Horse La Horse Season 2: Desperate Struggle

by Stegtorn

Episode 1: Here comes the Sun

"I thought you said you never wanted to revisit Canterlot," Twilight says, munching on some greens.

You squint at her from behind your garlic bread, cooking up something good to say. "Hmph, this place is so great, how come you never mentioned it?"

Averting your eyes, you stuff your face with a handful of broccoli.

”Come now, there is no way to avoid it now, Anonymous,” Twilight asks pressingly. Oh no, she’s doing the grumpy face. Her weird horse face scrunches and stuff, and she tilts her head to the north. No really, wherever the north may be, her head tilts toward it, her horn is like a little compass.

“I uh, you know.”

Her face wrinkles into a fierce scowl.

“I wanted to visit Canterlot, your old home! Bonding experiences and all that,” you say, avoiding eye contact still, swinging broccoli.

“You said you hated it here!”

“Well, don’t you want to see your favorite alicorn and god-queen Princess Celestia?”

She is taken aback for a moment, maybe surprised at mention of Celestia, “yes of course, w-why wouldn’t I?”

“I dunno maybe you’re too attached to me and are forgetting your mentor,” you twiddle your fingers for emphasis.

She grumbles her grievances, but dinner continues all the same. Conversation is sparse, as you have to spend all your brain power on choking down bland-ass fucking veggies, yo. Seriously you’ve got a series of health problems due to lack of certain vitamins and nutrients best available in meats.

The pair of you stagger to your hotel room and not too long after retire for the night. The hotel is just a good ol’ moonlight stroll from the royal palace. He he he. . . You mean, ha! what a coincidence, yes. The hotel is posh as all hell, cushy pillows, nice featherbed. Horrible sneezing and itchy skin from the aforementioned featherbed. You were surprised to find Celestia had paid for all your travel expenses, she must be excited to see her old protege. Or maybe she is expecting you? No, no way, you think, squinting at the ceiling in the middle of the night while laying next to your mare-friend who’s just a friend Twilight who you are sharing a bed with you’re just friends though.

You take a deep sigh, and Twilight shifts next to you, drooling into your elbow as she is wont to do. You’ve taken steps to ensure she won’t wake though. The total classic, cosby mix, slipped into her drink. It was quite easy really, for being such a smart cookie she is really distracted by “LOOK OVER THERE”.

Flying down the stairs and out the lobby door you find yourself on the empty streets of Canterlot. No moon is out, so the dark is night and the night is dark. The official statement is that Luna is on vacation in the Griffon kingdom of Griffistan (or something). We both know that isn’t the case, she is in face somewhere in the dungeons. And you put her there, with this very suit you’re wearing.

Speaking of which, this suit has been giving you problems lately. Fluttershy’s spirit seems broken somehow, and despite her efforts, there’s nothing Twilight or you can do to fix it. And you’ve tried every kind of fluid you could think off! Honest to god, you have tried some nasty fucking stuff on this thing.

Twilight had suggested that strong emotions could trigger a reaction, but you haven’t tested that. You aren’t particularly worried, there still is 5 other great forms. Actually AJ’s is garbage, don’t tell her though. To be fair, knowing what you do about Fluttershy, how could she possibly be of any use?

The streets are empty and quiet. The cold wind flutters your blood red tie over your neck, feels cold but cool as fuck. Did you catch that pun? It’s strange, seeing everything so empty and so clean. Normally you would have police, or wandering vagrants milling about. But here in pony land, everyone is so nice there is no need for police or violence. :).

Damn, you miss home. The constant violence, the overcrowded streets, and who could forget the serious pollution from all those factories. Home, sweet *COUGH* *COUGH* home. It’s horrible, but it’s yours. Or was. Fucking Luna.

One winding, steep stone path later and you’re at the west entrance of the royal palace. You spot with your hawk like vision, a pair of lazy looking guards twiddling their hooves in front of the gate. You stop for a second, watching the two of them stare down at their hooves in bored contemplation. They just sit there rubbing and bumping them together. What the fuck. Well, Twilight’s info seems to be right. This is the least protected side, from what you can tell. “But how to get closer to them?” you ponder while looking around the area from the shadows.

What’s this here then? A cardboard box lying against wall just out of the guard’s cone of vision. You dive for that shit, and snake under it. You center it on top of yourself, and punch yourself a hole in the front. Perfect. With your right and left hand you give out a good bird call to get the guards attention.

“You hear that?” the one on the left pips up.

“No, what was it?” the other replies, sounding half asleep.

“That was the blue-breasted tit. It’s one of the rarest birds! It only comes out at night, when under the influence of fermented fruits.”

“Why do you know so much about birds?” the second asks sharply in a judgmental tone.

“HUSH!” the first says, “help me find it.”

You hear them jingle about, looking for that rare and elusive tit. Ha, idiots!

“When the bird watching clubs hears about this they’ll get cutie marks in envy.”

You can hear his partner roll his eyes (god how horrifying) as you shuffle between them and go through the gate. It’s tall and black, with a single door the size of a moderately tall pony. Seems odd that they’d have a gate the princesses wouldn’t be able to fit through. Oh, wait, they can fly.

S rank all the way, baby. No C4 needed, that wouldn’t be stealth. What kinda shitdick retard thinks using C4 as a distraction is true stealth. Bird calls is true stealth, my friend. You toss off the box and charge right into the palace grounds. This section is a garden, how lovely. Good thing the pitch black night allows optimal viewing conditions for these shitty ass plants. Oh hey a fountain.

“Oh, hi Anon,” a cheery cotton candy voice pipes up from the silence.

Theme of Princess Cadance:

(JJBA: ASB - LISA LISA ~ Lisa Lisa ~ Extended)

You jump up in fear and scream a small string of swears. With a flick of the head you find the source, an alicorn with a pink coat, shadowed by the night. She flaps her wings aggressively at you, and mocks you with a smile.

“Cadence? Cadance? DanceDance?” you call in question, assuming your boxing stance.

“Yes, it’s me, but what are you doing here?”

“Bird watching. I thought I heard a rare bird down this way. Anyway, excuse me princess, I also have a meeting with, uh, the other princess.”

Why do so many ponies like bird watching?

Cadance begins pacing back and forth near the fountain. With a quick look you see the door to the palace not far off, a small set of stairs leading to the ornate passageway.

“That doesn’t sound right, my unfurred friend.”

“I’m not a furry.”

“Why would you be snooping around the palace, this late at night, through some back entrance. Especially when you most recently gave the moon a black eye.”

You hold up your hand and point up, ready to give a retort, but none comes.

“Bird got your tongue?” she says slyly.

“The time for talk is over. I won’t let you stand in my way. Princess Celestia may or may not even know about something that I need. Or even have the power to perform even if she does know that thing.”

“What?”

You throw your first punch with a lunge, springing forward on one foot. The wind rustles past your ears as you soar towards her. Cadance is an alicorn however, and her movements are deft and graceful! She leaps easily out of the way, onto the fountain and then at you with the intent to deliver a fierce, horseshoe kick. Reflexes of olympian proportion activate allowing you adjust your position to block and divert her attack, her golden horseshoe knocking hard against your blocking forearms.

She lands softly now to the left of you, smiling cheerfully. Lovely how quick everyone is ready to settle things with violence here.

“Okay, are you ready to calm down and talk about it?” she asks.

“Yeah this is silly, why are we fighting? This feels really forced actually, like someone is just throwing us together for a cheap action scene!” you reply, waving your hands about.

“Hmm, maybe we can make some love instead of some war?” she rears her rear around and wiggles it a little. You feel your muscles tense up in excitement, and you lean forward a few degrees, eyes on that prime piece of candied butt.

Cadence used Attract!

“Aren’t you married? Also I’m REALLY REALLY good friends with a girl?”

The princess only winks in response, rising up on her hindlegs and blowing a kiss. Against his better judgement, Anonymous is infatuated. Infatuated with that fat ass. You feel your muscles move on their own, tugging your whole body a step closer to her. What is going on here!? This isn’t right at all, how are your hips moving on their own?

Cadance giggles and does a little dance on her hindlegs before going down to her natural stance on all fours, “works every time!”

Your mouth opens for a snarky remark, but your jaw shuts itself painfully. It feels like it’s wired shut!

“Hush now, we have to go see the princess.”

You are looking at a princess right now though, who else could she mean? Oh yeah, Celestia! Sweat accumulates on your brow like the condensation on a nice cold lemonade glass. What if they imprison you for breaking and entering the palace grounds! This was an awful idea, Anonymous. You probably could have just asked her and she would have helped you. It’s too late now! You’ve been stupid and chose the path of black and blue eyes and hurt feelings.

And this is what you’ll be getting, a scalding from the Sun herself! You stomp, very much against your will, toward that ornate door past the fountain, Cadance giggling to herself as she leads you forward. True fear grips your heart like a corpse’s hand. Rigor Mortis, yo. The fear sweats leak into your dress shirt, staining your pit area under the jacket.

Hold on! You’re feeling a tingling, and the familiar tightness of a transformation! There is a flash of blinding light, some odd sounds of slapping and pulling, and the rough grind of fabric against clothing.

Then all is back to normal, aside from your clothes of course. Did you accidentally switch into your Pinkie form because of the sweat?

“What the hell are you wearing?” Cadance asks, blinking her eyes a few times to adjust them.

“Don’t know retard, I can’t move my eyes down to check, I’m frozen remember.”

“Oh right,” she replies, craning your neck down so you can get a look.

“Easy, that hurts.”

What the hell are you wearing? A terribly long yellow sweater, a ribbed turtleneck for your pleasure. The stupid thing is all way down to your feet, with sleeves like a car dealership’s airdancer. It’s a full-body sweater. This is quite possibly the worst of all your suits! It’s horribly unfashionable, what would Rarity say about this? And it’s only making your pit sweat worse.

“That’s probably gonna stain! Meep,” a cooing voice calls.

“Who said that?” Cadance asks, stopping cold.

She peers at you, “no tricks Anonymous, come along, we have to settle this with Auntie Celestia.”

Holy fuck, you think fearfully. That’s the most pious “fuck” you’ve even thought.

“Oh no, this is terrible! How will we get out of this, Anonymous?” Fluttersuit asks, her voice faltering.

Oh god, I’ve got myself ensnared in Cadance’s booty magic and now my only hope is fucking Fluttershy. Amazing. It’s shit already. If your faulty mind is correct, the magic she gave Fluttershy’s form was so bad it wasn’t even worth mentioning. Thanks Twilight, thanks for fucking nothing.

“W-what do you mean f-ing Fluttershy? I-I’m not a shit,” your suit says.

THIS IS AWFUL.

“Don’t leave me out of this conversation, Anonymous, why are your clothes talking?” Cadance questions, looking you up and down. At least she’s stopped because she’s curious. Maybe the magic will wear off!

“Hold on, I’ll get us out o-of this! I’ll show you I’m worth something!” Fluttershy says defiantly, she quickly follows up her claims with some light humming and chirping.

“Oh yes, singing will save us,” you retort.

She carries on, voice wavering for a moment. Sounded almost like she was about to cry. The bushes rustle around you, and the cawing of a raven can be heard carried by the wind. Cadance flicks her head to and fro, looking around for some hidden enemy. What is happening? An owl lands on the fountains peak, doing a 360 with its head before fluttering off, hooting at Cadance angrily.

“Please, tell me animals aren’t your power.”

Fluttersuit just meeps, and you feel your sweater quiver. You stare with panic at Cadance, unable to move. A black raven, almost unseeable in the night, swoops down and drives its pecker right into Cadance’s flank. Then, you feel your arms and torso dip toward her. You’re moving! But you’re not? Maybe Cadance fucked up and accidentally put you forward?

“Anon, can you move now?”

“S-shut the fuck up she’s right there, idiot,” you reply hastily.

Cadance continues batting at the bird stuck in her ass before finally getting angry and using her magic to pull it out.

You instantly fall on your face into the dirt. Shivering muscles and coughing as your throat relaxes follow your fall. Was she keeping your heart and lungs working? Scary shit, my man. You bring yourself to kneel, trying to recover while you have a moment, “okay, how do I use you Fluttersuit?”

“Uhm,” she peeps up.

“Speak quickly,” you say panicked, watching idly as Cadance recovers from her scuffle.

“HAHAH! You’ve spent your one trick, Anonymous. And I’ve spent mine. I guess we’ll have to do this the hard way, huh?”

“Yeah okay, bitch.”

“SUPER DOUBLE ALICORN TRANSFORMATION GO!!!”

With a loud “waaaah” Cadance twirls into the air, the sky is illuminated with various shades of pink and red, radiating like a rainbow from her horn, supported by her wings. From her chest something bursts, a white and red. . . uniform? A tie, a button up shirt, ending in a skirt that covers her flank (and just barely). Plaid skirt, work shirt, sassy look? She’s in a school-girl get up! You clap whilst turning around slowly to get a full 360 of the light show. Very impressive.

“Alright, you candy-ass, let’s throw down,” you roll up your giant sleeves like Pop-eye, and sidle on up to her, ready to deliver an uppercut. You give her the swing like Mike Tyson, no pigeons though. And it connects with her jaw and she goes flying! Okay Ryu, easy up.

“HAHAHA!” you hear Cadance cackling. The Cadance you just fucked up disappears into a puff of sparkles!

“It was only an afterimage, I’m actually behind you,” she calls, prompting you to spin around. PEWPEW. Two hot zaps sear your back, nearly burning holes in your sweater.

“Oh~!” Buttershutter coos remorsefully.

Charging up to Cadance is your first thought, you clear the gap in about 3 strides, and go for the grapple. You clamber forward, missing her entirely, and the pink fucker dances away, fluttering her wings as she gains altitude. Human legs were not built for jumps more than a foot, at least yours weren’t. Not even a crouch jump can get you close to Cadance’s laughing, flying visage.

She gallops in the air mockingly, “try me now, little man.”

“Dude I’m like twice your size,” you say, unimpressed.

“Then how come you can’t grab me?”

She’s got you there. And she’s about to get you with that pink sawed-off shotty! Quick, cartwheel dodge. Also where did that come fromt BAM! The hunk of metal and wood goes off, and a bouquet of roses smashes into the grass where you were a second ago.

“Ha! Harmless,” you comment, dusting off a bit.

With a second look you notice the roses latch themselves into the dirt, and then with thick vines begin wiggling about and trashing. Too far to reach you, but you don’t need to feel it to know those thorns would hurt.

“Ugh, my rosebuds didn’t work!” Cadance gives a depressed twirl in the air, and a shower of sparkles and bright light rains down from her. Alicorns are fucking awful. You take a pause and catch her attention with some snapping of your thumb.

“Hey look at my eyes,” you shout.

She does, and you hit her with the perfect eye roll, some real teenage emo phase shit. That’ll show mom! She’ll learn not to knock when you’re on Suicide Girls.

“LET MY PASSIONATE LOVE PENETRATE YOU,” Cadance screams, dipping her head down at you, releasing a thick beam of loving red and white. The hot, coursing fluid cuts a line in the grass, cracks the fountain in two, and nearly does the same to you.

“Banana slug, give me something to work with.” The nervousness in your voice is obvious, you’re gonna get carved to bits down here.
You feel your sweater wiggle a little bit, and then, out from the darkness, a big eagle. Maybe he can carry you to Celestia’s room and we can get this over with? Oh better yet, yes go ahead and knock Cadance out of the sky! With stylish dashing you move just under her, giving a jumping punch straight to her stomach as she decedents. You hear all the air get knocked out of her body, and she tumbles off your fist to the grass with a thump.

“That probably should have broken my wrist,” you comment, picking her fat ass off the dirt.

You give her a good spin before tossing the alicorn into the nearby wall. And, accidentally, through it. The bricks fall in around her, a puff of dust escaping with them. What the hell are those guards doing? Have they gone off somewhere? They probably heard that. Better get inside. As you walk over to Cadance you notice your sleeves fall back to normal all on there own.

“S-sorry, that really hurts when you scrunch them up, Anon,” Bananarama says in a wavering voice. (Bananarama is an all female pop music vocal group formed in 1979 by a bunch of friends in London.)

“Well this is really not good, I mean how am I supposed to punch with these long sleeves flopping around?”

“Look Anon, she’s getting back up,” Sputtersweat spouts.

Your eyes flick to the prone alicorn, holding her aching head. A bump the size of a prize pumpkin right on her forehead. She groans in pain, swaying a bit as she stands.

“Anon she’s really hurt, we should help her.”

“Yeah, help her into a coma!”

A running right hook does her in for the night. Her body goes limp and she slouches into a pile of bricks like a sack of potatoes. Stepping over her large rump, you continue down the hall and into the palace like a stealth master. How will they know you’ve entered if the door is still closed and locked?

The castle is cozy looking with carpeted halls, warm flickering torches, and the occasional chandelier. It’s getting a little hot in this sweater. And what time is it? Hopefully Celestia isn’t up yet. You’d like to catch her unawares. Any other moron would be lost in these halls, but you recall your first visit here spectacularly after how many times they wanted to coddle and parade you around, the freaky alien man.

The Princess of Light’s room is quite stunning. The ceiling is at least twenty feet up, supported by grecian-like pillars and slotted between those thick blue curtains that are likely obscuring the multi-paned windows. The walls are lined with rows of well kept bookcases, desks littered with scrolls and inkwells. A lavish bed rest in the middle, round with a canopy. It’s headboard faces the windows, giving Celestia a view of the door when she wakes up.

That’s where she is now, snoozing, draped in a neat-o yellow quilt. “Shabloo-bloo,” she snores, echoing through the room. You feel like a right bandit, sneaking in like this. With one hand you close the door behind you, after being assured with the low click you continue on. We’re in the belly of the beast now.

“I hope Celestia doesn’t notice us!” Fluttershy whispers.

With your eagle vision you catch the light seeping in from underneath the door flashing in Celestia’s now open eye. In a swift motion the quilt is tossed up in the air and she disappears behind it.

“Where did she go!” your suit asks.The thick curtains are tossed asunder as well, falling with swooshes to the tiled flooring. The quilt flies toward you, but you dodge to the left of it and catch Celestia stretching a few paces next to her bed.

Theme of Princess Celesita:

Perturbator - Sexualizer

“Anonymous, I wasn’t expecting you, what are doing here my little munchkin?” she asks with a yawn.

Flashbacks to the brief time you were a guest at the Royal Palace make you shudder. Before you answer, she turns her back to you, her horn begins to glow, and the sky in the now revealed windows begins to lighten. Amazing, she’s raising the sun! Time to avert your fucking eyes. You shield yourself from experiencing the panting, sweaty, un-sexual waggling that takes place when she raises the sun. Going through that twice is not on your bucket list.

Wait, this would be a perfect time to catch her unawares. Your ear detects grunting and the dripping of sweat on tile just a few meters from you. If you can catch her now, you might be able to wrestle her into submission until she sends you home. Within a fraction of a second your mind formulates the plan. You roll up your sleeves, you will make the sun humble. You sell out Madison Square Garden, and you will again. No Jabroni will stand between you and home. BAM, BAM, BAM, you feel like a titan striding across Celestia’s tiled room. Falling into a knee slide you open your arms and catch her hindlegs. Her ass right in your face you do not care, this is where you belong. You rear up, the weight of Celestia’s fat fucking butt nearly snapping your back.

“W-WHOA,” she cries out, being flipped around and tossed to the side by the superiority of fucking pure human muscle. She collapses with a mighty THUMP and the goddamn palace shudders, dust coming from the now cracked ceiling.With a healthy roar you stand and position yourself for the Anon clutch. Yes, yes this will keep her in line!

“The physique on you right now Anonymous, astounding,” the sweater says to you.

A few months ago that would’ve shocked you. With your timber sized arm you wrap around Celestia’s midsection as she mewls and kicks at the air weakly. You squeeze upward. Yes, yes, pretend you’re saving her from choking on a dick.

"Oh? A challenge," she grunts, gasping for breath, "well allow me to exercise the full might of the celestial body we call the Sun!"

. . .

Ow. Whoa, what the fuck. You suddenly feel the impact of smashing into a wall. Shaking your head, you find yourself slumped down on the floor. Hazily looking up you confirm the giant dent in the wall, right next to one of the windows. The pain in your back is more than you can bear! You can hardly move. With a turn of the head you see the sun peaking over from a window, it’s half raised in the sky, looking lazy underneath a blanket of purple and blue haze.

Celestia begins laughing, trotting toward you. What happened? You had her pinned, it was over. She was out for the count!

“Let me guess why you’re here,” she says in her comforting, motherly voice, “you want to go home now? You have had enough of Equestria?”

Now, in your head you’re saying “yes bitch” but for some reason your mouth isn’t making it happen.

“A-Anon,” your clothes groan. She doesn’t sound good. Fluttershy never seemed like the toughest of the bunch, how will her clothing spirit hold up against the beatings it’s getting?

“Are you done yet, Anon?” she asks cheerfully, “I can put some tea on the kettle and we can talk this over.”

“Send me home,” you reply, standing, brushing off pits of plaster and stone.

“We both know I can’t do that.”

“Why?”

“I can’t say.”

You go red in the face, and you sense Fluttersuit trying to say something, but she keeps quiet. No way in hell you’re staying here forever. She has the power to send you home, no fucking doubt.

“You’re lying through your horsey fucking teeth, I can tell. I’m an expert liar,” you declare with a smile and a proud thumb pointed at your chest. See, you lied just then.

You square up, and get a running start at her. Celestia gracefully trots toward a cart, containing a large stack of cake plates and a just as large cake. Breakfast for princesses, you suppose. You know for a fact you could easily dodge whatever she throws at you, you've had practice!

. . .

A heap of small cake plates shatter against your body with a hard impact, and you’re tossed hard against the mahogany of her bed frame. W-what happened? Did she catch you in a throw and toss you to the bed? The pain of a dozen or so slight lacerations becomes apparent. You can feel blood soaking into your clothes. You wrack your mind, you didn't even get a chance to think about dodging!

With a panting, breathless sigh of anguish you realize you’re in no condition to fight. Fluttershy is your only backup, but you’re indoors so there’s no space for animals. What a shitty power. You’d kill for a sword, or a candy cane, or a fucking whip at this point. How can you take her out with just your bare knuckles?

“Fluttershy, come on, have you got anything else for me?” you say, voice groggy. Rising to your feet is a feat on its own, and you sway side to side, hardly keeping your balance.

“Give it up, Anonymous, you can’t win. Let’s just talk this out,” Celestia calls from her position by the wall. She’s about 4 or 5 strides away, that is if your legs can even carry you there. Nah, you can't make it, but you stand firm and erect your back.

!!! Your eyeballs flick to her, casting the most defiant look you can muster, “no amount of talking will make me want to stay here! I want to see my old home.”

. . .

—Celestia’s PoV—

Hot damn you are going to need some cake after this. You're burning too many calories beating up this stud. You flick your celestial mane back with a snap of the neck. You’ve got all the time in the world here, having activated your secret ZA SUNZO power. Stopping time in exchange for having to raise the sun every morning? Easy choice.

It’s a real shame you have to ruin Anon’s face. I mean look at that cute little mask, you could just smother him with your big horsey bottom. Instead you’ve gotta beat him up and send him back to Twilight. Good thing you never told her about the mirror, or else she would have spilled the beans on that thing long ago! It’s not Anonymous’ home by a long shot, but if he is truly as desperate as he is coming off, he would use it in a heartbeat.

You saunter up to him, fluttering your eyes. With the slight turn of the head you give him a sultry look, right into his own anger filled eyes. Aw, it’s like seeing a kid acting up. Well, time to send him flying~! Oh. Why can’t you move your legs? Are you frozen? What is happening!?

. . .

—Anonymous’ PoV—

Ah! What the hell, now she’s about twenty feet closer than she just was. Ew, why is she just giving you that odd snarl face?

“Oh, it worked! We gave her THE STARE,” Stuttercloth says with a determined, but tired voice.

“The stare? The hell is that?”

“It’s my secret special talent. I can cast Dominate Creature as a 5th level spell at will, with my eyes alone.”

“Gee-wiz that’s amazing,” you reply, tossing a fist at Celestia’s frozen jaw. Her face contorts into confusion and anger. She’s hanging there, frozen a half an inch off the the ground, tilted to the side from the force of the punch. Now a left, and she’s sent into the tiles with a boom.

The sound echoes throughout the bedroom, the drapes flutter with the force of the impact. That felt pretty not bad. She tries getting up and you see her body shudder with effort. You’ve really got her now. That special trick must have really shaken her spirit.

“How did you stop time like that?” the princess of all ponyland questions.

“How hard did you hit your head?”

Limping over, you feel a soaring in your chest. Anticipation, expectation for an end to all this, finally. And look how easily it has gone. She beat you pretty good, but you got her back twice as bad. Nothing can keep Anonymous down, you’ve found your way! You stand over her, flexing your muscles a little bit. Bathe in this victory goo; sweaty, bloody victory.

“Why did you have to resort to violence?” Sunhorse questions, laying on the ground still. She opens her wings and envelopes you in them, pulling you closer with weak nudges.Oh, this is nice. Warm, and cozy, being tickled by these feathers. “Why couldn’t we just have a chat, share some tea? I’m so sorry I can’t send you home, Anonymous. I thought maybe you could leave a peaceful, love-filled life here in Equestria instead.”

“Huh?”

It may be your battered brains, but you think you’re having a thought. . .

Why did you have to open with fisticuffs? Is it just your nature? No. Maybe. Whoa, this is some real existential shit she is throwing down. Maybe it’s human nature to cause violence? Maybe peace and friendship really is the answer! Perhaps your whole time here was meant to be a purgatory. Did it all lead up to this epiphany? Yes! YES! Challenging Celestia was the wrong option, embracing her friendship was the real answer!

C—R—A—S—H!!!

You stumble back and fall flat on your ass. With a burst of ear shattering sound the walls of the palace crumble. Chunks of stone and shards of glass go flying. Bracing for impact, you expect a heavy amount of damage. None comes. When you open your eyes you’re holding a very much battered Celestia in your arms. Oh dear, one of her wings are broken, must have been from one of the stones. With some constriction and whipping you feel your suit return to its original form, albeit beat to hell and torn up.

“W-who did this?”

Mega Force intro theme:

(Undertale OST: Song that might play when fight Sans)

The mega forces that caused this disaster are now floating in, carried by dark magic. A radical group of bizarre creatures saunters in. A dastardly looking green and red-eyed unicorn leads the charge, carrying the other 4 freaks in matching uniform with him on a platform of ghostly green magic. Gracious and glorious sunbeams herald their arrival, seeping in behind them like a play’s backdrop.

“BRACE YOURSELVES FOR THE ULTRA WICKED, AND SUPER STYLISH, M-M-M-MEGA FORCES OF DARKNESS~” one of them shouts, as they freeze in place a strike a variety of poses.

All four of them are clad in skintight purple, gold and black costumes. And all of them look uncomfortable as hell in them, aside from the odd purple one naturally. You’re speechless, holding a passed out Celestia in your hand and being subjected to this freakshow. The unicorn leads again, getting up on his hindlegs and kicking the air with his forelegs.

He growls before dropping his one-liner, “mi nombre es Sombra. Por favor, sácame de este traje.”

A cringe-inducing tentacle haired mare, tall and lanky to boot pops up to take the stage next, she does a sassy flick with her head and wiggles her weird hentai mane, “I’m Mane-iac, and I’ll turn your world crazy~”

A hole-legged black, chitinous bug horse hybrid slowly walks to her spot. It’s like she has practiced this, “hello, I am the Queen of the changelings, Chrysalis. Bow before me, tiny ponies,” she says in a dry, flat tone.

In an amazing display of dexterity and magical aptitude the dragon, goat demon bat flies underneath Chrysalis and shrinks himself to fit into one of her leg holes. “Oh, how wonderful it is to be back at the palace, did you miss your old friend Discord, Equestria?” he announces.

They all hold pose, aligned awkwardly together for a moment.

“Wait, d-did you beat her up all by yourself?” Mane-iac says, stunned.

Discord twirls into himself as he slithers toward you, “I think he did.”

“I—” you slump down to your knees, Celestia with you.

“Well, get her already,” Chrysalis pipes up, stepping forward. Before you can even react, green swirling magic plucks the princess from your arms.

“I think we have our replacement, friends,” Mane-iac comments while sauntering toward you, one of her green tentacools sliming your cheek. She reaches into her back pocket and places a shampoo bottle into your lap, leaving a kiss on your goo’d face. Sombra flicks a business car at your leg, and it digs into the tile, standing straight and resolute.

“See you around, Anonymous,” Discord says as he and his mega force buddies lift off out the giant hole in the wall.

You really can’t go home? All this for nothing? You curl into a ball, dragging the dust and bits of stone around you like a bed.

IN THE NEXT EPISODE:

Will Anonymous ever recover?

What will become of the Princess?

How will Twilight react to her mentor being blown the fuck out?

FIND OUT NEXT TIME ON HORSE LA HORSE!

End of Episode 1 of the two episode season premier.

Author's Note:

Wow, what a shocking start to the new season! WHAT THE HELL WERE THEY THINKING? WHO WROTE THIS SCRIPT?

Comments

[DRaily]

It's still the fucking best, love those little intro pictures for each character joining the fight.

[Texus]

Nice parody of cadance and I accepted Twilights way to make the suit transform into his ultimate form.
I can see it like it was her crazy mind searching for a solution for her crush with Anon there and so she made the suit work that way.
Either she was honestly angry at Anon at the beginning of the chapter or in her mind they are already married and far further in her relationship than Anon things they are.

Just to be sure since I probably forgot to mention it in my last comment. I have nothing against the sex, but I take a few good storys more serious and prefer it in a more meaningfull and romantic way. I would even say I take it more serious in stories than in real life

You really can’t go home? All this for nothing? You curl into a ball, dragging the dust and bits of stone around you like a bed.

as far as I noticed he still haven't gotten an answer to that, if Celestia can't do it I think there would be no reason to say that she can't say it.

What actually activated Fluttershy? I liked her and how Anon was reacting to her, it nearly was sad that he didn't liked her

But where are Twilights real friends? She hasn't put them all into clothes right? I think I remember she made the clothes like them

[StardustSurvivor]

This is the best.