• Member Since 29th Feb, 2012
  • offline last seen Jan 5th, 2016

Juu50x


T
Source

Twilight prepares for the most important night of her life. But it doens't go exactly as she had wanted...

Story was inspired by SolFoe's Study Interruption

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 20 )

I would highly suggest that you try and do some writing exercises to try and improve your prose. Sprinkle in some imagery and descriptive phrasing to avoid any instances where the perspective might sound mechanical. One problem that I noticed was that Luna was acting a tad off for me. She doesn't really strike me as being socially competent enough to be 'seductive'. If anything I think that would make a relationship with Twilight more interesting.

Food for thought, you know. Nice job overall.

'Tis was good!

693286 Maybe, but I've already wrote fanfiction about three years now and my writings hasn't that much changed.
And, well I think that Luna can be. But only around Twilight and when they are alone. And I kind of always think that in a way, Luna is the one bit more "forward" in their relationship while Twilight is the uncertain one :twilightsheepish:

By the Night I absolutely loved this. Short and sweet, even though I usualy prefer longer works there can never be enough TwiLuna :heart:
Some little things

The name on the list was the sole reason for this night. This was reason why this night would be so important.
“Star Swirl the Bearded: Mysteries of Magic, Volume XX!” Twilight squealed like a school filly ...

I :facehoof: literaly build up Perfect Romantic Situation in my Mind and then 404 Error, total Crash to Reality :pinkiegasp: that was brilliantly done. :rainbowlaugh:

Story was inspired by SolFoe's Study Interruption
hmm linking the Picture or better yet asking SolFoe if you can use it as a Cover would be better
At first I could't remember what it actually was, so I searched on Fimfiction, EqD, and Google and came up with nothing then I remembered that it was a Picture so a quick jump to deviant got me the results SolFoe's Study Interruption

and at last some small Errors I caught.
“You have no idea how [long] it took me to get this book!” Twilight exclaimed happily.
This wasn't getting nowhere[anywhere], she needed [to] return back to her book

700597 Thanks :pinkiehappy: ! I was hoping that "scene" with Twilight preparing for the night would give the reader different idea :rainbowlaugh:
And SolFoe was fine with me using her picture. But for some reason when I linked the picture it didn't appear. But I've fixed that now :pinkiehappy:

Lot of spelling and grammar errors sadly, that detracted from my engrossment in the story. :ajsleepy:

722806 Is it really that bad :rainbowhuh: ? I don't think it's that bad in my opinion and lot of people had commented that, even with my spelling and grammar errors, they've still enjoyed it. :applejackunsure:
But everybody have their own tastes. :pinkiesmile:

A short sweet story that made me d'aaw. I enjoyed this. :pinkiesmile:

724982
Well, it's pretty off-putting to me I'm afraid, but then as I proof-read perhaps I notice them more than others?

725507 Ah, that might be the "problem" then. But then again, I don't notice lot of change in my stories once my proof-reader had send them back to me. And English isn't my first language and writing hasn't been my strongest points either.

725679
That's entirely up to you and your proof-reader, of course.

Bit short. Ending wasn't all that great either...

Hey.

You've been getting a lot of flak for some minor issues with your story (It's not descriptive enough. Luna is sort of out of character. That sort of stuff) But I think overall for a short piece it's really good.

760686 Thanks :twilightsmile:
Well, I can't blame them. And I'm fine with those kinds of comment, especially if they where somewhat able to enjoy it.
But then again, my writing skills are not best ones as I most of the time have some problems of "expressing myself" through writing.

And there was much approving. :pinkiehappy: A lovely little snipit of TwiLuna Fluff. Wonderful and utterly diabetes inducing. Well done. :twilightsmile:

1033633 Thank you. :twilightsmile:

I hope that you are able to survive (and enjoy) my other TwiLuna one-shots also :pinkiehappy:

Yeah i didn't really like the ending much, I think you could have written a little bit more but overall great story. :pinkiehappy:

2326027 Yeah I agree. But I didn't have any ideas for it, so I decided to go with Twilight and Luna having a sexy night :derpytongue2:

Heh, sorry no clopfic

No worries^^ Fics dont need clop to be good^^ I honestly rather enjoy fluffyness like this tha leaves something to imaginaton^^

I just read this again afer all these years.

Still an enjoyable, short Tuna.
If you find this and havent yet read it, give it a go, you won't be disapointed :pinkiehappy:

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