• Published 24th Nov 2015
  • 2,300 Views, 69 Comments

Harmony's Song - pchn00

A young orphaned woman discovers family in a very unexpected place.

  • ...

Chapter 2: Meet the Princess

Chapter 2 Meet the Princess

"So... my mom is a magical, talking, Princess horse?"

"Pony." Lyra helpfully corrected.

"And you two are magical talking horses?"


"And I'm supposedly a magical talking horse?"


Bonnie drew in a sharp breath. "Lyra, here's twenty dollars. Why don't you go get us that pizza?"

Her partner's eyes lit up. "Meat Lover’s?"

"As much meat as you like. Just go. Please."

Lyra cast their guest a suspicious glance. "Are you going to be okay with her alone?"

Bon-bon responded with a firm look; which Lyra wilted under and beat a hasty retreat. "I apologize for her, Harm. She's still in training and hasn't quite learned how to act like a professional yet."

The large woman shrugged. "Whatever. What's the difference between a horse and a pony? Aren't ponies just baby horses?"

"Not exactly. On Equus, there are horses and ponies. Equestria, your homeland, is populated primarily by ponies. Places like Saddle Arabia are primarily horses, while other regions have mixed populations like Prance and such. I'm sure you'll learn all about it soon."

Harm blinked slowly as she processed the ridiculous pun names she was hearing. "...lady I'm like two seconds away from walking out of here and maybe slapping you and your yappy buddy around for fucking with me like this."

The experienced agent had a patient smile. "I know this is a lot to take in, Harm. However your size, strength, stamina, and I'm going to guess inhuman durability all stem from you being an earth pony like myself."

"You're a hell of a lot smaller than I am Agent."

"Er... yes. Well I expect you're a draft mare. A rare sort of earth pony with a surplus of magic. They're bigger and stronger than the typical earth pony. While I'm not as strong as you are, I'm still a lot stronger than I look. That's part of being a member of our tribe."


Bon-bon gives a quick nod of confirmation. "Yes, there are earth ponies like you and I. Unicorns like Lyra, and pegasi. Unicorn magic is focused around manipulating harmonic energy to cast spells, and pegasus magic allows them to fly and manipulate the weather."

"Sorry, back up. I don't care. So if we're supposed to be magical horses why don't we look like magical horses?"

"Oh, well it's very technical. The Princess can explain it to you when we get to Equestria. However in simple terms, your world lacks harmonic energy. When Lyra and I arrived we took human bodies, as did you when you were a foal. When we return to Equestria we'll be ponies again."

Harm set her jaw as she processed what the woman was saying. Either she was batshit crazy, or Harm had gone batshit crazy and was imagining all this in her head. "Prove it."

"Prove what?"

"That you're a magical pony from another world."

"Oh... that. That's very fair actually. Just a moment." Her hand went to the earring dangling from her right ear. It was pretty enough, a small piece of blue crystal twined in silver. "Princess, this is Agent Drops. I have the subject here with me. The Element of Magic reacted, she's who we're looking for."

Harm could hear the voice on the other end shriek excitedly, and she winced for the agent's assaulted ear. She couldn't make out the words on the other end but whoever it was was spazzing out big time.

"Princess... Princess please. I know, it's very exciting. Yes, ma'am. Yes... Princess can I just..." A sigh as her hand went to her forehead and she let the excitable mare wear herself out. "...all good? Tell Spike I said thank you for swatting you on the head. Miss Aarons wants proof we're from another world."

A brief pause while Bon-bon listened to the much more calm voice ask something. "Well I assume it's her adopted father's name, Princess. You can ask her whatever you like if she agrees to come with us. "—another pause—" Well as I said she's not convinced my story is true, which is very fair given that she's the only source of magic in her entire world."

Harm watched in silence as the woman talked into her earring. That was sure fancy, but it could be some new CIA toy for all she knew. "Alright, Princess I'll prepare the gate rune. Standby." Dropping her hand she huffed. "Very nice mare, but sweet Celestia she gets worked up about everything."

"Why do you keep saying that? Your doofy partner said it a couple times." The young woman watched the Agent rummage in a duffle bag, retrieving a number of small round stones.

Bonnie began setting the stones in a circle on the floor. "Say what?"

"Sweet Celestia."

"Oh... well it's sort of like when you say Jesus Christ I suppose."

"Oh... so my mom is what? Named after pony Jesus?"

"No, your mother 'is' pony Jesus."


Another sigh, she sighs a lot Harm noted. "Princess Celestia is an alicorn, an immortal pony who's ruled Equestria nearly since its founding about fifteen hundred years ago. She's the kindest, wisest mare who's ever lived. There was a time when she and her family were worshipped as deities. A practice she worked hard to stamp out when most of them left Equus for the Golden Fields of Elysium. Still, we keep a couple sayings. ‘Sweet Celestia’, ‘Luna's Teats’, that sort of thing. ...Luna doesn't like the second one."

Harm shook her head listening. "Jesus it's like you're telling me a fairy tale that you genuinely believe is true."

"Oh it's true." Bonnie laid the last stone in place as each one began to sing and glow. Light raced around the edges and to the center of each stone revealing intricate engravings on each of them. The light formed a solid ring that lifted slowly into the air, widening into a sort of rectangular doorway. Through it Harm could see... a horse. A purple horse.

"That's a purple horse."

"Oh my goodness! Hello! Oh this is so exciting! You're really Harmony!"

"Wow a very upbeat, talking purple horse. With wings. And a horn. I smoked something very strong last night; my dealer is going to get my boot up his ass when I see him next."

The little horse's ears folded back. "Oh my... well they did warn me you had a bit of a foul mouth."

It was a very surreal moment for Harm. The thing through the doorway was clearly some sort of equine. But the face was so expressive. And her eyes were huge. She could clearly see herself reflected in them. She was a bit at a loss for what to say. "Yeah, I swear a lot."

"Well! That's okay; though, I do ask you to not do so around any young foals you run into. We try to discourage that sort of language early on."

Harm sat back down on the edge of the bed, dropping her chin in her hand as she stared at the pony. "I'm guessing you're not my Princess-mom?"

"Oh! No, my name is Twilight Sparkle. I'm the Princess of Friendship." She spoke with a touch of pride, but her friendly tone didn't fade in the least.

Twilight was slightly surprised at the woman's reaction; who narrowed her eyes slightly. "Alright... okay. This is some kind of show right? One of those retarded Ashton Kutcher fucks with you things?"

Bonnie cleared her throat. "Princess? Maybe a brief demonstration for Harm?"

Twilight nodded. "Yes, yes of course." She flicked her eyes to the side, and her horn began to shimmer with a glittery aura of light. Harm just watched silently as a piece of paper levitated through the air, passing through the doorway and into her lap.

Harm stared down at the arguably perfect letters on the paper. 'This is real, I'm really the Princess of Friendship, you're really the long lost daughter of our Princess of the Sun.'

"....do that floaty thing again," the human numbly said, still gazing down at the paper.

Twilight smiled in response and Harm felt a tickling tingle run up her right hand as the shimmering aura appeared around it. The hand lifted itself into the air and waved back and forth a little, before she gave a sharp tug and freed herself from the gentle pull. The alicorn in the portal yelped and stumbled forward from the unexpected tug, but a quick flap of her wings steadied herself. "Convinced?"

"Ahhh..." Now staring at her hand and flexing her fingers. "...you're really a magical talking Princess pony, aren't you?"

Twilight's didn't fade. "I really am, Harm. So are you technically. As Princess Celestia's daughter that makes you royalty as well."

Hands folded in her lap, Harm fidgeted with her right hand. "So why are you here? Where's Celestia then?"

"Oh! Well I was hoping to surprise her with you for Hearths Warming."

Bonnie chimed in, "It's our version of Christmas."

"Oh." Was all Harm could think to say. It was rare for her to feel unsure of herself. "So what like, you'll have me pop in to say hi next week?"

Twilight's smile finally faded a little as she realized how serious this was. "Well, I thought it might be fun for you to come stay here at my castle with me for a few days. We could take some time to acclimate you to pony life, teach you some of the more important points you'd need to know for living in your new home—"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Lady I don't want to acclimate to pony life. I'm sure as shit not moving to pony land. In fact I'm starting to think if my mom wants to meet me she can come here and do it. I've gotten by just fine without her so far. I sure as shit stopped caring about her a long time ago."

Twilight's mouth fell open, eyes flicking from Harm to Bonnie, who simply shrugged. "I... but... but this is your home. She's your mother, you have a whole family here!"

"My home is above Jerry's bar." Harm jerked her thumb over her shoulder toward the bar. "My family is an old man with dementia on his last legs. Just because this Celestia squeezed me out doesn't make her my family, got it? I'd consider visiting to say hi and maybe get an explanation out of her, but I'm sure as hell not moving to pony land. I have friends and a life here."

The look on the Princess' face made it clear to Harm this was not the reaction she was expecting. "I... I see. Yes, of course this is... this is a lot to drop on you all at once." A deep breath as the purple pony collected herself. "Of course, I apologize Harmony..."


"Yes, I'm sorry, Harm. You're right of course, I just got a little excited. Princess Celestia means a good deal to me and seeing you after all these centuries." A little shiver of excitement ran down her spine, setting her feathers twitching. "She's going to be so happy!"

Harm's eyebrow rose. "Centuries? Lady I'm gonna be twenty seven in a week and a half."

Twilight nodded thoughtfully. "Well of course you're not nine hundred years old. There's a bit of a time travel element to all this."

"Time travel, now?"

"It's a long story which I will be more than happy to fill you in on in its entirety if you want."

"I don't, really."

Twilight's ears drooped a bit lower as her frown became more visible. "Er... right."

Harm got to her feet and paced the room quietly for a moment, stopping at the window and staring at the bar across the street. "So what? I pop over for a few days to say hi then you can bring me right home, yeah?"

"Yes, that's right. Come to Equestria for a few days. Meet your mother, see the world you were born on." Harm's faint frown deepened at the passion in the Princess' voice.

Turning on her heel she faced the pony again. "Why did she abandon me?"

"Ah..." Twilight's ears twitched at the question. "That's fair I suppose. It's a little bit of a story, but she didn't abandon you. You were taken from her. Why don't you prepare a bag and I'll tell you the whole story when you arrive. Holding this portal open is a bit of a drain on my magic."

Taken? So she was kidnapped? And by their standards it was hundreds of years ago? Did this Celestia even think of her? Did she still want to see her? Questions. A lot of questions. She wasn't terribly fond of questions on a good day let alone a day she learned she was supposed to be a talking princess horse.

A deep breath. "Alright. I'm gonna go get my things together, let my boss know I might be gone a few days. I'll be back in a few."

"Thank you, Harm. And don't worry, I can send you home whenever you like, okay?" As woman left the apartment Twilight turned her attention to Bon-bon. "You and Lyra can prepare to come home too Bon-bon."

"She'll be excited to hear that Princess. We have a few things that need to be looked over, and she's going to try to sneak a small computer in. Should probably keep an eye out for that. I'll get our things ready to go and inform the land lord."

"Bon-bon..." The agent turned to face the portal and her Princess again. "...is this a good idea?"

Bonnie hated it when her superiors asked her opinion. "No, Princess. I don't think so." She quickly continued at the comedic shock flooding over Twilight's face. "Don't get me wrong, I think Princess Celestia and Harm should meet. I don't think surprising the Princess with this is a wise choice, and I think Harm is right. Princess Celestia should come to her."

"Well... well that's not altogether unfair I suppose..." Twilight chewed her lip in thought. "I just got so excited. It's so rare I get to really do something special for Celestia."

Bonnie worked hard not to roll her eyes at that. If anypony's done special things for Celestia in the past decade or so it was Twilight Sparkle. "Well it's a very complex situation and should be handled carefully and thoughtfully is all I'm saying."

"I'll talk it over with my friends." This time Bon-bon did roll her eyes, fortunately Twilight wasn't looking at her anymore. The pack of lunatics Princess Twilight palled around with weren't exactly her idea of sound advisors.

It had gone a bit rockier than she'd hoped, but Celestia's filly was coming home. This was going to be the best Hearths Warming ever. But Bon-bon was right, this had to be approached with caution and tact. Twilight knew if anypony could understand that, it would be her fellow elements.

========Jerry's Place=======

"Alright, got my stuff. I'm gonna stash my bike downstairs if that's cool?"

Her boss had a less than enthused look on his face. "You sure this is all on the up and up kid? I know you can take care of yourself but it's kinda weird they're coming to find you after all this time y'know?"

Harm shrugged, slinging her duffle bag over her shoulder. "Yeah it's weird but I dunno, it's probably hard to find a missing baby I guess? I've never tried y'know?"

"Yeah, yeah I know. Alright well if you're gone more than a week I'm callin' th'cops."

A smirk. She had a feeling they wouldn't find her. "Well that makes me feel a lot better; thanks Jerry."

He cast a withering glance at her bag . "Are any of those clothes even remotely clean?"

"Eh, remotely. Sure."

"Kid, at least bring that suit I boughtcha. This' the first time you're meeting your ma. You gotta look nice."

Harm grimaced. "Fine, I'll bring the damn suit . I won't be happy about it though!" Thumping back upstairs and taking the only tidily arranged garments from her closet, she carefully fitted it into the bag before making her way back downstairs. "There, got the suit. Anything else?"

"No. That's it, kid. Just be yourself and it'll go great."

"Yeah because myself is so likable."

He chuckled. "I know you got a hard shell but I've seen that gooey center of yours."

"Great, I'm a fuckin' M&M now. I'll see you in a few days, Jerr. Thanks for the time off."

"Don't mention it, kid. Call if you're gonna be gone longer."

With a wave over her shoulder she stepped out of the bar and crossed the street to the agents’ hotel. "Hey!"

She turned at the sound of the voice. It was the green haired one, Agent Heartstrings and her pizza. "Hey what? Jesus I'm heading upstairs whaddo you want?"

Lyra thrust a tablet into her hands, expertly balancing Bonnie’s distraction in the other. "Smuggle this in for me! Tell the Princess it's yours and you I dunno, need it or you'll go crazy without some kinda reminder of home. She's super sappy. She'll totally buy it. You can give it back later."

Harm accepted the tablet and slipped it into her bag. "Can I get arrested and go to pony jail for this?"

"Nah. You're Princess Celestia's filly. You could probably run around Ponyville punting ponies in the backside all day and you wouldn't get arrested."

"Well. This sounds cooler than it did a few minutes ago." Noting Lyra's look she hastily continued. "Not that I'd be doing that for fun. If someone asks for it they might get my boot in their butt though."

"No one's going to ask for it." Lyra even got the door for her. "I guarantee if you're pleasant and friendly ponies will always respond in kind. ‘A stranger is a friend we haven't met yet’ is a popular saying in Equestria."

"Jesus Christ. Are you serious?"

"What? Being nice and pleasant isn't the worst thing in the world. Heck of a lot nicer than the way people treat each other in this smelly city."

Harm grunted in response as they walked back up to the apartment. Bonnie had the place packed and was already sending bags through the portal to the waiting Princess. "Good, you ready to go Harm?"

"Yes ma'am, Agent Drops ma'am."

The agent in question looked less than amused at the snark. "Right. Come on Lyra, you first."

Lyra wore a big grin as she broke into a run, and leapt through the portal. Harm's eyes widened as the woman became a sea-green pony with a horn poking out of her hair. A pony who was flailing around in her now ill-fitting clothes.

Bon-bon sighed and began stripping down. "I suggest you do the same, Harm."

"...I'm going to turn into a little horse when I go through there?"

"Pony, and yes. Don't worry it's not so bad. I'm sure the Princess has some spells prepared that will help you get your balance."

Feeling considerably less enthusiastic about all this now the young woman nonetheless began to remove her clothes. "And I'll pop right back to being human when I come home?"

Twilight was the one who answered. "Absolutely. If I stepped through I'd be just as human as you, I promise. No side effects, nothing strange. You'll come home just as you leave it."

Harm's eyes were drawn to Bonnie's generous chest as she freed herself of her clothing, then stepped through the portal. Clopping down to four hooves and moving to help Lyra free herself of her cloth prison. Taking a moment to stow the rest of her clothes in the bag, Harm took a deep breath, and tentatively stepped through the glowing gateway.

The first thing she noted was how 'cold' the floor was on her bare feet. "Jesus! What is this diamonds?"

Twilight was staring at her in surprise. "No... but it is crystal...." She stepped closer and gingerly prodded the woman's thigh with a hoof. "You're still human."

"Yeah, those giant eyes don't miss much. I'm getting dressed. Very funny making me take my clothes off."

All three ponies watched as the human in their midst got dressed again. Twilight absent mindedly pulled the keystone from the gate over to Equestria, leaving the others arranged for a safe return.

“No, wait! My pizza!” Lyra shouted, the shirt she had been taking off flying over magical stones as she reached out in desperation.

"Princess..." Bonnie began, her eyes swinging away from her partner to Twilight. "...why is she still human?"

Twilight shook her head, horn shining as she looked Harm over curiously. "I'm not entirely sure. It could be that her core was somehow... altered by all the years she spent on Earth?"

Harm tugged her shirt down over her head. "My core?"

"Yes, your magical core." Harm saw both agents wince as Twilight began speaking. "Every pony has one. It's what allows us to use our magic. The strength and size of a pony's core determines how skilled we are with our various tribal talents. Yours is 'very' potent so your great physical attributes stem from there."

"I'm big because I have a lot of earth pony magic?"

"Precisely! I suppose this is going to... wait. Wait!"

Harm yelped and froze, in the middle of pulling her pants up. "What?"

"That." Pointing to the woman’s hip. "You have a cutie mark."

Harm stared blankly. "...did those words really come out of your mouth?" She looked from pony to pony, taking note of the tattoos on their butts . "My birth mark is a pony thing?"

"Birthmark? No no, Harm a cutie mark appears when a pony discovers her special talent. Her destiny! I can't believe you have one. Though I suppose you are a pony at your core. Oh it's lovely too."

Harm scowled and tugged her pants up, concealing the heart with the musical notes swirling around it. "A cutie mark. I can't believe you call it a cutie mark."

"Oh you have to tell us the story!" Lyra was finally free of her clothes and looking up at the giant in their midst expectantly.



"No." Harm's jaw set a bit firmer.

"Pleeeeeeea—" The unicorns voice abruptly cut out as a magenta shimmer formed around her throat.

Bonnie grabbed Lyra by the tail. "Message received, Princess. We're going to report to control for debriefing then return to Ponyville."

Twilight released the spell on Lyra. "Thank you, Bon-bon. I appreciate you girls' hard work." S he waited for them to leave, Lyra bemoaning the loss of the pizza, before turning back to Harm. "Well then. Harmony, it is my very great pleasure to welcome you to Equestria."

"Thanks, I guess... and really, please call me Harm."

The mare nodded. "Of course... may I ask why? Harmony is a lovely name."

Harm shrugged as she glanced around the room. It looked like a mix between a library and a chemistry lab. "I don't like music."

Twilight's mouth fell open in shock. "But... your cutie mark."

"Is a really ugly birth mark I tried to have surgically removed, I don't want to talk about it. I don't like music. End of story. Alright?"

The mare could tell if she pushed the subject it would only cause the woman to close herself off more and more, and that was the exact opposite of what she wanted to do. "Well than you don't have to." Her warm smile returned. "Come on, why don't I show you around the castle a little bit? My assistant is out today so we have the place to ourselves for now. When he gets back we'll all sit down to dinner. Sound good?"

Harm shrugged. "Sure I guess. Can I dump my bag somewhere?"

"Of course, right this way."

=======Deep Below Equestria======

The heavy scent of incense filled the throne room as Sir Argent Dark approached his Queen's resting place. Large windows lit by low burning purple flames illuminated important moments in his people's history. A mirror image to the surface pony's throne room he was told; not that he'd ever been there to compare. The only thestral's to travel to the surface were criminals or outcasts. "You summoned, my Queen?"

The large mare shifted in her bed of cushions made of the finest silks. Queen Radiant Darkness of the Deep Ponies was truly a sight to behold, and the loyal knight always had to fight to keep his awe under control. Towering over the others of her tribe, the Queen's gently glowing eyes were visible through the slits of the delicately engraved porcelain mask she never removed in the company of others. "I did, Sir Argent." Her voice was always pleasant to the ear, low and sibilant. Mane and tail of pure darkness shifted and wafted lazily when she was at rest, though became a roiling storm when she was roused to anger. A rarity, but something that happened from time to time.

The knight dipped into a low bow. "How may I serve the Hollows?"

"By delivering a message. To the surface. It is time Equestria's newest Princess and I spoke face to face."

The normally stoic and composed stallion's jaw dropped. "Th-the surface my Queen?"

"Indeed, Sir Argent." Her face was illuminated as her horn shimmered to life, and levitated a scroll to the waiting pony. "See to it personally that the Princess receives it and no other. Am I clear?"

He bowed and accepted the message. "Crystal, my Queen. I will depart at once."

"Very good, Sir Argent." The Queen settled back into her cushions once more, eyes drifting shut lazily. "Very good."

Author's Note:

Chapter two, out quicker than I expected but here it is. I even found someone to edit for me.