Day Six
‘Another day. Another set of crazy customers’, Pinkie thought as she opened up Sugarcube Corner. She was thoroughly convinced that today would be just as crazy, if not more so, than the last few days. Then again, perhaps it was best not to dwell on it. Besides, she’s managed to handle the previous days so today should be no problem. Or maybe she just jinxed herself by thinking that. At any rate, Pinkie took her place behind the counter and waited for the first customer of the day. She had even brought along one of her activity puzzle books with her to help pass the time when things slowed down in the store.
Before long a pair of pegasi, a dark brown mare and a young light brown colt, entered the store.
“Hello! Welcome to Sugarcube Corner! How may I help you?” Pinkie smiled.
“Can I please have a single chocolate ice cream?” the young colt asked.
The mare frowned at the child. “Junior! Remember what I said before we came in here?”
“Oh…I’m sorry Missus Ice Cream Lady,” the colt apologized to Pinkie. “My mommy told me I can’t be polite to you.”
Pinkie blinked. “She said what?”
“My mommy said that some ponies don’t deserve kindness, so I can’t be polite to you,” the colt explained. “Can I still get a single chocolate ice cream, please?”
“Stop apologizing and don’t say please!” the mother groaned. “Just say what you want and don’t talk to her. You’ll waste good manners otherwise. Now watch how I do it.” The mare turned to Pinkie. “One single chocolate ice cream to go.” She turned her attention back to her son. “See? Short, simple, and I didn’t waste my manners. Now try again, Junior.”
The young colt, now embarrassed and ashamed over his mistake, tried to look at Pinkie in the eye, but found himself looking at the floor instead. “I want a single chocolate ice cream and nothing else, please?” he said quietly.
“No!” the mother shouted. “You said please again! Your manners are terrible! You’ll never be a proper gentlecolt like that!”
By now, the colt couldn’t help but to tear up. “I’m sorry, Mommy,” he sniffed.
"And what did I say about crying in public?" the mother frowned. "For Celestia's sake, why are you always such a disappointment?"
Throughout the exchange, Pinkie felt more and more uncomfortable with the way the mother was treating her child. She wanted to say something to the mother, but as she watched the colt being chastised for his misuse of manners, Pinkie came up with another idea.
Normally, a single ice cream is just a standard scoop on a cone. However, Pinkie scooped up three scoops of chocolate ice cream in a larger cup, and dressed it with a generous amount of chocolate syrup, sprinkles and cherries.
“Here you go!” Pinkie smiled, handing the now giant ice cream treat to the colt.
“Excuse me! We only ordered a single chocolate ice cream!” the mother shouted angrily.
“I know, and this won’t cost a bit extra,” Pinkie explained. “This is a special thank you to this fine colt here.”
His eyes widened in surprised shock. “Is that really for me?”
“Yessiree!” Pinkie nodded. “You’re the most polite customer I’ve had today, and the most polite customers of the day gets a special Sugarcube Corner reward!”
“Wow! Thank you Missus Ice Cream Lady! Thank you!!!” the young colt smiled, taking the ice cream in his hooves and started to gleefully lick the giant treat.
The mother grumbled loudly as her son began to eat the giant treat. “Ugh! He’s not supposed to be polite to ponies on minimum wage!”
“Is that why you don’t talk to daddy anymore?” the young colt asked in between licks of his ice cream.
The mother was rendered speechless by her son’s comment. She also noticed a suspicious stare coming from Pinkie. “C-come along Junior. It’s time to go now,” she stuttered, clumsily making her way to the front door.
“Bye Missus Ice Cream Lady!” the colt smiled and waved, following his mother out of the store.
“Have a nice day!” Pinkie waved back.
~~~~~
“Hello, ma’am! Welcome to Sugarcube Corner! How may I help you?” Pinkie greeted the next customer in line.
“Yeah, I need a cake for my sister’s birthday,” the customer ordered. She took her time looking at the sample cakes inside the store display and picked out the red velvet special.
“All righty! One Red Velvet birthday cake special!” Pinkie smiled. “Would you like me to write anything on the cake?”
The customer nodded. “Can you write down ‘Happy Birthday, Fatty McFatpants’?”
“…”
“Is something wrong?”
“You want me to write ‘Happy Birthday’, what?!?” Pinkie repeated, not believing what she had heard.
“Fatty McFatpants,” The customer replied nonchalantly.
“Is that really your sister’s name?”
“Oh, of course not!” the customer chuckled. “I’ve been calling her that since she gained weight over the last few months. Boy! Let me tell you, she hates that name!”
“…Sooo… why do you want me to write it on the cake?” Pinkie asked carefully.
The customer shrugged. “Why not? She is fat.”
There were so many questions swimming in Pinkie’s mind, but she couldn’t dare herself to ask any of them. One thing was for sure, she couldn’t let herself participate in this customer’s seemingly cruel teasing. “Oh! Look at that! We’re out of frosting!” Pinkie lied through a forceful smile. “Unfortunately, I can’t ice this cake for you. Sorry!”
The customer rolled her eyes. “Fine. I guess I’ll just frost this myself.” She paid for the cake and left.
Before returning back to her puzzle book, Pinkie made a note to get this customer’s apology cake she’ll undoubtedly need in the near future ready to go at a moment’s notice.
~~~~~
“Hello sir! Welcome to Sugarcube Corner! How may I help you?” Pinkie greeted the next customer in line.
The dark orange pegasus stallion walked up to the counter and placed a package of store-wrapped brownies in front of the register.
“Yeah, I have a question about these brownies.”
“What’s the matter with them?”
The stallion pointed to a unique label on the packaging. “These brownies are marked ‘Special’. Why is that?”
“It’s the Sugarcube Corner deal of the day!” Pinkie explained. “Our brownies are on sale today and tomorrow.”
“Sooo… these aren’t special brownies?”
Pinkie blinked in confusion. “I’m not sure what you mean, sir.”
“You know,” the stallion winked knowingly, “They’re not…special… brownies?”
“No, they’re not,” Pinkie replied slowly. “They’re just normal, regular old brownies.”
The customer sighed. “Never mind, then.” He pushed the brownies aside and walked straight out of the store disappointed.
Pinkie gave the brownies a quick sniff to ensure they were still normal before she put them back on display.
~~~~~
So far, it had been a rather slow day at Sugarcube Corner, so much so that Pinkie spent much of the day tidying up the store and solving puzzles in her puzzle book. After wiping down the counters, she decided that the store’s floor could use a good cleaning too. She quickly went to the storage closet and wheeled out the mop bucket. She also made sure the wet floor signs were displayed in case anypony came in. She began to mop up the area in front of the counter when a young stallion entered the store. Upon entering and seeing Pinkie mopping the floor, he slipped and fell down.
“Ow!!! My leg!!! It’s broken!!!” he cried out.
Pinkie turned and noticed the stallion clutching his left rear leg in agony.
“Why didn’t you tell me the floor was wet? I’m going to sue you for everything you’ve got! You could have KILLED ME!!!” the stallion shouted angrily.
Pinkie rolled her eyes in disgust. “Sir, there’s just two things wrong with your plan. One, I have ‘Caution – Wet Floor’ signs all over the store, so we did our part to warn you.”
“Well I didn’t see them,” he shouted. “I want your manager, NOW! I’ll have you fired for this!”
“And the other thing that’s wrong with your plan?” Pinkie continued, “I haven’t mopped over there yet. The floor is dry where you ‘slipped’.”
The stallion’s cries of agony fell silent immediately. He took a good look at the floor and found that the floor was indeed dry. Without saying another word, he got off the floor and ran out of the store in full gallop.
“Well, I guess that's one way to fix a broken leg,” Pinkie chuckled.
~~~~~
“Wow! This brain teaser is a doozy. What's the name of this missing pony, anyway?” Pinkie buried her head in her puzzle book in despair. She found herself stuck on a logic brain teaser where she had to identify the ponies playing certain positions on a kickball team based off of clues given in the book. So far, she had identified the entire team except for the pony playing at first. Pinkie tried and tried to figure it out, but she kept drawing a blank.
As much as Pinkie wanted to figure out the puzzle, she had to put the book down as she saw the familiar forms of Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash entered the store, both looking rather irritated at the moment.
“Twilight! Dashie! How’s everything going?” Pinkie smiled, hoping to cheer her friends back up.
“Badly,” Twilight frowned. “I caught Rainbow napping on the job again. She almost ruined the Cutie Mark Crusaders’ picnic.”
“I cleared those clouds just in time!” Rainbow Dash pointed out.
“You always do this though,” Twilight shouted. “You always keep everypony waiting until the last minute!”
Rainbow Dash opened her mouth to say something, but just let out a frustrated sigh instead. “Let’s just get the ice cream I promised you, okay?”
Pinkie felt concerned about her friends being upset like this, but she felt that Twilight and Rainbow were able to fix things on their own. Besides, ice cream always makes ponies feel better. “So what flavor do you girls want?”
“I’ll have Cookies and Cream,” Rainbow ordered. “What about you, Twilight?”
“Hold on a second,” Twilight said, scanning the storefront’s display case. “I’m still trying to choose.”
Rainbow’s jaw dropped. “Seriously, Twilight? After everything you said about keeping ponies waiting?” she shouted impatiently.
“This is different from that,” Twilight insisted.
“No it isn’t!” Rainbow shouted.
Twilight groaned. “Look, Rainbow. I’m not in the mood to argue right now.”
“I wasn’t starting an argument,” Rainbow Dash pointed out.
“Yes you were!” Twilight shouted.
“No I wasn’t!” Rainbow shouted back.
“Yes you were!” Twilight shouted back.
“No I wasn’t!” Rainbow shouted back again.
“See? We’re arguing right now!” Twilight pointed out.
“No we’re not!”
“Yes we are!”
“No we’re not!”
“Yes we are!”
“No we’re not!”
“Yes we are!”
“This isn’t even an argument!” Rainbow groaned in frustration.
“Yes it is!”
“No it isn’t! I haven’t said anything! I’ve just been saying “No we’re not!” again and again.”
“She does have a point, Twilight,” Pinkie chimed in.
Twilight turned to Pinkie in disbelief. “What?”
“When you think of it, an argument is a connected series of statements intended to establish a stated point of view or proposition,” Pinkie explained. “What you’ve been doing is just contradiction.”
“No I haven’t,” Twilight defended herself.
“See? You just did it again.” Pinkie pointed out. “When you contradict somepony, you’re just automatically naysaying anything the other pony says. It’s not really an argument.”
Twilight stood silent for a few seconds before she responded back to Pinkie. “Well, it can be.”
“No it can’t!” Pinkie shouted.
Twilight sighed in frustration. “Look, if I argue with you, it stands to reason that I’m taking a position that contradicts yours.”
“But it isn’t just saying ‘No it isn’t.’” Pinkie countered.
“Yes it is!” Twilight shouted.
“No it isn’t!” Pinkie shouted back.
“Yes it is!” Twilight shouted back.
“No it isn’t!” Pinkie shouted back again.
Rainbow Dash facehoofed in frustration. “Great. Now you’re arguing with Pinkie!”
“No I’m not!” Twilight shouted to Rainbow.
“Yes you are!” Pinkie shouted to Twilight.
“No I’m not!” Twilight shouted to Pinkie.
“Yes you are!” Rainbow shouted to Twilight.
“Leave her alone! You started this!” Pinkie shouted to Rainbow.
“No I didn’t! She started it!” Rainbow shouted to Pinkie.
“Are you serious? You started it!” Twilight shouted to Rainbow.
“WHO STARTED THIS?!?” Pinkie shouted in frustration. She then suddenly blinked in realization. “Wait a minute. That’s it! Who! Who is on first!” Pinkie smiled as she filled in the final remaining answer in the brain teaser book she was reading.
Both Twilight and Rainbow’s faces fell into confusion as Pinkie scribbled into her puzzle book.
“Excuse me?” Twilight asked.
“My puzzle book! It was asking me the name of the pony on first base in a game of kickball.”
“So what’s the pony’s name?” Rainbow asked.
“Who,” Pinkie answered.
“The pony on first base.”
“Who.”
“The first basepony!”
“Who is on first!”
“What?”
Pinkie shook her head. “No! What is on second! Who is on first!”
“Wait. Who is on first?” Twilight asked.
“Yes!”
Rainbow Dash sighed in relief. “So the pony’s name is Yes.”
Pinkie shook her head again. “No. Yes isn’t even part of this problem. Who is on first.”
“Pinkie, I thought you just told me!” Rainbow shouted incredulously.
“Told you what, Dashie?”
“Who is on first.”
“I already told that!”
"Told me what?"
"Who is on first!"
“Why are you asking me? I’m asking you!”
Twilight groaned. “Perfect. Now you’re arguing with Pinkie.”
“No I’m not!” Rainbow shouted.
“Yes you are!” Twilight shouted back.
Pinkie shrugged. “Hey, it’s not my fault Dashie doesn’t know Who’s on first.”
“I thought What was on first,” Twilight said, scratching her head.
Pinkie shook her head. “No. He’s on second. Who’s on first.”
Rainbow threw her hooves up in frustration. “WHAT ARE WE EVEN TALKING ABOUT ANYMORE?!?”
“I don’t know,” Twilight sighed in defeat.
“He’s on third base!” Pinkie pointed out, scribbling another note in her puzzle book.
~~~~~
“All right, let me explain this again one last time,” Pinkie told the mare who was trying to order a hot ice cream, “We serve our ice cream cold because ice cream is cold by its very nature. If I tried to warm up the ice cream for you, it would just melt and it wouldn’t even be ice cream anymore.”
The mare frowned. “Well, you’ll be out of business soon if you treat all your customers like this. Good day!” She grabbed her purse from the counter and stomped her way out of the store.
Pinkie decided it wasn’t worth trying to figure out the logistics of what that customer tried to order. It’s just another part of what was been without a doubt the strangest week Sugarcube Corner has ever seen. Celestia knows if things would get even worse next week. Pinkie shuddered at the thought. Maybe she should ask the Cakes for a day off.
No! What was she thinking? The Cakes depend on her to help the store run smoothly, and all things considered, she really loves her job. Even if she has to deal with some of the nastiest, craziest things in all of Equestria.
She was lost so deep in her thoughts, she never noticed Applejack enter into the store.
“Howdy, Pinkie! Say, do you know why Twilight and Rainbow were arguing today? They caused a ruckus all over Ponyville!” Before she could go into any detail, she noticed Pinkie looked phased out at the moment, so she slowly walked up to the counter and waved a hoof in front of her.
“Equestria to Pinkie? Are ya in there?” Applejack shouted.
Pinkie snapped back to reality. “Oh! Sorry, Applejack. I didn’t see you come in.”
“Don’t worry ‘bout that,” Applejack smiled. “Another rough day at work?”
“All in all, I guess today wasn’t so bad… except for Twilight and Dashie. I don’t even know if they made up yet.”
“If Ah know those two, not only have they made up, but Ah’m willing to bet Twilight is sending a friendship report about it right about now.”
At that moment, a dark silver earth pony mare entered the store, looking rather distressed.
“Excuse me? Could you tell me where the bathrooms are? It’s an emergency” the mare asked
Pinkie pointed the mare in the right direction. “Towards the back of the store, next to the kitchen.”
“Thank you,” the customer sighed, making her way towards the bathroom.
“At any rate, Ah’m glad to hear things were fine today, Pinkie,” Applejack smiled.
“Just barely,” Pinkie sighed. “Today was as bad as the last few days. In fact, this whole week has been just plain weird!”
“Sounds like you need a vacation,” Applejack pulled out a train ticket from her saddlebag. “You know what? Ah need to take a trip to Manehattan tomorrow for some farm business. Ah wouldn’t mind if Ah had some company along the way.”
Pinkie chuckled at the thought. “A trip to Manehattan really does sound exciting, but the Cakes are depending on me to keep the store running. I’d feel guilty taking a day off like that.”
“Well, it was just a thought after all,” Applejack shrugged. She then noticed the puzzle book on the counter. “What’cha working on there, Pinkie?”
“It’s the puzzle book I was working on all day. It’s really fun!” Pinkie went on to show Applejack some of the puzzles she had already solved. She was about to show her the kickball brain teaser when the mare walked back out from the back of the store, looking extremely relieved.
“Everything all right now, ma’am?” Pinkie asked.
The mare nodded. “Yes, it is. Thanks you! But you may want to change your bathroom decor. It looks a lot like a pantry.”
Pinkie arched her eyebrow in confusion. “Ma’am, our bathrooms look nothing like a pantry. They are normal bathrooms.”
The customer froze in fear when a sudden realization hit her. “Uh oh…”
Moments later, a scream of horror rang out from the back of the store which Pinkie identified as coming from Mrs. Cake. She also guessed that the cleanup required from the mare’s accident in the pantry would probably close the store down for a day so it can be thoroughly decontaminated.
“On second thought, a day trip to Manehattan doesn’t sound like a bad idea at all,” Pinkie chuckled nervously.
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Ha ha ha
! When is the costumer from day 2 or 3 he How said mares can't Cook coming back so applejack can buck him out of the front door
Oh god. That last one messed up in the worst way.
That was hilarious! You did Argument Clinic and Who's on first in one go.
I also love this part:
I've met plenty of people who act like the mother...sad really.
Pinkie's lucky the pony wasn't gay. She'd get sued and then attacked by the federal government.
7493993 Why would a vegetarian even go to McDonalds in the first place?
Feh, clearly the lack of meat is making them stupid! *Alondro takes a big bite out of a cow and chews slowly...* Oh... I forgot I'm allergic to beef now... *he later ends up in the ER swollen up like a beach ball*
Great chapter. Also, I found a typo you may want to edit.
That should be "thought".
Bwhahahahahahahahaha!!!! Pinkie handled that first customer perfectly! Then you did the "Who's On First" routine. That one was Pinkie being intentional with her treatment, Twilight should have picked up on it.
Greetings, fellow Pythoner!
Please, write more.
~Leonzilla
7494625 I died. But then I got better.
7496773
Yes. I will write more.
By the way, how the heck did this story get this many hits in 24 hours?!? This is unusual for me!
7498736 The thing is, this story actually got featured in one of the three slots for updates in the feature box for a little bit so it got a bit more exposure that way.
Really I only found it because of that.
I was just gonna like this, but with that "Who's on First?" reference, it's now Favorited!
Also, gross. You made me imagine a pantry being filled with fecal matter.
7499358
I see. That's awesome! Thanks again for liking this!
So, since this is all about customer service stories, probably the meanest I've seen someone act that wasn't towards the server was when a lady ordered a mcdouble for her sons girlfriend with as many pickles as could fit on it. When he saw the slip, he asked why she wanted so many and she explained that it was for his girlfriend to which he said 'but she hates pickles'.
Oh, but this is a great story man, keep up the good work.
Beautiful. 10/10 moustaches.
I love the special brownies scene and the wet floor sign gambit. Hilarious stuff! I'm really enjoying this collection-of-moments story. It is very creative!
Nice set of stories. It makes me especially happy that I've never worked with clients. Also reading this story made me craving for an ice cream which I just had.
I dub this version of Pinkus Pieacus the Snarkus Pieacus. Or Snarky Pie.
Is it complete and you forgot to say so or will there be more?
Who is?
Bringing Abbot and Costello together with Monty Python? Pure poetry.
8787048
ken master
of a street-fighters
Wow....sad thing is that some people are this stupid. Or ponies in this case, very great job.