Dr. Pepper moves to Ponyville.

by Dustchu

Just sign here, and here and here and initial here.

"So you're thinking about buying a home here in Ponyville?" Mayor Mare asked the Burgundy red pony with a silver mane, looking into her chocolate colored eyes with a bright smile on her face.

The mare nodded her head, returning the smile. "Yes, I'm thinking of opening a practice here," She said, her voice as smooth as caramel, or a baby pony's butt. "I've heard many good thing about this town from my patients back in Manehattan, and I couldn't resist checking the town out for myself."

"A Manehattanite?" Mayor Mare hummed, rubbing her chin. "We don't get many ponies from Manehattan out here, most come from Appaloosa or Canterlot." Her eyes darted to the window before looking back at the pony. "What kind of doctor are you, miss...?"

"Pepper, Dr. Pepper." Pepper replied, smiling as she moved her silvery bangs out of her eyesight. "I'm a psychologist with a masters degree in psychology and herbal medicine," She proudly boasted. "I graduated from Hoovard Academy at the top of my class." She grinned, happy to tall about such a thing.

"Oh really? Quite interesting." Mayor Mare smiled, nodding her head. "Okay, if you really do want to buy a house, you'll have to sign some paperwork," she got up from her chair, walking over to a file cabinet and opening up one drawer. "Small stuff I assure you."

"Oh it's no problem." Pepper giggled. "I've had to sign plenty of paperwork in my line of work, so I have no trouble signing a bit more." She casually waited for an answer, when she received nothing more than a nod, she asked. "So what do I need to sign, homeownership papers or something along those lines?" She had signed papers along those lines before, of course they were nothing but apartment papers back in Manehattan, short and to the point.

She was expecting a few papers, one for the ownership deed and possibly some insurance forms... but instead she saw Mayor Mare trotting over with a stack of papers on her withers. Pepper's jaw dropped as the mayor trotted over and deposited the papers onto the desk in front of Pepper.

She swore it was as thick as a dictionary! "Wha..." her voice stopped midway.

"These," Mayor Mare tapped the pile of paperwork next to her, "are a few forms-" Bullshit! Pepper thought, but didn't say. "-that I'll need you to sign." She smiled happily, as if there was nothing wrong with the world.

Pepper was having a hard time thinking this much paperwork was necessary. Pepper sighed, taking out a pen from she kept in her coin purse. She produced it, and took the first paper in her magical grasp. "Okay... let's get started then." She replied happily, she wanted a house, an actual house to live in and Ponyville was the top place on her. She just had to get through the paperwork first. She read through the paper carefully, hoping that she wouldn't be signing anything that may comprimise her social security or bank accounts. She found nothing so far... just a simple form involving possible property damage by a mailmare, and the hope that the homeowner won't sue said mailmare. She shrugged, signing it. She wouldn't sue somepony for an accident, she might be angry, but not enough to sue.

She signed it, and a few other forms involving the same pony. Property damage, damage of future workplace, plowing into one's self and causing bodily harm, unintentionally of course, and other things she couldn't believe were listed.

What even!? Pepper wondered, shaking her head as she signed the paper. She moved it to a small pile that was slowly building up with signed papers, most of which involved the mailmare. How can one pony cause so much destruction, that one needs to sign this much paperwork!? Another head shake, she had never seen so much paperwork before.

Once she finished with the final slip she saw involving the mailmare, she looked up at Mayor Mare. "Yes?"

"Is this, mailmare really that destructive?" Pepper questioned, as the sounds of somepony outside screaming for others to take cover sounded, followed by a loud crash and a distant "I don't know what went wrong!" sounded.

Mayor Mare had a flat face for a moment... "Yes, yes she is." An explosion sounded seconds later, shaking the office.

Pepper, somehow didn't notice it. "I'm surprised she hasn't been imprisoned." She commented, rubbing her chin.

"Yes well, its not her fault." Mayor Mare replied, sitting in her chair as sirens filled the air. "She's just very-" *BOOOOM* "-clumsy..."

"Ah, alright." Pepper looked towards another paper, picking it up and looking it over. Okay, this looks pretty simple... She started, looking further into the document, it was a insurance form for... "What in the heck." She muttered, getting the attention of the mayor once more.

"Something the matter?"

"Does this form read right? I mean, it says that I should be aware that, in the event of an attack by sinister, dark or evil beings, I should run away as fast as I can, or hide with one... Fluttershy?"

"Oh yes, no doubt you've heard Ponyville is a magnet for oddities." Mayor Mare commented as causally as a sneaky mare could, waving a hoof as she smiled. "We tend to attract some rather... rambunctious individuals and such. " She chuckled nervously, "town's very exciting sometimes~"

Pepper narrowed her eyes, but signed the paper slowly and pulled the next one down. Of course, it looked normal, but that didn't mean it was. What kind of town was this? Pepper pondered that question multiple times in her head, she heard this town was small, homely and filled with friendly folks, but these papers seemed to contradict some of those claims. I can understand a few of these forms, but I feel like I might be making a tiny mistake.

She signed more forms, her horn starting to ache a tiny bit from using it so much. At least half of the stack was gone, the majority of the top half of the forms involved the mailmare. The others were not so simple or innocent. As she went through most of the forms, she saw some that involved three fillies.

"Signing this means you are hereby not held accountable or responsible for any destruction of private property at the hooves of the following fillies: Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle and/or Apple Bloom, and that you will not press major charges against the former." She rose an eyebrow as she looked up at a suspiciously innocent looking mayor. "You're telling me I have to sign forms so I don't sue three fillies?" She asked, leaning back.

"Ehehehe, well..." The Mayor rubbed the back of her head. "Those three usually went around town to find their cutie marks, they're crusading as it were, sometimes causing some major trouble, I think they tried to tame a hydra in town once with explosives..." When Pepper's eyes widened, Mayor Mare waved her hooves in the air. "But they've got them now!" She added quickly, "so the trouble they've caused has gone down a smidge."

"Prey tell, how much is a smidge?" Pepper asked, wondering if moving to this town was such a good idea. It seemed nice from what she could tell, the ponies greeted her with smiles, and she met a nice country mare who gave her a free apple.

"Ehh..." Mayor Mare held up both hooves, putting them close together until there was barely half an inch of space left between them. "This much?"

Pepper sighed, she could look past three fillies. I mean, come on... who would sue three little fillies for trying to find out what makes them special? She signed it, They have their marks now, so they shouldn't really be a problem. Sighing, she skimmed through the rest of the papers. This is so complicated. She noted, all of the paperwork she had to sign three or four different times for different things, most involving bodily harm, pranks gone wrong, Poison Joke infection, being blown up by a mare called Rainbow Dash and her Rainboom, and/or two frequent visitors named Blast Powder and Blast Fuse. Who are labeled as a real danger to society, apparently. She chuckled, signing the paper.

She saw only one paper remaining now, and sighed in relief.

Finally. She reached for it, laying it out in front of her and reading it... she read it again... and again... and again... "Please tell me you're kidding."

"About what?" Mayor Mare wondered, watching as something stomped through Ponyville, crushing a few houses and setting things on fire. Pepper was too engrossed in her paperwork to notice... again.

oi.

"Is... is this really a form that says that I could be given a fine of ten bits if I don't participate in spontaneous musical numbers and dances!?" She asked, looking up at the mayor as she wrestled with a fire extinguisher to put out flames that had seeped in through a nearby window, burning down drapes and such. "You're kidding me right? Please tell me this is some kind of joke."

"I'm afraid not Miss Pepper!" Mayor Mare cried as she put the fire out, and was currently fighting with what looked like a Tomato with arms, legs, a body and a gaping black maw. "Like I said before-HI-YAH!" She delivered a roundhouse kick to the tomato, sending it cackling out through the window. "-this town can be an oddity at times, and one of them invovles most of the population breaking out into a musical number."

"But, if I don't sing or dance, I'll be fined?!"

"I didn't make the rules," Mayor Mare sighed, brushing her mane back into place and adjusting her glasses as another explosion occurred outside. "I do believe Celestia put them into place years ago when the town was first founded, as a way to incorporate harmony among the population." She said, before her eyes darted to the window once more, eyes growing wide.

Pepper nodded slowly, not exactly used to the idea of having to randomly sing with a stranger when they start. She couldn't sing or dance! Not very well, anyway. "Ugh... oh well, I'm sure learning can't be too hard." She said, singing the last paper with a sigh, her horn decided to give out that exact moment, making her pen fall to the desk with a clatter. "Whew, I don't think I've ever worked on so much paperwork in my life!"

Mayor Mare... did not answer, looking up, Pepper noticed she wasn't there anymore. Tilting her head in question, she scratched her silvery mane and looked around.

"Mayor Mare?" She asked, getting no answer. SHe got up, looking behind the desk, and was about to call out again when she heard.

"RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!" From the mayor, who was screaming through the streets.

Pepper ran to the door leading outside, down a hall, another hall, over a very drunk and passed out pony, past a trio of ponies with flowers on their flanks who passed out, screaming, "the horror, the horror!"

Soon she emerged outside, witnessing the turmoil the town was going through, buildings were on fire, ponies ran around, being chased by small black creatures with gold eyes and crooked antenna on their heads. Six ponies were going around blasting rainbow beams out of their necklaces, and two mares were currently plowing through the streets throwing TNT sticks at the little critters.

She only had three words to say about this

"What the fuck..."

Author's Note:

Just a silly little thing I wrote that sounded like a good idea xD hehehe, can you imagine actually signing paperwork like that?

HAHAHAHA~!

Also, consider this a sort of... sneak peak at a larger project in the works~

Drop a like, drop a comment, smash that subscribe button and I will see you next time!

Comments

[Boxx]

nice fic...resisted making dr.pepper jokes.

[Dustchu]

6601465 I wish I knew some Dr. Pepper jokes Dx
hehe, thanks!

[TLP]

Before I read this:
[youtube=youtube.com/watch?v=IzxHDqUz8Sk]

Shit.

Wrong soda.

[Dustchu]

6601527
That reminded me of Hackers for some reason xD
Thanks dude for reading, hehe

[SudokuBrony]

"I'm a pepper! There's a pepper! He's a pepper! She's a pepper! Would you like to be a pepper to?"

[Dustchu]

6601609

peppery goodness~

[kris664]

If I had to sign that much paperwork about so much destruction I'd just say...memecrunch.com/meme/376S5/fuck-this-shit-im-out/image.jpg?w=500&c=1.

[Dustchu]

6615067
That was someponies' exact words I bet

[marley]

Good story. Oh do keep going, the idea of a psychologist in Ponyville is excellent.

[Dustchu]

6615443 Why thank you kindly, I did say this was a sneak peak at a much larger story I have planned
So you might see more of my Psychologist~

[kris664]

6615164 I bet 100 bits on that somepony did say it

[Dustchu]

6616196 hehehehe xD we might see it...
next time~

[kris664]

6616210 hohoho heheheh yes~ maybe next time

[Dustchu]

6616239 Indeedy~

[-Frost]

I thought that this was a fun little story to read. I liked the character of Dr Pepper (thats one of my fav drinks ever lol) and I thought you had done simply a good job. There were no faults that I could find.

-Frost

[Dustchu]

7112879
Hehehehe, thanks a bunch!

[SpiritOfDancingFlames]

Heartless? Welp, you're hosed.
(I nearly squee'd seeing a slight crossover with the Square Enix stuff that was nicely subtle. Nice work~ )
This fic.... It made me happy in so many ways.
So. Many. Ways.

[Dustchu]

7511710
Hahah, glad you enjoyed man, legitness!
This is only the beginning of the awesomeness that is the Kickassverse

[SpiritOfDancingFlames]

7511761
Beginning? There's more?

[Dustchu]

7512262
There will be in the future, this is part of my own little universe called the Kickassverse, there's a link in the description of the story.
I have yet to post actual information of course... but I'll get there, hehehe.

[SpiritOfDancingFlames]

7512562
So awesome

[Dustchu]

7512602

Indeedy, stay tuned!

[G-Cis]

It’s literally the truth. This is how it would go “IRL“