My name... is Nightshade. Once upon an era I was human... A killer.... A madman... At least, I think I was. My memory is a blurred collection of images, and nothing seems clear about my past. I remember killing, taking lives... but I also remember losing my own. But one thing strikes me, it sticks out like a sore thumb... a person... No, not a person, something. It changed me, sent me to this new world and told me it was my last chance. Now, this new world is where I will learn some very important lessons, supposedly. This New World is where our story begins... shall we start the adventure?
story edited by
iNsAnE KiL1Erz
Chapters (3)
This description is a train wreck. No capitalization. Almost no punctuation. Sentence-like things that run on forever.
Look, this is your advertisement. If you don't put effort into this single paragraph, then it speaks volumes about what I'm going to get if I open this story up. The title isn't capitalized, and within the first ten words of your description, you've got seven errors. Not very appealing.
6665197 i will have that fixed momentarily please stand by.
6665197 redid it any better?
6665309 Better, but I think it could still use some polish. Here's my suggestions, though I'm not an editor:
First of all, fix the title: How 'Bout Nope. Notice the capitalization and the apostrophe.
Since I haven't read the story, it's a bit tough to know if that works, but that's roughly how I would do it. You don't want to overdo it with these descriptions. Give them the idea and the flavor of these stories in as few sentences as possible. Leave them some mystery as a hook.
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I thought names like that where just used in satire.
geomatrixgames.com/loja/images/ps2_nightshadee.jpg
I cant be the only person who thought of this.
I think I cut myself on the edge.
just wondering, what is your inspiration for this story?
I would have wished for more wishes... and a minigun with an unlimited clip
6794705 thats not how a demon works... also i dident think about that
6793724 boredom mostly i kinda just get hyped up on sugar when im bored and start typing what pops into my head then work around the it the i want or is easiest . so in othere words i just type the fist thing that comes into my head and then my editor add some flavor here and there but not everywhere
You're quite sharp eh? Never a dull moment in this story... Oh, did I mention? OW. THE. EDGE.
"Hyped up on sugar..."
Oh, I cringed at that one.
Damn, I can shave with all this edge.