• Member Since 9th Dec, 2011
  • offline last seen Sep 9th, 2018

Casca


“I need you, the reader, to imagine us, for we don't really exist if you don't.”

T

Lilac is a successful pony who has everything she wants, and is exactly the pony she wishes to be. But a small spark in her life makes her think otherwise.

A drama in Sydneigh about Equestrian life, coffee, appearances and pain.

***

Pony vector template from here.

Very special thanks to Pascoite for editing and conceptual advice! Also featured on EqD. Also featured on TRG!
Recommended by PaulAsaran.

Chapters (3)
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Comments ( 24 )

I'm thrilled that EQD brought up this story, it's great so far. Can't wait to see where this goes!

6715617
Hey, thanks, glad you like it! The story should be wrapping up in a couple of days. =)

6717007
I'm happy to hear that! Actually a few times today I caught myself about to reach for my phone only to remember there aren't new chapters yet. I'm glad I won't have to wait long! ^w^

So far have just read the first chapter, as it's time for bed, but this is a wonderfully told story, rather artful in it's writing. I love how this is playing out, and will eagerly look forward to reading the rest on the 'morrow....er...later today, I guess. ^_^

6749435
Hey there - thank you for reading, glad to have you on board! Hope the ending satisfies =)

I wonder if they will end up scheduling an appointment with the same therapist?

6751913
Most likely. Whether or not it's group therapy, though, probably depends on what LIlac's insurance package covers =P thanks for reading!

Hmm... no god-mode monsters, no 'ENTIRE COSMOS AT STAKE!!' plot, no uninspired crossovers, no insipid main character pairings, no vampires, no God-damned Warhammer in sight... and no cherngelerngs! :pinkiegasp:

This story is UTTERLY UNIQUE on this site! :rainbowlaugh:

Woah, this story. It feels so . . . down to earth. It really is dramatic, without simply turning to crazy adventure stuff. This isn't some Romeo and Juliett crazy idealistic romance. This story's conflict is about real people (ponies) with real problems, real fears. How those fears seem so insignificant and compound over time.

I understand what it is like to be unable to speak up. It is so powerful to have someone to talk too. There are times where we would feel better if we had someone to talk about our problems with, but we never have the courage. This is a story that I can relate to.

6791460

I understand what it is like to be unable to speak up. It is so powerful to have someone to talk too. There are times where we would feel better if we had someone to talk about our problems with, but we never have the courage. This is a story that I can relate to.

I am so glad you came across Scald - you're the exact type of reader I hoped to have :twilightsmile:

Yeah, real situations are what I was going for. Down-to-earth stuff can be as eventful as fantasy, and I wanted to know if I could make it work. Thank you for the comments and for the read!

I almost never comment on stories, but this one deserves it.

Last night, when I got done reading this story, I felt a little cheated. After that beautiful build up, I didn't want daddy issues and a potential at them maybe having an inkling of something happening. I wanted a nice happy ending with her doing his bookwork while he made her coffee (without the milk foam!) in her their apartment overlooking Sydneigh.

Then I sat and thought about it. Instead of the happy ending I wanted, I got the bittersweet ending I needed. Stories like yours are why I started reading fan fiction. You reminded me that, while everything always wraps up nicely on the show, elsewhere in Equestria there are normal ponies with normal lives who are just trying their best to be happy. Stories like this make Equestria into a living, breathing world, both beautiful and a bit horrible at the same time.

Thank you.

6815268
Thank you so much for being willing to open your mind to the story, and I'm glad it paid off for you! That's one of the biggest boons a writer could ask for.

Another case of the terrible lasting torments of Cutie Mark Failure Insanity Syndrome, passed through the generations because one pony failed to fulfill his Cutie Mark!

Which, of course, is why Faust's initial notion of them only appearing when the pony actually found what they were good at was the a far better idea rather than the show's current invocation of them as being mind-controlling destiny stamps.

:raritywink:

The sense of atmosphere to this piece, particularly in the first chapter, is hypnotic. Well done :twilightsmile:

7175448
Thank you for the RG approval, the kind words - and the follow too! :twilightsmile:

Hap

she was in that cafe because she liked coffee. Not just the buzz and the image, but the aroma, the bitterness, those inexplicable notes of fruit, smoke, and other odd comparisons behind the facade of it. Not just the taste either, but neither excluding — it was all of it.

I like her already.

This story is beautiful so far. I love her internal monologue. She feels real, like I'm sitting inside the head of a real person. She spends a lot of time judging everyone for either not caring about what others think or for caring too much, and it makes me wonder whether she genuinely likes coffee, or if she's one of those people she likes to judge. She lies to herself, why not about what she likes about coffee?

Maybe I'm reading too much into Lilac. But you've made a character with depth in so few words. I look forward to seeing how she grows in the next few chapters.

Hap

I loved this story right up to Percy's big confession. Just the plot point of "burned by an abusive father who was then murdered by the quiet, loving mother" seems way too... Melodramatic. Too soap-opera-ey.

I mean, I know that messed up stuff happens in real life, but still.

Then again, I've been told that certain tragedies in one of my stories were too much to be believable, when they were based my life, so...

Still, though, I rolled my eyes.


But I read on. I like the way Lilac handled the situation. It made a lot of sense for her character. At the end, I was screaming (internally) for her to go back and bang on his door.

Overall, I love the atmosphere. I love her internal monologue. I love the way she lies to herself in the beginning, judging other ponies who are just like her. And I love that she changes.

I did want to point out that early on, there's a mention of a "handbag" well before any horse-related words. I was briefly confused about whether the characters were ponies or humans. I think in a few places, you were too. It felt kind of like you wrote a story about humans, then changed (most of) the words to "hooves" and such so you could call it a pony story. That doesn't make it bad, it doesn't feel... pony.

It does kind of feel like it should be a television miniseries.

I thoroughly enjoyed it.

7789983

Firstly: thank you for reading, and I'm very glad you enjoyed it!

I love the way she lies to herself in the beginning, judging other ponies who are just like her. And I love that she changes.

All the little details - it was very good fun writing a character that I had such a clear grasp on. I'm glad that you caught the irony, it was one of the themes I was hoping to achieve with the story.

And yes, the slip into the dramatic is what it is. :x While I do think that I couldn't have pulled it off if it wasn't pony - not enough magic in the human world to make the atmosphere come to life the way it did - I will go and fix the word immediately.

Thanks again for the thoughtful feedback once again - it's comments like yours that make it rewarding.

I love it! I love everything about it! This is exactly the kind of story I've been wanting to read, lately.

Really awesome sort of economy of writing here--with just the scenes of her in the coffee shop, and without feeling like too much at once, you show a full picture of her character. And she's really interesting and feels totally real! I definitely relate to that self-doubt about things you know are kind of pointless, and getting stuck thinking about pointless embarrassing things when you're trying to sleep. Those were well portrayed!

Great character, great writing! I'm really looking forwards to the rest of this.

Wonderful story!

The reveal of Percy's problems was pretty heavy, but I really feel it worked. As soon as something really hard-core like that gets introduced in a story, it'll be kind of a 'your mileage may vary' point for readers, regardless, I think--but what makes it work in a (and I hesitate to use the word) objective sense, is the build-up to it.

Like, if it's presented as something totally out of left field, even the people who'd have been on-board for it would likely find it too jarring. You lead up to it well, and it wasn't too sharp a contrast to the tone you'd set up. You'd already presented some pretty heavy stuff coming from Lilac and her internal thoughts and doubts--introduced in the first chapter and expanded upon in the second--as well as hinted at family problems and bullying with the 'roughhousing' in his youth, mentioned briefly.

So going into the third chapter, it wasn't too much of an escalation getting into Percy's issues. And it served nicely as a Big Scene at the end, where everything started to get sorted out. Even for people who found it too melodramatic, the build up and resolution is strong enough that'd it'd still make for a great story, for them, I'd say.

Also, great job going with a kind of realistic, healthy ending. Going full 'relationship will fix everything!!' would have left everyone terrified for their future, without a doubt! :raritywink:

All in all, great job with this--loved the subtle characterization, and how you brought true, rewarding interactions out of mundane events and relationships. That's just my favourite kind of story ever. I'm a big fan! I gotta go see what else you've written! :raritystarry:

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8093973

Thanks! First of all, I'm glad you enjoyed it.

While writing, it quickly became an exercise on how to connect the trauma of two merely tangentially related characters. I'm quite happy with the risks I took in the length of time I allowed for it - to be honest, I don't know if I could have come up with more scenes to pad out the reveal!

A good bulk of my other stories are episodic Slice of Life with the occasional fringe element. If you liked the gravitas of it, Pipsqueak's Adventure Journal! is probably the closest to it.

Thanks again for reading, and for leaving such a thoughtful comment. :)

Ne plus ultra.

I've had your story on my RIL for far too long. You can continue your thanks to Pascoite for giving me the nudge to read it tonight. I'm transferring it to another shelf now that I'm done.

While I agree with Hap that the transition into Percy' backstory felt jolting, perhaps it is because the vibe was so intense by that point. Something had to break or exploded. Instead, their shells crack, which isn't what I was expecting.

Then there is your conclusion. It takes a "two broken people" story and imbues it with a unique FiM quality: friendship first, romance later, a much more genuine, honest relationship than possible with desperate characters clinging to each other.

Let me conclude by saying the world needs more Lilacs.

8475382
Hey, thanks, I'll be sure to pop by Pasco's and do just that. I'm glad you enjoyed it!

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