I'm The Villain?

by Roxxi

Good Deeds Gone Bad - Things Aren't What They Seem

Canterlot Castle

Tia Kettle, silver coated unicorn in a uniform akin to a waitress’s, knocked politely on the door of Princess Celestia’s private study. “Excuse me Princess Celestia, your evening tea has been prepared, may I come in?” She waited patiently then entered after the door had open itself for her. “I know you asked me, if it were feasible, to prepare you a new flavor of tea, something unusual. Regrettably, we were out of anything but the standard flavors you are accustomed to.” The unicorn bowed deeply as her magic set the steaming cup down on the table where Celestia had been proofreading a few proposed laws.

The alabaster alicorn smiled serenely at her servant, that was nothing to be sorry for. “Do not worry Miss Kettle; I do not blame anypony for an uncontrollable circumstance. I enjoy all flavors of tea, be they exotic or domestic, you have nothing to apologize for. You may have the rest of the night off if you wish, you have earned it.” Celestia turned back to her work, but noticed Tia Kettle had not yet left.

“Is there something troubling you my little pony?” Celestia asked, momentarily setting aside any thoughts of zoning laws or taxes systems. Kettle shifted nervously and nodded hesitantly.

“Y-yes Princess Celestia, the tea I prepared for you was not made from ingredients from the royal stocks. A strange mare had approached me in the kitchen and presented me with a small package of tea leaves. She claimed to be from the far end of Equestria, an ambassador of sorts from a pony tribe living in the wilderness. She claimed that the leaves were a peace offering to open communications.”

Celestia nodded, this was not an uncommon occurrence in royal affairs. Foreign ponies would always send her a rare tea as an offering to get on her good side, which was unnecessary. Not unwelcome, just unnecessary. “This is nothing out of the ordinary, why does this trouble you?”

“The mare who brought it seemed… Well she seemed off, something wasn’t right. And the way she promised it would ‘Give you a new perspective’ also did not feel right. I am just worried for your safety Princess.”

Celestia laughed gently. “I will be fine, I promise you. There is nothing to worry about, had the tea been harmful or hazardous to my health, the warning runes I have in my study would have alerted me immediately. However, if it will assuage your trepidations regarding my well-being, you may stay here with me, does this satisfy you?” The unicorn relaxed slightly and nodded.

“I assure you I will be unharmed, now I shall enjoy this tea while it is still warm.” Raising the cup to her lips with her magic, Princess Celestia took a long and slow drink. She licked her lips delightedly.

“Oh this is divine! It has so many wonderful flavors, and it makes my whole body tingle, as if I have more energy than before!” Celestia took another deep drink of the mystery tea and smiled at Kettle. “I feel a trifle different though my dear Kettle.” Celestia rose from her desk and moved slowly towards the nervous tea barista.

“Different? Sh-should I alert the guards and fetch the royal doctor?” Kettle had already made to back out of the room when she was pulled closer by the alicorn’s magic.

“Oh no my little pony, I merely feel more loving. I love all my little ponies, and now I feel as if I should show them how much I love them, shouldn’t a princess show her subjects how much she cares for them?” Celestia gently caressed the shivering unicorn’s flank.

“P-princess?” Kettle asked with a shaky tone of confusion. “Th-this isn’t right, at least it doesn’t seem right… You are the princess and I am a servant! This is very improper!” Kettle began to try and pull away, but couldn’t help but shiver and gasp when Celestia’s hooves brushed her cutie mark. “Oh m-my!”

“I always did enjoy a sweet treat with my tea, and this treat will be sweeter than any candy, I’m sure.” Celestia grinned slyly at Kettle, lifting her onto the desk she had been working at, scattering papers across the room. “They say honey and tea are excellent to mix, may I borrow some from your honey pot my dear Kettle?”

The blushing unicorn nodded slightly, and Celestia dove between the barista’s legs eagerly with a wide grin plastered on her face.

Outside Celestia’s Private Study

Nightmare Moon blinked, this was… something, that was for sure. Whether it was shockingly disturbing or devilishly hilarious, she couldn’t be sure. When she had slipped the Poison Joke to the royal barista in the form of her sister’s one weakness, tea, she had expected the results to be something else entirely, perhaps becoming very irritable, that she’d start hating tea, become deeply depressed or even have her coat changed to a different color. Hay, having her rump make musical noises sounding like a banjo would have seemed more likely!

This? This was something unexpected altogether; her sister was practically molesting a pony in her study!

“Well… It certainly will cause a lot of trouble here before the tea’s effects wear off, so… Mission Accomplished, I guess.” Nightmare whispered quietly to herself, not wanting to draw any attention to herself. It was already risky enough just being in the castle, let alone making her presence known by being too loud. Nightmare’s form twisted and faded into a cloud of starry vapor, slipping out of a nearby window, headed back towards her little sandbox called Ponyville.

Ponyville Monument Statue Inc.

An intimidating looking alicorn handed a detailed diagram to Stone Walls, the burly coal black earth pony with a brick wall on his flank who was in charge of Ponyville Monument Statue Inc., or PMS Inc., as it was often mockingly called in hushed tones.

“Jeez lady, you got a real piece of work, that‘s what this is. You said it‘s for the Princess? I can‘t believe she‘d want something like this built, it‘s the craziest thing we‘ve ever had asked for. I‘m just not so sure about how level this is…”

Nightmare sighed, this had been his whole speech for the last half hour. “As I told you, the Princess” She said the word with annoyance, having to call her sister a name with such honor attached to it was not something she enjoyed, but it had to be done. “Wants this statue to be done precisely according to those plans. But if you can’t do it, I’ll just inform her that she needs a new builder to make her statue.” She started to walk away and to the doors of the building when Stone called to her.

“Alright, we’ll give it our best. If Princess Celestia wants it, I guess it‘s our job to make it happen.” The stone mason poked his head out of a door and yelled to the workers in the warehouse attached to the main office, and Nightmare Moon made a disgusted face about the Celestia comment behind his back. “HEY GUYS! GET THIS STATUE DONE ASAP, IT’S FOR THE PRINCESS!” A green earth pony ran up to take the plans from Stone and glanced at them, disbelief on his face.

“You’re joking, right boss? She wants THIS?”

Stone shrugged. “Royalty ain’t always sensible and down to earth, ya know Morty? They get eccentric sometimes.”

Chip Mortar sighed, that name was never going to leave his life. “Yes sir, I’ll have everypony get started right away.” With a quick salute, Chip turned and trotted back outside to gather the workers for the statue’s construction.

“When will you finish the statue? Princess Celestia wants it done as soon as you can.” The mischievous mare asked.

Stone thought for a moment, rubbing his chin in deep thought. “Well… With the requested materials, dimensions, and the plaque, along with express delivery… I’d say this’ll take no more than an hour or two, you got real lucky lady. Got here just as the best team we have clocked in. It’ll be delivered to the castle, no worries.”

Nightmare reached for a money pouch and started to open it. “How much will this cost?” The stallion waved a hook and shook his head.

“Not a single bit, consider a gift to the princess, alright?” Nightmare nodded; slightly relieved she wouldn’t have to pay for this.

“You take care of yourself tonight; a lot of ponies have run into misfortune this night.” Stone warned her as she walked out the door. Nightmare smiled back at him wryly.

“I’m sure nothing will go wrong, this has been a very lucky night for me so far.”

The Cutie Mark Crusader Clubhouse

Nightmare trotted up the wooden ramp to the tree house of a group of fillies on a mission to earn their cutie marks together. This was just something that had to been done; playing with children was a must if one was going to integrate into a community such as Ponyville.

However, throwing a town like that into chaos required a different approach with children.

Nightmare Moon could hear several voices coming from within the tree house. She stopped to listen; perhaps one of the little fillies would give her an idea.

“Shoot, Ah’m starting to think we’ll never earn out cutie marks…” Apple Bloom sighed, flopping face facedown on a large beanbag chair.

“Yeah, your sisters were totally shooting our hopes down. Applejack said we couldn’t use the barn to try and earn our cutie marks in demolition, and then blames us because some crazy dragon thingy smashes it! Not fair on so many levels! Then Rarity says we can’t use her dress stuff to make costumes so we can get cutie marks in horror film make-up art.” Scootaloo snorted, thumping her hoof on the floor with a frown darkening her features.

“Ugh, this is the worst night ever! Dumb night, dumb everything! I told Rarity we’d clean up after we were done, but she wouldn’t listen.” Sweetie Belle groaned dramatically, falling back into a beanbag chair in a way she had seen her older sister do countless times before.

“So… You three fillies are in distress because you have no cutie marks?” They all whirled around to come face to face with an imposingly tall alicorn. Scootaloo spread her wings out in an instinctual defense method and stood in front of Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle, the latter of which was shaking slightly.

“Hey! Crusaders only, who the hay are you? Are you a spy? Huh?!” Scootaloo growled and took a step forward. Apple Bloom nodded and Sweetie Belle copied her, only not looking as brave as her friends.

“Why my little fillies, I am the… The Spirit of Cutie Marks! I help all the poor blank flanks of the world find their special talent, and I thought you three would like my help.” Nightmare grinned at them, bowing and spreading out her wings, stretching from wall to wall and giving her introduction more flair.

The Cutie Mark Crusaders gasped in disbelief, finally somepony was going to actually help them instead of shooting their attempts out of the sky. Scootaloo ran forward and wrapped her hooves around the older mare’s leg.

“Thankyouthankyouthankyou! This is totally awesome! So what are we going to do no-” Scootaloo found herself with a hoof prying her away from their would- be savior and another clamped on her mouth.

Once Nightmare Moon had freed her leg from the zealous grip of the orange pegasus filly, she looked at them all sternly. “There are a few rules however… The first rule is absolutely no useless ramblings, the Great Spirit hates that. The second is you do not, I repeat, do NOT ever argue with what the Great Spirit, which is I, assigns you as your talent. And the most important rule is that you precisely, to the letter, no adlib at all, exactly as the Great Spirit commands you. Do you accept my rules as I have stated them?” She looked at the group expectantly, and smiled as they all nodded fervently.

“I want each of you to close your eyes tightly and count to ten in your head, you will be out into a trance and while you are in this state, I shall bestow upon you your cutie mark, signifying what you are destined to do.” Nightmare carefully explained as she pushed them into a line side by side.

The three fillies all closed their eyes, eager grins on their faces as they imagined their future cutie marks. Scootaloo was quietly chanting something about be as awesome as Rainbow Dash, Apple Bloom was whispering about how she was going to rub her new cutie mark in Diamond Tiara’s face, and Sweetie Belle was simply rocking back and forth in excitement. Nightmare chuckled, this was just too easy.

“By the power vested in me… I, The Great and Powerful Spirit of Cutie Marks, now pronounce you all…” She took a deep breath. “UNCONCIOUS!” The three fillies’ eyes snapped open in confusion.

“What? We‘re wh-”

“Unwhoosit now? Ah-”

“The hay do you me-?”

Each filly silenced by a swift hoof to the face from Nightmare moon. They each dropped like a stack of rock in a party hat. Nightmare Moon conjured up six rolls of parchment, wrote three messages explaining their new marks and a letter from the three best ponies, forged of course, in the field of the talent they would be pushed into on each one and placed them on the nose of the pony it was directed to.

“I love children, so naïve and trusting to strangers! Maybe I should have offered them candy to get in cart help me look for a lost puppy!” She cackled and began painting on the flank of each filly.

“This little filly gets a pair of wings with lighting, this little filly gets a chef hat, and this little filly gets a black book! Oh how I wish I could see the beauty of my genius, too bad I have yet more evil to unleash.” She sighed wistfully and turned to leave the tree house. “It’s a sacrifice I must make, there is simply too much evil left undone in this world right now and I just don’t have the leisure of enjoying the fallout of every tragedy I cause.”

Later, Cutie Mark Crusaders Clubhouse

Scootaloo groaned and rubbed her head, it felt like she face planted of a cliff or something. She opened her eyes and all she could see was a wall of whitish brown. She blinked a few times to confirm what she was seeing, which was apparently nothing.

“I’M BLIND! BLIND! BLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIND!” She screamed and leaped into the air, landing roughly on Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle.

“Oh wait… No I’m not, whew! That was totally freaky; I thought I went blind for a second. Apple Bloom? Sweetie Belle? Where’d you two go?” Scootaloo looked around and then down when the ground started to shake, which wasn’t really the ground, but her friends. She hopped off of them and grinned sheepishly. “Sorry?”

Apple Bloom looked at her narrowly. “What the hay was that? Jumpin’ on me an’ Sweetie because there was paper stuck to yer face. That’s crazy!” Apple Bloom looked at the roll of paper that had fallen off of her nose, and Sweetie Belle had already opened hers to read it.

“It was paper? Weird…” Scootaloo picked hers up and unrolled it. Mumbling under her breath as she read, she gasped suddenly and squealed. “Yes! That crazy spirit mare says my talent is stunt flying and the other letter was from Spitfire, she says I’m totally on the team! I have to go show Rainbow Dash, she’ll love that we’re gonna be Wonderbolts together! Sorry to leave like this, but I gotta!” Scootaloo grabbed her helmet and scooter and took of like a shot.

Apple Bloom looked at hers a little confused. “Ah’m gonna write clop novels… What‘s a clop-” The yellow filly blushed as she read the other letter written to her by Hugh Hayfner. “Oh, th-that’s a clop novel…” She turned to Sweetie Belle, whose face was lit up with joy. “What did you get?

“I knew Rarity was wrong, I’m going to be the head chef at Chez Pony! My special talent is gourmet cooking Apple Bloom!” Sweetie Belle stood up, struck a dramatic pose and looked at Apple Bloom. “I have to get to Chez Pony as soon as possible, or all those starving ponies will have to miss my cooking! Good luck writing Apple Bloom!” And with that, the unicorn filly ran off, leaving a blushing Apple Bloom alone in the clubhouse.

“W-well… Ah better get started…”

Ponyville Public Park

Nightmare Moon looked around as she wandered through the park, looking for any suitable victims to terrorize. It was rather calm and peaceful, two things she hated with a passion. She loved causing trouble and tragedy of all magnitudes, no matter how trifle or how devious.

“Speaking of love and passion, I think I’ve found my next victims.” Nightmare grinned as she walked up to a park bench where to ponies were wrapped in a tight embrace.

“Lyra, I’m so glad you’re back from that concert. I was getting lonely without you this weekend…” A cream colored earth pony said quietly, placing a small kiss on her lover’s cheek.

Lyra blushed faintly and smiled at her. “I’m sorry Bon Bon, but I couldn’t miss a chance like that to play with the Filly Harmonic orchestra. I promise I’ll make it up to you.” Lyra leaned in for a kiss from Bon Bon when a cheery voice sprang up.

“Lyra? Is that you Lyra? Oh goody! I‘m so happy you visited me this weekend, I had so much fun with you!” Nightmare beamed at the stunned Lyra while Bon Bon glared at her.

“Who are you? What the hay are you talking about?” She turned to face Lyra again. “Lyra, what is this mare talking about? You said you were at the concert this weekend.” Lyra sputtered and tried to find something to say but Nightmare beat her to it.

“We made music alright, sweet, hot and heavy music.” The alicorn grinned at Bon Bon and winked. “She made me sing like never before, you’ll love how good she is in bed.” Lyra’s face paled and she struggled to speak in her defense.

“B-bon Bon, I was at the concert, I swear! I don’t even know this freak!” Lyra practically screamed as panic overtook her. Nightmare looked shocked and hurt, she turned away and sniffled.

“A freak? You weren’t complaining when I dressed up like Vinyl Scratch and we-” Nightmare then went on to list a numerous amount of depraved and lewd acts that gave Lyra and Bon Bon fiery red blushes. “Anyways Lyra, come over anytime, my door’s always unlocked.” She winked and trotted off, humming happily to herself.

“Y-you said you l-loved me Lyra! Am I just some f-fling to you now? And Vinyl Scratch?! You want her, you c-can have her! We are done Lyra, finished for good!” Bon Bon ran off into the night crying hysterically and leaving a very confused Lyra alone on the park bench.

“What the hay just happened?” Lyra got up and chased after Bon Bon hoping she could fix whatever had just happened between them.

“Bon Bon! Wait, I don’t even know that Lunatic!”

Author Notes, Thank You Notes, Important News, And Aftermath Scenes Because You Know You Love It When I Do That

Tea Time Is Over, Bring In The Statue!

A flustered looking Princess Celestia was perched in her throne, and on her side sat a disheveled Tia Kettle. Celestia leaned over to the castle’s barista and whispered in her ear.

“I’m so sorry about earlier, I have no idea what came over me. I give you my word it will not happen again.” Kettle smiled slightly and looked at the princess.

“Think nothing of it, I will not tell anypony if you don’t.” Princess Celestia looked relieved and sat upright in her throne. “But between you and I Princess, I wouldn’t mind if you felt different again.” Kettle gave Celestia a subtle wink and she fought to keep her wings tucked against her body as her face turned pink, though whether it was from embarrassment or the thoughts running rampant through her mind, she couldn’t be sure.

“G-guard, bring in the next pony!” Princess Celestia squeaked to the Captain of the Guard who nodded and flew over to the doors of the audience chamber and opened them. Two pegasi rolled a large object covered in a thick cloth and brought it to a halt in front of her throne.

“Here ya go your majesty; the statue you ordered is here, no charge at all!” The pegasus on the left bowed and nodded to his partner, and together they gripped the cloth in their teeth and pulled it off with a flourish. Every single jaw in the room dropped to the floor, pegasi fell out of the air, unicorns and earth ponies fell over in shock, and Princess Celestia nearly had a heart attack.

The statue that had been brought in was indeed a statue of her, but not the way she would have wanted anypony to see her. The Celestia in the statue was leaning on bent forelegs with her very lump rump high in the air and suggestive look on her face. The golden plaque on the statue was not any less humiliating.

Princess Celestia, The Pony With A Plot That Drives You Crazy.

When You See This Pony, You’re Bound To Feel Hazy.

Because This Plot’s Got So Much Mass

Appeal, All You Can Say Is ‘Dat Ass’

The pegasus who had introduced the statue leaned over whispered to his fellow pegasus.

“Hey Rocky, I think she’s impressed with it, whadda you think?”

“Gotta be Quartz, look how speechless she is.”

Crusaders Of Chaos

Scoot On Over Dash

Rainbow Dash was curled up on a small cloud, she still couldn’t believe she had been not only rejected from the Wonderbolts, but banned from ever joining to boot! This was so not awesome.

“At least this can’t get any worse…” Dash mumbled to herself, wiping a tear from her eye.

“Hey Rainbow Dash! Rainbow Dash! Come here!” Scootaloo called from the ground, waving excitedly at her. Rainbow Dash smiled slightly and glided down to the ground. Scootaloo could always rebuild her ego in ten seconds flat with adoring praise.

“Sup squirt? How’s my number one fan?” Rainbow Dash grinned and ruffled the little pegasus’s mane. Scootaloo beamed at her idol and handed her the scroll from Soarin.

“Huh? What’s this squirt?” Rainbow Dash read through the scroll as Scootaloo hopped up and down excitedly.

“Ain’t it awesome Rainbow Dash? We’re gonna be Wonderbolts together!”

THUMP!

Rainbow Dash’s eyes had rolled back in her head and she fainted, falling flat on her back. Scootaloo ran over to her hero and shook her shoulders.

“Rainbow Dash?! Are you okay?! Speak to me, what happened?!” Scootaloo said frantically, maybe she was dead! “Oh man, I killed Rainbow Dash! Everypony’s gonna hate me and I’ll have to go back to the orphanage! Wait, maybe I can hide the body in the forest!” Scootaloo started to drag Dash’s body towards the tree line when the cyan mare groaned quietly in her delirium.

“Even squirt..? Why not me..?” Scootaloo turned around and started dragging the passed out pegasus in the opposite direction.

“Maybe a hospital would be better, and then I can get started on perfecting my routine for the Wonderbolts. It‘s awesome Rainbow Dash was so excited about us being Wonderbolts together, but I didn‘t think she‘d pass out from joy!”

A Not So Sweet Treat

Sweetie Belle wiped her forehead with the hem of her apron and set the blowtorch she had been using down on the counter. She nodded satisfactorily at her latest creation, Fiery French Fired French Fries, also called the High Five. A stunning mass of crispy hayfries set ablaze to add flavor and extra crisp. Deciding to let it set on the counter to let it gather more heat, Sweetie trotted into the main dining room to see the happy looks on her customers’ faces.

“Ahem, excuse me Madame; are you the chef responsible for this meal?” A suave stallion asked, calling her over to his table. Sweetie Belle trotted over and beamed.

“Why yes I am sir, I’m so-”

“Incompetent? Yes, I agree how else could you explain this shoe and dead fly in my Shoo Fly Pie? It’s repulsive! I refuse to eat here anymore!” With a snort of contempt, the snobbish stallion stomped out of the restaurant.

“Well that was rude. Dumb customer…” Sweetie stuck her tongue out childishly at the retreating stallion. “I bet everyone else is enjoying my cooking.” She trotted over to another table where a pair of unicorns on their anniversary date were enthusiastically enjoying their meal.

“Hello, I’m Sweetie Belle, tonight’s head chef at Chez Pony! Are you enjoying your meal? I’ll admit, I had a little trouble getting the stuff for this soup, it took a lot out of me, that’s for certain.” She smiled at the couple warmly.

“Without a doubt, it’s fantastic! Though, I’ve never had Pea Soup this salty before, were the peas fresh?” The cobalt stallion with a crossed set of forks on his flank looked at her inquisitively and his date, a pearl colored unicorn with a handkerchief on her flank also nodded expectantly as she took another spoonful of soup.

“Well of course it’s fresh, I was just in the bathroom right before I put it on the stove. Where else do you get fresh pee?” Sweetie gave the pair of unicorns chiding looks, as if it were silly that they asked if the soup were fresh.

They both blanched immediately. The Stallion spoke first, his voice shaking slightly. “D-did you s-say the bathroom? Is there urine in our soup?!” His date spit her dinner across the table and he lost it. “DISGUSTING! THERE’S PEE ALL OVER MY COAT! THIS IS HORRID!” The stallion grabbed his retching date by the hoof and dragged her out of the restaurant.

An earth pony with dishes in a sink as his cutie mark poked his head through the door. “Uh Miss Belle, I think you might want to come back to the kitchen. Like right now, because… Well tonight’s special, the High Five, is attacking the staff, and it’s setting the kitchen on fire.”

“Dumb restaurant!”

My Little Porny

Setting down her pencil, Apple Bloom looked at her first ever clop novel with a mix of pride and embarrassment. She didn’t know if she had done it well enough to send in to Playcolt Monthly, the same magazine Big Macintosh hid in a box under his bed and claimed to read ‘Just for the articles, Eeeyup!’ She needed an outside opinion, somepony who she could count on to be honest.

“Applejack! Can ya come here fer a second?” Apple Bloom called out to her older sister. A few seconds later, an orange earth pony in a stetson hat trotted into her room.

“What can Ah do fer ya Apple Bloom?” The orange filly handed her a stack of papers written in surprisingly neat handwriting. “What’s this? Ya want me to read this story? Oh Ah get it now, tryin’ to be a writer? Ok, let yer big sis take a look.” Applejack sat on the edge of her little sister’s bed and began reading.

“’Diamond In The Rough, by Bloomin’ Apple. That a pen name? Anyways… Let’s see…” Applejack mumbled under her breath as she read. “The farm pony pushed open the door to the local dress shop and nervously poked her head inside. ‘Anypony home?’ She called out, her voice…” She flipped to the middle, she never liked slow starts. “Er… Here we go… The white unicorn smiled seductively at the orange mare before her. ‘Don’t worry darling, I’ll make sure you get the extra special treatment.’ With a wink she dove between the farm pony thighs, dragging her tongue in slow circles around her little button, earning her gasps of approval from… From…” Applejack paled when she read the name. “J-Jackie Apples and Uniquity hummed into the panting earth pony’s hot center. A spark of magic from Uniquity’s horn brought a small vibrating toy from a nearby dresser which pressed itself against the unicorn’s…” Applejack went from pale to burning red and she stood up to glare at Apple Bloom.

“Wh-what in tarnation is this?! WH-who told y-you about that time with me an- AH mean, who told you to write something like this? Yer just a filly, ya shouldn’t be writin’ things like this!” Applejack hurried over to the window, pushed it open and with a grunt of effort, hurled it out the window. “Don’t ever let me catch ya writin’ sm-smut again!” The furious and blushing farm pony quickly ran out of the room, heading to see if a certain fashionista had spilled the beans about their special meetings.

Out in the orchards, a tall mountain of a stallion was sitting beneath an apple tree looking quite downtrodden.

“Ain’t fair at all, AJ had no right bein’ in my room or takin’ my precious Playcolt. Ah’m a grown stallion, and it’s my choice to own things like that. How the hay was Ah supposed to know Apple Bloom would go snoopin’ around to try and find her doll? Now what am Ah- OOF!” Big Macintosh rubbed his head gingerly and picked up the offending projectile.

“’Diamond In The Rough?’ Hmm, well Ah never heard of it.” He flipped to the middle and began reading, a small blush tinting his face as he went on.

“Didn’t know Playcolt made books.”

Author Notes And Thank You Notes

Ah jeez, did I make this too sexual?

No I’m serious, I was actually thinking that at some point during this, so thoughts on that would be loved with all my heart, as any other comments would be. Not a whole lot else on that subject though…

To The Ponies Who Made This Chapter Possible;

-Thank You Garino, once again, for your lovely suggestion of Poison Joke. I hope you liked my take on it.

-Thank You Kiue Jin, I loved the statue idea, please say you loved it?

-Max The Loco, Oh my Celestia! I’m so sorry I forgot to thank you last chapter, you’re idea with eating all of the cake was fun to make happen, thank you big time!

-Lucky Roll, you suggested making Sweetie Belle a chef, and it actually sparked the entire CMC Scene, thanks a lot buddy!

-Inferno Demon Dash, you actually contributed nothing to the story per say, but the whole fan girlish thing you pulled really threw my confidence in this thing higher up there, so thanks!

-Every single brony and pony who reads this and my other stories. It literally would not be possible for any of these stories and chapters to come to being if it weren’t for your love and support, for that, I love and thank you all so very much from the bottom of my soul and stuff!

Important Information

I will be going on a trip to visit family in Hawaii on Monday, July 2nd and I won’t be back until July 21st at the latest, so if there aren’t any updates in that time period, please don’t abandon reading this story, I am NOT dropping it. I’ll just be busy seeing family, ok?

Sincerely With Lots of Love,

Roxxi

Comments

[ThisAccountIsFalse]

Anti-First Shield Activated.

[Garino]

839317 *BZZZT* Ow! Not that being first matters but that HURTS!

So glad you did the Poison Joke, Roxxi. I loved how you played it out.

[shadowabsol]

Ok. Poison Joke makes celestia go molestia.
I must remember this

[ShamefulHorsefucker]

I would have laughed if it turned out that Applebloom's special talent actually was writing clop novels.

[Roxxi]

839685 Anything for my adoring fans

840277 I always wondered what it would do, and this is what I thought would fit best, extra special love

840621 Right?

[Feurisson]

Good idea, well written, but I couldn't even bring myself to read the first chapter, it became just too cruel Sorry, I guess it's a matter of taste.

[Roxxi]

857202 I agree, the first chapter was a tad more graphic than even I had really planned for. Why don't you start on chapter two, pwease?

[Feurisson]

874247 Okay, I'll restart then on chapter two at some time.

[Roxxi]

875740 I garuntee you'll laugh, or else we'll give back your bits.

No refunds though.

[Scorpion]

Words cannot express the awesomeness of this Fic.

Kinda want to see the unborn foal and spike reviving rarity's gift scenes though.

For Great Justice!

[Roxxi]

980180 Ask ye might possibly recieve if more admiration is paid.

[Scorpion]

989691

The thing I like most about this Fic is that nothing unfixable has happened to any recognizable pony. E.G. Twilight healed with magic, Rarity reorganized, Fluttershy puts up with that kind of abuse all the time, Applejack can rebuild, Rainbow will get over it, Pinkie probably sprung back after the scene transition, the CMCs will eventually wash the paint off.

TL;DR everything can be undone therefore this is dark comedy gold. Not a grimdark violent rampage.

Also, Nightmare Moon is a pyromaniac.

So much win...

For Great Justice!

[Roxxi]

996168 Ye shall recieve thy heart's desire's, the royal ego has been doubled!