The Braggart and the Bug

by PointlessGizmo

Chapter 2: How Not to Make a Comeback

Despite almost five hours of travelling, fatigue wasn't taking its toll in the slightest. The wagon arrived in a remote area just North of Trottingham where the two travelling performers would be setting up their camp. The journey had been extremely smooth and comfortable, even relaxing...

...for Trixie, anyway.

Leech, on the other hoof, was lying in a heap at the front of the wagon, gasping and wheezing for breath.

They'd had to take the back roads to avoid being seen - the larger towns and cities in Equestria were still on high changeling alert after the Canterlot incident. Trixie couldn't risk being seen with one, much less using one to pull her wagon - it could be disastrous for her comeback tour! Leech couldn't adopt the form of a pony to pull the wagon because when he changed to a pony form he also altered his size slightly, and became a little bigger. Of course, this meant in any form but his changeling one, he'd never fit into the wagon harness. In her haste to design the wagon in such a way that she'd never actually have to pull it, Trixie had overlooked this issue. A pity, as if they'd been able to take the direct route they'd only have been traveling for 3 hours.

However, this made no difference whatsoever to Trixie. She finished her third apple and grass smoothie and hopped down the wagon's steps. She walked around to the front, where the little changeling was still attempting to get to his hooves. Her horn once again glowing, she quickly used her magic to remove the harness from her exhausted assistant. In a rare moment of compassion, she even offered him a glass of water, which he downed in a single gulp.

"Tha....th-thaa...aannk....y-youuu....", Leech gasped between breaths, his lungs still greedily sucking in the cool early evening air.

"Yes, that's me, the kindest and most noble of showponies.", she said smugly. "You will have plenty of chance to show your gratitude at the show later tonight."

Leech, who was beginning to feel the hydrating benefits of the water, was finally able to stand. He turned to face Trixie, still breathing quite heavily.

"Wh... what....routine... will....Trixzzie....be.....doing?" he asked, again between breaths.

"An ingenious new one, conceived by me - the greatest show planner of all time!" Trixie replied grandly. "First of all, you will head into town 20 minutes or so before the show starts. Keep yourself hidden, scour the town and find an insignificant pony who definitely will not be at the show. Take their form, and add yourself to the front row of the audience. Then, as I make my spectacular entrance, you will pretend to be a neigh-sayer. To prove my amazing power, I will..."

Trixie stopped, and looked quizzically at the still heavily fatigued changeling before her. He was struggling to remain standing.

"Are... are you alright?" she asked in an unusually quiet voice, looking away awkwardly.

Leech, taken aback by his narcissistic friend's seemingly worried tone, tried to puff up his chest and put on a brave face.

"Leech izz fine," he buzzed "Juzzt a little bit zzsleepy from the trip."

"Oh. Good," said Trixie, almost sounding genuinely concerned for someone's welfare but her own. "Because I'd hate for you to ruin Trixie's big break for her by falling asleep before your cue!" she added sharply, sounding more like her usual self.

Leech assured her this wouldn't be a problem, and listened as intently as he could to the rest of Trixie's nauseatingly self-aggrandizing routine plans. Trixie then told him to get some rest before the show, an order with which Leech gratefully complied.

----------

A couple of hours later, evening was descending over Trottingham. The stage had been prepared, and the first ponies were beginning to gather around, chatting among themselves. Some had never heard of Trixie and were curious to see what would happen. Others had heard the tale of Ponyville and wanted to see what kind of mess Trixie could make of her act this time.

Leech woke up, groggily climbed out of his basket and looked at the clock - 25 minutes until showtime. Trixie had already left to make the backstage preparations, so Leech ensured the wagon was secure before departing. Being sure to keep a low profile, he headed towards the town, moving on the tips of his hooves. After realizing this didn't actually make him any stealthier, he settled for trotting normally instead.

Hiding behind a bench, Leech looked around the town square, and attempted to listen in on the ponies' conversations. He was listening out for any pony saying that they wouldn't be attending the show so he could safely take their form. He was also occasionally leeching small amounts of love from passing couples (he liked some variety once in a while). However, something was bothering him. Trixie had specified that the pony he took the form of should be 'insignificant'. Unfortunately, due to Leech being half asleep whilst being told the plan, he'd forgotten the exact criterion Trixie had given him. He knew it began with "in", and was racking his tiny brain trying to remember.

"Interezzting? No, that'zz not it. Intolerant? Zztill not right. Indeterminate? No, pluzz Leech hazz no idea what that meanzz. Incestuouszz? Ugh. No. Thizz izz not that kind of zzstory. Intricate? Intriguing? Aaagh, thizz izz hopelezz!" he buzzed anxiously to himself.

He had to get the disguise right, or Trixie's opening act could be ruined! Leech snapped out of his worried frenzy as an elderly male Earth pony trotted past, speaking to a friend.

"Are you going to the show?" asked his companion, a younger female pegasus.

"Me? Oh no." replied the Earth pony. "I need my rest for tomorrow. Besides, I've always been indifferent to traveling performers. See you tomorrow, and enjoy the show tonight!"

Bidding his companion farewell, he cantered to a grand-looking house at the edge of the town square and went inside. From behind the bench, Leech buzzed with delight.

"Indifferent! That wazz it! Trixie said find indifferent pony to dizzguizze azz!" he thought joyously.

Waiting until the pony's companion was well out of sight, in a flash of green magic he took the form of the indifferent pony he'd just seen. A tall, pale blue Earth pony with a gray mane, tail and matching handlebar moustache. His disguise's cutie mark was a grand-looking pair of scrolls. Glancing at the large clock tower in the center of the square, Leech noted there were only 3 minutes until the show started. He galloped towards the stage, unsure of how he was going to get to the front row - by now a large crowd had gathered.

To his surprise, as the assembled ponies saw him coming they smiled and waved to him. Some greeted him verbally, and they all moved out of the way and allowed him to go to the front.

"Theze poniezz zzsure are friendly!" thought Leech, blissfully missing what should have been a massive warning sign.

----------

His thoughts were interrupted by an intense flash and an ear-splitting bang. Seemingly all the fireworks Trixie had bought that morning went off at once, as she appeared in a puff of smoke from behind a curtain. The crowd of (mostly female, as was normal in the oddly gender-imbalanced land of Equestria) ponies cheered and stomped their hooves. Trixie's eyes scanned the front row - Leech gave two quick nods of his head. This was a signal they'd used since the incident involving the town of near-identical ponies.

"I am the Great and Powerful Trixie! Gaze upon me in awe, ponies of Trottingham!" boomed the grinning Unicorn on the stage.

Leech always loved this part of her shows, as Trixie's love for herself became even more intense - he always helped himself to a generous portion. He was careful not to get too lost in his indulgence however, as his cue would be coming soon.

"Many say that Trixie is the greatest unicorn magician who has ever lived!" continued Trixie, not so much twisting the truth as disregarding it entirely. "However, before I begin to dazzle you all with my amazing feats, do we have any neigh-sayers with us tonight?"

This was Leech's cue. He raised a front hoof and proclaimed loudly, and rather woodenly: "I do not think Trixie is as powerful as she says she is! I think that Trixie is silly, and uh... dumb."

"Really smooth, Leech." Trixie thought to herself, rolling her eyes at Leech's still-stunted vocabulary.

Nevertheless, she noted that nopony else seemed to be concerned by Leech's unconvincing criticism, and so she continued her act.

"WELL!" she thundered "I shall show you all how I deal with such ignorance! YOU SHALL WITNESS THE INCREDIBLE POWER OF TRIXIE FIRST-HOOF, NEIGH SAYER!"

Closing her eyes and focusing hard, her horn began to glow. She used its magic to activate another volley of incredibly bright fireworks, which stunned the audience long enough for Leech to do his part.

Using a texture-change spell Trixie had taught him, Leech's disguised form was again bathed in a green aura. He concentrated, and was eventually able to change the coloring of his disguise to an all-over mottled gray. When the fireworks died down, he stood perfectly still. This, along with the color change, gave the impression that the pony he was disguised as had been turned to stone!

"Ha-HA!" gloated Trixie. "See what my infinite powers are capable of, ponies of Trottingham!"

----------

There was a long, awkward silence. Trixie hadn't been expecting this - the idea had been to instill awe, admiration, fear, and respect within her audience. However, the stunned ponies simply stared at the seemingly-petrified stallion, occasionally turning their glance back to Trixie. Trixie stood in equally nonplussed silence, attempting to read the audience's faces. The silence was broken by angry sounding shouting from the third row.

"How DARE you come to our town and do that to our beloved Mayor!" came the voice.

It was followed by more yells and jeers from across the audience as the assembled ponies' shock began to boil over into tempestuous fury.

"M...M....Mayor?!" stammered Trixie as her blood ran cold.

Realization hit her like a wet fish to the face - Leech had only gone and chosen the most significant pony he could have disguised as! Trixie, sensing an impending disaster, hurriedly attempted to regain control of the crowd.

"Heh... nothing to fret over, ponies of Trottingham!" she called shakily over the rising wave of hissing and boos. "This is a little something me and your fine Mayor set up beforehoof! Watch and be amazed as Trixie swiftly returns your town's leader to his handsome pony self!"

Her horn lit up again. She attempted to set off another flash-bang firework to give Leech a chance to switch back to the non-stony version of his disguise. But the fireworks didn't activate. No matter how hard Trixie tried, she simply couldn't get them to ignite.

"Stupid fireworks!" she muttered beneath her breath, "I'll be having serious words with Starlight Firecracker about this! I bet that's why these were on special offer!"

She kept trying, her attempts becoming increasingly frantic, but nothing happened. Leech couldn't simply switch forms without the cover provided by the fireworks, as the distinctive color of his magic aura would make it obvious that he was a changeling.

The audience grew angrier and angrier - all they could see was Trixie standing on the stage, her horn glowing uselessly, and their Mayor still looking like a statue. Soon, objects began to rain down on Trixie from the raging mob - apple cores, rotten fruit, balls of paper, even more dangerous items like small logs and an empty jam jar. Trixie quickly dived behind the stage curtain. She poked her head around and desperately pleaded with the crowd.

"Please, give Trixie time! These spells are very complex, and Trixie cannot concentrate if you throw things at her!" she wailed, waving a hoof despairingly at the seething mass of ponies that stood before her.

The marauding crowd were beyond bargaining with at this point, and they began to push against the stage, as if they were trying to tip it over. Leech, who was still keeping up the act of being a petrified Mayor, had seen enough. He wasn't about to let his friend get hurt by these lunatics! With a flash of green magic flame, he assumed his true form and flew above the center of the stage.

"It'zz alright!" he shouted to the crowd "Izz not really Mayor!"

He beamed proudly at the gathered ponies, not realizing the extent of his folly. The crowd again momentarily fell silent. Trixie, watching from behind the curtain, felt her stomach churn - she knew exactly what was going to happen next.

"A CHANGELING! GET IT!" shrieked a mare from the back of the crowd "AND GET THAT TRICKSTER WHO HARBORED IT TOO!"

The now fuming crowd charged the stage en masse, knocking it down and causing Trixie to fall off the back of it, just as Trixie had expected. Leech swooped down and grabbed Trixie between his front hooves. Although his wings still ached from the journey to Trottingham, he flapped his hardest and quickly flew Trixie away from the near-rioting ponies. Some of them had inexplicably acquired pitchforks and flaming torches from somewhere, and were preparing to pursue them. Only when the real Mayor came out to see what the commotion was did the crowd calm down and disperse.

----------

Trixie and Leech were already far away from the scene of madness by the time this happened, however. They buzzed over treetops and through valleys before Leech set Trixie down in the woodland where the wagon was parked.

"That wazz a closzze one!" buzzed Leech, mopping his brow - which was odd, since changelings didn't sweat.

Trixie just glared wordlessly at him, her face glowing crimson and her brow deeply furrowed. Her face seemed ablaze with silent fury, her entire body trembling as if struggling to contain her barely-bridled rage. She turned and headed up the steps, opened the wagon door and went inside.

"Guezz thizz show didn't go how you wanted, huh?" called Leech sadly. "Leech izz zzsorry for-"

Leech was interrupted by the wagon door slamming, and being bolted from the inside. He saw that his basket had been thrown out of the door and was resting on the ground at the bottom of the steps.

"Oh." he said quietly.

Comments

[TeaPartyCannon]

Well, that could have gone worse! Wonder how Leech is going to fix this one?

It's nice to see an update so soon! I can't wait to see what happens next!

[Mr. Grimm]

Aw man, that chapter was epic. I especially liked how the crowd reacted to Leech, like he was some kind of bee or spider in someone's house.

[Twifight Sparkill]

Okay, so Trixie's show was a bust. Leech tried, the poor little bugger!

The chapter was a great success at least! Bravo, Gizmo! There have been some very interesting and (by their author's shock) unexpected stories achieving notable success lately! Looks like you're one the brave, the few, the... recent? Yes, that works!

I expect great things for you in the future. No pressure.

[SuperChaosKG]

Well that was a fail. Man oh man, this fic is STILL hilarious, even as I write a 1:00 a.m.

[banjo2E]

"Incestuouszz? Ugh. No. Thizz izz not that kind of fic."

oh god, there's two of them

[ColdGoldLazarus]

Poor Leech. He didn't even need to save Trixie; he could have just escaped then and there, and does he get any graditude?

[Iamsorry]

awwwww
i feel so sorry for leech D:

[-Serpent-]

Poor Leech.

[OceanRider]

Poor leech