Alternate Ending 2 (Written by Erac)
An alt ending to An Azure Future,
By: a lunatic. . . I mean, EracTick.
“The first thing I’ll need from you mister Norris is a contribution to the cause,” Gray smirked.
“How much?”
“Mister Norris, A blank check isn’t the best thing to use during a negotiation,” Gray deadpanned.
“I don’t give a fuck, I’m doing what’s best for my boy,” John sneered.
“I’d say about three million bits will suffice,” he smirked, taking pleasure in Johns rage.
“Allright, but first things first, We have to get you out of here,” John said waving his hands for Gray to stop.
“What about the money?”
“Look me in the eye Gray. Do I look like the type of person who’d keep a heavily reinforced vault with keypad/fingerprint scanner, with 10 inch thick titanium doors in his home to store his vast riches. without going scrooge mcduck with the billions of bits that are held inside?”
“. . . I guess not. So how do you suppose we escape?”
* * *
“I swear to the goddess’s that I’ll get you back for this, this INDIGNITY!” Gray growled from his sack.
“Welp, this is what you get when you come to me making threats and such Gray,” John smiled.
“What are you doing Mr.Norris?” Gray said banging against John’s back as he walked down the hallway towards the garbage chute.
“Same thing I do with all shit bags,” John smiled at Azure as he trotted alongside him giving him a nod.
“and what pray tell is that?”Gray Crusader growled.
“Garbage chute,” He cheered grinning like a loon, The bag flashed with magic as Gray ensnared it with his telekinesis, “Oh come on, you and I both know that unicorn magic can’t do shit if you can’t see what your trying to grab, visualization and all that jazz.”
“I see you’ve been doing your homework. Of course there’s no way you could have prepar- OUCH!” Gray cried out as he was stuck with a needle.”
“Sorry to disappoint, but I know you guys can’t do offensive magic if you can’t concentrate,” John chuckled before unceremoniously stabbing at the bag with a needle once more.
“Stop th-OW I’ll kill Y-OUCH!” Gray cried out as Azure simply shook his head in disappointment.
“What, he’ll kill us both the second he gets a chance anyways,” John shrugged, looking at Azure who simply facehoofed.
“Still shouldn't do this dad, I don’t see the point.”
“Well Buck-O. This is the point,” John said sticking Gray once more.
“OW! MY EYE-EEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~!” Gray called out as he was dumped down the trash chute.
“Will he be alright?” Azure asked slowly.
“. . . what day is today?” John said rubbing his chin, idly as he balled up the sheet in the other.
“Tuesday, why?” Azure said tilting his head.
“Oh good then the furnace might not be lit today,” John smiled.
“. . .” Azure shot John a look (Not a nice one, mind you).
“What?” John said raising his hands defensively.
“. . .” Azure glared.
“Wat?” John said innocently.
* * *
“Oh I get it now!” Azure declared watching Gray as he cursed, dragging himself from the rubbish heap. “So we follow him back to his hideout and steal the potion.”
“Sort of.”
“what do you mean ‘sort of’?”
“You're half right, we follow him there and then I start throwing some money around, and then we get to watch a little show.” John grinned.
“Your gonna cause a lot of bad things to happen, aren’t you dad?”
“Oh you bet son,” John beamed.
* * *
“Yep, Nice and straight forward, just gonna follow this smug bastard back to his hideout.”
“. . . Dad, can’t he teleport?”
“I have no idea,” Azure and John ducked behind a nearby dumpster just as Gray looked back.
“. . .Must be hearing things,” Gray muttered.
“Well well well,” John chuckled as Azure and he moved quickly down a side ally, almost as though to cut Gray off, stopping to duck behind a dumpster once more to avoid their prey,
“Dad, what do you think he’ll do to us if he catches us?”
“Hmm. . . Probably blast us with some wicked mojo from his horn, most likely. . .” John mused.
“Hey look, isn’t that a old college campus?” Azure said looking up to his father who had a manic grin painted across his face, one you mostly see on men in straight jackets.
“Oh this ‘IS’ going to be fun!” John laughed, Azure pushing him down behind cover as Gray turned around to see the noise, with a scratch of his head Gray continued into the seemingly abandoned campus. “Hey, don’t be so rough there,”
“Stop being loud, we almost got caught,” Azure said flatly.
“Nah, now ready for a car ride?” John said grinning as he wrapped his jacket around his arm, striding towards an abandoned police cruiser.
“Dad we should take something a little less conspicuous!”
“Hey, I’m not going to have thumbs by tomorrow, I plan to have a little fun!”
* * *
Azure stopped screaming as the police car jumped the steep hill at eighty miles per hour, time slowed down as he looked at his father hanging halfway out the window with a bottle of jack and an already spent uzi.
“When you're no longer able to drive, the world will be a safer place!” Azure yelled, eyes peeled wide open.
“LIVININ IT UP, WOOOT!” John howled with glee, as the tires screeched along the road taking a hard right, the rear end fishtailing just enough to tap a lamp post and send various ponies running, screaming for their lives.
“DAD, SLOW DOWN!”
“LIVININ IT UP!” John yelled with adrenaline fueled bravado, taking the car to a full spin before tapping against the edge of the sidewalk, just like in the movies.
“. . .”
“You alright son?” John said leaning close,
*BLEGH!* Azure vomited into the floor board,
“Eww. . . well. . . not our problem,” John said moving to the other side to let his son out.
“Is this the place you wanted to go?”
“Yep, heard this Ol piss bucket had some real scum, real shady place where you're as likely to get your throat slit as getting tetanus from some bum who’ll try and stab you with a needle. . . perfect place to find some mercenaries!” John grinned wide.
* * *
John and Azure walked through the last of the dirty alleyways before finding the entrance they were looking for.
“Alright, let’s have a look at your wrist there,” growled the large man guarding the door.
“Wait what are you talki- HEY!” John yelled as his left arm was grabbed and roughly pulled up, lifting John off the ground as the man examined his arm.
“No mark, No entry.”
“Hey liste-!” John shouted, stamping a foot.
“No mark, no entry, no way no how, dem’s the rules and the rules be the rules be the rules always,” The man said with a voice that didn’t sound unlike he was gargling tar.
“Isn’t that last part redundant?” John said raising a brow, before being dropped back to his feet.
“Well, dem’s da rules as their written.”
“Well, my mark just got burned off is all,” John grinned sheepishly.
“Oh?”
“Yeah, so let me in I need to talk to someone,” John, held his breath, hoping he was as stupid as he thought.
“Piss off, how stupid you think I am?”
“. . . Depends,” John hissed silently.
“ I heared that.”
“Listen, I’m sorry but I really do need to get in here,” John pleaded.
“Sorry can’t do that, cau-,”
“Dems the rules is the rules. . . I know that, but please for my son,” John asked, hope soaring.
“. . .Double no. dis is a bar, bar’s ain’t for minors. T’aint no way you’s is changin da rul-. . .” The thugs eyes lit up as a large handful of bits was shoved in front of his face,
“Screw the rules, I have money,” John smiled.
“. . . Oh I see it know, your tat just got burned off, but. . . Rules is still rules, and ya can’t get in without a tat or without someone to escort ya, and since I gots to guard the door. . .”
* * *
“Wow dad, just wow.” Azure said looking as his father tried not to vomit.
“. . . He tore off his own skin to give this to me,” John repeated to himself, unsure of what just happened.
“Just. . .wow. They take rules seriously here.”
The duo looked around scanning the scene, before them lay the scum of the city, thugs of all races and all creeds lurked around the bar, blanketed by acrid smoke, glasses clinked as the patrons hastily drank their low quality liqueur, men and griffin at one side arm wrestling, The losers against the griffins clutching there still bleeding hands from the talon marks.
“Damn, so I heard there was this guy who strolled into the Palace and attacked the princess’s directly.”
“Wat, happened to him?”
“Fucker just got back from Jersey, apparently after he clobbered the sun goddess she pulled the rug out from under him. . . so to speak.”
“Huh?” Said the thug
“He brought back a piece of her mane to prove it.”
“But ain’t it all wispy wisp like’un. . . um. Mist?” the thug drooled.
“. . . Yeah, he’s in the back showing it off with that fat bastard Gill,”
“Oh, Shush they might hear you, you know’s dat them there Perfect Weapon types get a lil antsy when you be sayin shit like dat!”
“Who?” John said striding up to the pair, who glared at him
“And whos you supposed to be?”
“Heh, Ha huh, look he’s all dressed fancy like, pertey, wanna know what we be doin to pertey types back here?” Grinned the thug before his eyes widened eyes nearly poping out of his skull.
“Wat is it?” said his companion.
“He done tore door keeps arm to get himself a tat, He’s he’s wona does Freaks!” The bar was swept with a deathly blanket of quiet, all eyes going to Norris and his son,
“We we didn’t thinks you was a weapon and all, we was foolin, Honest!”
“. . .Um, don’t let it happen again,” John said not completely sure of what was going on anymore.
“Please don, kill us by rippin off our arms, spin em around and shit, then usin dem ta impale out our heart from behind us with our own arms!” the man lept back, knocking over his chair as he scampered away.
One of the bartender’s quickly leapt over the bar and rushed to John, and his son.
“Really very sorry for the inconvenience, but I don’t need you gettin blood everywhere when you kill these morons. Here I know who you must be lookin for, and they're back this way!” The bartender said, with a forced smile on his face, Fear in his eyes as he led John and Azure to the back room, and the lair of the ‘Weapons’.
* * *
“Here you go mister crazy psychotic bioweapon, heres your friends,” The bartender rattled off shoving John and Azure through the door.
“GILL IS HIGHLY DISTURBED AT THIS INTRUSION!” Gill rumbled. Everyone averted their eyes from the mostly naked man, as it was evident that the poker game they were playing wasn’t going well for him.
“We’re gonna start paying him to keep them on eventually.”
“Shadup motherfucker, don’ be sayin dat.”
“Umm, alright.” John coughed uncomfortably, “Who here is dangerous and will work for mon-?” John stopped as everyone raised their hands cept one women, who fired off a round into the ceiling. “. . . good. . . So, let’s get down to business,” John said giddily, clapping his hands together. As John’s mind turned to business Azure began to wander about the room.
“Heh heh, hey kid, wanna see a magic trick?” grinned SeVen ushering Azure closer, “Let me see your hoof.”
“Oh, um, all right,” Azure said nervously as he began to place his shaky hoof into SeVen’s hand, a thunderous report rang out, and SeVens head slumped back as a .45 slug was placed between his eyes, “AHHHH!” Screamed Azure, before calming down, now noticing SeVen raise his head again with a smear of lead across his forehead, exposed bone underneath where he was shot,
“I don’t think you’d be too smart to try that again, ya idjit!” said the woman, “Ya ain’t gonna hurt the kid!”
“DAMMIT! I wasn’t this time, I just wanted to try somethin first! Oh well, hey kid get me dat thick steel pipe over their,” SeVen said rubbing his wounded skull while pointing at a rusted pipe with the other.
“H-here,” Azure said nervously dropping the pipe into the man's outstretched hand, Azure stared in wonder as the man opened wide enough to swallow his head whole, triangular teeth glistening with saliva before snapping together with a sickening crunch, and biting the pipe in two.”Woah, that’s amazing!”
“Dat ain’t nuthin kid!” SeVen mumbled with his mouth full, he began to chew viciously before giving the women who shot him a evil look, grinning before spitting out a stream of hot lead like a machine gun. “HA, TAKE THAT YA BITCH!” The women reeled before dropping to the floor, new holes gracing her shoulders face and chest. A thin wisp of steam leaked from each wound before they knitted themselves back together.
“Oh, you're DEAD!” She screamed, lunging at SeVen, who simply laughed like a maniac.
“D-Dad, are you sure you want to hire these guys?!”
“Yeah, they seem nice enough to me.”
“THEY’RE PSYCHOPATHS!”
“Well, you know what they say, fight fire with fire,” John grinned.
“DAD, THIS IS GOING TO BE LIKE TRYING TO USE NAPALM TO PUT OUT A GREASE FIRE!” Azure yelled, dumbfounded at his father's willingness to work with theses monsters. Azure’s eyes widened as the women proceeded to chase SeVen around the room with a fireaxe, bringing it crashing through the door as SeVen slammed it behind him in his mad dash to freedom, the room grew silent as yelps of terror could be heard down the hall in the main room proper, There was the muffled sound of a shotgun being fired, before an unhappy SeVen came walking in, Missing half of his face, he grumbled as it slowly began to heal (Slow for a healing factor that is).
“. . . Well. . . while that was fun and all, who do I speak to about hiring some killers?” John said, clapping his hands together with a smile.
“. . . I guess, that’d be Bartleby.” Said a soft spoken women, John looked every which way, but her wide brimmed hat seemed to shield her face whichever way he looked at her.
“Who are you?” John inquired. He recoiled as a disembodied shadow punched him square in the nose.
“OMAGOSH, I’m so so very sorry!” The women apologized frantically. “It doesn’t like sitting still for long. . . my shadow that is.”
“. . . it's all right.” John said before thinking to himself ‘. . . Oh shit, scary shadow lady! Maybe Azure was right, but it’s a little late now.’
* * *
“The, the GALL, THE NERVE TO ASK ME TO HELP YOU THROW AWAY YOUR HUMANITY, How, HOW DARE YOU EVEN CONSIDER ASKING ME SUCH A QUESTION?!” The large man bellowed at the cowering John Norris.
“It’s not for my sake it’s fo-.” John whimpered
“I WILL HAVE NONE OF IT! LEAVE NOW, Before I try and see if I can’t send you into low orbit,” growled the man. His eyes widening as he saw the young blue colt step out from behind his father, and made himself known.
“He want’s to to teach me to fly, he’s not betraying anyone!” Azure yelled, giving the large muscular man pause.
“Who is this? WHAT IS THE MEANING OF, OF THIS?!” Bartleby barked.
“He’s my son, and if you have a problem with that, well. . . You’ll just have to deal with it.” John said with a stiff upper lip.
“. . .You’re going to give up your humanity for a one in three chance. . . of being able to teach your son to fly?” Bartleby said in a hoarse voice, now completely awestruck. He stood there for a moment repeating what he had just said, wordlessly. John yelped as he was grabbed in the man's vice like grip, iron clad and unbreakable.
“Wait, you don’t have to ki-!” John tried to yell before he was crushed in a bear hug.
“THE COURAGE, THE, the AUDACITY. TO ASK ONE OF THE HLF’S ELITE SOLDIERS TO HELP. TO HELP HIS SON FLY, SO POIETIC! SUCH COURAGE SUCH, SUCH RAW. MANLINESS!” Bartleby cried towards the heavens, knocking loose plaster from the ceiling, and eliciting yelps of panic from everyone within earshot (about a quarter mile). John struggled against the man's grip, but was only crushed harder against his chest, as the man reeled on.
“Um, I don’t think my dad can breathe.” Azure said, watching helplessly as his father turned an uncomfortably similar shade to his coat, as he attempted in vain to ‘tap’ out, whether Bartleby noticed or not is anyone’s guess.
“FATHERHOOD IS THE EPITOME OF MANLINESS, THE CARE FOR ONE’S OWN FLESH AND BLOOD, TRANSCENDING THROUGH ALL BARRIERS OF RACE, CREED, AND RELIGION, AND BEFORE MY VERY EYES TODAY! I WITNESS AN ACT, NAY A DECLARATION OF ONE FATHER'S LOVE FOR HIS SON, A LOVE SO INTENSE THAT HE WOULD BRAVE THE DEN OF THE PERFECT WEAPONS, JUST FOR THE CHANCE! THE MERE CHANCE TO TEACH HIS SON TO FLY! Of course I will help you in this most noble of endeavors, Mister Norris.” Bartleby smiled at him, finally realizing that John was almost past the point of passing out. With quick apology he released John. John sat on the floor for a while trying to regain his breath, before he began again.
“That’s, that’s wonderful. . .” John gasped, color returning to his face. “what do we do to set this, show up?” He panted.
* * *
“Everything is alright on the east side of the campus, over.” The earth pony said into his walkie talkie clipped to his vest. his shift for guard duty was coming to an end, he moved stealthily through the buildings keeping out of sight, suddenly he spun around. “Footsteps.” He frantically activated his communicator, but was met by only static. “Luna damn it! It’s jammed,” He moved to meet the intruder who had darted into a side room, “HALT, STAY WHERE YO- OOMPH!” He cried out as two heavy boots came crashing down on his head, John muttered into his wrist watch,
“Allright big guys, all the guards on this side are down, move in and let’s take that potion without them even noticing.” John grinned, ‘bout time he got some exercise’ he thought to himself, as he crouched low and took off in a stealthy run. He skidded to a stop as he looked out a window, facepalming at the scene taking place before him.
“GILL MOVES SILENTLY THROUGH THIS WRETCHED HIVE, ALL SHALL TREMBLE BEFORE MY STEALTH!” Gill bellowed, rattling windows as he merrily charged down the center of the road, head first at the auditorium doors.
*Such a lack of finesse, is most appalling.* Bartleby said over the communicator, “Oh well, TAKE THE ELEMENT OF SURPRISE THAT WE HAVE LEFT, CHARGE!” John’s forehead turned red from the force of his palm grinding into his face, John sighed and checked his dart launcher once more, fast acting horse tranquilizers filled its clip, "Oops, this one had Drain-O in it." John chuckled before replacing the chambered round. John stealthy moved to where the fight would soon take place.
* * *
"DEFEND THE TANKS, THE SERUM MUST NOT BE DESTROYED!" Cried the pegasus, before dive bombing the mountainous man who was tearing at the support struts of the tank, He came down hard against his stomach, but bounced harmlessly away,
"PATHETIC, WHO HAS SENT SUCH INCOMPETENTS TO FIGHT ME!" Gill roared, busting the support struts of the vat of cherry potion, it collapsed under its own weight, flooding the room with a flood of cherry, Gill remained unmoved and unchanged by the goop, even as the wave slammed the ground bound defenders against the far wall.
"NO, I DON'T WANNA BE A WOMEN!"
"I feel pretty," Giggled a newly turned unicorn. " I mean. YOU'LL DIE FOR THAT!"
"WORDS MEAN LITTLE, ACTION!" Bartleby cried as he burst into the building, the glass glistened and fell with a tinkle as Bartleby landed heavily. He grinned, turning to meet the PER members. 'Now, just to distract them for a while longer, then I'll destroy the tanks’.
* * *
John crept at an even and slow pace, he froze as several ponies ran in front of his hiding place, rushing to greet the intruders who were making quite the spectacle. Two darts in their flanks apiece sent them tumbling down for the count, "I hated to do that, really." John couldn't help but snicker at a funny thought, "Guess I'm a real stickler for Metal Gear, eh?" He chuckled to his victims before locking them in a handy janitors closet,
*Hurry it up!* John simply grimaced at the voice, he'd hurry as fast as he damned well please. He moved quickly along the catwalks to the open tank of sparkling purple goo, and lowered a flask attached by fishing line into the tank, pulling it up quickly he toweled off the flask with a rag held in gloved hands, last thing he needed was getting any on himself here after all. As he looked up he caught sight of a familiar unicorn.
"YOU!" hissed Gray Crusader, charging John Norris at a full gallop, John snapped the lid closed and was off like a shot, Gray was simply too quick down the straight hallways and would be on him in an instant, but two legged creatures have an advantage over four legged ones, the two legged ones will always beat a four legged creature in the short distance, enough for John to duck into an office, and double back around. Doing his best to lose his pursuer,
"Dammit." John hissed as Gray skidded out in front of him, he had cut him off! John dodged the first blazing barrage of arcane missiles, he was close to the exit, and only a short sprint away would find him safely seated behind the wheel of a truck. John cried out in pain as the magical bolt tore through him and burst out of his chest. 'NO, SO CLOSE!' He gasped, with sure force of will, and grit. He forced himself to continue his charge towards the door. The door slammed shut behind him, and he tripped, crying out as his chin smashed against the unforgiving cement, he gasped as his leg throbbed. Ankle twisted, John lay there fumbling desperately for the dart gun, he grimaced as he looked at the faulty thing, busted from the impact. "Cheap Taiwanese trash!" He cursed.
“Nowhere else to run Mr.Norris,” Gray said in a low voice narrowing his eyes as he followed the blood trail. “I said you would pay dearly when I found you again, did you think I would bestow the gift of the goddess onto the likes of you!” Gray launched a blast of telekinetic energy, the point of the magical dart smashing into the metal door in front of him and collapsed into a finite point of brilliant energy, Gray cracked a smile as he saw John sprawled out on the ground, clutching what must be a twisted ankle. “Oh, it would seem you're hurt.” Gray smiled trotting closer “allow me to ease your pain.” His horn flared, the glow changing from a lifeless gray to a foreboding black, all light seemed to fade in the room, swallowed by that one horrific glow. “Time to die Mr.Norris.” Gray smirked standing over John.
“Heh, one problem with that buddy boy.” John smiled wide, and a split began to appear from the corner of his mouth, cracks spreading from his left eye. “I’m not John.” SeVen grinned a wicked, razor sharp smile, and lunged.
“MONSTER!” Gray cried, rolling to dodge SeVen’s deadly bite, his horns fey light burst in a brilliant mockery of moonlight and all consuming darkness, SeVen howled in pain as the blast seared flesh, and flayed muscle from bone, He swiped in a wide arc, leaving a deep gash, and slashing deeply into Gray’s already wounded eye, Gray gritted his teeth and let the torrent of dark magic flow freely through him, his horn glowed cheery red, and he paled as he felt his very essence being consumed to fuel the spell. The room grew still as a loud pop emanated through the room, the light slowly crept back into the void where Gray stood, as though afraid of the forbidden spell used. “Hah!” Gray gave one final cheer looking at the smear at what little remained of SeVen. “Weak.” He panted before the bliss of unconsciousness took him.
* * *
“YOU CAN NOT STAND BEFORE GILL!” Gill charged, shaking the ground with enough force to topple the less sure footed of the ponies, a cinnamon coated mare and a tan earth pony stallion moved quickly behind Gill and smashed into his back side, the force of his own charge sending him skittering across the floor as he rolled and shattered bleachers.
*BLOW THE TANKS! WE NEED TO MOVE NOW!* The P.A. blasted, the room shook as the ponies rushed to escape, warning lights flashed and Bartleby moved deftly and quickly to move and launch Gill out of a window before they blew.
“Sorry about this!” Bartleby shouted hurling Gill through an upper window, when one of the tanks blew, in a burst of arcane light and deadly shrapnel. Bartleby cringed as he was coated in purple mutagenic goo, and grimaced. “Thank the gods for an immunity to this blasphemy.”
* * *
Azure looked worriedly at his father as the sound of the explosion reached them. “Dad, what’s going on?”
“I’m not sure, this was supposed to be a stealth mission.” John sighed, moving the wrist watch up to his mouth. +Hey, what went wrong?!+ John’s brow furrowed as he got no response, He and Azure scanned the lot from their vantage point across the way, Azure with a telescope and he with a set of binoculars. the minutes seemed like hours as they waited. they turned with a shot as the door opened, and Gill appeared before them.
“THE TANKS WERE BLOWN, NO POTION COULD BE RECOVERED!”Gill said in his booming voice, and shook his head in disappointment, “WE FAILED YOU, TONIGHT THERE WILL BE NO CAKE.”
“Where is SeVen and Bartleby?” John asked, frowning deeply, maybe he should have taken Grays offer after all.
“I am here Mr. Norris.” Bartleby said with a solemn look on his face.
“I thought you said you didn’t get any potion?” Azure said tilting his head.
“GILL DID NOT LIE, SeVen COULD NOT BE LOCATED!” Gill boomed, angered over the thought someone would think him a liar.
“What, but Bartleby is soaked in it.” Azure pointed out at the muscle man in shredded clothes
“He’s right, John there is still hope for your son.” Bartleby grinned mustache bristling.
“Wait, what?” John asked becoming weirded out.
“QUICKLY JOHN NORRIS, HUG MY NAKED CHEST!” Bartleby yelled, spreading his arms wide in a dramatic flourish, The lights glistening off his potion covered chest.
“No. . . this is gay, can’t you just, you know, scrape some of it off?”
“Dad, it’s only gay if you make it gay, now get naked and hug the glistening naked muscle man so you can teach me to fly.”
“Never said your dad didn’t do anything for you. . .Allright, but I keep the undies ON!”
* * *
“But, but THE WHOLE REASON I DID THIS IS SO I COULD TEACH MY SON TO FLY!” John yelled at the princess’s, He rubbed his new horn with a shaky hoof, “PLEASE BREAK THE RULE THIS ONCE!”
“Life isn’t always fair mister Norris, be happy that you have your health. Now go and live your life happily with you son for he lo-.” Celestia stopped as Johns shadow began to darken and lengthen.
“Tia, what’s happening?” Luna whispered to her sister.
“I’m not sure myself,” Celestia said in a low voice as the shadow became more solid, and soon took on a new shape as the silence was broken by one uttered word.
“Manliness.” The shadowy silhouette whispered.
“What?” Luna asked leaning forward,
“Oh no. . . Please not him, what in the nine hells could HE be doing here?!”
“YOU SHALL NOT STAND IN THE PATH. OF FATHERHOOD!” The shadow lunged at Celestia, peeling away as Bartleby emerged like a cannon shot, striking her and smashing her into the back wall.
“BIG MISTAKE COMING HERE, THIS IS OUR REALM! WE HOLD ABSOLUTE POWER HERE!” The princess’s shouted in tandem.
“. . .What’s going on,” John asked. Cadence simply shrugged. “Aren’t you going to help?”
“. . .Um, I’m just going to sit this one out, I’ve seen what this guy can do. . .”
“You got knocked the fuck out by him, didn’t you?”
“. . .Yes.” Cadence sighed, Raising a shield to shelter them from the shower of rubble picked up by Luna tossing a statue at Bartleby, who cleaved it in two with a punch.
“STAND STILL, I WANT TO PUNCH YOU. WITH MY RING HAND!” Bartleby cried leaping back into the fray.
“So he actually did beat you guys.” John asked
“. . .Yes, I still don’t know why though.” Cadence sighed.
“. . . So. . . about teaching my son to fly. . .” John began, Cadence sighed heavily before letting out a sharp ‘EEP!” Teleporting them away from the blast zone of Celestia’s solar fire. Bartleby emerged badly burnt but seemed unbothered as he simply lepta gain at the Alicorn sister.
“. . . I’m sorry John, I really am but rules can’t be broken with jus- AHH!” Cadence screamed as she was knocked head over hoof, by her aunt being bowled into her.
“HAVE AT YOU!” Bartleby cried, smashing his fist into the ground, the resulting wave of earth pounding the Princess’s into a wall, while miraculously throwing John into the air, to land with an ‘Omph’ on top of a statue. “Sorry, My friend. I will be more careful next time!” Bartleby hooked his hands together, and spirled once then twice in a front flip, before pounding Celestia straight in the face, and sending her spiraling at John,
“HOLY SHI-!” Johns cry was cut off as he leapt off the statue, as Celestia smashed through. John walked over to the downed Princess. “Hey. . . hey. . . Princess. . . yoohoo!” John said poking her with a hoof, pulling back as she groaned, eyes snapping open to reveal bloodshot orbs of rage, that instantly cooled to a calm understanding gaze.
“Did, did anypony get the number of dat wagon dat hit me?” She mumbled dazed. John cringed before beginning to speak.
“You do realize there's at least four more that are going to be here soon to help him right?” John’s gaze was motionless as stone as he looked into her eyes. “I bet, he’d leave willingly if you’d just swap out the Ol’ horn here for a set of wings.” John smiled sheepishly. ‘Am I really trying to threaten a god here for my son?. . . All right, so. . . I’m threatening a physical god for my son. . . neat!’
“So. . .” Celestia began, standing back up. the sound of her regenerating organs and bones snapping together made John cringe. “He’ll leave, if I break the rules this once? Will he attack my sister without warning again if I were to allow this, this once?” Celestia spoke slowly. “I don’t even believe that the others can get here.” She smiled coyly. John tilted his head to the side, and smiled a much too wide, razor tooth filled smile.
“WRONG PRINCESS, WE’RE ALREADY HERE!” Cried out ‘not John’ in a cry of glee and bloodlust. SeVen lunged at the princess, Jaws snapping through the tip of her horn, gnashing together for a chance at devouring more. Celestia screeched as SeVen latched onto her.
* * *
Cadence, Cringed as the ground rumbled, A mountainous human standing above her, emerging from shadows. “GILL, I AM CALLED, ENEMY OF BUREAUS!” Gill blasted, each step shaking the ground, and breaking tile under heavy foot, “I AM UNSTOPPABLE, UNBEATABLE, NONE HAVE STOOD BEFORE ME AND DID. NOT. FALL!” Cadence began to crawl backwards, away from the booming voice of the man.
“I, I HAVE DONE NOTHING TO HARM YOU!” Cadence called out. Quickly pointing her horn, a Heart blossomed out from the tip and fluttered to pop gently against his head, Cadences eyes shone with hope for a moment before he continued.
“ALL WILL BE CRUSHED UNDER MY MIGHTY FEET!” Gill boomed, slowly beginning to charge. picking up speed before bellybutting the young Cadence through the wall and into the maw of the gaping black sky. Gill rolled and bounced, as a lightning bolt struck him squarely in the chest.
“THE NIGHT IS NOT TO BE TOYED WITH!” Hissed Luna, firing a gobs of dark wobbling energy at Gill, Tendrils of red lighting lashing out snatching up anything in its wake to be consumed. Gill winded back, and punched the glowing orb with a meaty fist, the Orb continued and engulfed him, in a burst of light and necrotic energy Gill Emerged, completely nude. Luna screamed as she used her most powerful spell to bind herself in concealing shadows so dark that even she could not fully see through the inky black.
“DO NOT ACT LIKE YOU ARE NOT IMPRESSED, WELP!” boomed Gill.
“YOU WILL SHOW DECENCY IN FRONT OF A LADY!” Luna boomed back, the force causing Gill’s gelatinous rolls to wave. causing her to gag once again.
* * *
“Wow. . . just. . . wow.” John muttered to himself, he leapt up with a yelp as a meaty thunk hit the floor next to him, still smoldering from atmospheric reentry Cadence looked up with tired eyes.
“I yield. I offer no more objections to this exchange.” Cadence coughed weakly.
“What about the other two?” John said motioning towards Luna in a battle of the blasting voice, and Celestia flying erratically through the air screaming as she barrel rolled, slinging SeVen to the ground. Bartleby's manly laugh could be heard by the two as Bartleby caught SeVen and sent him flying back at the princess with a spinning toss.
“. . . At this point I don’t think they’ll object much.” Cadence sighed, her horn glowed as she healed herself, before she turned it on Joh. John’s horn glowed and slid down the back of his skull and spine till it came to the shoulder blades, it split into two bones spikes that wavered and bent before slowly morphing into wings. “It is done, two things before you go John.”
“Yeah?” John said flexing his new appendages with a smile.
“I want you to settle down, and find someone to raise Azure with, he deserves a happy childhood. . . Plus, well I mean you did already go through the trouble of threatening physical gods to do right by him. . . Oh and the other thing.”
“Yeah?” John said leaning forward to bask in the wisdom all alicorns must possess.
She sighed “Now. . . TAKE YOUR FRIENDS AND GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!” She whipped her head once and a whip of pure light smashed into John's face. Everything went dark.
* * *
“Dad. . . Dad. DAD!” Azure called out, as John slowly opened one eye then the other.
“Ah HA, IT WORKED!” John said pumping a new foreleg into the air and flaring his wings, He tried to fall back onto all fours but realized he was stuck to something. . . someone. “GAH!” John cried out in pain as Bartleby unceremoniously pealled him off of himself.
“AH HA, John you have earned your wings. in the manliest way possible. By beating down a goddess and making her hand them to you!” Bartleby cracked a smile.
“Yeah. . . we all did it, woo hoo,” SeVen replied sarcastically. “ Now if you excuse me, I have to lie down. I have a headache from somebody spinning me like atop and hurling me like a javelin towards a pissed horse princess!” SeVen grumbled before stomping away.
“I am glad you completed your task,” smiled the shadowy women, John was still unnerved by the fact that all the shadows in the room reached out for her as though wishing to greet her. John wiggled uncomfortable noticing the boxer shorts he was still wearing.
“A little hel- *YIPE*” John yelped, as the women's shadow reacted quickly slicing through the clothing quickly, with enough gentleness to not harm a hair on his. . . back side. “When you’d get here anyway?”
“SeVen was harmed, I collected him as he regenerated and carted him here, I sent the others into the dream world to assist you in your quest.” She smiled. John chuckled once.
“Well, thank you for your help I’ll pa-.” John was stopped by Bartleby raising his hand.
“No John, we require no payment for this deed. because of you we shut down the source of forced ponification, ‘WE’ are indebted to you,” Bartleby smiled, chuckling to himself.
“WHAT ARE WE WAITING FOR, CAKE FOR ALL!” The windows cracked and fell to the ground from Gills over zealous yell. everyone shrugged and began to follow after Gill Enemy of Buffets.
********************************************************************************************************
Well. This was fun to write, even though I took my sweet time with it. It may be awful it may be good, and it may be funny. please don’t let it color your view of Krass however, if you have a complaint PM me.
Daniel Overton:
think you could just use 'get' here
Daniel Overton:
more extra capitals
Daniel Overton:
rippin'
Daniel Overton:
comma
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This chapter was amazing, but, personally, the best part was the LORD OF MANLINESS HIMSELF, GILL.
I see you used the G-docs version...
This was filled with THREE-FISTED MANLY THRILLS AND PUNCHING ACTION!!!
This story smelled like a boys locker-room and fought like a honey badger strapped to the ass of an enraged baboon - never before have I been so squarely and MANFULLY punched in the ontology by such VIRILE PROSE!
You have done a MAN'S JOB, sir, and have truly oiled the sweaty chest of DYNAMIC NARRATIVE TENSION!
All my lady-boners to you and to this chapter.
Ok this was funny as shit. High point was the EPIC battle, we're the immortal goddesses lost.
All I can say, besides that I may have missed some reference, is: .....wha..?
there are not enough whats in the world
Oh dear god just what the fuck was that...
A potion-immune humans that also able the beat the shit out of the Royal Sisters, neat!
This made me laugh out loud from the moment the mercs are introduced, until the very end.
Also,
SWEET SUN AND MOON, SO. MUCH. HAM!!!
Dear Celestia... what did I just read.
“Dad, it’s only gay if you make it gay, now get naked and hug the glistening naked muscle man so you can teach me to fly.”
This is the funniest line I have read in a hell of a long time.
Thank you, thank you, thank you XD.
New canon ending for me. Not too mention the manliest. Loved Gil, Bartleby, and SeVen. Especially Bartleby.
Gill winded back, and punched the glowing orb with a meaty fist, the Orb continued and engulfed him, in a burst of light and necrotic energy Gill Emerged, completely nude. Luna screamed as she used her most powerful spell to bind herself in concealing shadows so dark that even she could not fully see through the inky black.
“DO NOT ACT LIKE YOU ARE NOT IMPRESSED, WELP!” boomed Gill.
“YOU WILL SHOW DECENCY IN FRONT OF A LADY!” Luna boomed back, the force causing Gill’s gelatinous rolls to wave. causing her to gag once again.
I have read almost ten million words on this site alone. Including the stories I've read exclusive to EqD, DA, and fanfiction.net, this may or may not be the greatest thing I've read from this fandom.
My favourite part is
“GILL MOVES SILENTLY THROUGH THIS WRETCHED HIVE, ALL SHALL TREMBLE BEFORE MY STEALTH!” Gill bellowed, rattling windows as he merrily charged down the center of the road, head first at the auditorium doors.
934223
Heh, thank you for that, I wasn't so sure that that part was going to work, but I guess it did.
942513 The chapter had some awkward phrasing and minor spelling issues, but overall the awesomeness of this chapter shone through.
I enjoyed this story. Thank you.
1054988
Well thanks for reading
Be sure to check out the sequel! You should also check out my other works, if you want to that is
Bloody typical. Just another day in the life of a multibillionaire solo dad.
As usual, Norris is a strong candidate for "Father of the Year" award in this reimagining, willing to hug a burly naked man while also naked, just to ponify.
People have said my supporting characters steal the limelight. I think Gill and Bartleby do it far better.
YES! DEATH TO THE FALSE GODDESSES!
This should be cannon
1299188
I
.Hack
Also, This is one of the original TCB fics, it marks the advent of the PER and Dressclubs. So I'm not generic, THEY are.
1302415
scranton.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw7524-mlfw4694-TwilightAreyoukiddingme_thumb.jpg
1519965
I...
...
What?
this was a nice i would say medium sized story 50k words nice "not all your own" but still nice.
as for EracTick's work i almost fallowed it then it said no more logic was needed somewhere half way through
and were those missionary's super human or something? how did one regenerate?
She was right, this is good story. Rask knew talent when she saw it. Looks like I'm going to have to read more of your stuff Krass McWriter.
2006530
*PSSST* Read the sequel.
Also, I'm dedicated to finishing the next chapter for it.
Wat.
2017776
*le shrugs*
Hey Krass,have u read The Conversion Bureau:Reality Break?
2018260
Not entirely, just a bit
Would u believe if I told u I've made that fic a reality?
2018312
Not even a little
Would u believe that you're wrong?Also,do u like bananas?
2058688
Wait til you read the sequel/erac's ending
2252188
Hey, woulda replied sooner, but school, y'know?
But yeah, I was just referencing Yellowstone The Series episode III which guest stars John and Azure. Yellowstone is fantastic and so is Last Man Standing. I reccomend reading both. Also, when I am given a cameo, I like to return the favor by plugging in a reference to it. 'Cause I can. Cherry potion is also just a TCB thing in general. It makes the user a mare, regardless of previous gender. Supposedly, because it was easier to work with XX chromosomes than XY in the beginning and was the first version of the potion that actually worked. Other stories have it for funsies and transgendered characters.
2252107 Something about changing genders, I think.
1520082 Sorry I never replied. I forgot why I was so shocked.
666226 I strongly agree.
3017850
Yeah, pretty much.
I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHAT JUST HAPPENED!
But i like it!
I have read the story a few days ago and I love it. It was very good. :-)
3153944
This is actually a sort of companion to Last Man Standing by Windchaser, he is one of the last humans, yes, but not the last.
4256974
THere are about a dozen more chapters, a sequel, and if you want other tcb reccomendations, I can give them
*Read the story*
John Norris is officially a grade A+ idiot
After spending the entire story wanting to remain human and not undergo conversion, he pulls a complete ideological 180, joins up with a freaking terrorist organization and then helps them successfully carpet-bomb a human settlement, then he goes gases a cop whose only mistake was trying to give him a speeding ticket. Making the whole matter worse, the only reason he decided to help the terrorists was so they would convert him in exchange - something that is their entire purpose to do anyway. Not to mention he could've walked into any of a dozen nearby Conversion Bureaus and had the process done legitimately by TRAINED FUCKING PROFESSIONALS at any time. He receives nothing worse than mild disappointment from Celestia for the whole thing.
To quote the old guy who was doing some fishing on a bridge that Caddicarus saw
6371325
not on your life buddy
I like this ending the best
Anyone ever have a glitch where a story you finished and removed from your tracking just stays there?
Que the EOI (Elements of Insanity)! 😆🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
10315892
I wrote this well before whatever fic you're referring to was written I assure you. I literally founded TCB canon and introduced the PER. They literally made their first appearance I'm there gdoc fic copy of this I posted on ponychan. I popularized them. Grey Crusader is my boy. Also with how many variations there are on TCB it's honestly not much of a stretch that such a thing doesn't exist or is for some reason gone unbeknownst? Also... TCB is an AU to start and while it does gave certain tropes and mechanisms that make it saying there's a specific true canon is just silly.
Anyways thanks for reading this trash, have a good one~