Velvet Missteps

by PhycoKrusk

Phase 3

The sun rose idyllically over Ponyville, and Sombra Crepúsculo idyllically slept in for an additional one hour and thirty two minutes afterwards, snoring idyllically. Also, very loudly.

But finally, he did get out of bed and went stumbling out into the corridor and face-first into the wall across from the bedroom door. “Ow,” he mumbled before taking a step back, turning and setting off again right into the opposite wall. “Nnng,” he growled. Frustrated fully awake, he stepped back one more time, turned himself to face the actual correct direction, and set off once more, grumbling all the way to the point in the corridor when something tickled his nose. He stopped and sniffed at the air, and then followed his nose all the way to a set of doors that, once opened, led right into the dining room.

Everyone else that had stayed the night at Twilight’s Crib was already assembled around the large, round table that dominated the truthfully not very large room (and seriously, you’d think bonafide royalty would have a killer dining room but what do I know?). Three little fillies at one end of the table (editor’s note: it’s a table, so it has ends even though it’s round; stop interrupting), Twilight and a suspiciously buddy-buddy Velvet at another, one empty setting with a white napkin, and all of them faced with big stacks of —

“Morning, girls!” Sombra said cheerily. “Are those pancakes I smell?”

“Morning, Mister Crepúsculo!” the three fillies replied.

“Morning, Pops! I made breakfast. I hope you’re in the mood for pancakes,” said Twilight, soundly oddly cheerful. Her horn shined as three of the aforementioned pancakes took to the air and gracefully landed on the empty plate as Sombra approached.

“These look great, Sparkle! I didn’t know you could cook,” Sombra remarked as he took a seat. With a flick of his hoof, he unfurled his napkin and tied it around his neck.

“Well, not usually,” Twilight replied. “Only when, um, circumstances.…”

“Well, I hope those happen more often. You must’ve had a really good night’s… sleep….”

Sombra looked at Twilight.

Twilight grinned nervously.

Sombra looked at Velvet.

Velvet grinned smugly.

Sombra looked to the three fillies sitting at the table with them, obliviously eating their breakfast. “Girls, it’s a nice day today. Why not spend it outside? Here —” His horn flashed, and all three of them suddenly found themselves each in possession of a small sack filled with bits — “Have some money and buy yourselves some treats.”

They each stared at the sacks in front of them before snatching them up. “Thanks, Mister Crepúsculo!” they shouted before they took off for the world outdoors. With a smile, Sombra watched them for several seconds until they’d left the room, and then waited several more seconds to give them time to get some distance.

And then, he looked back to Twilight.

“So,” he began, propping his head up on one hoof — elbow on the table — and wearing a grin of his own that was entirely too snide. “Did Velvet make a convincing argument for helping her?”

Twilight blushed furiously.

Velvet grinned even more smugly. “Oh, I think two, at least,” she replied.

“H-hey, that’s right! I have a thing I need to show you! In the lab!” And with that, Twilight promptly teleported away, leaving behind a surprised Velvet Step and a chuckling Sombra Crepúsculo, who was stepping back from the table.

“So,” Sombra began again as he walked up alongside Velvet. “Did she have any counterarguments?”

“Mm, three,” Velvet replied.

“Three? Up high!” Sombra raised his hoof in the air, and then ‘klak’d it against Velvet’s when she raised her own up. And then the air snapped, crackled, and popped, and once Velvet had blinked the spots out of her eyes, she found that she and Sombra were back in Twilight’s laboratory. So was Twilight, in fact. In all likelihood, this was the result of some spell that Sombra had cast, or at least Velvet was fairly confident it had not been another editing mistake (although Shining Armor had not done a very good job explaining exactly what those were, so she was not prepared to discount anything just yet).

Twilight was already there, of course, a giant stack of papers suspended in her magic as she shuffled through them, at least until Sombra cleared his throat. “So, there’s something you wanted to show us?” he asked.

The stack of papers promptly vanished in a purple burst, and Twilight spun to face them. “Well, getting Velvet home is tricky because of how many variables there are, never mind just getting the power needed to move between dimensions. I mean, look at this!” Twilight’s horn flashed, and a clipboard with paper barely holding onto it flew across the room until it was caught in Sombra’s magic and brought to his face to read.

“Let’s see…” Sombra muttered, looking over Twilight’s findings. Velvet snuck a peek too, but it was mostly squiggles and numbers to her. “Subspace… membranes… flux capacity…” The clipboard suddenly shot away from a wide-eyed stallion. “O-o-one-point-twenty-one gigawatts?!”

“I-is that bad?!” Velvet squeaked in alarm.

“Yes!” Sombra exclaimed. His expression shifted to contemplative and he brought a hoof to his chin. “Well, no, not really. I mean, in theory, it’s easy to produce that much power. We just have to cut down a lot of trees.”

That only left Velvet less certain, but before she could ask one of the questions coming to her mind, Twilight beat her to it. “We would have to do that, but then, as often happens, last night I felt myself about to be brilliant,” she said. “And then, I was. Brilliant, that is. We won’t even need to cut down any trees!”

“You mean you figured it out?” Velvet asked, her hopes rapidly on the rise and her past questions forgotten.

Twilight looked at her with a beaming smile. “You bet I did!” she replied. “Blah blah blah dimension blah blah portal blah blah bah!”

“Blah blah blah!” Sombra chimed in. “Blah subspace blah blah blah distortion blah blah space-time continuum!”

“Blah! Velvet blah blah home blah blah blah!”

Twilight and Sombra both gave Velvet expectant smiles.

Velvet stared at them with glassy eyes. “I’m a dancer,” she said, wearing an expression that suggested her brain had attempted to shift gears without a clutch.

Sombra quirked his brow. “What’s that got to do with anything?” he asked.

“I think she means that she doesn’t have the necessary background to understand what we just said,” Twilight said. “Which, I guess makes sense, since this is pretty esoteric stuff, even for a lot of unicorns. I’m sorry, Velvet.” The alicorn looked at the floor, dejected. “I wasn’t thinking.”

“Oh, don’t worry about it, Twilight. It’s fine,” Velvet replied, receiving a smile in return. Then, they both jumped with a start.

“No! It’s not fine! Spike! Take a letter!” Sombra declared before clearing his throat. “Dear Princess Celestia-Sextus, I have just been informed of the disturbing state of educational curricula in your Equestria, particularly the lack of any time spent on theoretical sub-quantum physics. As you should well know, knowledge in this field of study is absolutely essential for any colt or filly to know, especially for young unicorns when they strike out to design and construct their first doomsday device. Kindly block out two hours of your schedule on the date most convenient for you so that we may have a discussion regarding strategies and methods through which this terrible oversight can be corrected. Sincerely, Sombra Crepúsculo, AKA Sombra-Decimus.”

“You do know that Spike’s on vacation, right?” Twilight asked.

Sombra stared at Twilight, and then looked at the floor to his side, as if he were expecting someone to be standing there in the empty space. “No, I did not know that,” he said, looking back to Twilight with a frigid glower. “I find myself wondering why you let me dictate to the air instead of stopping me like a responsible pony.”

“It was still a nice letter?” Velvet interjected before things got out of control.

Sombra was silent for several seconds. And then, he grinned. “It was, wasn’t it?” he said.

“Very nice!” Velvet replied, before she quickly turned to Twilight. “And speaking of nice, does all that mean you can get me back home?”

“You bet!” With a tiny bit of flair, Twilight spun back around to review her charts. “With this new method, it’ll take some time, but it’ll be a cinch. I could probably do it in my sleep.”

As Twilight finished speaking, Velvet couldn’t stop herself from noticing the grin on Sombra’s face, or that certain glint in his eye.

“So, just so we’re clear, you don’t need any help with this, right?” Sombra asked. “And it wouldn’t be a problem if, say, I gave Velvet the grand tour, even if she’s only here for a little bit longer?”

“No, I should be able to handle this fine. In fact, the grand tour sounds like a wonderful idea!” Twilight replied as she turned around. She was greeted by the door to her lab, her lab equipment, and a decided lack of any other ponies. A white napkin fell lazily to the ground.

Twilight stared dumbly at the abandoned space, and then ground her teeth as her face twisted in anger. “Well, maybe I wanted to give her the grand tour!” she said, throwing up a hoof in protest. “You didn’t stop to consider my feelings, did you?!”

Naturally, there was no response.

With a low growl, Twilight turned back to her equipment and got to work. “As soon as he’s not looking, I’ll settle that stallion’s hash….”

Author's Note:

I find it interesting how Sombra's voice, in my head, has changed from Mike Pollock's Dr. Eggman (Sonic Boom) to Curtis Arnott's Alucard (Hellsing Ultimate Abridged). For some reason, this actually makes the delivery funnier, I think. But maybe that's just me.

In other news, three weeks, huh? Trust me, no one is more disappointed in me than I am. But hey, uh, I think I got all of my mistakes?

Comments

[PresentPerfect]

Not a fan of the sex joke, but this?

“No, I did not know that,”

Comedic genius.