• Member Since 9th Dec, 2013
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I just recently started to write stories directly towards the FiM actively, though I have been writing for years, publishing numerous stories at Mibba and the eventual pony story, as far as to the MLP

Comments ( 12 )

I'm not a professional writer by any means, but for a bit of constructive criticism, you might want to clean up the description a little bit. It's kinda all over the place and from reading it I can't really tell what your story is about:twilightsheepish:

6607108 I'm not profeccional writer either, I jst have 2 years or intensive experience of writing for this site.
To summarize the summary, there is a Changeling working at the Ponyville SPA. I am considering changing a few details about this in accordance to the Anthro AU; it would hence forth be known as Kendaripolis, but I am postponing this decision.

As to the first chapter; Rarity enter the Dungeon and put on the Servant Uniform such as described, which is later explored further along the story.(You don't just add a detail for no good reason, right?)

6607137 Right, but it would be a good idea to explore your concept a little more, you know. I guess in short I'm trying to say summarize the plot of the story without revealing it. Then again this is just opinionated so take it with a grain of salt, if this works for you then by all means:twilightsmile:

6607155 When you say that it could be explored further; do you mean to say that there are details missing, or misplaced?

You are still left with the exploration as to what the respective characters will do.
There is obviously a benevolent Changeling in Ponyville canonically, but what is she doing?

Pointing at the SPA and the Changeling only outline a starting point.

Good story but shouldn't it have a mature tag

6607408 Thank you, I appreciate it.

I did not feel it was required, when I originally published the story, but in light of later events, I guess that may be advised. In part due to having the Anthro tag, even if they are Ponies.

If you are interested, you can read the next chapter before it is published.

6607475 your welcome and yes I am interested

6607563 Dare I suggest that you find the colour coded in the text.
I started to hide the code in this manner in the summaries of my stories a good long while back.

6609941 It worked, I take it?
If not, let me know, so I can look into it and see why not and what needs to be done in order to correct the issue.

6610802 can you give me a link to the next chapter

6611082 I just published the second chapter.

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