• Member Since 14th Nov, 2015
  • offline last seen January 23rd

KDS-Writingindustries


Just a cat who's an author for fun.

T

Heavy spoilers for Undertale

Once there were two races that ruled the land, ponies and monsters.
One day, a war broke out, killing thousands in the process.
The ponies had won, sending there enemies deep underground, and trapping them by using there magic to create 'The Barrier'


Years later, an alicorn foal with a sun for a cutie mark wakes up,
Only to find herself lost, not knowing who she was.
The Story begins.

So, this was inspired by many of tatsurous story's check them out out if you want to.


Re-edit: Seeing this cover art... FILLS ME WILL DETERMINATION
Also,
OH MY BUCKING GOD! :pinkiegasp: LOOK AT THAT BEEEAAAAUUUTIFUL COVER ART MADE BY enamis. I couldn't thank you enough for making such a fabulous cover art :pinkiehappy: I can't believe I was your inspiration (I felt so important) but that doesn't mean I left nightglimmer22 for trash, ooohhhh-nnnooooo, here's her cover art as well [img]http://s29.postimg.org/60p4zg793/image.jpg[/img]
I cannot thank you people enough :pinkiesad2: you fill me with Determination!

Chapters (52)
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Comments ( 563 )

Huh. And here I thought you'd say that ponies and Monsters used different written languages. It would make sense.

Might want to check your tenses. There are several points where you switch between past and present tense.

Its a great start

Tia's got lots of enthusiasm, down to the, BONE. (Not ashamed of pun either. I think it's hilarious.):trollestia:

6646612 Other than that, it's a pretty good read.

6668044 you have know idea how happy that makes me :pinkiesad2:
Thank you for the support, it really get me... Uh *thinking about what pun I could use* nah, forget it, thanks anyway :pinkiesmile:

KEEP IT GOING, IT'S JUST TOO ADORABLE.

6670838 *listens to all of the music*
*Thinks about life and dreams*
......WHAT THE BUCK......w-why?
Why must you bring me the nightmares? :applecry:

Just kidding :pinkiehappy:

(A/N okay, for the sake of pacing, and because I'm not writing repetitive stuff like this I'll just skip the rest of this puzzle, you get the picture, celly got some more gold from fighting and sparing monsters lets move on.)

This is very bad writing form. If you want to skip through things like this, you should write a montage. As for the battles you're skipping,

Celestia encountered a few other monsters as she continued, but through careful diplomacy and kindness, she was able to convince them to leave her be. More gold found its way into her satchel as a result.

As for the puzzle,

Though the room repeated again, the color of the word on the sign allowed her to determine the appropriate switch to activate.

Also...

or to be more pacific.

'Pacific' should be 'specific', and I'd change the '.' to a '...' to indicate the gap.

Okay, the magic lessons and Toriel reacting to messy eater Tia is adorable.

You know I've gotten a ton of reading done today, a skele-ton

Great writing. Even though it spoils the game massively, I don't care as i've already played the game.

Tia is learning how to use magic very quickly, which is always a plus in my book. But when do we get to see her learn how to read?

6680229
*pets the pet cat evilly*
soon
.........
Wait why am I holding my cat?

6682851 I have a pet rock. I think it's losing weight though.

Still needs some editing done, but it looks pretty good so far.

That nightmare though...did Celestia accidentally fail the test in a bad way, only to reload her save?

6684599
I wanted to make the reader figure that out. Or at least guess....
:trollestia:

6686536 I also guessed it. Since it was pretty obvious to me, but I'm not one who judges other peoples writing.

And so....the story unfolds.....great work! I love it!

Nice! Awesome story! Can't wait for it to continue! You planning on doing the pacifist path?

6693226
Well....
yes hence the Spoiler alert in the description :pinkiesmile:

6693691 True pacifist? Or are you gonna do what the game does and force true ending first?

6694045 But where's the fun in that, I'd rather see Celestia get to beat up Flowey. And besides where's the fun in Celestia getting to see Asriel.

6694309 everywhere obviously! Plus, I think there should be a sequel with another character doing genocide route. X3

6694450 And possibly setting Asriel free from being a flower in the pacifist route.

6694450
Another character doing genocide?.....
I don't think I have the will to do that, even if it was comedy...
I CANNOT KILL TORIEL AND PAPYRUS!.....
Soooo, that isn't happening whatsoever, sorry to break your dreams but
true pacifist all the way baby! :pinkiehappy:
P.s how do you read spoilers? I'm not sure how to do it.

6695061 I couldn't kill them either....and your supposed to reveal them by clicking on them....but it's hard for me so I just copy and paste.

6696660 Bruh ._. I'm using an iPhone 4s right now:rainbowlaugh: you think it's hard for you to tap in spoilers, it happened to me in complete accident! I usually have to copy the text and paste it somewhere else!

Too adorable.
And it looks like Toriel's about to discover something of Celestia's nature.

6668044 I was hoping that Flowy whold get eaten but hey this is good never the less.

Love the chapter, and the cover art by the way, it's very well drawn.

Dang...talk about a rough cliffhanger...

I AM DETERMINED TO HOLD BACK MY TEARS!!!!!!! NAGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

6707552 A little too rough if you ask me.

Hmm...interesting way of handling this part. I also like Celestia's conclusion about the barrier there.

Also, if you delete the '.' at the start of the youtube url, it should appear as a video in the story.

Testing...

Keep them. They match up very closely to the original fonts.

Excuse me well I take a sip of my Celes-TEA-a. (Don't dis the puns :trollestia:)
I love bad jokes and puns.

Ah! Very good my little pony, your a natural." Toriel explained cheerfully, going to the next room. Celestia blushed happy to see that her mom was proud of her.
'mom?' The filly shook that thought out of her head 'She wouldn't want me as a daughter, would she?' The filly looked at the dummy again, " Do you she would want me?" The dummy said nothing. Celestia face hoofed, "I'm talking to a dummy. Guess I'm the, dummy now." The pony giggled at her own bad joke, as she trotted to the next room.

YES TIA'S ALREADY MAKING BAD JOKES THIS IS MAKING ME LAUGH SO HARD INSIDE RIGHT KNOW!!!

I'm currently imagining the game grump's voice actin this game as I read through ^^

While this is really cool, ya might wanna go back and do a bit of editing.

6726289

Yeah...
I maybe good at writing cute and heart warming/heart wrenching moments....
But I suck at editing, I do try my best though :pinkiesmile:

That is the most beautiful cover art I have ever seen. :heart:

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