the first human in equestria (Part 2 is gonna be much better then part 1) and actually you need to read part 2 first cause i don't want that people are reading part 1 anymore cause i know it's gonna be disliked.
Chapters (2)
my little smokey64
Joined 11th May, 2012 ·
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Mary fucking sue. How did this get posted?
694576 yeah it's my first story and i'm not english
:(
Okay okay, let me be nice. I'll be nice. Yup.
So it's your first story? Well alright. We've all been there. We've all boarded the train at some point, right? Well then, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt here.
People don't like HiE stories with little to no original twists to them (not that there are many more 'twists' left, but still).
694578 Fan fictions 101: if bad fic: ME SORRY ME FIRST TIME (sad face goes here). I mean...holy shit what is this abamination of a Fan fic? I swear, Poultron or another Admin/Mod must have gotten into the hospital just by reading this shit.
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You should have put forward more chapters in beginning. It gives people a sense that you are going any where with this.
Also I am a former Russian national. English is a second language to me but I still type a good fic.
God really the lack of any good grammar or spelling. PeaceColt112 would have a field day.
ok...
Can't tell if trollfic...
694585 dude i'm just 14 years i'm not good at writing stories and i wanted to write 1 and i did my very best! and worked hard on it!
694632 Are you fucking retarded? Posting your age on the internetz? And 14? Get. The. Fuck. Out. And never come back until get get a MVG++ on Writing or someting. And stick to your shitty Xbox 360 and/or Ps3. We dont want your ''kind'' here.
Alright. Calm down guys, leave the guy alone, 'kay?
I'd give this a full review on grammar, spelling and story, but that's be pointless.
my little smokey, I'd take this down just to avoid the haters. The maybe -- just maybe -- you could write another, better version.
Or something completely different. But that isn't the point.
The point is that no one will enjoy this, believe me. I've read enough of these types of stories to know it. In a few years, if you keep learning English and develop more writing skills, you could come out with a good story.
Cheers.
694650 i don't like xbox and ps3 and i will never leave this site.
694668 yeah well thanks for advice but in the years i always get bullied in real life and internet i better never make a story again right?
Well, we shouldn't be too harsh on him. Love and tolerate, everypony. I'm sure that if some of us provided some good pointers, he'd understand what makes a good story.
First of all, HiE stories too often follow the same old and worn formula of some guy ending up on Equestria, meeting the mane six and/or princesses, and getting along with them pretty soon afterwards. You need to rethink that, add some kind of a clever twist. Something that's not often done. Maybe not even place him in Equestria, like I've done in my fic.
Also, make sure your grammar is correct. Learn what homonyms are, don't flip between tenses, remember to capitalize letters accordingly, and so on.
Lastly, the description you've provided of your fic is dismal, and frankly said, dissuaded me from reading the fic. That's never a good thing.
694687 Never make a story again? Seriously, just sick at it. If you have a passion for something go for it! Get better at the required skills, and if you are so concerned about bullying and having a bad name -- make a new account. No one can see you behind the internet, a new account is the easiest way to get away from any haters (I did that on a forum once..).
I hate to see people be bullied or upset.
Good luck in the future.
694705 ok thx.
694707 No problem mate!
If you keep on writing one day and want some help, just message me, okay?
Once again, good luck.
694682 then you are a retard. Go on, make my day good sir. Make more crappy fics. I fucking dare you. and the whole HiE is overdone to the poin where everyone is starting to hate it, you won't find any more ideas in the future. And bullied irl? Oh boo-hoo. You are the reason why this new generation sucks so hard even Gordon Freeman says bad things about it, and he don't speak. Go back to school and stay there until you are about 20.
694728 no i have good reputation on school VERY GOOD i will have a future and i didn't know that people hates HiE alright!? and in the future when i'm 16 or 17 i will go to high school for studies! and BTW and i didn't know that people hates HiE alright!?
694728
You, sir, do not show embrace for the Love & Tolerate standard that is pertinent to brony culture. May I kindly suggest that you review your demeanor and promptly rectify it? Thank you.
694727 ok thanks! : D
694747 Oh where did you get Scumbag Steve's hat? You clearly staded in a presvious comment (not to me) that you where bullied. Ypu really are one stupid mother fucker. HiE hated? NO FUCKING SHIT its so unorigina that even Parodys is more original. Oh and good luck what that ''future''. And don't repeat the same shit again.
694751 you're right suomibrony : D
694751 Oh my, who are you? On wait..Just some random guy on the internet. Where was the Love and Tolerance during the ''Derpy incedend''? I sure did not see any.
694764nope you're stupid you don't love and tolerate that is something standard in the brony culture just like suomibrony says!
694632
I am recently 14 too, but I at least know some English, and it isn't my first language either, I'm Arabic.
694775 ok cool right? : D
694769
I decided not to mix myself in that sordid fiasco, and I'm quite saddened that many did.
694773i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/113/729/look-at-all-the-fucks-i-dont-give-theyre-just-falling-from-the-sky.jpg
694789 Its cool Bro'
I read it...Please, rip my eyeballs out and kill me now..
Once again, just chill out SomeBrony. Why are you so bothered, anyway? Do you think he'll get better if we just constantly throw insults and be snide to him? No! 'Course not. You've said your piece, and we all understand -- you don't like this. Fine. If you have nothing constructive to say now, don't say anything.
694808 oh i see you don't like it huh? well you sure DON'T show love and tolerance right?
Don't hate on this guy...Yes, it's not a good fic...It's a generic HiE story and it's not even written good...So what? Is that a reason to bully him? This is Fimfiction. Everyone has the right to post a story here. Not every story is good, and some are bad. Seriously stop all this hating, it's not fair. Has one of YOU ever written a story? Some of you probably did, so you should know how mind-fucking it is to receive only hate. If you didn't like it, just click the dislike button and leave. I guess he will figure out from the dislike bar, that he didn't do good. You don't need to tell him that.
694808 Oh and for you...I can do that...
694832
I don't like it, not at all, but I never said I wouldn't tolerate it being here, I'd thumb it down, since it isn't that great, but I wouldn't bully you for it.
694805 haters gonna hate just like you SomeBrony
694845 yeah but i didn't like it when you said i read it kill me now and rip my eyeballs out that make me feel different if you post that.
694847 i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/223/859/Four%20words%20for%20you.jpg
694864 nope i won't take that hint of yours
When the author of a poor story expresses a desire to improve, then I will at least be respectful enough not to thumb down his or her story. On principle, I thumb only down those stories where the author is too proud and/or stubborn to listen to advice, or is otherwise an obnoxious buffoon. Telling the author, who wishes to become a better author, to scram with petty insults, is not advice.
Wow, some bronies really shouldn't be allowed to be bronies if they can't love and tolerate. And others just need to chill out.
694867 Oh boo-hoo im so sad. Fuck off and die in a hell hole. Your punny ''insults'' are noting more than a tiny poke on me.
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694893 you know you shouldn't be allowed as a brony and do you know how it feels to be bullied huh??? no i don't think so it fucking hurts and people kill their selves for being bullied and you think you're cool to bullie me huh and other people right/ well fuck you and try to understand that you need to show some more love and tolerance!!
694893
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694910 i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/003/725/CA2AZEUYCAV8D8DWCAV6DFI1CAHE3E9TCARKHXZQCASANZM7CAFNWYA9CA1RMWYCCAGRO037CA9S5RGOCAD79DODCAHA78T7CA20C1E6CAXTHXO1CAPJOTJ8CA2W6KD5CA11VCFBCA3MGIBOCAVSQ0LF20110724-22047-1b0snlk.jpg
694911 Kay'
694919 NOPE JIJ IRRITANTE GESTOORDE GEK TOLEREER MEER!!
694939 lol who say i'm crying huh? i'm speaking dutch you don't understand anything right?and lol who say i'm crying huh? i don't cause the things you do are only for stupid irritating rude people i'm not crying for that ! tering lijer!
694953 i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/132/280/1307651951001.jpg
694955 Nope
694955 Are you serious? Nothing better to do than using one meme after another? Get a real life, a Backbone and some education, little Kid.