, Phazon.
6667490
Um, yes? No? Sort of?
Well, yes and no. Both of my stories are way over the 17,000 word mark (and the OC story used to be much longer before I deleted its sequel). In fact, all of my recent uploads for Filly Fluttershy have 5-digit word counts.
But I didn't write Survivor Shy. I love that story though, and it partly inspired me to write Filly Fluttershy in the first place. Who knows, you might enjoy that story too. Or you could make a little more headway into Filly Fluttershy? Maybe?
6667504
Wait. So I have to read both stories!?
Shit. You don't make my life easy, you bastard.
I'M KIDDING!
6667512
Well, look at the bright side. If you still have any hard feelings about the Intransigence fiasco, you have license to verbally tear into Filly Fluttershy as you read.
As for Survivor Shy... let's just say that if you have a Fluttershy plushie, grab it and hug it while you're reading it. She will need it. You will too.
6667541
Oh, fuck Intransigence. That's over. You mean WAY more to me than that shit.
... I do want a Fluttershy plush though. Should I buy one? Apparently I should!
Thought this was the legit start to some mildly out-of-character romance piece. You surprised me, and I did get a laugh out of the end. Nicely set up.
6667575
Awesome. That was the idea. Sure puts an awkward spin on Caramel's employment at the Apple farm, anyway!
U crazy, girl.
It would get less down-votes if you used different ponies. Doesn't fit these ones.
6668166
Yep, probably. Still makes me laugh though. Oh well!
I can't help but think that this story would make more sense if it were Pinkie Pie instead of Big Macintosh.
Yup, would definitely make more sense.
And then I reached the ending...
What the f
...
Just to be clear to everyone else reading, this crackfic is rated E for Everyone.
6668166
Nope, this fits perfectly, boyo.
6668814
Yeah, maybe you're right regarding Pinkie, but there's so many of those sorts of stories... I mean, I've seen them rather than read them, hm? I wanted a new spin, and this ship definitely doesn't offend me! I like pony yaoi! WOOHOO! HOT YOUNG STUDS RULE!
... ahem. Sorry, got excited. Get a hose.
6667575
Thank you so much. I had this half written ages ago, and originally it had no particular characters in place - I eventually realised that it could only make sense with Caramel and Big Mac, who I personally love together, despite the former having no actual canon character growth save for some fanfiction that I TOTALLY DON'T READ EVER. Yum.
6668913
Appreciate the backup. 6668166 obviously needs to read more hot, shmexxy Caramel x Big Mac. Oh yeah. Although knowing his voracious literary appetite, he probably has!
... so he should recommend some for me. The site does a crappy job of selecting super-hot stuff.
lol
6668913 Aside from character consistency, Caramel is an Apple.
6672826
And second of all, no he's not. The only mention of Caramel as an Apple on the wiki is by a fanwork. If you want a Caramel Apple, you be looking in the wrong place.
6672842 Whoops! For some reason I had it in my head that he was an Apple. That helps a lot.
6672868
You know, there's a good way to become an Apple...
6672868 & 6672905
This story is a dud by majority, yet we've learned something new from it! Isn't that what FiM is all about? You know? Right??
6673426
Stop that. Bad Sparky. Very, very bad Sparky!
Anyway, to be honest, I didn't much like the story either. Far from "Dislike"-worthy, mind you, but it seems to be that this entire story was a set up for a single punchline at the end, and that punchline just didn't get me to laugh. Granted, you've done funny before (Once Upon a Best Pony, Twilight's Deadly Limerick, Occupational Hazard - why won't I let that last one go?), but those stories had more going on in them. And because your one joke didn't get me to laugh, the whole thing just falls flat. But hey, that's just me.
6674014
Well, that's a pity. I mean, let's face it - these sorts of stories are very prevalent, and they're commonly heavy in dislikes. Basically, if you don't like the joke, it isn't good. Period. I knew the risks, I just... needed to post something akin to my first story back in the day. I don't know why, I just did. I knew the risks!
I'm sorry you didn't laugh. Ah well, maybe next time.
Lol.... Well done.
So hawt I almost forgot 2 clop lolololol jkjkjk
In all seriousness though, I don't know why this is rated so poorly. I think this is fine with Caramel and Big Mac, the unrealistic and absurd aspects of this only adds to the humor for me.
Two thumbs up.
7182143
See? New pony fans? Right?
You did it all correctly, so your story got the Favourites page. Me? Fuck popularity. Just like it was in the old days!
EDIT: Why I luv U.
7185062
Because the top 40 pop chart and what the common man wants is clearly always indicative of the best quality and is always 100% rational! Marketing and commercialization doesn't matter at all!
Popularity, especially on Fimfiction, follows some pretty predictable trends. Some of my stories have been popular because I try to make them "commercial" so to say for lack of better words. Making them so as many people as possible can relate, understand, and enjoy them is how to have a hit "product". In my comedy stories for example, I try to have both easy to understand jokes and more convoluted satirical jokes for more advanced readers. That way you cross a more broad demographic of people that will be more inclined to like the story and favorite it, upvote it, all the things in the site's algorithm that lead to a story being featured etc. That doesn't necessarily make it artistically good or unique though. Like the Billboard Hot 100 pop music chart and music industry in general, being commercial can often trump quality. Albeit "quality" is subjective, since everyone has different tastes in stuff. The music industry though obviously has its own popular trends that the majority tends to prefer, such themes of romance and love in lyrics, etc. Fimfiction clearly has its own "commercial" trends as well. I've noticed that stuff like clop, romance, and comedy-random are clearly the marketable and commercial genres here since I'm pretty sure the most amount people can find them relatable here.
Anyhow yeah certain specific trends definitely come and go, but I think it's less that and more just human psychology and marketing tactics to get stories popular lol. I've made my stories just all nice and shiny and people love that, that's economics lol.
I'm probably looking into this too much, but in my attention whore past here especially my strategies seemed to work pretty well objectively. Lol.
I think you are probably quite a bit more respectable than me for not shamelessly "selling out" to the masses so to say. You're a true comedic satire artist, and that's why I uv u 2 boo. I don't know why I haven't been reading your stuff in the past but I will now.
Also, again sorry. I know I have a real problem with walls of texts. I just love dissecting and analyzing things I'm sorry!
Uh... after reading your position and dissection of "pandering to popularity", I don't exactly see how your definition of my being "a true comedic satire artist" is deserving of respect. Aren't my accomplishments better described as "failed experiments"? What exactly didn't you risk as a writer and creator, in your day? I remember reading countless blogs about your emotional regrets regarding a bunch of charged blog posts.
... uh, aren't all blog posts ridiculous after a year or so? I mean, I read my old posts, and I laugh. I laugh a lot. A LOT.
We have something in common, except your "wall of text" is interesting to read.
Just keep being awesome.
7185243
I mean... I'm just explaining the cold and calculating logic into why I was popular. I didn't reinvent the wheel in any way in those days.
It really depends how someone looks at it. If you mean in the context of being a smash hit popular story, then yeah it was a failure objectively. But if you mean creating something enjoyable, for me I think it was a success. I really enjoyed this short story. I'm a strong believer in the saying "beauty is in the eye of the beholder", or in other words everything is subjective.
Perhaps... but I was just like... as obnoxious and abusive of mainstreamness as it gets and I know it. So much of what I did was seriously just to be an attention whore I fully admit it. It was immature. It's just at the time... everybody seemed interested in the dumb self-centered things I wanted to say for some reason. At the beginning of college for me back in 2012, I was having a real hard time adjusting which was largely why I turned to fanfiction so much. It was fun to have my own like private giant horde of like thousands of people in followers and people who favorited my popular stories to preach my stupid shit to. It was hard to resist. It was egotistical. These days, even if I wanted to be like that again, I'm not even remotely close to being current enough to get the level of attention I did in those days. Hardly anyone comments on my blogs these days. I guess that's what happens when you don't put anything out for almost three years in the fanfiction world lol...
Re: Twifight Sparkill - Aren't my accomplishments better described as "failed experiments"?
Your bold honesty is... refreshing. I'm being honest too, except... I might not have been so quick to chastise a story of yours I didn't like. I mean, if my critique could help, I'd obviously offer such. I just find that my knowledge of actual literature falls very short. I mean, I can spell check fairly competently? Whatever. Anyway. You're right.
So that's your secret! AHA!
7185429 Well please, be as honest as you can. I really enjoy honesty and objectivism, and that's part of why I really enjoy MLP and it's New Sincerity ideology that counters postmodernist irony concepts in mainstream western society. In English, that basically just means I really like how the characters of the show are very genuine towards one another. It's actually quite rare and unique to have that kind of sincerity in any western tv show.
If I have a story or write anything you feel worthy of chastising or I'm doing something clearly out of line, please don't hesitate to do so. Like I've told other people, constructive criticism good and bad from others is one of the ways an open-minded writer can improve over time.
7185448
Uh, duh. I was being critical. Sadly, I had nothing but praise for your work.
Dammit.
7185461 Did you ever read my other incredibly shameless clop story Ponyville Participates in Copulation Carnival (which was the most recent story I did in 2013 before I recently came back)? If you did, how could you possibly not chastise and have any praise for that? I wrote that with another guy and it was just like... so shameful lol...
I thought that was even too shameful even for Fimfiction... but apparently I was wrong because it was featured. Lol. This really is a screwed up shameless place if that was popular.
7185475
I did not, but I will have to now.
WELCOME HOME!
7185486
Uh........ I wouldn't. Seriously, I kinda regret bringing it up now. Shameless clop and a twisted mind like mine really doesn't mix very well... I can't even remember what's in it exactly since it's been so long but there really might be immature and even rather ignorant themes of things like female degradation and misogyny and the like. Like I told you in the PM... my mind wasn't exactly in a great place when I wrote that for various reasons. If that's all okay with you still... I mean I guess I can't stop you. Just please don't judge me for it today.
7185504
It's fine, I'll be respectful and avoid it. I mean, if you're that against it, I understand. We all make mistakes.
On that note, don't read my story Intransigence. Seriously, it made my writer friends here wonder if I spoke English.
Now we're even.
7185520 Well no if you want to read it you can... it wouldn't be disrespectful. I just figured with you being female and all... probably wouldn't be an enjoyable read. But heck I don't know you personally so I'm just going off assumptions.
And lol... if what you're saying is some kind of reverse psychology, it's working. Because I assume you mean it's like super dense... that interests me.
7185525
I'm actually writing a clop fiction! I'm trying to write the beginning from a male perspective, and uh... well, it's hard. Get it? Hard? Yeah. I'm not succeeding very well on that front. Clop is a difficult thing to digest as a reader if it isn't closely attuned to their preferences, and it is doubly hard for the writer. Conveying the mood and emotions is a rough go, as I'm finding out. Whatever the case, if you're okay with it...
No reverse psychology. I write and publish my stories self-edited, then readers fix them for me post publish. I almost always write my stories during a red wine binge, and only ever submit them when I'm sloshed. Intransigence is completely indecipherable. I have read it several times, and... I dunno. I deleted one story from my catalogue, was criticised for such, and apparently I should've removed this one. Whatever! Like you've said, read or don't, it's okay. My shame hangs in the online breeze, as does my undergarments on washing day. NO WORRIES. Stare if you want to!
7185546 Lol... good on you! I woulnd't have expected that. At times I honestly wasn't sure if any females here enjoyed clop in any way... I guess it's cool to see there are some. Admittedly though in the early days on fimfiction (Like late 2011 early 2012) when I was just only an obscure reader, I read a fair amount of clop. Don't judge me lol... Even if it's objectively pretty fucked up in the context of what MLP is on the surface, there's just a weird novelty to it that I enjoy now and then. And well, I know that feeling well. And you're absolutely right. A Follow Up Report was technically a clopfic written from Starlight Glimmer's, a female, perspective and internal monologue as I assume you probably remember.
*Looks both ways and checks to make sure* Yup, I'm quite male just like I thought I was. So honestly that went into how I had no idea how people would react to the story. I'm not a woman lol... So obviously I can't know exactly how women may think differently. Apparently I did a decent job from what you told me... But like seriously, did I? Were the thoughts that through Starlight Glimmer's head thoughts that might run through a girl or woman's head? I'm just curious.
Haha. Uh... I've actually written parts of several, probably even the majority, of my stories while not exactly sober too... including some of my most popular ones admittedly. I can tell you more if you're interested... if you promise not to judge or berate me for it.
7185586
You wrote Glimmer very well, so you're aware.
No judgement here. Ever.
7185600 Thanks... I tried to be as empathetic as I possibly could towards her.
Well... one could say that not exactly legal substances were a pretty big part of my college experience. Especially pot back then... One could also say that I wrote all of A Follow Up Report over the course of a night while on LSD to help stimulate really deep thinking and strong feelings of empathy...
Like I said... please don't judge too hard. Illicit substances while perhaps may come off as irresponsible have not really been an impediment to me. LSD is known for its connection to creativity... and I've written several large complex thesis papers on LSD for school this year and got As on them and honestly it's my favorite drug... It's great for deep thought.
I'm sorry if this changes your opinion of me.
7185620
Uh, no. I've had a well documented past with drugs, mostly for trying to be cool with my brother's friends when I was much younger. LSD was very fun. I loved... well, lots of drugs. I still will smoke the odd joint, in social circumstances. Nothing wrong with that. I've become more accustomed to drink, I guess. Whatever! We all do our thing. We all grow out of it, er... mostly. Hopefully? Sure.
Again, no judge here. If anything, I feel we've bridged a gap, so... there y'go. I doubt any drug can do much for my stagnant creativity, sadly. Otherwise? I'd try! I would!
7185636 Wow... Thanks. Though I'm not completely surprised... there is definitely a broad correlation between openness towards drug experimentation and intelligence in general. As I'm sure you're aware, not everyone is as open minded as you or myself. Assuming you're from the United States, there's a lot of government War on Drugs propoganda crap that's essentially a bunch of blown out of proportion manipulations and basically lies spread about said substances. For instance the police are powerless to stop it in reality... It's possible to order drugs online on something called a darknet black market and have any drug that you want shipped to your front door in the mail. I've done it several times with pot and LSD and a few other things. It's cheaper and higher quality than street drugs. Sure addiction is definitely a thing and it's bad for some people... but The War on Drugs... the War on Drugs is a bunch of bullshit and the way the US Judicial system handles things is quite backwards and contains many disparities.
There was a period senior year of high school I would drink almost every day when I'd steal liquor and wine from my parents' wine cellar... but honestly I didn't like it that much. It became obsolete after I discovered the wonders of pot. I've tried many different drugs... cocaine and opioids to psychedlics like LSD and Shrooms. I've honestly just found that pot and LSD are my favorites. LSD... many call it an "intelligent man's drug". For me It's intense and an extremely deep emotional experience and it's not really that popular on the party scene. Many people are afraid of it because it is powerful emotionally, sometimes in a negative way too. I just... if you want to know one of the real biggest reasons I'm back, it's LSD. Before it was completely outlawed in the 1980s Reagen-esque conservative anti-drug histeria, LSD was used in psychotherapy for people with serious depression and mental issues, and it really helped some people a lot. I'm one of those people... It's changed me for the better. Much better.
I've suffered from some serious pretty hardcore depression and anxiety... especially for much of college... I won't go into detail but suicide crossed my mind almost every day for a couple years. This year when I finally took the step of getting into psychedlics like LSD... it's just beautiful. I know it sounds cheesy, but I don't know else to describe it. It's dramatically changed my life. I see the beauty in relationships and life now as opposed to hating it.
Watching a very sincere and emotionally charged show like MLP and then writing a romance based on it while on LSD... Quite an experience. Expect that more often for fics like A Follow Up Report, if you want.
Thanks for being so cool about this.
7185663
I live in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada. We like marijuana here. So I'm told.
Sounds like we're similarly attuned. Yes, we've got completely different backgrounds, but we're apparently suffering from similar issues and have self-medicated in an attempt to cure our ailments. Clever psychological manipulations via illegal medication is what I used to prefer. Until it got hard to maintain here.
I can only imagine. I like the idea. Enough to perhaps do it. Mind, I'm not sure which episode to do so. I have only two in the new season I'd dare to try such, being "Gauntlet of Fire" and my new personal favourite "No Second Prances". We'll see. I have friends that could help me out. Not sure if I can go back, mind.
Okay, let's just stick to PM from now on. I get the feeling we might be too candid for an open blog here. Although I don't see how such could hurt this conversation.
It is weird having this story of yours intermittently in the Also Liked stories of my Filly Fluttershy fic.
7614656
It is? How odd.
....*slow clap*
That was...good. Only one thing:
Except for that, It was a good little read.
7653343
AW GEEZ. Immediately fixed.
Hey. You! I sent a thanks to your page. THANKS!