Princess Twilight Sparkle. A very gifted young alicorn, from the information that I have collected. However, I can no longer permit her to continue spreading harmony over the world, as she has brought disaster in doing so, even if it requires death: the same death that she and her friends have unintentionally caused in my Babylon. You may or may not understand my reasons for doing so in this tale, so proceed if you desire. Either way, I will understand. Many are hurt in this story I have to share, innocent or otherwise.
Chapters (12)
MOAR!!!!!!
Exactly how sad will the ending be?
This seems to have tremendous potential...
which is completely murked over by the writing. The little authors comments in the middle of the story are jarring, the scenes don't transition properly, and the spelling and grammar is...painful for me to read. Not to mention that things change so rapidly it's impossible to keep track of.
6759317
I appreciate you pointing out that flaw.
I shall analyse my story and attempt to correct all misspellings immediately.
6758296
I wish to answer that question as much as you wish me to, yet I can not spoil the ending for those who wish to wait.
However, my next chapter consists of me vs Fluttershy, leaving at least one pony dead.
6758521
I shall remove the author's comments, attempt to improve transitions, improve the spelling and grammer, and look over my scenes changing.
You have been of the utmost help in your comment, and I thank you for it.
Is this a crossover? If so, then what is it a crossover of?
6828294
It is not a crossover. The Marks Of Babylon are my own creation.
You know, while there are LOTS of mistakes... the narrative, pacing, and characters seem FAR more cohesive from this first chapter alone than the entirety of, say, that displaced alduin story from a while back which somehow got FEATURED and somehow has MORE LIKES and LESS DISLIKES.
How anyone can dislike your superior story, and yet like that Alduin story is beyond me, because YOU deserve your story to have over fifty thousand views and all those likes.
6874668
That certainly is an interesting insight to my story, and one worth looking over. I originally had assistance when writing this with another being. However, they are not a brony, and have asked me not to mention their name. All mistakes are being looked over and I am trying what I can to fix them.
I am afraid I have not heard of this "alduin story", and therefore I cannot make any comment regarding it.
The fact that you refer to my story as superior is very flattering, as are you. The reason why many have disliked this story is most likely because of the fact that most of my viewings were done at the time before all was explained, and my Babylonians attacked Equestria without reason, and they have not returned to the story since then.
6759539 Are you saying that this story is a self-insert? Not that I'm complaining.
...I'm wondering if there's going to be more mind control in this story. It's nice and dark <3
7535802
This story is intended to be more self history than self insert. I can not say I can relate to the disapproval of self insert stories, as everyone has the right to make their fictional stories as they wish.
7536578
In the future chapters, there will be. I plan to write a full chapter of a mind controlled Spike, his 3 brothers and Xiaoshi in a 5 on 5 battle against Shining Armor and the princesses.
In addition, there will be more recruit's to the battle who were once quote-unquote "On the side of good." They will seem like OCs to many, but true fans will recognise their names in time.
6612600
know ye not how to spell, brother?
8941261
It is far from perfect, or even completion. I appreciate your input and respect your opinion.