• Published 24th Nov 2015
  • 2,302 Views, 69 Comments

Harmony's Song - pchn00

A young orphaned woman discovers family in a very unexpected place.

  • ...

Chapter 7: Meet the Half-breed

Meet the Half-breed

Harm had been in a couple different jails. County, city, even a tiny little one like something out of an old western when she and her dad were on a trip through the American Southwest. It was far from the first time she'd been arrested so she handled the processing in stride. She fudged a lot of the answers to the questions they asked, and the pony cops didn't seem terribly concerned with the answers anyway.

Questioning the witnesses had turned up she wasn't the initial aggressor so she was mostly being held in a cell while the situation was all sorted out. She'd name dropped Princess Twilight as her host while in Ponyville and that seemed to light a fire under most of their asses. The cell she was currently in was less a cell and more a guest room though.

The beds were well stuffed, with good springy mattresses. Thick fluffy pillows and blankets sat on them. The toilet and mirror in the corner even had a curtain to pull over for privacy. She moved over to the corner and opened her mouth wide, focusing on the three new gaps in her teeth where a minotaur had punched them out. "I don't remember the last time I got hurt in a fight."

"Dun fide a lod ub minotaurs bak home?"

Harm winced and glanced over at Sunny sitting on one of the beds. The pegasus had two black eyes, probably a broken nose, and a couple missing teeth of her own. "Nope. My first minotaur." She plopped back down on the bed across from Sunny Skies. "They got magic dentists around here?"

"Nod magic no, bud I god a friend in down who can probly ged your teeth fixed for yuh." The first thing Celestia planned to do after a good night's sleep back in her bed was send a tonic to whatever inn Harm was staying at to fix her teeth. "You fide preddy good. Do id bunch back home?"

The woman chuckled at the poor mare's speech impediment, and settled back on the bunk, her legs hanging off one end. "Not a lot, anymore. I used to. I'm a bouncer."


Harm tiled her head to face Sunny, eyebrow raised. "You've never heard of a bouncer? We pretty much do what I did tonight. Sit at the bar and keep things from getting to outta control. People get stupid when they get hammered y'know?"

"Oh, thad's a good idea. I dun ged oud in de cidy's much."

"I love the city."


Harm rolled onto her side, propping her head up with her hand. "I'm a big girl, right?"

Sunny had to nod at that. Obviously she was big.

"I've been big my whole life. Bigger than everyone else around me. It drives guys nuts seeing a chick bigger than they are, and it makes adults uncomfortable in school when one of their students is taller. So I make people uncomfortable. But in the city it's so crowded, everyone has their own shit going on, their own places to be they don't care how tall you are or that you can bench a ridiculous amount. They just want you to be not in their way."

"I suppose I can see the appeal of anonymidy."

"Right. It's not just that though. I like the noise. I like the lights all day and night. My dad took me camping once, worst three nights sleep of my life. The silence freaked me right the fuck out."

Sunny giggled softly. "You cerdainly hab a way wid words."

Harm snorted in amusement and shrugged. "I swear a lot, sorry. Dad did too. I don't even think of it as offensive, they're just adjectives to me y'know?"

"Oh I'be heard much worse, you aren'd gonna offend me." Sunny quietly contemplated. "I'be neber heard someone dalk aboud de cidy like thad before. Maybe I'll gib Manehaddan anoder visid."

"You should. And don't do the tourist bull shit everyone else does. Eat at tiny hole in the walls, go shopping at little mom and pop joints. That's where the city really is."

"You're very differend from odder ponies I'be med, Harm."

"Yeah well, I'm not that weird back home. ...personality wise, obviously I'm still freakishly huge."


Harm snorted in mock anger. "Hey, fuck you."

Sunny smirked showing off her gap toothed smile. "Fuck you doo."

== Later ==

Harm snorted awake at the sound of the cell door clanking open. She blinked blearily and sat up, only barely catching sight of Sunny Skies' tail disappearing around a corner and out of sight. She focused on the door and found the huge pony from her dreams staring at her with intense teal eyes. "So, we meet again."

"That's a dramatic way to say hello."

Luna regarded Harmony coolly. "I am told I am rather old fashioned, yes. Come along. I'd like to share words while we walk back to Twilight Sparkle's castle."

Harm grimaced rubbing her jaw gingerly. "I don't suppose you have any vicadin or something?"

"I do not. Though if it's pain you wish soothed I can work a simple spell to do so, with your permission."

Harm shrugged. "Knock yourself out." Seeing the clear confusion in the mare's eyes she continued. "Er, yes please."

"Very good." Luna's horn shimmered with magical light as Harm felt a warmth seep into her jaw, the pain eased a good deal.

"Dang, not bad thanks."

"Quite. Come along." Luna stepped aside as Harm let herself out of the cell, the two walking side by side in silence as they left the jail. The ponies they passed hastily dipping into bows so deep their noses almost touched the ground.

"So you're kinda a big deal huh?"

Luna had to snort softly in amusement. "Kind of, yes. How much did Twilight tell you of Equestria?"

"More than she needed to. I kinda zoned out pretty quick."

"Heh, yes that sounds like her. I am Princess Luna, half the ruling diarch of Equestria. I am shepherdess of the moon, and guardian of ponies dreamscapes."

"Okay. So wuzzat mean in English?"

Luna pursed her lips in thought. "I raise and lower the moon each night, and keep ponies from being tormented by the worst of their nightmares."


"Pardon?" Luna stared at the human in mild alarm at the harsh language.

"You raise and lower the moon?"

"Ah, of course. A magicless world. Twilight Sparkle spoke of another world she visited where the sun and moon moved on their own? Here they are moved by myself and my sister, Celestia."

"Literally. You two literally move the sun and moon."

Luna's eyes twinkled with slight mischief. "Look up."

Harm shrugged and did so. The large full moon was bright enough to illuminate the city streets even without the help of burning lanterns. A large full moon that was doing slight but noticeable waggles in the sky. "...holy fuck. Are you really moving the fucking moon right now?"

"I am, yes." Luna's horn went dull again as the moon stopped its impromptu dance.

"Whoof. I need a drink. And Celestia really moves the sun?"

"She does. Harmony, why are you here in Equestria?"

"It's Harm. And because I was invited."

Luna stopped walking, gently tapping the woman's chest with an extended wing to stop her as well. "Harm then. I do not wish to be rude, Harm but as I said in your dreams I am responsible for the safety of the people in my kingdom. By all accounts you acted with chivalry in the pub defending a young maiden's honor, but you are an... oddly powerful individual to engage in fisticuffs with a minotaur and emerge more or less unscathed. You are an unknown entity in my kingdom who contains the strength to deal harm to my citizens."

Luna cut Harm off before the woman could retort. "I am not against your presence in Equestria, far from it. Newcomers and visitors are always welcome so long as their intent is benign. I simply ask for your understanding toward my situation. You are an alien being from outside our world with great strength. We have had... problems with other such creatures in the past. I unfortunately do not share my sister's trust of Twilight Sparke's judgment. The young mare is surely good, true, and heroic but she is also somewhat shy of common sense at times. I simply wish assurances you are no threat to my people."

The more Luna spoke the more Harm's initial biting retort died down. Nothing she was saying was all that unreasonable. It was all pretty valid really. She didn't know how much she should tell Luna, though. She was her biological aunt. Her mom's sister. If she told her who she was would she tell Celestia? At this point Harm was passed giving a shit about the stupid pony Christmas surprise nonsense. But she wasn't sure she was ready to meet Celestia.

"Twilight thinks I'm from Equestria. That I was taken from my parents when I was a baby and dumped on earth."

Luna's eyes widened. "Good heavens, is this true?"

Harm shrugged. "So I'm told. She says I have an uh, earth pony core?"

Luna pursed her lips together in a thin line, her horn and eyes shining with magic as she examined Harm more closely. "...you certainly do though the magic seems... odd. Warped and changed unnaturally but you are unmistakably an earth pony in a human body. How fascinating."

Harm huffed and waved a hand dismissively. "Great, I'm fascinating. So uh... yeah she's got me here to meet my folks I guess."

"Where are they?"

Harm paused just a moment. She hated lying. She sucked at lying. The more she heard of Celestia though the more nervousness kept creeping up on her. She did not like that feeling either. "You gotta ask Twilight Sparkle I guess."

"Ah. Rest assured, I shall. Hm. Your name is odd."

"Oh uh, well it's the name I got."

"Indeed." Harm shifted from foot to foot under Luna's scrutinizing stare. "...come along. I wish to have words with Twilight Sparkle immediately."

Harmony fell into step behind Luna.

== Twilight's Castle ==

"I can't believe you called Princess Luna!"

Sunset winced at Twilight's continued meltdown. "Twilight, I had to. Princess Celestia was arrested."

"Oh you know they would have let her out in the morning."

"Probably, but..."

Sonata was bored. This was boring. It was usually boring with Sunset nowadays, but at least in Canterlot she got to sleep and eat and nopony was yelling. She didn't miss the yelling. There'd been nothing but yelling around here lately. She knew there was the whole 'don't leave my sight, Sonata' rule that Sunset had but... she was bored. And tired of the yelling.

So she got up and left the room unnoticed by the arguing mares. Trotting through the crystalline castle passed the occasional maid or busy unicorn resident working on some dumb magic something. She found her way to the dining hall and helped herself to a late second dinner from the spread still sitting out. That was one upside to this place, the ponies here were working at all hours so there was always fresh food.

She glanced across the room to the weird thestral filly eating by herself. She thought about joining her but decided the mask was still weird and didn't want to. So she didn't. Heaping a tray with enough food to feed six hungry stallions she plopped down at a table far enough from the weird bat pony to make it clear socializing wasn't on her agenda, and began to eat.

Not long after, her ears swiveled toward the door, the sound of boots clumping against crystal was easy to hear from a ways off. The human came in. She liked the human. She had that Adaggio swagger without the Adaggio yelling or calling her an idiot. Sonata glanced toward the hastily patched hole in the dining room wall. She was also powerful, and that was appealing to the former beta siren.

Her name was Harmony she remembered, but she liked Harm. That was a cooler name anyway. She eyed Harm as she got a tray of her own and moved to a table in the dining room. Sonata glanced toward the bat filly, who'd also taken note of Harm's entrance. That wouldn't do. "Hey! Can I sit with you?"

Harm looked up, maybe a bit surprised at the question. "Uh, yeah sure."

Sonata triumphantly picked up her tray and trotted a few tables over to join Harm, noting with pleasure the bat filly went back to focusing on her food. "Aren'tcha cold?"

Harm shook her head, as she gingerly took a bite from some jello. "No, I don't get cold."

Sonata noticed Harm missing a couple teeth, and the scent of blood still hung around her pretty heavily. It was a nice scent, one she missed. It also looked like Harm was in a fight and she sorta wished she coulda been there. "Never?"

"Nope. Probly cause my mom's a sun god or whatever."


"Excuse me?"

"Celestia's not a god, she's a titan." Judging by the way Harm was staring at her, this was new information to her. That made Sonata happy, it wasn't often she knew something someone else didn't.

"So what's the difference?"

"I 'unno." She shrugged, then realized it was the wrong response because Harm's face tightened immediately. Sonata hastily continued. "Uh, well I do know the titans were the first y'know, everythings. Ponys, dragons, changelings, whatevers."

"Huh. So my mom was what? The first pony?"

"Well no, she and her sisters were the daughters of the first two ponies. So that makes them titans, and you half-titan I guess."

"Huh. So like, Twilight Sparkle is an alicorn but not a titan?"

"Uh huh. Alicorns live forever but they can be killed, titans can't be killed except by other titans."

"There a lot of these titans running around?"

Sonata was growing more and more pleased with herself. Someone was talking to her and like, wanted to actually hear what she had to say. This was new. Sunset Shimmer was okay, she was definitely an alpha mare which was nice but she didn't really care about anything Sonata had to say for the most part. "Uh, I dunno about a lot. Less than there used to be. Discord lives in Ponyville... I think. He hangs around it a lot."

"Is he a pony too then?"

"Ha! No. He's uh, the spirit of chaos. He's okay I guess, he's funny when he's picking on someone else. Not so much when he picks on you though." She paused in her talking to stuff her face for a few minutes before conitnuing on. "There's Celestia and Luna. Uh, their Aunt Radiant Dorkness." She said that loud enough for the bat filly to hear, who did judging by the squawk of protest coming from her table. "Then Tiamat the dragon Queen, Miasma the first changeling... I think the wolf one is still out in the Misty Isles."

"That's kinda cool I guess. Do they like, do stuff like Celestia and Luna do?"

"Uh... I dunno. I know Miasma just eats a lot and Tiamat has lotsa treasure. Radiant sits on her butt doing nothing as far as I kno-"

"That is enough of insulting my Queen!" Both Harm and Sonata looked to see Ambient Dark hastily approaching their table. "I do not know what qualms you have with her but Queen Radiant is the keeper of the Tree of Darkness! Her role is immensely important!"

Sonata's ears flattened and she bared her teeth in a warning, causing the young thestral to stop in her tracks. "My qua... qu... whatever is Radiant killed my mom in the Titanfall War."

Ambient's eyes widened behind her mask. "You are a descendant of Sirine? You?"

"No, I'm the descendant of Sirine. So you can take your stupid mask and shove it right up your fat Queen's butt. Now beat it, I'm talking here."

Ambient's eyes darted from Sonata to Harm, the latter of whom just shrugged. Huffing softly the thestral turned and rushed from the hall. "...kinda harsh weren't you? She's just a kid."

"Eh, maybe. Whatever. Her Queen's a bitch."

Harm snorted in amusement. "So are you a titan too then?"

"Half, like you. My dad was a mortal pony my mom fell in love with."

"Huh. That's kinda cool. We're sorta the same huh?"

Sonata was not a smart person. She knew that, she was fine with that. She survived by attaching herself to someone smarter. Not necessarily stronger, she hadn't run into many of those. But smarter for sure. Even so, she knew there was a chance for something... new. New was the right word. Something new for her here. A peer? A friend? She didn't know. She did know she should think about what she was saying a bit more than normal though.

"Sorta, I guess. I mean we are both half-titans for sure."

"So do you know my mom?"

"Mhm. We grew up together. We weren't like neighbors or besties or anything but when our parents all got together for their big boring meetings we'd hang out with the other kids. Most of them were half and half's like me but there were a couple other pure blood titans. One of Miasma's kids is still running around, I think her hive's in the Badlands or something."

Harm grunted softly as she ate the mostly jello and pudding dinner off her plate. "What's she like?"

"Who? Celestia? She's fine I guess. I mean she has to be kinda strict around me cause of my parole or whatever, but she has good junk food stashed around the castle where she thinks nobody can find it."

Harm's eyebrows rose. "You're on parole?"

"I guess, sorta. My pod got banished to this other Equestria filled with humans, like you but smaller and goofy pony colors. We fought this human version of Twilight's friends, and lost, and lost our siren magic. Adaggio threw herself in the ocean or whatever and Aria just kinda bailed so Sunset Shimmer found me living out behind a Big Belly Burger. She said she was going back to Equestria and if I did whatever the Princess said I could come to. So I did."

"Jesus man, I'm sorry about your friend."

Sonata shrugged. "Friend isn't the right word, but thanks. It hasn't been so bad except for Sunset sitting around studying all the time instead of I dunno, doing literally anything else."

"Beats prison, right?"


Harm chuckled again, before getting up. "Well it was cool talking to you. If I don't get bounced for fighting tomorrow, maybe we can hang out again."

Sonata's ears perked. "Yeah? You want to?"

"Sure, why not? You seem cool."

Compliments were also something new for Sonata Dusk. At least they were since she hooked up with Adaggio which was a really long time ago. "Uh... yeah okay. Thanks. You're cool too?"

"Heh, see ya around then." Sonata watched the big woman leave, and didn't leave her seat. She also didn't go back to her meal. Instead she just... thought. It wasn't something she enjoyed, and it wasn't something she did often. But right now, it was a time to think.

== Castle Canterlot ==

"...did you enjoy yourself in Ponyville, sister?"

Celestia smiled a gap toothed smile, her vision only partially obscured by the eye that had swollen shut. "Best day I've had in decades." She levitated a small bottle to the watching Luna. "Can you have this sent to my cell mate?"

Luna eyed the tooth growing tonic with slight amusement, but finally nodded. "Yes, I can see that it reaches her. You took one yourself I hope?"

"I did. It takes a bit to kick in you know." She glanced at her sister again, who seemed to be rather on edge. "I wasn't really in any danger, Lulu."

"Hm? Oh, no I know. I had a conversation with Twilight Sparkle. When she is out of sorts she is difficult to deal with."

"Oh? What's upsetting her?" Celestia poured herself a glass of the Apple family's brandy, easing into her bed with a stretch.

"Nothing of great import, just a bit of business involving a young mare reuniting with her family. For now you should get some sleep, hopefully the... swelling goes down about your eyes."

Celestia shrugged, her good natured smile returning. "If not it'll make for a fun day at court tomorrow."

Her younger sister laughed lightly as she left the room. It was nice seeing Celestia so happy at least.

== Twilight's Castle ==

Harm groaned softly at the rapping on her door. She stirred with agonizing slowness, grimacing at the throbbing pain in her jaw. "Who izzit?"

"Um... it's Twilight. May I come in?"

She wasn't really in the mood for a lecture of any sort, but it was Twilight's castle. "Sure." She winced at the sunlight streaming in from the hall outside as Twilight Sparkle opened the door. She'd actually slept in a bedroom last night, that had very heavy curtains over the windows. Judging by the odd hours kept here a lot of the inhabitants must like sleeping in.

"Does your er... face hurt?"

Harm snorted softly. "That's the wind up to a bad joke where I'm from. But yeah, it does."

Twilight shut the door behind her restoring darkness to the room, only lit by her glowing horn as she levitated a small bottle off the night stand into Harm's hands. "Here, drink this. And do it quick it tastes awful."

"What is it?"

"Tooth tonic. It was sent for you by uh, Sunny Skies."

"Oh cool. So it'll what? Get rid of the aches?"

"And regrow the teeth, yes."

"Huh, magic. Neat." She uncorked the stopper and winced at the smell. Taking a deep breath she tipped it back and had to fight from spitting it right back out. It tasted like she imagined ground up teeth mixed into a paste tasted like. Hastily swallowing it she gave a full body shiver. "Bleeugh fuck me."

Twilight giggled softly. "Yes well, the worst tasting medicine is often the best they say. I bet the pain's already gone."

Harm tilted her head rubbing her jaw. "Yeah, it is. Just kinda numb."

"Good, that means it's working." The Princess scuffed a hoof across the floor awkwardly. "I'm sorry about not telling you this world's Sombra was in the castle. He and his wife come and go often so I didn't even think of it."

Harm blew out a heavy breath and flopped back in the bed. "Sorry I threw a table through your wall."

"It's okay. We learned early on that the castle regrows and repairs itself. Spike would take little nibbles out of the walls here and there when he got hungry."

"Mmm. Any trouble over last night?"

"No, not really. The minotaurs were teenagers, but witness accounts said you stood up for Berry Pinch, and that they threw the first punch so you just responded with self-defense."

"Why did Luna show up to bail me out? Why not you?"

"Oh! Well um... hm. Well she was interested in you. We had a long talk last night about you. I wasn't sure what exactly you told her, but from context I gleaned everything but who your mother actually is, yes?"

With a shrug Harm finally sat up again and got out of bed. "I don't like lying, and when I do I'm bad at it."

"There's nothing wrong with that."

"I guess. Can I get a run in before I grab something to eat?" She tugged off her shirt and rummaged around in her duffle bag, wiggling out of her jeans at the same time.

"You can. I was hoping you'd join my friends and I for breakfast in our conference room?"

"Why?" Twilight watched in fascination as the woman grabbed one rumpled shirt after the other, before seemingly arbitrarily selecting an off white one with a trio of young animated human on the front linked arm in am arm with the words "Best Friends Squad!" written along the top. It stopped just shy of covering the tall woman's mid riff, exposing a glinting piercing there. Harmony then replaced her faded jeans with a pair of stretchy shorts.

"Well they'd like to meet you. Most of them helped bring you here after all..." She trailed off as a barefoot Harm headed for the door. "Are you going to run inside?"


"Um, it's below freezing outside." Twilight began to trot as the woman walked briskly from the room.

"I gathered." She continued with a short sigh. "I don't get cold, ever, in any temperature, even freezing water."

"Oh! Oh, how interesting. I wonder if it's because of your lineage."

"I'd assume so, no one else I've ever heard of can shrug off the cold like me. I like to run in minimal covering so..." She gestured to herself.

"Oh, of course. I was just a little worried is all." With a little huff Twilight quickened her pace when it seemed like Harm wasn't interested in slowing hers to converse. "I don't suppose you have any other uh, unique abilities?"

"I do."

It took Twilight a moment to realize she wasn't going to elaborate. "Er, and they are?"

Harm heaved a sigh and turned on her heel to face her. "Look man I'm not a morning person, I'm not chatty when I first wake up. But if it'll shut you up, I can read, write, understand, and speak anything."

Twilight's eyes widened. "No."


"Oh my goodness! Anything? Anything you've encountered so far I mean?"


"Are you sure? That's amazing! I have books and texts that scholars have been trying to translate for years! How did you figure this out?"

Harm rubbed her forehead with a grunt of frustration. "There was a Chinese kid at my elementary school who didn't speak great English. She was talking to her parents in a language no one else seemed to get. But I thought 'hey it'd be nice if I could talk to her like that and maybe make her feel more comfortable'. And then I did. That's how it works, I tell my head read or speak this and I do. Technically I can't even read English."


"Yes, I never needed to learn because I just said to myself 'read this' and I did. Now I am going running, do not follow me. I'll be back in twenty minutes, I'll take a shower, then come find me for your breakfast thing. Okay?"

Twilight's mind was racing at the possibilities to even register Harm's rudeness. "Okay! Have fun!"

"Mmm." Harm strode passed a pale blue pony with a striking rainbow hued mane and tail, a stubby horn just barely peeking out of her hair, large wings folded at her sides. Not bothering with a greeting she stepped out into the snowy morning and immediately broke into a sprint.

Rainbow Dash watched the tall human race off into the snow. "Dang. She is rockin' those booty shorts."

Twilight blinked out of her stupor. "Oh? Oh! Um, yes I suppose so. Good morning, Rainbow Dash."

"It is now. I'm feeling like a morning work out myself." Dash yelped as Twilight's magic grabbed her tail before she could race out after Harmony.

"Not right now, Rainbow. Harm is um... not really the most sociable in the morning apparently."

"Everypony likes a workout buddy, Twilight. But I gotcha, I'll do the meet and greet stuff. Then try and get her into bed."

Twilight rolled her eyes and fell into step beside Rainbow Dash, heading toward the map room. "Good luck."

== Road to Town ==

"Oh goodness, we're going to be late."

Discord managed to resist rolling his eyes hard enough they fell out of his head. He still rolled them of course, but not that hard. "Fluttershy I can teleport. You can teleport. We can all teleport. No one is going to be late. I can stop time if it'll make you feel better."

"Oh um, that's sweet but no thank you. And you're right, I just don't really... like teleporting..." Fluttershy's eyes drifted to the long horn that to most, looked elegant growing from her forehead. She just thought it was annoyingly large. She kept banging it on things when she tried to pick them up with her mouth.

"You'll adjust. You have forever to get used to it, trust me in a century or two it'll be like second nature. You'll do it so much you'll probably get as fat as Celestia."

Fluttershy giggled softly as she slung her saddle bags over her back. "That's not very nice. She's not fat."

"Festively plump?"

Another giggle came from the young alicorn. "That's enough I think. Princess Celestia has been a good friend to all of us through these um, changing times."

"I'll say. I've never had more fun! All you new alicorns popping up are sending the nobility into absolute fits! That giant pony shaped hog up in Grapeshire is training a militia no less!"

Fluttershy sighed softly. "I don't know what they're so worried about. None of us have any interest in politics."

"I know that. You know that. But the wealthy elite don't think like common folks like you or I, Fluttershy."

Now it was Fluttershy's turn to roll her eyes. "Discord I think of all the words to describe you, common isn't one of them."

"True. True. So who's this big mystery guest I'm being forced to meet?" Discord detached his paw and had it scratch at his ear for him. It'd had the most annoying ringing in it recently.

"Well you remember that big project Twilight was working on?"

A ringing that was actually getting louder steadily. "Mm. The one I was forbade on pain of unleashing Pinkie Pie in my realm for entering the castle while she was working on it?"

"That'd be the one. Well she finish-" Discord was trying to listen to Fluttershy but the ringing was drowning her out. With a frown he reattached his paw and stepped outside, leaving a slightly bewildered Fluttershy behind him.

The source of his agitation became clear very quickly. A tall human woman was sprinting along the road around Ponyville. He didn't know where she came from but the noise was definitely coming from her. With a snap he appeared in her path. "Who are yo-"

"Eeeeeyaaaah!" Wide eyed Harmony kept moving forward but rather than dodge around the monster that suddenly appeared in the road she kicked off with her back foot and vaulted forward, knee extended smashing it into the things face.

With a loud cartoonish pop Discord's head came free of his shoulders and rocketed into the stratosphere. "...rude." Was all he could think to say.

Harm stumbled away from the body as blood pumped wildly from the things neck, the body flailing around before toppling into the snow. She fell flat on her butt on the ground holding her chest and wheezing for breath.

"Oh my goodness, Discord!" The wild eyed woman looked to see a yellow pony rapidly approaching the scene.

"What... what the fuck? What the fuck was that?! Lady what is happening?!"

"Oh goodness, you must be Harmony. I'm so sorry I don't know what's gotten into him! Discord! You come down here right this instant and apologize! ...and clean up all those cherry filling, it's way to high in sugar for any critters to come and eat."

Harm stared in disbelief as the thing's head appeared in a silver flash, floating over the ground. Then it started talking. "Why am I in trouble? She kicked my head off!" The body stood up, grabbed the head and put it back on its neck.

"Can't you see you terrified the poor thing?"

"Terri-she kicked my head off my body!"

"Apologize mister, right now."

With narrowed eyes Discord rounded on the woman still sitting in the snow. "Who is she? And why does my head feel like it's going to pop around her?"

"Oh um... well this is Harmony."

"Harmo..." Discord blinked. "Harmony? As in Harmony Harmony? Celestia's Harmony? Why does she look like this hairless monkey? Why isn't there a huge holiday right now?"

"Well um... it's a long story but she was lost on a human world. And Twilight wants to surprise Princess Celestia with her on Hearthswarming so..."

"Wait. Wait wait wait. Twilight Sparkle and I assume her unicorn brigade found the Harmony, is keeping her in Ponyville, and isn't telling Celestia right away? I couldn't have set a better stage for this to all explode gloriously if I tried! For a minute I was thinking of sending her to the bottom of the ocean to get rid of this headache but this is much better. I suddenly have someplace to be though, so I'll be missing breakfast. I'll see you for Tuesday tea, Fluttershy. Tah!"

Before pony or woman could get a word in, Discord vanished with a snap. "...what the fuck was all that?"

Fluttershy offered a small smile and extended a hoof to help Harm up,. which she accepted. "That was Discord, the spirit of chaos. I'm afraid he can be a bit much the first time you meet him. He's really very sweet, just um, try to ignore everything he said."

Discord was one of those titans that Sonata mentioned. He must be a pretty big deal. Harm frowned thoughtfully, looking down at the mare. "Well... okay uh... fuck. Kinda ruined my run."

"Mmm." Fluttershy's eyes roved the woman's body, currently glistening with a fine sheen of sweat. "Well my house is right up the hill there. Want to grab a quick shower and a cup of tea to collect your nerves?"

Harm blew out a heavy breath. "Uh, yeah I guess? You're one of Twilight Sparkle's buddies I'm guessing by the wing horn combo."

"Mhm. I'm Fluttershy. We were actually about to head to the castle for your welcome breakfast."

With a shrug the woman started up the hill toward the house. "Sure a shower sounds awesome."

Fluttershy admired the womans flanks in those skin tight shorts she was wearing a brief moment before following her up the path. "This might seem sudden but I've been working hard on being up front and asking for what I want so..."


"Want to have sex in the shower?"

Harm's eyebrows rose. She remembered Spike mentioning how casual it was here and that she should be prepared for offers. She didn't expect it to come from one of Twilight's friends. One she'd just met no less. On the one hand, it was kinda like having sex with a horse? A cute talking horse with fab hair and gorgeous eyes. On the other hand she hadn't slept with anyone in like three days and was getting the itch.

"Yeah, sure."

== Twilight's Castle ==

"I'm starving!"

Twilight sighed. "For the last time Rainbow, we're not starting until everypony else gets here." Her eyes darted to the clock on the wall. "Where in the world are they?"

As if on cue the doors banged open as Applejack trotted in, an ear to ear grin on her face. "Mornin' everypony!"

"Good morning Applejack, you look like you're in a good mood." Twilight found herself smiling in relief.


Dash hovered just over Twilight's head. "What's up? Why the big grin?"

"Oh you'll see."

They did indeed see, as a clearly distraught Rarity staggered into the room dramatically. "It's just to much to bare!"

Twilight and Rainbow shared an identical 'here we go' look as Rarity slumped heavily into the chair bearing her cutie mark. She was nude which was rare for an occasion such as this where dressing up wouldn't have been out of place. Her small downy wings looked out of place on her much thicker, more muscular body. "What's wrong? Outgrow another dress?"

Rarity shot the snickering Rainbow Dash a look that could turn a cockatrice to stone. "Yes! But that's not what's wrong this morning!"

Twilight gave Rainbow a warning glare as she sat next to Rarity. "Oh Rarity, what happened?"

"Sweetie Belle... she... she... cursed at me!"

Applejack snorted under her breath, softly enough not to draw Rarity's attention as she helped herself to a glass of juice and her own seat.

Twilight just looked alarmed. "Oh no! Where did she learn any curses? Not from any of my books!"

"Uh! Not that kind of curse, Twilight! She said a... bad word."

"She said fuck." Applejack helpfully put in, causing Rarity to wail and Dash to gasp in delight.

Twilight had a different reaction. She felt a worrying pit forming in her stomach. "O--oh? Really? I can't believe it. Ehe he he... where would she even pick up language like that."

"From HER!" Rarity thrust an accusatory hoof at Applejack.

The farm mare's eyes widened. "Whoa nelly now. Y'know we don't really worry so much about bad words around the farm but I certainly don't go shootin' em off all willy nilly. An I don't rightly appreciate the accusation either."

"Well where else?! And you certainly thought it was funny when she said it to me in the kitchen this morning!"

Dash turned her smirk on Applejack. "Why were you in Rarity's kitchen this morning."

Cheeks burning the earth pony tugged her hat further over her eyes. "None of yer business is why. An in my defense, it was hilarious."

"It was not!" All three mares winced and folded their ears down as Rarity's voice reached decibles not meant to come out of a pony's mouth.

Twilight gently rubbed Rarity's back. "Why don't you tell us what happened?"

"Ugh..." Rarity's magic snatched the glass of juice out of Applejacks hooves and brought it to her own lips. Ignoring the indignant 'hey!' coming from Applejack she took a deep shuddering breath. "I was just tidying the kitchen a bit, when she came stomping through the kitchen like she does nowadays-"

"I'd hardly call it stompin' Rares."

Rarity shot Applejack a withering look before continuing. "I mentioned if she wanted to wear some accessories I could prepare something a bit more appropriate for a young filly-"

"What's wrong with how she dresses? I think it's pretty cool."

"Yes I'm sure you do, thank you Rainbow Dash." Dash took the hint and fell silent, landing beside Applejack. "Then she said 'nah, I like what I'm wearing.' So I asked if maybe a color other than black. Then she looked at me and said 'I like my look and if you don't you can just... just..."

"Heh, Belle told her she could fuck right off if she didn't like it."

Another keening wail came from Rarity as her head thumped down on the table in anguish. It was this scene that Harmony and Fluttershy entered into. Harm's hair was still damp from the shower and she was still in her work out clothes. Fluttershy was equally damp, a detail neither Applejack nor Rainbow Dash missed. Harm looked around the room and settled on the sobbing pony.

"What the fuck is her deal? Someone die?"

Author's Note:

Rarity is my favorite and I was super happy getting to write a meltdown for her.