• Member Since 14th Nov, 2015
  • offline last seen 3 hours ago

Napalm monster


Go ahead, don't trust me. Your just wasting your doubt

T

Two news kids. The Shiverribas, Ralph and Aiden Shiverriba move to Canterlot High. The Rainbooms notice Ralph is hiding something. But what? They soon discover that there is a reason Ralph is strange. He writes books, not just ordinary books. Horror books! That's not even the weirdest part, the books are actually a prison for all his monsters. Trapped.

When the Rainbooms accidentally release them all. The Shiverribas and Rainbooms must work together to get all the monsters back in their books, before the town is overwhelmed and destroyed by monsters.

Reader beware, your in for a scare

Chapters (20)
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Comments ( 132 )

"I said, illegal japanese coke-a-cola, They're banned in twelve countries and five states here domestically." Pinkie finished.

Okay, is Pinkie secretly an otaku? By the way FIRST!

this is pretty good keeps to the movie feel alot

Seems interesting, with a few things that seem a little cliché.

Not bad, tbh. It could use some editing and fleshing out. Sprinkle some more details in and make the chapters a tad longer. I know finding an editor isn't easy, heck, noone even responded to me yet about my story and it's been two weeks. I'm guessing Ralph is supposed to be like R. L. Stine from the movie, recluse and kinda odd, but if that's what you're going for, he does need a bit more of that Jack Black sprinkle in there as well. Overall, not a bad story and you write Pinkie really, really well. I loved the movie to death and this has a similar tone.

Now it really feels like the movie. The bear trap thing was really cool, I was hoping you'd include it, also nice original book names, they sound like they could be actual Goosebumps books.

6647048
The fact that Celestia and Luna are both immediately protective. Or that the antisocial kid has a bunch of special abilities.
Plus, Tia and Luna are both concerned for kids who apparently legally living there.
Hello? Rainbow lives alone. So does Flutters.

Nice recreation of the abonidable snowman scene and a good chapter.

6647241 The rest, yeah, but the antisocail kid is based on R. L. Stine from the new Goosebumps movie. If you haven't seen it, you won't really get what this story is trying to do. It's an EQG remake of sorts, again, you have to see the movie to understand Ralph and Aiden's characters.

6647241

Does anyone know if any of them live alone in the EQG movies? , it never says so, so we basically just assume they live with some guardians or parental figure.

6648136
Who would guide Rainbow? She doesn't have a guardian.

6648157
Exactly so who does she live with? All by herself?

6648205
Seems the most likely to me. The CMC are high-schoolers in EQ. High school is 3 grades. Therefore, the Mane 6 MUST be, at most, three years older than the CMC. The Mane 6 have adult figures.

Interesting, I like how you took that Stine said he was bullied in the movie and created the monsters as friends and saviors from said bullies, and totally took that and made it original, nice job. So, I also take it Aiden is real and not like the girl from the movie, which is good cause that twist would've been easy to see cause of the movie. And this Bonehead is like the Slappy of the book, that's also a really cool addition. All in all, a very cool, informative chapter. And I've been writing for a year and I'm still a noob, so don't worry about it, I mean my stories are horrendous as much as I try. Look forward to tomorrow's chapter!

6650502

Thank you:pinkiesmile:

Always nice to receive positive and honest feedback. I'm going to try to keep the story close to the movie while adding a few things of my own personal changes that won't make it ENTIRELY predictable from the movie. I mean if you watched it

6650750 Yeah, I saw it on cam, but I'm buying it on Blu ray when it comes out, it was funny and awesome, perfect adaption of the books and Jack Black was perfect as usual. And I know what you mean, alot of people come and go when it comes to reading stories and leave no feedback, I tend to try and tell people what I think because that's what I'd want if it was my story, so you're welcome, but it's no problem, everybody deserves to hear from the readers.:pinkiehappy:

6650792

Well keep it up

:raritywink:

Comments like yours always encourage me to write my best.

6651164 Yup! I'm glad I could help. If only people would comment on mine and help edit this new one... well, there's always hope, I guess.

6651276

If you want I can take a peek at ur newest story and give you my honest comments once I'm done with a few chapters on my story

6651314 That would be helpful. I'll PM you the link. Thanks. :pinkiehappy:

Nice! I really liked how you recreated Stine's explanation of the monsters coming out of the books, it was spot on! Good job. You really do a great job at writing Pinkie too, and the Fluttershy thing was funny, like the nerdy kid from the movie said. It's perfect and a good adaption of an awesome film. Keep up the good work and I look forward to the next chapter, also your editing is getting better as well, they're were only a few mistakes I noticed, but nobody's perfect, including me, amazing work!:pinkiehappy:

Nice! Dead is like your Slappy and he's perfect. These really could be actual Goosebumps books. Great job, look forward to the next chapter!:pinkiehappy:

6656477
Wait until you meet the gingerbread men...Monsters

6656536 Like the gnomes! Can't wait. Kind of reminds me of the Gingerdead Man movie lol.

i take bones is the darker version of Ralph's soul.

6656578

Correct, he is the living personification of all the darkness and hate manifested into one nasty little S.O.B

6648223
High School is 4 grades.

Freshman
Sophomore
Junior
Senior

i know you gonna do crossover of goosebump i watch in theater and it funny, not scary but wack out fun movie i like watch it again

Best chapter yet! This was really epic and thrilling! Nice job, man!:pinkiehappy: I really like the whole thing, so it's hard to pinpoint a specific thing, the Dead taking over the town part was probably the best imo. And the adaption of the gnome thing with the gingerbread man thing was spot on and asweome. Can't wait to see what' next!

hey, in next chapter can you make sunset call princess twilight to come and help their promble and make twilight see and find out how ralph got the power?

6659739

What did you think of the scene with Diamond and the tooth fairy?

6659773

I'm sorry I already have the entire story written on my computer. If I add more changes it won't make sense. But I did add Princess Twilight and she will be making an apparence in future chapters. Next chapter will explain the nature of how Ralph created his monsters

6659829 Really thrilling, kind of like a horror film, and the monster description are awesome too!

"Shut up!" Dead called out, "As far as I'm concerned your all equally stupid!"

"But I'm more stupid right?" Frosty asked competitively, earning weird stares from the more non-verbal monsters.

Dead nodded, "Oh yeah!"

The comedy in this story is so well written when the main characters aren't worried about getting their heads bitten off.

Actually, fire extinguishers aren't cold. They simply suffocate the fire.

6662484

Tell that to Steven McQueen when he used it on the blob

i understand you told me, but wonder if deadbone and other monsters found out the mirror portal that twilight came from and if he did find out, he and others monsters go to equestria world capctur her friends and threat to give up

6662898

That would actually make a very interesting sequel. But I'll decide if I decide to make a sequel to include that after the story is finished. Interesting plot though. I am a bit lazy

Great chapter. The monsters are so cool, Jack reminds of the Killer Jack o' Lanterns, probably the inspiration, maybe. The stupid fight was too funny as well. Keep up the good work man, looking forward to the next chapter!

6665395

Wait you mean the fight between Jack and Frosty

6665407 Yeah when they were saying you're stupid, no you are. The Rainbow stuff was cool too, nice action! Sorry,lol, I have a bad migraine so, I didn't feel like typing out a super long comment. Very cool chapter though. :pinkiehappy:

6665513
Thanks:twilightsmile: what did you think when Rainbow Dash fought the monsters. Especially the scene with the Mad Mummy

6665616 Really well-written action. I liked when the mummy got pulled into the woodchipper, I always wanted to do that to that little bastard Chucky from the Child's Play movies. Overall, awesome chapter, and it was nice to see Ralph kind of warm up to Rainbow a bit. I can't wait to see how this ends, wondering if it will be like the movie or if you'll add your own twist. Also, will there be a mall scene like in the film?

6665813 Oh yeah, I forgot the location, lol, the werewolf scene, it was a supermarket, lol, sorry, I did only see it once so far, and it was a cam, I'm awaiting the blu ray release to see it good quality.

Cool adaption of the car chase and the original bee monster was cool. The whole thing was pretty cool. Nice action, good work, awesome chapter!

Nice! Good work as usual! Cool chapter and good adaption of the Supermarket part, don't know why I thought it was a mall the other day, I didn have a bad headache, Idk, but nice chapter, man!

Awesome chapter! I like when they fought the zombies a lot and the part where Ralph was kicking them. Good work! I await the next chapter!:pinkiehappy:

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