A Slight Mishap

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Rainbow is having a dress fitted for her by Rarity. However, Rainbow has a severe crush on Rarity. So while she is supposed to be trying on a dress she, well, doesn't.

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Comments ( 13 )

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TheYoshiTerminator

TheYoshiTerminator #1 · Nov 11th, 2015 · 3 · ·

Alright, but I really didn't see any errors so good job. Also, Sweetie Belle at was adorable

Schroedingers_Katze

Schroedingers_Katze #2 · Nov 11th, 2015 · 1 · ·

In all honesty, Sweeties line just made my day.^^

Rainbow87dash

Rainbow87dash #3 · Nov 11th, 2015 · 4 · ·

[youtube=Oe3wj1Y2Hps]

Random Order

Random Order #4 · Nov 11th, 2015 · 3 · ·

Oh, Sweetie, you adorable little foal

jollymusician

jollymusician #5 · Nov 11th, 2015 · · ·

Awesome!

WheneverWhatever

WheneverWhatever #6 · Nov 11th, 2015 · · ·

6623805 Thank you very much!

WheneverWhatever

WheneverWhatever #7 · Nov 11th, 2015 · · ·

6623793 That's my favorite part lol.

Bambisbb

Bambisbb #8 · Nov 12th, 2015 · 2 · ·

Same Sweetie, same

Doubt

Doubt #9 · Nov 12th, 2015 · 1 · ·

With a bit more effort that she thought she would need, she forced to duel doors open,

*dual

Rarity wrapped her fragile arms around Rainbow’s chest, and interlocked her fingers. Rainbow was pleasantly surprised to find that Rarity was embracing her, albeit awkwardly. Rarity wrapped her fragile arms around Rainbow’s chest, and interlocked her fingers. Rarity meant for the small hug to be just that; a small hug, but when she tried to move, Rainbow tightly gripped her wrist.

Rarity frowned. She had already placed most of the pieces together in her head, but to think that Rainbow dash actually had feelings for her.

From a technical standpoint, your writing is very good. I think the only thing this story could have benefited from was a little more detail here and there.

BlazeBlue42

BlazeBlue42 #10 · Nov 14th, 2015 · 3 · ·

OMG that sweetie belle ending... plz make a sequel with sweetie belle.

Nakanai

Nakanai #11 · Nov 15th, 2015 · 1 · ·

You do a good job of capturing the personalities of RD and Rarity, and the ending bit with Sweetie Belle was great. If I could offer two notes, they would be that everything from the time Rainbow opens the closet onward feels a little rushed, and that you could stand to be more consistent with the POV. There's nothing necessarily wrong with switching back and forth between the two, but because so much of this story is in Rainbow's head, the shifts to Rarity feel out of place. I look forward to reading more of your writing!

John the Rebel