No Guts, No Glory!

by Enigmus

*Generic Diplomacy*

Author's Note:

Puns are hard. Leaf me alone. :c

Endings apparently are, too.

Waiting for magical, talking horses. While monsters weren't normal by any stretch of the imagination, this was stretching it. Still, this place may very well be the new home for all monsters. And who better to conduct diplomacy than Papyrus? Sans was far too lazy to put forth the effort needed to establish peaceful relations between two species. Well, monsters came in different varieties and were a conglomeration of different species. So it wasn't technically just two different species.

Sans was being his usual lazy self, having taken to lounging out on one of the throne-like chairs, not a care in the world. But something else was up with his brother. He seemed to actually be taking this all rather seriously. While an outside onlooker would consider him being just lazy, Papyrus knew better. Though, the spaghetti-cooker wasn't too surprised. Sans was definitely a slacker, but when it came down to it, he usually always pulled through. In his own shorcut-seeking ways, of course.

Papyrus, however, was not taking all of this in a carefree attitude. The entirety of the Underground depended on the success of this diplomacy! Truly, he was the hero of this story. Years from now, his name would be uttered in hushed whispers and awe. Recognition, respect, showering of the kisses! Yes, all this and more for the great Papyrus!

Suddenly, the worst sound in all of creation rung out through the room. Something had slammed against the wall, but where? Papyrus jumped up in fright, bending his right knee upwards to his midsection, his arms covering his head in frantic terror. The sheer horror of the sound was enough to send even the noblest of knights scurrying for the hills! The gates of Hell have been opened and there was no salvation for anyone.

Papyrus cried out in shock, his voice coming out in a high-pitched tone, "Oh sweet mother of all that is holy, don't eat me! Not the face! Not my beautiful, not-yet-romantically-kissed face!"

Six ponies stood in the doorway of the recently opened doors, frozen in their tracks. No one said anything, they just stared at poor Papyrus as if he had grown eight heads and sixteen legs. Papyrus stared not at the ponies, but at the door that was slowly swinging back from having slammed against the wall. His cheeks, or lack thereof, flushed a bright red despite the fact that bones shouldn't physically be able to do that. But no one paid any attention to this, they just stared at each other.

Twilight was the first to speak up, her eyes never leaving Papyrus, "Erm, sorry about that, guys. Rainbow here was so excited to see aliens that, uh... well, she shouldn't have barged in like that, I can see that now."

A flying blue pegasus with a rainbow mane, probably the one Twilight referred to as Rainbow, apologetically said, rubbing the back of her neck neck, "Sorry about that, I guess I should have, uh... knocked? Not barged in like that? Something like that."

Papyrus put a hand to his chest and closed his eyes with a smug smile, "Ah HA! And like that, the horses have been fooled into thinking that I'm scaredy-skeleton! It's all part of my grand plan to... to, uhm... f-fool you. YES! Ha ha HAAA! Fooled yet again by the great Papyrus!"

Twilight tilted her head at this, "There was a first time?"

Sans walked up to Twilight and leaned in, "Papyrus is pretty bonely, just let him think he won this round. It'll help maintain his self confidence. And believe me, if he doesn't have that, he doesn't have much. And that's coming from his brother. Just... humor him."

Twilight looked over at Papyrus for a moment, then asked, "Wait... did you say bonely?"

Before Sans could answer, though it didn't look like he was going to, Rainbow flew right over to Papyrus and examined him a bit, "You're actually skeletons... that is the coolest thing ever. How are you alive? How do you eat? How do your legs support you without falling over?"

Papyrus chuckled and put a foot up onto one of the thrones, hand still on his chest for whatever reason, "Because I'm awesome."

Rainbow seemed pretty satisfied by this answer, however, Twilight was not. But there was plenty of time to discuss what should be impossible, and why it actually isn't. It was magic probably. Despite how important this meeting was, this sent Twilight into a tangent of internal questioning and confusion. Was magic sometimes an abomination of nature? Did it twist the fabrics of reality to fit its own laws? What is reality? What is life? Were ponies just the products of magical abominations that twisted the very nature of... nature?

Some other ponies began coming through the door as Twilight was casually experiencing an existential crisis. An orange one, a pink one, a white one, and a yellow one. There was a small lizard thing, too, but he was cowering behind them all... while the yellow one cowered behind him. They both seemed like they didn't want to go any further, but they still walked on. The white one seemed mildly annoyed that she was the one the yellow pony and the lizard hid behind, but she put up with it anyway.

Twilight shook her head to get back to reality... whatever that was, and looked at the others, "There you are! I was wondering when you'd get here. The short skeleton is named Sans, and the other one is Papyrus. Girls, and Spike, would you care to introduce yourselves?"

The white one stepped forward and offered a friendly smile, "My name is Rarity, and I design, make, and repair clothes. It's sort of my speciality. On the topic of clothes, you two should really come by and let me take your measurements. Your clothes are awfully bland."

Papyrus took offense to this, "I'll have you know that my clothes are of the utmost quality! They showcase my bold, handsome features, and my devilishly irresistable smile. The great Papyrus doesn't-... oooh, I like your hair. Did you do it yourself?"

Rarity was mildly confused by this, but was completely distracted by the compliment, "Why yes, I did indeed do my own hair! I'm happy that you took notice. It shows that all the work I take to maintaining my look doesn't go unnoticed. You know, I have wigs for you if you-"

Papyrus was immediately up in Rarity's face with an unnaturally-large smile to rival that of Sans, "Did you say you have wigs... as in, hair that I can wear to trick others into thinking that I have lucious locks?"

Rarity took a step back and chuckled nervously, nodding her head, "Y-yes... yes, I have those. If you want, I could let you have one of your choosing. But only if you let me make better clothes for you."

Papyrus took a step back and thought about this life-changing cosmetic exchange long and hard, which only amounted to a whopping one second, "Sounds like a deal to me!"

While all of this had been going on, the orange one took a step forward and said to Sans, "I'm mighty glad to meet ya, Sans. It's not often we get newcomers in town, especially skeletons. Actually, that's never happened before. Anyway, the yellow one is Fluttershy, the small one in front of her is Spike, and the pink one is-"

Said pink one jumped forward and grinned ear-to-ear, pressing her nose against San's, who just maintained his ever-present smile, "PINKIE PIE! The pink one's name is Pinkie Pie! Holy cheese, I can't believe I get to throw a party for skeletons! This is so super duper amazing, I can hardly BREAAAATHE!"

Twilight went over to her usual seat and sat down before knocking her hoof on the table three times, "Spike, could you please get two extra chairs for our guests as we discuss what happens next? Thank you."

Spike nodded once and looked at the two skeletons with wide eyes before darting out of the room, obviously happy to be gone. The others sat down at their usual spots as well as the two bone brothers stood around awkwardly, Sans much less so. He just seemed to be pretty chill about this whole meeting of monsters and pastel-colored ponies thing. After about three minutes of waiting around and chatting, Spike came in hauling two crystal chairs with a wagon. No doubt to make it easier. Still, the little guy looked to be having a hard time. So, Papyrus, being the heroic hero he was, decided to help the purple lizard thing. Spike looked grateful, though the fear sorta showed more than anything else.

After setting the two chairs up, Sans was the first to sit down, and Papyrus was the second. Spike sat down in his chair next to Twilight and scooted a little closer to his mother-figure who often felt like a sister... something like that.

Twilight looked around at everyone with a big smile, "Well, let me be the first one to say that I am happy to welcome you to Equestria. When I woke up this morning, I had NO idea I'd be the diplomat for another dimension. I mean, think of the implications if I were to fail. It could mean all-out war, cut-off communications, or... or... oh sweet Celestia, what if I fail?! Celestia might send me back to unicorn daycare, or... or..."

Applejack held up a hoof, trying to take control of the situation, "Alright, sugarcube, ah think I should handle this one. Sans, Papyrus, I'm happy to meet you, and ah'm sure ah speak for everyone else when ah I say that you have friends here."

Sans just sorta sat around. There wasn't much room for puns, so he decided to let Papyrus take the reigns on this one. Probably not a good idea considering his brother's track record, but you know, a bird's gotta leave the nest sometime.

Papyrus stood up and said with a smile, "Thank you! I, too, am glad to be your friends! I'm sure there will be many years of us working with one another, striving for a brighter future! Ah, I can see it now... the fan art, the fanfictions, the shippings! Oh, how the shippings will be glorious! I'll have my own fandom! And no one will think that I'm cancerous at all!"

Sans chuckled to himself, "Heh... fourth wall jokes."

Pinkie nudged his side and winked, "Heh... pie."

Sans was in agreement.

Twilight eventually calmed down and said, "Well, I'm not sure what you're talking about, Papyrus, but the two main princesses are going to be here in a couple minutes. They said they were going to teleport to the castle to save time. They usually don't do that, but this is important."

A majestic, white pony popped in behind Twilight and looked over her shoulder at the two skeletons, "Yes, Twilight, this is indeed important."

Twilight shrieked and jumped forward in surprise, slamming her gut into the table and doubling over onto the ground. A dark pony who was only a little smaller than Celestia, popped in right next to her sister. They were both pretty majestic, but Luna was obviously best pone. Obviously.

Luna leaned down and said in a worried tone, "Oh, Twilight, are you okay? You should really learn not to hit crystal tables with your stomach. They're generally not good for your physical health."

Twilight grumbled as she got back up into her chair, "Thanks... I'll take that into consideration the next time Celestia pops into existence right behind me."

Luna smiled proudly at her well-received advice, "You're very welcome, Twilight. Now, I'm assuming these two are the visitors from another dimension? The short one is Sans, and the tall one is Papyrus. That's what the letter said anyway. Hello, my name is Luna. My sister's name is Celestia."

Sans looked at their butts, which wasn't weird at all, "Oh. That explains the butt tattoos. That must have hurt. Waaaaiiit... I've seen those on children. Don't tell me you put tattoos on child butts. That's gotta be, like, permanent paint or something. If not, that's child abuse, man. And that's not cool."

Celestia laughed heartily at Sans's naïvety, "No, no, of course not... these are our cutie marks. They're not tattoos. They appear through magical means when we find our special talent in life. Mine is my talent to raise and lower the sun, whilst Luna's is her ability to raise and lower the moon. We work in total harmony to do this."

Luna blushed a bit as she remembered her days of angst, "Most days."

Papyrus's jaw dropped... quite literally, to which he popped it back in place, "You raise and lower the sun? Really? That's actually pretty amazing, I won't lie. I mean... wait... what does the moon look like? And I'm pretty sure I saw the sun outside. I dunno, I've only read about them in books."

Celestia gave Papyrus a strange look, "What?"

Twilight interjected, "Well, Sans told me that they live underground... I'm assuming they don't get out much. Or at all."

Sans nodded his head at this, looking as creepily friendly as always, "Yup. We were trapped underground by humans a very long time ago. Some amount of years, I don't care to keep count. But anyway, monsters have been wanting to get out for a very long time. And now that we have a portal to your world, we'd like to escape our imprisonment to live in your world. A bit forward, but that's gist of it."

Papyrus deadpanned at Sans, "As you can see, my brother is not good at subtlety. But yes, that's our situation."

Celestia sighed and rubbed at her temples, "Well, that complicates things quite a lot. How many of you are there?"

Papyrus thought long and hard about that one, "A lot."

Celestia stared at Papyrus and raised an eyebrow, "Allllrigght...? That's not very specific. But I guess you wouldn't know on hoof how many of you there are. I have a question. Why are there only two of you? You don't look like leaders. No offense."

Sans nodded at this, casting a glance to Papyrus, "We're not. My brother here decided to sneak out and try the new portal out... I tried to stop him from going through, but ended up on the other side, too."

Celestia nodded at this and said, "Well, that certainly complicates things. Still, you're our guests, and we'll do everything we can to make you feel welcome. You'll find that others might be suspicious of you at first, but Equestria is nothing if not tolerant of newcomers."

Luna chuckled nervously, "Most of the time."

Twilight continued the conversation from there, "Well, anyway, it doesn't seem like there's much else to discuss. You're not the intended diplomats, so we don't have to discuss things you don't want to be responsible for. I'm sure you're feeling a large responsibility about all of this. You don't have to. Official diplomacy can wait until the actual intended ones arrive. In the meantime, you two can stay here at the castle. And one of my friends could give you a tour of the town if you want."

While they were happy to do what they could to make the skeleton brothers feel welcome, a tour of an entire town seemed like a hassle, and they didn't appreciate being called out like this, because they had stuff to do. Pinkie, however, was more than happy about this. In fact, it was no surprise to anyone that she immediately volunteered... quite excitedly, too.

Pinkie jumped up from her chair, "Oh my gosh, I wanna give them the tour! Please, please, pleeeaaaase, Twilight! I wanna do it, I WANNA DO IT!"

Twilight sighed at this, and forced a smile, "Alright, then Pinkie Pie will be the one to show you around. As you can see, she can be very eccentric, but if anyone can make you feel welcome, it's her."

Sans seemed to be satisfied by this, and nodded once. Papyrus was too busy looking himself over in a handheld mirror. Without letting anyone speak any further, Pinkie was already ushering the brothers out the door. Celestia felt as if her time had been wasted, but Luna rather liked the short one.

Celestia looked down at her sister, "Luna, could you stay here and watch things over here? I'll take up your royal duties. I did it for a thousand years, I'm sure I can handle a little while longer."

Luna grinned at this and nodded, feeling excited about being able to spend time in Ponyville, "You can count on me, Tia. I won't let you down."

Celestia chuckled a bit, "I'm sure you won't, Lulu. Now, I'm off to the castle. I hope you all have a wonderful day."

With that, the white princess pony was gone. Pinkie, Papyrus, and Sans were already gone, and the others sort of just sat around awkwardly. Fluttershy seemed really relieved that those she was used to remained in the room, though she'd never actually say it. After a while of awkward small talk, everyone just sorta left to do their own thing. Spike, on the other claw-hand-thing didn't want to leave this alone. Despite his initial fear of the two, his curiosity came out on top and he got up to follow them. Hopefully nothing bad happens.

Comments

[Enigmus]

7498789
I'm so original. Top tier jokes tbh

[ColdHardPlace]

I love this story! There aren't many high-quality Undertale and MLP crossovers, and you have done this really well!

[Enigmus]

7504121

Thank you very much! I'm glad that you like it so much. ^^

[Enigmus]

7504165
Nah, you're right. Thanks for pointing that out. Fixed.

[Cozybro]

200th like. Im a special snowflake.

[mastermenthe]

I love this story! There aren't many high-quality Undertale and MLP crossovers, and you have done this really well!

Yes this comment is plagiarism but it's still all my real opinion!

[Startech9264]

Moar???

[Radioactive Dragon]

miooooaarrrrr

[Enigmus]

7646626
Unfortunately, life is making things very difficult, otherwise I would have written another chapter. Rearing up for college, planning life, and whatnot. Life stuff.

But I'll get to this eventually.

[Radioactive Dragon]

7646780 ok i can wait for a long ass time

[st6nbones]

ALL OF WHAT PAPY JUST SAID, MINUS SHIPPING

[st6nbones]

7648321
7646780 BUT WE CANT

[OrionAE]

7646780
Keep writing please

[Sunny O]

Celestia is out of character here. She "felt as if her time had been wasted"? Seriously? She'd take any chance to dump her day court!

[jenmaps64]

Why don't you write the following chapters? 3 years you do nothing. What happened there? College? Future? Let it be so, but for all the time you should have had at least an hour of work, and you would have laid out the next chapter a year ago. If you abandoned, then put "canceled" if you're so tired.

[GodzillaSpino]

Papyrus stood up and said with a smile, "Thank you! I, too, am glad to be your friends! I'm sure there will be many years of us working with one another, striving for a brighter future! Ah, I can see it now... the fan art, the fanfictions, the shippings! Oh, how the shippings will be glorious! I'll have my own fandom! And no one will think that I'm cancerous at all!"

This is just too perfect of a line, I laughed my ass off for quite a bit of time irl.
I know this story is dead, but still. That's hilarious.
You suck at showing support even when you mean it.
SHUT UP AND GET BACK BEHIND THE FOURTH WALL YOU ANTHROPOMORPHIC NUCLEAR REPTILE!

[InsaneAngel]

So is there gonna be anymore or?...

[VeryDeadlyBee]

gren is color of froge🐸