Epilogue Part 3 - Seeds of the Future
Path of Kindness and Blood
-
Epilogue
Part 3 - Seeds of the Future
It has been two days since the funeral as the Apple family was eating at the table. The gloomy silence once again present as everypony except for Applejack had lost their appetite.
Applejack glanced at each of her family members. As difficult this discussion would be, she couldn’t hesitate any longer. She couldn’t act as if nothing happened in the past few years.
“Granny Smith… Big Mac…” she said, slowly getting their attention, though failing to notice any enthusiasm. “Ah have been hidin’ a secret, an important one. Ah’ve gotta tell it.”
“Secret… even from yer family?” Granny Smith asked.
Applejack nodded. “A lot has happened and Ah feared what yer reaction was gonna be. Ah’m really sorry for hidin’ it from ya.”
“Well, ya have been actin’ mighty suspicious, leavin’ the farm everyday and so on,” Granny said, raising her trembling foreleg above the table. “Whatever it is, we’ll support ya. No need to keep secrets in this family.”
“Fluttershy, she ain’t a pegasus… but a thestral.” Granny Smith’s mouth was agape as awkward silence overtook the room. “And a pureblood no less.”
Granny’s glare sharpened as she spoke, her voice filled with hostility, “If that’s meant to be a joke, it’s dang a terrible one.” She slammed her forehoof against the table.
“Ah’m tellin’ the truth.”
A weak smile formed on Granny Smith’s face. “If yer tellin’ the truth… then mah heart sure got a little lighter.” She grabbed a slice of an apple pie and chewed it, her appetite quickly returning, though Apple Bloom and Applejack looked at her with a hint of disappointment. The moment she gulped, Granny Smith added, “The less of these freaks are alive, the better. Equestria will fare better for it.”
Applejack glanced at Big Mac, who kept his neutral expression, making it impossible to read him. After a deep breath, Applejack said, “Sorry to disappoint ya, but Fluttershy’s alive.”
Apple Bloom’s ears perked upward as a weak smile appeared.
Granny Smith’s eyes widened. “Whaaat?” She slammed her hoof against the table again and said, “But the funeral… the toxic plants from the Everfree Forest…”
“That’s just an excuse. It takes way more to hurt a pureblood than a mere toxin from a flower,” Applejack interrupted. “Fluttershy fell asleep earlier than she should, and she won’t be wakin’ up anytime soon. We had to arrange a fake funeral.”
Granny Smith frowned. “What do ya mean, ‘we’? Are ya part of those lies?”
Applejack frowned. “Ah ain’t happy with lyin’ to the town folks, but they’re not ready to hear the truth yet. Ah hope that’ll change one day.”
“Have ya hit yerself in the head, or maybe that wolf in sheep’s clothing cast a spell on ya?” Granny Smith asked, slamming her forehoof against the table for the third time as the plates with food bounced on it. “We need to get rid of Fluttershy as long as she sleeps, or inform the guild if her grave is guarded.”
Applejack crossed her foreleg and closed her eyes. “It ain’t happenin’. A high rankin’ officer already tried his luck. He decided he rather save his own hide.” She shook her head. “Her body ain’t goin’ anywhere, like it or not. Not that Ah would let anypony hurt her.”
Before Granny Smith could respond, Apple Bloom jumped onto the table and tackled Applejack, now standing on her chest while looking deeply in the eyes. “Fluttershy’s alive? Why didn’t ya tell me, big sis?” She grit her teeth, her glare sharpening. “Why didn’t ya tell me? It ain’t fair!”
“Sorry little sis, Ah had a lot on mah mind, Ah’m sorry.”
“Apple Bloom!” Granny Smith shouted, now shooting angered glare towards the filly. “Ya kneeew?”
Apple Bloom nodded. “Ah did. And if not for Fluttershy, we’d all be…” she paused and gulped as her ears drooped. She slowly stepped from her sister as words were stuck in her throat.
Applejack stood up and sighed. “Ah fought Fluttershy and she held back, sparin’ mah life.” She pressed a forehoof against her own chest and half-closed her eyes. “Other thestrals wanted me dead… they wanted us all dead. Fluttershy stuck her neck in our defense. She let me use her as a punchin’ bag. We fought against an assassin side by side. There’s no way Ah’m betrayin’ her after that.”
Granny Smith turned her head to Big Mac and said, “Yer awfully silent, Big Mac. Ain’t ya have somethin’ to say to yer brainwashed sister?”
“Nope.”
The elderly mare raised an eyebrow. “Don’t ya tell me yer happy that the pureblood is alive!”
“Eeyup.”
Applejack smiled as she glanced at her brother, filled with hope. “Is that true? Ya really don’t see her as enemy?”
“Nope.”
“But… why?” Applejack asked, suddenly feeling as if her heart became heavier. When she learned that Fluttershy was a pureblood, she put the poor mare through a lot of pain, hurting her with cruel words and punches, yet her brother didn’t hate Fluttershy on the spot.
Big Mac exhaled and looked between each of his family members as his stare became serious. “Ah’ll be honest. Ah know Fluttershy for who she pretended to be, bein’ blind and unaware to what has been happinin’ in Ponyville, but Ah could tell somethin’ big was happenin’.” He pointed at Applejack and added, “But Ah trust ya, Applejack, always have. Ya met the real Fluttershy, hated her, befriended her, worked with her. If ya say she’s a good pony, then Ah believe you.”
The tall stallion stepped from his seat and approached the window, opening it to invite a bit of fresh air inside. Feeling the wind in his mane and focused on the descending sun on the horizon, he continued, “Ah never wished to avenge our parents, never wanted to fight thestrals. Mah only wish was for y'all to not share our parents' fate. If Fluttershy saved our family, enemy or not, Ah’ll be grateful to her.”
Granny Smith opened her mouth, struggling to say any words. After a few seconds, she spoke, “This’s nonsense. Ah can’t stand here and see as mah own blood get tainted. Hawkeye Delicious and Snow Sweet must be watching ya from Elysium with disgust.”
“They’re alive too,” Applejack interrupted.
“Say whaaat?” Granny Smith said as she pushed the table to the side, startling Apple Bloom while the food splattered on the floor. She approached Applejack and pressed her own muzzle against hers. “What nonsense are ya talkin’ about? They died from hooves of a pureblood in Manehattan.”
Big Mac and Apple Bloom looked at Applejack, their faces pleading for an answer while filled with hope.
“They weren’t killed, just turned into thestrals and their memories changed,” Applejack said before stepping backward, making some distance from Granny’s muzzle. She raised her forehoof and continued, “That pureblood name’s Moon Shadow. He sent Pa to kill us, but later ordered him to target Fluttershy instead.”
Silence overtook the room as each family member listened with full attention. Applejack continued, “Fluttershy saved us not only from them thestrals, but from our own blood. She fought against Pa and risked her life to restore his memories.” She took a quick breath and added, “She succeeded, but the price was her year long nap came early.”
“Is that true?” Apple Bloom asked, her pupils almost as wide as plates.
Applejack approached the door and shouted at the stairs. “Pa, it’s time.”
Each of the family members approached and looked at the hooded figure, who walked downstairs and entered the dining room. The moment he took off his hood, the jaw of everypony except for Applejack dropped.
“P-Pa,” Big Mac said hesitantly.
“Yer… alive,” Apple Bloom said.
“Yer… turned into a thestral?” Granny Smith asked, receiving a weak nod in return. Granny Smith grit her teeth and looked at Applejack. “Why is he alive? Ya should have killed him!”
“Excuse me?” Applejack asked, taking a step back as she nearly lost her balance.
Granny Smith pointed at Hawkeye and continued, “It’s cruel to let an Apple be turned into a monster. Ya should kill him out of mercy. It’s our duty as hunters and a family!”
Hawkeye shrugged. “Ah said the same thin’, but mah daughter’s too stubborn.”
Applejack frowned. “At least now Ah’m stubborn about the right thin’. Yer not a monster and Ah’m not goin’ to lose ya again.”
Before Granny Smith could speak, she felt a tiny hoof stomping on her foreleg. Looking down, she noticed an angered stare from Apple Bloom who said, “Don’t ya call mah Papa a monster.”
The filly turned and galloped towards Hawkeye, jumping into his chest while giving him a hug, her little forelegs embracing his neck. Tears of joy started dropping from her eyes. Hawkeye blushed before gently embracing his little Apple with a hoof. His eyes closed and heart warm.
Big Mac nodded and said, “Eeyup,” before approaching as well and joining the hug. Lifting Hawkeye above the floor as the result.
“Yer much stronger than Applejack,” Hawkeye said from his higher perspective, still remembering how Applejack lifted him the same way, though not putting as much strength into the hug. He returned the gesture, proving to Big Macintosh how much stronger earth pony thestral can be.
Granny Smith lowered her head and murmured, “Ah… Ah need to think about it.” She turned and walked outside in silence. Applejack was about to follow, but a hoof from Big Mac on her shoulder and shake of his head stopped her.
***
As time passed, filled with cheerful atmosphere, talks, food eating, and Big Mac’s offering to share his blood with his father, Applejack approached the window and said, “Thank you, Fluttershy, Ah’ll never repay ya for what ya did for us.” Feeling the pleasant wind, she lowered her head and added, “But when ya wake up, Ah’ll be there to support ya, no matter what.”
Big Mac approached, sitting next to his younger sister and added, “Ah wish Ah could meet the real Fluttershy. Ah’ll thank her when she wakes up.”
Apple Bloom jumped onto the windowsill and said, “She’s already an honorary Apple for savin’ Winona. How else we can thank her for savin’ us and our dad?”
Hawkeye sat behind them. “Ah suppose Ah’ll join her clan when she wakes up, learn more about bein’ a thestral. It ain’t goin’ to be easy to live as one, but after this reunion,” he chuckled, “Ah feel more comfortable bein’ mah sworn enemy.”
“Fluttershy has a clan? Can Ah join?” Apple Bloom asked, only for her head to be rubbed by Applejack’s hoof, which in turn reminded her of being rubbed by Fancy Pants. Reinforcing her belief that in his eyes, she was just like a little filly.
“When ya grow up, Ah’ll think about it, but don’t do nothing crazy, alright?” Applejack asked. She could notice disappointment clearly on Apple Bloom face as she nodded hesitantly. She looked at Hawkeye and said, “And no revenge attempts, Pa. When Fluttershy wakes up, we may ask her if we can somehow save Ma, but till then, ya stay out of trouble.”
Hawkeye laughed. “Ya really grew up a lot, Applejack. Ah’m proud.”
The farm mare glanced outside once again, admiring the sunset as she looked into the bright future with hope.
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WOO! SEQUEL!
...Didn't expect the ending to be like this. Hmm...time to look up the sequel.
I HAVE WAITED SO FUCKING LONG!!!! :,) THANK YOU JESUS!!!!
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE FiNaLlY
So, it seems complete.
But the tag still is incomplete?
............. BY TH MAKER MY LIFE IS NOW COMPLETE!!!!!!!!!! I admit to squeeling like Rarity when I saw this.
i was literally looking over this story early this morning and wondering when the sequel would come.
Finally! I have been waiting and hoping that this chapter would come!!!!!! I loved the ending! The Apple's are reunited! I loved all of Applebloom's reactions she is so cute!!! And grumpy Granny Smith was a nice touch! I can't wait too read the sequel!!!!
7069899
Glad you enjoyed their reunion and hope it was worth the wait.
As for the sequel, why wait since it is up already. There's link in author notes.
Or simply use this: The Ever Changing Moon
Love this so much.
this story was...
7071410
7072403
If you enjoyed it, don't forget to check the sequel. It is just prologue for now, but it is still better than nothing.
7077400
Considering how much AJ lashed on Fluttershy, only to find out that she's in the wrong, I didn't want to drag her redemption too much.
I mean, AJ cursed Fluttershy with all insults she could think of, punched her in the face repetively, found out that if not for Fluttershy, AJ and her family would be dead, and even fought by Fluttershy's side, After all of this, I expected AJ's pride to break to pieces with enough push in right direction, something that Apple Bloom delivered. It may seem to end too quickly, but I just felt it wouldn't be necesery to drag it for too long.
7114728
I checked it and the only word that seems to be repeating itself is word "birds"
Can you be more specific so I can fix the issue?
7118115
Aj's parrents were killed by purebloods and she was taught that they cannot be trusted. It's not easy to give your worst enemy a benefit of a doubt.
When AJ thought that Fluttershy was a thestral, she wasn't angry at her but rather wanted to kill the one who turned her, however when she learned that Fluttershy is a pureblood one, this is when hate and distrust struck.
Usually I dislike vampire stories but gave this a chance because of flutterbat, I just finished it and im glad to say this story is great, love its pace and the always present suspense and twists, my favorite character would be Rarity since I never saw her as a bat and loved it; great work
Onguard for next book!!!!!
Edit: Wow I just found out this is the SECOND book xD
Still you wrote it so well I dont think I missed a lot of stuff, as I said great work!!!!!!!!!!!!
7119830
Glad you enjoyed it, though it is not a popular series, at least when compared to "Celestia's Tiny Student". I hope that the sequel will be just as enjoyable, even though it will be much shorter.
Don't forget to fave "The Ever Changng Moon" to be notified whenever it is updated.
7181783
cdn.meme.am/instances/21501942.jpg
PINKIE ALREADY HAS ALL THE POWERS!
7140621
True, but one can always try.
7181783
Luckly, Fluttershy is very casual with turning others. She do it only if it is absolutly necessery.
7193013
Your welcome. Glad you enjoyed my take on her character.
I was wondering what kind of talent and ability Derpy/Ditzy should have that would make up for her clumsiness and careless attitude. While her nearly undestructive body can prove useful in times of danger, I came up with ability that can be helpful in common situations.
Being able to read character of other ponies is a counter to Derpy's poor sight and clumsiness.
7193060
Thanks for pointing it out. I wrote alternative scene and for some reason, forgot or failed to delete the original.
I deleted this:
7194201
Well, Fluttershy from the show was already good at taming beasts. Pureblood Fluttershy in this story is even better at it thanks to her improved survibility.
7195131
Agreed.
7195818
I take it you aren't a fan of that summoner/ninja/assasin.
7203962
7206806
Congratulate Rated Ponystar. He assisted with this scene a lot.
7206980
Afraid that hunter AJ will mess things up?
7207543
lol
7208712
Pretty much.
7208943
I take it you get the reference in this one.
Nice conclusion to the story, it wrapped the whole thing up nicely. The thing with Granny Smith make sense, at least in this darker world, since she would be a bit more stubborn on old views than the next generation. Hopefully, however, she can see reason as she get to understand the Thestrials better.
C&Cs will be PM.
7207261 YEEEEEES
7241967
I added your fix. Have fun with the sequel.
7256044
Well, to be fair, the researcher who used it last time ended up in horror-like scenario. Creatures from the Everfree Forest are dangerous after all, and some followed him towards the cottage. Futhermore, Fluttershy's perspecive is making it even more creepy and scary than it should be.
7115463 There will be a reason why Applejack acts that way, right?
7265782
True, but Fluttershy had no idea it would be so hard for Pinkie to keep that promisse. Not that she had much of a choice.
7277539
That's harsh.
7313789
Yes, though you probably read this reason already.
7344514
I don't really get this part.
AJ have her reason to hate so much. She lost her parrents because of a pureblood and it won't be easy for Fluttershy to change her point of view.
7344860
I understand that conflict between AJ and Fluttershy was rather uncomfortable to read, but it was necesery to develop AJ's character. Death of AJ's parrents was the source of her hathred, but now with Hawkeye on the scene, thinks turned around. If Applejack hated Fluttershy so much because of what happeend to her family, can you imagine what AJ will think of Flutteshy if she saved her dad?
As for the endings, try to have more faith. As you noticed already, quitting reading this story would make you miss lot of good stuff.
7360631
To be fair, Applejack was ready to overlook it when she thought Fluttershy was a thestral, seeing her more like a victim while desiring to kill the one who turned her. The hathred appeared when she found out Fluttershy was a pureblood, and she have a very good reason to hate purebloods, and it is more than just their abilities to turn ponies into thestrals.
7424108
I see nothing wrong with it. Undertale references are fine in my book.
7424505
English isn't my native language, and editors/proof-readers doesn't always caught up on everything.
7425621
I feel your fear may soon come true.
7439822
No, this story isn't canon with Twinyverse. Though I can't deny that in some cases, ponies aren't what they appear to be, but it is to be expected from story about thestrals and purebloods.
Holy fucking shit! I read this entire saga in one day! I LOVED this story. It, like the first one, killed my emotions and made me cry, but I loved it. I would say AJ and Fluttershy were the best as foils and characters. As I read fanfiction, I like to listen to music, I find it adds to the atmosphere and while listening to what I had in mind, it practically killed me.
This song fit the story as a whole and made it seem a bit more animesque... though this is my own opinion as most of fanfic reading for me is listening to a soundtrack. It has that emotional undertone and though I can't read or understand the lyrics it sounds like an emotional song nevertheless.
I eagerly look forward to the day you finish the third book as I look forward to the events of the pilot in this changed universe. I practically had chills at the end when I realized where you were going.
For me, I adore AU pilots as I find 99% of them add to the lore and make the surrounding story better in some ways. I read a lot of them, I can't say yours was the best (as it is unfair to compare quality stories in their own right) but it was definitely up there. I find each of the Mane 6 have that one story that changes them and makes them more relatable. I can admit, Pinkie still hasn't been read yet as I tend to avoid her kind of stories
but this definitely made me like Fluttershy.
You took me on a ride, made me cry, and starve as I was just too hooked to bother eating a lot. Thanks for taking me on this journey. Are you adapting the entire series in this AU or is the Nightmare Moon confrontation, the finale as it were? I stopped watching the show because of silly reasons, but I adore AUs and I am glad to say I read your story.
I don't normally like sad combined with the dark tag, but I do like dark adventure stories with sad undertones. I guess it depends on the amount of sad in said story and how upsetting it is overall. Maybe I am just hypocritical in my avoidance of the sad tag. I will follow updates for the third story but probably won't read it till it's done. No pressure or anything, but please try not to have me wait half a year or till next year at this time for the completion. My memory is terrible otherwise, I would follow as it is updated.
You have earned a like and favorite.
7454151
I was planning to end this series on the third story which takes place in Season 1 Episode 1 and 2. I'm not sure if I'll expand it futher than that. Main reason for it is because I am trying to focus on expanding Twinyverse.
Since you like AU so much, just like I mentioned in my other reply to your comment, check up Celestia's Tiny Student as it focus on little Twilight growing up as a tiny pony while adapting to her overpowering magic. (It takes place 13 years before Nightmare Moon's return). Sequel "Nightmare's Little Adversary" takes place during season 1 episode 1 and 2. Another sequel which is still being written is called "Ponyville's Tiny Librarian" which focus on Twiny's adventures in season 1.
Also, I hope you'll continue watching the show at some point, because you're missing lots of good fun and enjoyable episodes. Sure, some aren't all that great, but there are plenty of gems and lots of decent episodes, totally work watching.
As for the third story, it won't be all that long, so it will be uploaded with editing speed of my editor. It slowed down recently due to poor internet connetion on his side, but I'll get it done sooner or later. In the meanwhile, all I can offer you is my other AU story. Who knows, maybe you'll enjoy it as much as this story, and Twiny verse serries is way longer.
That's a nice looking flat 500 likes there. Would be a shame if something were to happen to it...
UUUUUUUUHG THE FEELS
FUCK YOU, AUTHOR
7457708
Thanks.
7512428
If this is a complement, it sure is the most harsh I've ever received.
7513468 your welcome
7600524
Eeyup.
The biggest reason for it is because thestrals are very resistant to dark magic. Because of it, they can use stronger spells at less risk of being corrupted. Even most talented unicorns are more limited because of this,
I would agree with this, but you seems a bit harsh in regard to Fancy Pants and Fleur. Hunters are their enemies for centuries, so letting hunters family live would be very riskly, not to mention that Applejack learned how Fluttershy is a pureblood, so they couldn't leave family of hunters occupy Fluttershy's teritory.
I wouldn't say it is that bad. When purebloods have Luna in charge who united them, they followed rules. However, with two biggest powers in hiding (Fancy Pants who lead those who hope for peace) and his competition who is in favour of conquer, and with hunters in the middle hunting both sides.
None side can affort weakness, so they're used to play dirty. What they need is a major shake in power which is related to Nightmare Moon's return. The two-faced-princess is suppouse to unite them and either lead them to peace or war.
The role of Fluttershy in it however is important. Despite all hardship and even death of her parrents, she still remained forgiving and kind. She managed to pass trials and dangers without being corrupted by it, using something that even good thestrals viewed as a weakness. Her role in this conflict is to teach other thestrals how to live among ponies in peace without playing dirty.
7600372
Wow, harsh.
To be fair, purebloods weren't like this in the past, but centuries spend in hiding while competing with each other kind of force them to act like this. The issue is that even those thestrals who hope to one day make agreement with the princess and live among ponies in the open view kiindness and forgiveness as weakness. For centuries they were avoiding or fighing against hunters who wanted them dead, so they have hard time understanding why a pureblood would willingly forgive one.
On a side note, Luna was leader of the purebloods, and Celestia banished her during house-conflict. Fancy Pants would fail to recruit many clans to his cause if he showed weakness.
If you'll not give up on the story yet, you'll soon see why Vinyl isn't giving her all when working for Fancy Pants and for Fluttershy. She know that Fancy Pants even with good intentions went to far into dark side to bring true peace, yet he sees Fluttershy as someone too weak and not influential enough to unite others to her cause.
The important part is that Fluttershy managed to endure harsh reality without giving up on her believes. Her kindness and forgiveness united ponies of many species. Should she succeed, she can show other thestrals that there's hope for peace and survival without playing dirty.
Applejack isn't element of honesty yet, so she isn't a literal hero. The guild is illegal after all. Fancy Pants and Fleur know that if they let Applejack go, she and her family will keep killing thestrals, or maybe even Fluttershy. When Fluttershy suggest to keep them in check with blood control, they agree.
The issue here is that even good thestrals and purebloods fear that if they showed forgiveness to their foes and not abuse their abilities, they wouldn't last long in face of competition. Ironicaly, hunters who believe that they protect innocent are a driving force for good thestrals to play dirty. However, if hunters didn't step up, evil thestrals would do what they want and rise to power.
Long story short, purebloods and thestrals need one leader who'll negotiate with the princess, resolve issue with hunters and gain trust of society, which is why they all await for return of Two-faced-princess.
Also, spoiler alert
...
Celestia killed parrents of Fancy Pants, Fleur and Moon Shadow because she was afraid they would try to avenge banishment of Nightmare Moon. None of them are eager to negitiate with Celestia at this point.
7637467
What you mean by that in this particular example?
7637516
At least she's one others wouldn't mind being manipulated by.
7638996
I wouldn't call it this way. Both mares seem extremely embarassed by it.
7639031
To be fair, Earth pony hunters either pick one hidden blade and one large shield. Applejack find massive shield to be too heavy and slow her down, so she went for doubtle blade and a crossbow.
7639039
Centuries of conflict behind the scenes do this to both sides.
7639756
No need to go so harsh on her. Applejack knew purebloods only from stories and from her parrents' death. Seeing kindness and sadness in one is new experience to her, quite unexpected one.
7640502
Fluttershy wouldn't want to turn anypony against her will. In the end, those are Rarity's family affairs. If Rarity will decide to share her secret with them, she may suggest it.
7641440
Agreed.
7642146
What's that?
7642173
And what headcanon it was be?
7651946
To be fair, in most wars soldiers just follow orders and will get arrested or even executed for disobeying orders, so I wouldn't put them all into one negative bag.
7653741
Certainly not me.
7642518 1: Chiron? Percy Jackson?
2: I only have one headcanon, it spans multiple dimensions, and I ship my OC with Vinyl. Thankfully, I managed to headcanon my way into keeping that relationship.
7674413 skatbords
7966139
The issue is that Fluttershy don't wish death to even her biggest enemies. She was desperate to heal the one who hurt her so much, and he simply turn down her efforts and killed himself. This act of pride hurt Fluttershy more than all weapons and punches that were used against her.
7977456
Shackles often like to control others by many means. He's just confident he can force Applejack to be his spy. After all, if she refuses, he can just tell rest of the guild that Applejack is a traitor, and it would end poorly on Applejack and her family.
7977492
Shackles indeed sees Fluttershy as an easy target. And I agree that it is ironic that by testing if Fluttershy cannot fight was the reason behind Fluttershy's change. Normally your theory about what happens in the future would work, but there are many events that can affect the future. Fluttershy is but a piece on the chessboard, and you never know who'll become her ally and enemy.
7981915
Why do you think so ?
8209760
that's hilarious
8331051
It's debatable. It all comes down to the ammount of crazy and Pinkie that's forced upon her. If it's too much, it would do more harm than good.
8331071
If you haven't noticed, this story have 34 chapters. When I was writting it, I had tons of ideas that needed to be put into the story one after another, and I was afraid that either I would drag this story too much, or that I would lose my inspiration (I like writting on instinct and later base on my proof-readers suggestions I rewrite stuff).
As for filler, don't worry, there will be much of it later in the story.
Also, while your suggestions are very good, I can affort to only making small changes since this story is a bit old and I'm a bit low on time to make improvements. Though once you'll get to the next sequel, I would be able to take your suggestions more freely (it's easier to do so in a story that I'm still writting since it's more fresh in my mind and is more focused upon by the readers).
Though I enjoy reading your criticism. You're pointing flaws and how I can improve the story without hammering the story itself or ranting about it. I would use your help if you're willing that is.
8331333
How can it do harm? If it overwhelms her it will simply mean she'll be completely exhausted which also is actually good. The best way someone can help another person with a depression is 1 talking about it and 2 keeping them occupied. It would be best if that occupation is extremely exhausting. That they are simply too tired to worry about it anymore.
I also write like that but usually I write the basic form and then add the filler. You seem to have skipped that second step. Filler is especially important in the beginning of the story to get people more in connection with the characters. Just let them be themselves and worry about the plot later.
You could replace Fluttershy talking about the party with a few moments of her being add the party. Sort of summon up the party highlights.
I always feel like putting a label of "good" or "bad" on something is pointless. There is always something in a story and there is always room for improvement.
8331380
I dunno about that. I may not know much about dealing with depressed people, but I think some tact and being understanding to their hardship is needed. Pinkie's overenthusiastic personality may not exacly be the best cure for Fluttershy's mind.
It's one thing to keep her occupied, but another to scare her away.
I'm not exacly good at displaying characters emotions, so writting filler doesn't come easy to me ( it all depends on how I see characters behave. If I fail to imagine more filler scenes in Fluttershy's welcoming party, I fail to write it). Just keep reading the story, hopefully the filler that takes place futher on will make up for it.
Well, it would reqruite some rewritting, and whenever I do a rewritting without editor's assistance, I add many mistakes, that's why I prefer to not make any big changes in old stories to not make them worse (I stick with small changes).
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My own story is about a 13 year old who is depressed because he had sworn to his dying father to protect his family and he failed to save his mother when she was slain right next to him. I did quite a bit of research into depressions. The most important thing to do is to keep their mood up and just wait it out. With more shallow things you could confront the person with it.
Also so what if it scares her away? In my story a character get's depressed after seeing the pony she loves beat another almost to death. To cure her of that her friends reenact the scene and play out the horrific scene which breaks her will, reduces her to tears and finally get's her to open up. She too was terrified of the scene in front of her and tried to flee but they just locked her up and refused to let her out until she dealt with it. Afterwards they moved in to console her and reassure her that there was nothing she could have done. All she can do now is to support him as best she can.
It will surely scare Flutterbat but that's no reason not to do it. If anything it's an even stronger reason to do it as the fear of Pinkie Pie would overrule the empty feeling of losing her family.
her friends should push her outside her comfort zones when she's not well. That's what giving support means. They are not capable of sound thinking so you have to do it for them.
You are right in that tact is required but that's mostly in the first step. That gentle approach to put her pain to rest was done by Rainbow Dash and her parents. Now is the second step where Flutterbat has to recover. That requires distracting her, making her enjoy herself and pushing her to exhaustion. They really should have done that with her birthday party now that I think of it. They should have pushed Fluttershy on to Gilda much harder and pretty much oblige her to stay and enjoy the party. Of course give her some space to do things her own way but the way of the old Fluttershy.
You could have them play out as flashbacks.