Humanity has changed. The spell has been cast, but it did not work the way it was expected to. It seems that it has affected some children differently. Before the event happened, before everything changed, humankind has done one last thing to save itself. Three children have been chosen to been cryogenically frozen, and to only awaken when the problem passed. But it seems that is not the case.... One child has awakened, months after the Event. His name, is Aiden Fierce. He now has a new mission: to find the other children from the experiment and to save human-kind before all is lost.
Credit of the Universe "Ponies after People" goes to Starscribe. http://www.fimfiction.net/story/265629/the-last-pony-on-earth
CO-author: Ascent-Express
Chapters (9)
Hi I love your book hope to see more
6663761 thx Alienblade, and yes this will go on :)
The description reminds me a lot of my Fic "The Last of My Kind.". I hope this story's good.
Got some really interesting ideas here. For one, I didn't understand that it was going to be just one character that was going to be immune to the destructive effects of magic, not "every kid on earth", which would've broken my ideas for the canon. Assuming it's just the one person, I wouldn't see any problem with a story like this being canon. I've moved it accordingly, hopefully it will get more attention which I think it deserves.
Story
I'd like to examine the ideas/premise and the writing itself differently, because I've got very different things to say about each from my reading so far. The idea of a child somehow preserved through the Event via cryogenic stasis is really neat. I have to wonder if maybe what allowed him to survive wasn't being a kid at all, but something unusual about being frozen. Maybe the process of being frozen allowed magic to change him just enough to survive, and would have done to his companions baring whatever may've happened to them (I'm two chapters behind currently, so if it's been revealed I don't know).
I enjoyed the children and their relationship for the brief period they appeared onscreen. I would have liked to have seen this section expanded. Perhaps a whole chapter (or at least several scenes) to establish their friendship would've made their reasons for seeking each other out later in the story far stronger. As it is they didn't seem to have known each other all that well. Meeting on the day before is kinda weak so far as motivating them is concerned. Now if they'd been together in training for months, then had the chance to develop a powerful relationship of friendship, that would give us a reason to share their outrage when two of the kids go missing.
One huge danger with writing "genius" characters is that very few of us are geniuses. I know I'm not. As a result, one is left with considerable difficulty in making a character's actions seem authentic. How do you write a character smarter than you are? Not easily, for sure. They need to make leaps of logic that an ordinary person wouldn't make, in general make better, smarter decisions, but NOT decisions that couldn't be made by someone with the information they have. Genius doesn't mean being able to predict the future or read minds.
But you didn't just make a genius character, you made a genius child. Even as a genius a child still has limited experience and maturity, so may make decisions far beyond their peers but still bewildering to an adult. I think in what I've seen so far you captured the limited maturity and experience of your child protagonist well, but not his superior intelligence. Perhaps something to look at for the future.
Your characters in general are good, though I wish I understood their motivations better. I can't really tell what our party of ponies wants. I shouldn't have to guess and speculate about character motivations, so filling in the blanks would be good for future chapters.
Writing
Now, the writing of the story itself. This is separate from how good the ideas are, which I've said I like, or the characters, which I think you've done a generally good job with so far.
The writing itself, though, could be stronger. First, almost every chapter needs a solid editing pass. Typos and grammatical mistakes are frequent, at about the rate of one every other paragraph. I started out this comment by trying to make a list, but i found the list got far too long. Find a good copy editor, or a friend who's good at English, or something. I would suggest doing this to your first few chapters in particular, because they're full of mistakes and mistakes tend to discourage readers. These simple mistakes are frequently enough to take away from the quality of the story.
Secondly, a style suggestion. Yours is way too wordy. I got distracted by confusing sentences in places, particularly around dialogue and action attribution. Characters said things "at" each other, which isn't necessary. You generally don't need to tell me who a character is speaking to: if the other person has dialogue nearby and the scene was set up well, readers can figure that out for themselves.
It's hard to give more specifics about how to fix the second problem, though I do have one. When I write, I run my chapters through the HEMINGWAY EDITOR. This amazing tool cannot fix the errors we talked about in point 1, but it can make your story easier to read. Put your chapter into the editor, and all the bad stuff you could improve will be highlighted. Don't try to fix EVERYTHING, but the editor will pick out the biggest trouble spots you can improve. Take this excerpt from chapter 3 I put into the editor:
i.imgur.com/R4PFOkQ.png
You can see a particularly confusing sentence full of run-ons has been highlighted in red and yellow to show it's hard to read.
I hope to see your story continue to update and improve. You've got some great ideas, and I look forward to seeing more of them.
-Starscribe
Man this is epic.
6707136
Dear Starscribe,
I have read your comment a bit and I am understanding your concerns. Although, if you had the time to do so, I could explain what might be happening, since not only are you the credit creator of the group, but also because I feel your opinion is the most important (don't worry Szalhi, thx for calling it epic
) I have also read that you have seen some grammatical sentences, which concerns me, as I have checked all grammar myself (oh wait I just remembered some slang was in there, ex. gonna 
) and my friend/co-author has helped as well. If you do have the time to talk, please reply in private comment so we could talk more 
6708053
Sure, no problem! I'll send you a PM and show you what I mean.
Hey, been enjoying the story, but one things been kind of bugging me. I'm not really understanding why he needed to stay human for the narrative of this story. It seems like most of the significant things that have happened could have been accomplished with him being a pony. There didn't even seem to be much of a reaction from the ponies that he's still human or vice-versa. Would love to have seen the fact he's still human played a bit more.
If this is a LPoE story, isn't the magic radiation toxic to humans?
Switching from first to third pov is not really an issue with me. But there are some grammar issues that detract from the story. I will try to pm You them
Wow its been awhile since i've seen this and i kinda felt the need to post here even if no one will see this probably