Long ago, two races ruled over Earth: MONSTERS and PONIES
One day, war broke out between the two races.
After a long battle, the ponies were victorious.
They sealed the monsters underground with a magic spell.
Many years later...
Legends say that those who climb the mountain never return.
This is an Undertale X MLP:FiM mash-up, but it will still have potential spoilers to the game. If you haven't played it yet, then turn away now. Also, in keeping with the game, the main character is you, the reader.
Chapters (14)
Haven't even started reading it, but I'm LOVING it already! I love Undertale! Especially Temmie Village! XD those little guys are so cute!
BTW hOiVeS! XD
-leaves but face stays in place-
6637590
Hi.
I'm Bob.
6637662 I back from cool leg
This better have spaghetti, or someone is going to regretti....
If there is no spaghetti.. I will have a Bone to pick with you.
Sans: I don't know how to play the game. I think I need a...
Papyrus: Sans, no...
Sans: ToTORIEL!
Papyrus: Ugh...
Toriel: -laughing hysterically-
I had to, I'm sorry...
This is weird, but nice.
Like a shoulder massage offered by a friend, but you're also not entirely sure they're trained for that sort of thing, so you also worry a little bit that they might damage your shoulder.
Shut up, my analogy is perfect.
Now I gotta.
Why did you write this?
Get an editor, buddy.
Get an editor, pal.
Get an editor, friend.
Normally I'm not a fan of second person stories, but this one seems like it will be one of the rare exceptions. (Being based on a video game, which don't bother me if they're in second person, probably helps.)
There are a few editing errors, but not enough that I would stop reading the story because of them. (Some stories are so badly edited that I can't stand to read past the first paragraph.)
6639281
Oh? And would you be willing to offer your services since you are so kind as to leave a comment on every chapter?
6639831
I have no work ethic.
6640387 they why would you complain?
I can see potential, however i'm not sure that this story will be able to stand on it's own without elongating the chapters and having it edited.
Hmm... I think that you should be careful with plagiarism, it sounds too similar to the game.
6640741
That's the difficulty on the first level itself, it teaches what you should know about the game itself. I'm thinking once our hero reaches Home then things are going to be heavily altered from there on in. That's where a lot of the major story starts to unveil itself. It'll also be where I can put in more detail on our Toriel of this universe and what makes her different. Hopefully its not the pie.
6640478
Because there is a group on fimfiction of a bunch of prereaders and editors who are available.
This made me chuckle~
Great chapter, keep up the great work, the flow was nice.
...How did I not catch the obvious reference sooner?
6640741 yeah i agree the rules say it cant just be a game replaced with ponys
Oh Chara, if she would be reading it, I'm sure she would manage to let become the first phase of the chapter come true...
Flowey...uch Flowey, you know how much I like you for being Asriel(and who you are) , but this is getting to the point I want to break to the story and slap you in your face...
Anyways, I enjoy the story!
So, you made the skeleton brothers, skeleton sisters?
As well as making Sans and Papyrus, Pinkie and Applejack?
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Undyne and alphys are gonna be rainbow dash and fluttershy I'm callying it.
6673498 Fluttershy was Toriel
Going to Spoiler this just in case, but my money's on Alphys being Twilight, Mettaton is Trixie, Undyne is obvious for Rainbow Dash, Muffet is Rarity... Oh, If Undyne is Rainbow Dash, Monster Kid just has to be Scootaloo
Pinkie Sans is scary appropriate.
Liking this so far. Tracking this.
Ignore all those dislikes. They're just people who don't like Undertale and thus don't like your content. Your stuff is great! Keep it up!
Are you going the pacifist route or genocide route?
I wonder who flowey really is.
6760286
vignette4.wikia.nocookie.net/undertale/images/2/26/Flowey_wink.png/revision/latest?cb=20151030151239
C'mon now, I can't reveal everything now can I?
That is how I felt when I eat that food.
Don't you mean 'pony'?
6773895
PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE MAN BEHIND THE CURTAIN! (I'm way tired... Also, thanks for catching that.)
6773978 Any time
So, from a critical perspective : When is this going to Deviate from retelling Undertale? Thusfar it seems to be cleaving extremely close to the plot without introducing anything new. I mean, yes, 'it's a pony', but it feels like more should be done with that.
I have to agree with a couple of people. Although I like you gave some more insight into the player's mind, it really doesn't seem you changed the story that much. It's beautifully written, that's for sure, but it's way too close to the original story line.
does... does that picture say fonytale? as in phonytale?