- Member Since 12th May, 2015
- offline last seen Yesterday
The oracle
I am the oracle. I seek to tell you a story. Will you come sit and listen?
The oracle
Joined 12th May, 2015 ·
Offline
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First
Good so far, man.
I recommend making multiple, small-worded chapters into bigger chapters.
6590309
Not bad. Pretty good start.
Without even reading, I can see some serious problems.
The most prominent is the appalling chapter length.
Its best to have chapters to be at least 1,000 words in length, with few exceptions.
Plus, the comedy and dark tag conflict a little, don't you think?
I imagine you are going for a dark story with comedy bits, so I would remove the comedy tag.
Reading the first chapter does not fill me with hope.
The whole thing feels bland and forced.
I am not sure why the nymph would be able to speak and display give itself a name right after hatching. Do they learn while in the egg? If so, why not spend a few paragraphs going over how that works?
I am assuming Pupa is a reference to that one story with a Japanese style changeling culture. I have nothing wrong with this, but some might not like that. Try to use original names if you can, or not well known ones. Same with legion.
Overall, this needs work.
I recommend you read a lot Changeling stories to get a few different ideas about how to shape the changeling canon in this story, as well to get general tips about writing.
I notice your new.
Welcome to FIMFiction!
I hope you do well.
6590309
Commenting first is already looked down apon, commenting first on your own story is just going to bring you hate.
You really shouldn't do it.
Thanks and you are probably right, but I hadn't really meant to upload this at first. I had meant for this to be a story th I would keep between me and my friends, so I did not really worry about chapter length or the explanation because they usually understand what I mean, and th name legion was actually going to be threw name for a starwars fanfic I had before we I found my little pony and I had just wanted to use it. But thanks for the advice, and wow, I need to not talk so much.
And no, the name pupa is not a reference. I just had difficulty coming up with changling names, so I used that.
This is funny and is there a skyrim reference in here I saw a name that reminds me of skyrim
6714210 Thanks, I am glad you find it funny. I try
6714210 and the name was dovakhin. That is the name you were thinking of.
Wow ponys suck
6755822 yes they do in this world. Don't worry, evantully they get theirs.
Oh the things I have planned for both sides.
6644301
6644274 Check.
not bad so far
6810147 The only thing I don't like about my writing is the short chapters, but I seem to work in bursts of ideas.
hay you are a live
6901408 Yep, just got my stuff taken away from me, so i am using schools computers. Also, i take awhile to come up with insperation for my chapters. And i procantnate, a lot.
lets
I have not read this story yet, only read the description and glanced at the tags. HOWEVER, I must say this: if sex is implied, then unless it is the most vague implication of sex in the entire universe, add the sex tag. That tag is used when it's shown, when it's implied, and/or when a few sex related jokes are written. If implications are there, use it.
6990769 fixed it.
6990769 So, what do you think?
This is a very interesting story to read keep up a good work update more soon. The reason I like the story because it interest me when some write a story that want me to read more. You doing great with the story keep up a good work with it hope you write more I'll follow it till you finish it k
7181942 Ok, I hope I don't disappoint you guys?
I cant wait to start reading it! it seems similar to one of the stories I wrote, so I know Ill Enjoy it!
I'm #453!
I don't recall eating ponies...
Skyrim names.... I like!!!
not bad
Yaaaaaaay, update! ^_^
7301194 I could not decide on how to do it
It's alive! Sorry for the long wait, I couldn't decide how to get it down, so here you go. Have an update.
7302161 it's still great!
Awesome make another one
nightmare moon????
7422551 Maybe?
Still lazy huh?
7872799 no, working on another story. Been neglecting my stuff lately, huh? Will work on this after next chapter comes out.
7873262 lol I was just looking through some stories I was tracking