• Member Since 9th May, 2012
  • offline last seen May 16th, 2016

The desert brony


T

After living in a orphanage for two years Scootaloo learns she has a father, yet he was never told of her existence. Now after all this time she wonders what drove her parents apart, but the truth she finds leads her to something much darker.

A/N This is my first MLP:FIM fan-fic. Constructive criticism is welcome.
Dark tag is for later in the story, if you see a more appropriate tag missing please let me know.

Chapters (12)
Comments ( 57 )

Hmmm, interesting. :trixieshiftright: I'm guessing the crux of the matter will be whether or not Blaze is guilty of infidelity (I believe in the innocent until proven guilty bit). It wouldn't be the first time a guy tried to be a gentlecolt (like say, by escorting a drunken mare to her room to keep her from being taken advantage of) only for somepony who only saw, or heard, part of the events to jump to the wrong conclusions. :ajsleepy: Otherwise, I'm hoping that even if he is guilty, Blaze doesn't turn out to be some kind of unfaithful douche, because as Scootabuse stories go, that kind of thing has been done to death. I look forward to seeing where this is going. :twilightsmile:

I'm sorry for the long delay on this Chapter, but due to my comp being on the fritzs I lost a good 2/3 of this chapter:fluttercry:. Hopefully no issues of the sort crop up in the future, and please enjoy:scootangel:.

I'm really hoping that we get the true story of what Cheerilee saw. It's quite clear that Blazewing is too devoted to his wife to cheat on her that easily. But it can be hard to stand up for oneself when everyone believes otherwise. I also like how Blazewing is shaping up to be a flawed character (with possible anger management issues looming large on the horizon and years of emotional baggage to go with them), which could lead to some interesting conflicts. Keep up the good work. :scootangel:

950279

Thank you very much. His past will come roaring back but that you will have to wait for:derpytongue2:

Ok Chapter 3 is finally up. Please enjoy and remember I do like feedback from my readers:twilightblush:

So far, so good. I'm curious to see where this goes. What exactly is it that Cheerilee saw, anyway? Been wondering about this for awhile.

That will be coming up very soon 1094949

1094988

Sweet, looking forward to it. I hope that it turns out that Cheerilee just misinterpreted whatever she saw. Blaze seems like a nice guy.

Ah yes, I'm looking forward to somepony highlighting the elephant in the room. And who is our mystery guest at the end? This all looks very promising. I also really like the idea of Blazewing and Big Mac having a bash brothers sort of dynamic.

1095574 That Mystery mare is a major part of the story but I can't say more without giving it away sorry :scootangel:. As for Big Mac and Blaze I took what you had to say earlier

But it can be hard to stand up for oneself when everyone believes otherwise.

to heart and realized that he did need, at the least, one ally in Ponyville.

1095628 Excellent. That improves the dynamic greatly. It also helped that Blazewing made what seemed a decent first impression with Scootaloo's friends and the Mane Six. At least some of them (most likely Applejack and Twilight) aren't the sort to jump on the rumormongering bandwagon without some kind of solid evidence against his character (ie Ceerilee's obviously incomplete view of events probably won't cut it in and of itself). I can envision a fair number of the ponies who remember Blazewing still siding against him, which will make for good drama as he tries to stick it out for Scootaloo's sake.

1095682

I can envision a fair number of the ponies who remember Blazewing still siding against him

Oh I have a chapter dedicated for that very encounter, but that's a few chapters off don't ask how many right now.

Also I should have said this earlier but I forgot :twilightsheepish: I will be toning down the chapters (Word count wise) in order to give my editor some breathing room. He's a non-brony willing to subject himself to my work and ponies. (Secretly I hope to turn him into a brony through this fan-fic and have him join the herd :trollestia:)

1095730 You could try forcing him to watch the first two episodes. That's what my friend did to me. Admittedly, I get hooked on things like this pretty easily. :twilightblush:

1095751 I already did that and that was a no go, but if this fails, it's good to know that he's the tolerant non-brony kind. :rainbowdetermined2:

:rainbowderp: Oh my gosh, This set of chapters has a theme... I do hope it fits

Interesting. I really like the dynamic Scootaloo and her dad have. But I get the feeling that the discomfort of having only one parent (and not her mother at that) is going to be coming to the fore. And that's not factoring in the rest of what seems to be a whole herd of elephants in the room. I'm still waiting with baited breath to find out who our mystery guest turns out to be. Keep up the good work. :pinkiehappy:

1191888 MUWHAHAHAHAHA The mystery mare will come just a little more into the light next chapter but she's not ready to reveal herself just yet

And chapter 5 is finally up, I apologize once again for the very long wait on this chapter.

Chapter 6 is Up but bad news follows. Chapter 7 will not be airing soon because of a major flaw, two ideas wanted to make themselves know in the next chapter but don't make any sense when left as is. So I will be scrapping one part in hopes of using it at a later date so until then enjoy:twilightsmile:

Good work and thanks for the shout out. :twilightsmile:
I gotta say, I like the idea of Dust devil being mute. Although now I can't imagine him without a horn (the honking kind) and a trench coat with bottomless pockets. :pinkiehappy:

Many typos, but so far... Pretty good. Adding to my fave list and will read more later.:pinkiesmile:

1442116 You don't have to but if you feel like pointing out said typos i'll do my best to correct them.

1094997>>1412787 I want to let you two know (and anypony else that reads this) that the seventh chapter has finally been sent to my editor :pinkiehappy: I was waiting on finishing this chapter because I had requested some art to be done but I never heard back from the artist :fluttercry: So I decided to say to hay with it and finish the chapter without it.

You're creeping me out. Blaze is pretty much me to a 'T' ... even down to the phoenix refferances (to quote my faince 'Anger that burns as hot as the sun, but tears that can heal the deepest wound'). All he's missing is a prodigious amount of chest hair and ability to flick into a sexy 80's voice.

1571917 I highly doubt it's you to a T, as I have yet to full bring out all sides of Blaze. Also thank you for the favorite:pinkiehappy:

My longest chapter to date... and over two months of work to get it done :twilightangry2:

Well it was certainly done well enough, action scenes are always difficult for me to describe but this chapter did it better than anything I could ever type.

1613912 It took me a good amount of time to think of how I wanted the scene to play out, and I still feel like it could use improvement.

Ok, I'm now officially confused but I think it's a good confused. Honestly this site needs a mystery tag for stories, cause I think this is just one long mystery story. But not a bad one. Please keep going.

It might be that I have not read the story in a while but the end part and the ghosts showing up, at least I think they were ghosts? Still I tend to withhold my judgment on any story, usually when a writer puts something unexpected in the story they have a reason, unlike most on the site how just bitch when they say it makes no sense or something like that. 1981457

1981464 Only one (the mare Raindancer) was a ghost, the other was an old friend of hers that has his own story that i'm also working on.

Well, this is an interesting new wrinkle. Suddenly having the story having occasional transitions into first-person perspective was kind of abrupt. It tends to work a bit better if you work that in from the beginning to give your writing a more consistent flow.

1983847 That was what I was afraid of but those parts I felt needed a first person view. It was part exercise on using it as well as allowing me to explain thoughts without having a heavy italic format.

Hi! :rainbowwild:This actually Melissa for CIS, and I read your whole story. I really like it, you should continue to write more! :pinkiehappy: I will make more comments later, but I really enjoyed reading this. :ajsmug:

2150553 Thanks and I'll be hunkering down at spring break to pull the last two chapters into completion. (hopefully)

And the plot just keeps getting thicker...keep up the good work!

2660735 Thank you very much. This will all come together soon :pinkiecrazy:

Stupid question: why didn't Scootaloo buck or even bite Harvest in the face? Duh...

2829229 not a stupid question at all, but a question I have no answer for.:facehoof:

Well, at least you're honest about it, and you didn't give that overused excuse that I get from most authors who can't come up with a true reason: "Because if it hadn't happened that way there wouldn't be a story".
Heh, if I had a dollar for every time I heard that excuse....

Not bad, I really don't know why this story is so ignored.

2837298 I would have to say because I didn't do much self promotion. To be truthful I'm glad this one is done, because I have two other that I've been working on lately. One has been one the back burner since I started Unwelcome Visitor, and the other was more spur of the moment. I might post a blog before they come out and put them in the groups best from them when I do.

A great story in all; I was compelled to read the entire thing in one sitting. What a workout for the eyes! In all seriousness, well done and enjoyable, I should think. ^_^

2838496 Thank you and I'm glad you enjoyed it. I have two more stories on the way one being much darker then this and the other is for everyone. I hope you'll stick around:twilightblush:

A pretty good ending. It's a shame we don't really get to see Golden Harvest get her due, but I'm fine with an open ending like that.

That said, you may want to break up your paragraphs a little bit more. As they are, they're separated into pretty hefty chunks of words that are hard on the eyes. This may be one of the reasons this story's readership isn't that high.

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