Quesadilla
Sunset Slayer
By Pen Stroke
Pre-read & Edited by
Chapter 8
Quesadilla
==========
Sunset squirmed in her seat, the awkward silence of the car itching at her skin. They had beaten The Master. Her friends were saved from the vampire curse. Yet, that didn’t mean they were out of the woods. Crystal Prep was a mess, and any real investigation into the matter would likely bring the police to Canterlot High. Twilight made the hard decision and called the principals, who arrived at the school in under thirty minutes, thanks to an absence of traffic and probably some excessive speeding.
Now, their group was split. Three of them were being taken back to Canterlot High by Principal Celestia. Sunset and Fluttershy were in the car so they could recover at The Library. Spike was hunched over in the back. He wasn’t injured, but a single picture of a werewolf at Crystal Prep, or anywhere in the city, would draw a lot of unwanted attention.
They were on the freeway now, zipping along in the utterly empty carpool lane, passing the few other cars that were out at such a late hour. Sunset glanced at the clock and winced as she saw it was nearing three. It was getting to the point where she needed to start thinking about it being the next morning instead of the previous night.
“I’m going to want a detailed report of what happened by the end of today,” Principal Celestia said, her words almost making Sunset wish the awkward silence had continued.
“Yes, ma’am,” Fluttershy and Sunset said.
“And it’s going to have the whole truth, right, Sunset?”
Sunset’s hand reached up and gripped her seatbelt. The principals knew about the bracelet. Princess Luna had gotten their permission first before even bringing it over from Equestria. They hadn’t been keen on the idea, for understandable reasons, but they had agreed with the princess’s logic. “Yes, ma’am,” Sunset said before she glanced over her shoulder and nodded to Fluttershy. It would be better if both of their reports were the entire truth.
“All right, I suppose that’s all I can ask at this point.” The serious tone in the principal’s voice lightened, and she took a moment to glance back at them before putting her eyes back on the road. “I’m glad you're all safe. The absolute last thing I want to do is have to go explain to someone’s parents that their daughter died fighting magic monsters. I’ve had that nightmare more than enough times to know there is no good way to go about it.”
“Yes, ma’am.” That time, all three of them answered, Spike adding his voice.
The principal sighed, pressed a button on the driver-side door, and cracked the windows. The cool morning air began to blow in as the car continued along the freeway. “I know what happened back there was none of your fault. You were doing your very best, and we can’t ask for more. We all knew that, someday, we might have to deal with an entity that would leave some collateral damage. This is a war, and sooner or later, something is going to get wrecked during the course of a battle.”
“But this is more than just one broken window.” Fluttershy put her hands on the back of Celestia’s seat and leaned forward, putting her head between the principal and Sunset. “Principal Cinch is going to call the police when she sees all the damage, and I don’t think Dean Cadance can cover for us.”
“That’s why the others are staying behind with Luna to try and clean things up as best they can, but I don’t think we have to worry about the police too much this time.” Principal Celestia’s words were encouraging, but Sunset noticed the frown trying to form on her face near the very end.
“Why?” Sunset couldn’t help but ask.
“Do you remember the lab equipment you found in the school? Crystal Prep may have a huge budget, but even they couldn’t afford that kind of hardware. That, and Principal Cinch would never be able to explain those budget items to the school’s parent committee. No, someone else paid for all that, and I doubt that someone will want police and reporters swarming the school.”
Spike leaned forward in his seat now too, his muzzle peeking over top of Sunset’s seat as his claws grasped at the sides. “That’s good, right?”
“It means any lingering damage will likely be blamed on faceless vandals.” Celestia’s hand found the turn signal, and they began to move across the freeway as their exit drew near. “But it means we will have to be more careful as well. Someone else is investigating the portals to Equestria. Someone with money to fund the research, the expertise to keep it covert, and the power to keep the local police from digging too deep.”
“You make it sound like it's some secret government agency,” Sunset said as the car exited the freeway. They could see Canterlot High over the off ramp guardrails, and to Sunset, it had never looked quite so inviting. She wanted nothing more than to just pass out in her bed.
“That may very well be one of the possibilities, but we won’t worry about it right now. I need to drop you off and then head back to Crystal Prep.” Celestia pressed gently on the brake, bringing the car to a stop at a red light at the end of the off-ramp. She took that opportunity to turn in her seat and look at her three passengers. “But in case it gets lost in the shuffle over the next few days, I do want to say this. I’m proud of how hard you all fought to save your friends. Though things got messy, you should still be happy that you were able to do that much.”
Sunset nodded her head, even letting herself smile a little. The rest of the car ride was passed with few words. Principal Celestia dropped them off, and they made their way to the Library. Sunset was the first through the door, and when she flipped on the light, she was never happier to see her bed. She stumbled forward towards it and flopped down, her head dropping against her pillow.
Briefly, her mind tried to grasp at the thought that her fatigue might have been caused by the bracelet. That thought, however, faded into nothingness as her eyes slid shut. Exhaustion overcame her, and Sunset passed into a dreamless, serene sleep.
~~~
Sunset slept like the dead until her senses were roused by the activity in The Library. Her ears heard quiet footsteps and hushed whispers. On top of that, her nose was teased by tantalizing smells which were too alluring to ignore. Sunset sat up, rubbing her eyes before looking down at the bed. She fumbled with her pants pocket, having fallen asleep in her clothes, and pulled out her phone. It was a few minutes past noon.
“Hey, look who’s awake just in time for brunch.”
Sunset glanced up from her phone, finally taking notice of the fact she was far from alone in the room. Fluttershy and Spike had been there when she went to sleep, but now the others had arrived at The Library. She also saw the source of the smell that was making her stomach rumble: a feast of a breakfast. Pancakes, eggs, toast, and a few gallons of orange juice were spread out on the kitchen table, laid out in a veritable buffet.
With the kitchen table occupied, the others were eating on the other side of the room. Spike, who was still a werewolf, was chowing down, sitting on the floor and using Twilight’s desk to hold his plates and glass of water. Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, and Applejack were seated around the coffee table. Lastly, Pinkie Pie was in the kitchen, cooking what looked to be the last of the pancake batter.
“What are you all doing here?” Sunset asked as she looked across the room, not yet having the motivation to actually get out of bed.
“After we finished cleaning up at Crystal Prep, Principal Celestia brought us back here while Vice Principal Luna took Rarity and Twilight back into the city.” Applejack said as she picked up another bite of pancake on her fork. “We all had a long night, but you and Fluttershy had it the worst. So we decided to head back to our homes, get some sleep, then come cook a big old breakfast for everyone. That and we figured Spike probably wouldn’t want to be eating his kibble this morning.”
“Just for the record, I would have eaten my kibble,” Spike said, a few bits of egg stuck to his face since the only way he knew to eat was to put his face in it. “This is really good, though. Like, twice as good as my kibble.”
The girls shared a giggle as Fluttershy got up from her seat. “You stay in bed and rest a bit longer. I’ll make you a plate. What would you like to drink?”
Sunset felt it would be a little strange to be eating in bed while her friends were at the coffee table. Still, her motivation to move was minimal. Breakfast in bed sounded wonderful after the night they had. “Thanks. Don’t suppose there’s any coffee?”
“I went and got your favorite from the coffee shop,” Pinkie Pie said as she flicked the pan, tossing the last pancake into the air and catching it expertly. “It’s in the thermos on the table.”
“Hey, while you're up, Fluttershy, can you get me some more eggs?” Spike asked before he began licking his latest plate clean.
“Isn’t that going to be like your fourth serving?” Rainbow asked through a mouthful of pancake.
“He’s built like a linebacker, now. Wouldn’t be surprised if he’s got an appetite to match,” Applejack said before nudging Rainbow a little. “If anyone should be watching what they eat, it’s you.”
“Why’s that?” Rainbow asked with a scowl.
Applejack shrugged, though she had a playful grin on her face. “Because you want to fit in that little black dress, don’t you?”
Rainbow’s face turned red, and she pointed her fork at Applejack. “I wouldn’t be caught dead in that! Besides, Rarity was going to burn all those vampire clothes.”
“Yeah,” Applejack said with a nod as she picked up and bit into a piece of toast. “Unless, of course, I told her to save a few of the outfits. After all, mine wasn’t too bad once I ripped the poofy sleeves off, and Pinkie Pie’s was practically a Halloween costume. That one didn’t show any skin at all.”
“I know,” Pinkie Pie called from the kitchen as she deposited the last pancake with the rest in their makeshift buffet. “It was a perfect costume.” She then proceeded to stick her arms out in front of her and hop towards the sink using her ankles. “I’d love to be a Chinese hopping vampire this year.”
“Besides,” Applejack said as she picked up her glass of apple juice. “Don’t you think a certain vice-captain of the football team might like the dress?”
“W-what!? No! He wouldn’t, and I’m not wearing it!”
Sunset couldn’t help but cover her face in a feeble attempt to contain her laughter. Applejack’s teasing of Rainbow continued, but Sunset’s attention was drawn to Fluttershy. She was holding a perfectly plated meal. Three pancakes, a sensible serving of eggs, and two triangles of toast rested on the plate while she carried the thermos of coffee under her arm. Sunset reached out and put her hands on the plate. “Thanks, Fluttershy.”
“You’re welcome,” Fluttershy said with a smile. She took the thermos from under her arm and set it down on the bed. “Now, be careful not to spill. I think the last thing any of us want to do is make a trip to the laundromat.”
“Yeah, I can’t say I’d look forward to that,” Sunset said, though she did not reach for the thermos. Instead, her voice got low, quiet enough that only Fluttershy could hear it. “Have you told the others what really happened?”
Fluttershy gently shook her head. “It’s not my secret to tell.”
“And are you okay with knowing?”
Fluttershy didn’t answer quickly, her eyes wandering downward for a moment. She then turned and sat down on the edge of the bed. She unscrewed the lid of the thermos, turned it over, and began to pour some of the coffee into the cup-lid. “The Master might have killed me if you didn’t do what you did. How can I be mad about that?”
“Because it’s… you know…”
Fluttershy finished pouring the coffee and held out the cup-lid to Sunset. “It was scary. I was worried we had lost you, but you changed back. That’s what’s important.”
“Well, it helped that I had a friend nearby,” Sunset said as she took the cup of coffee. With both of her hands occupied, she shifted in the bed, getting her legs out from under the blanket. She got her feet on the ground, her feet finding her slippers. She stood up, stretching a little before looking back at Fluttershy. “Come on, I’d rather eat with everyone else.”
Fluttershy nodded, standing up and following Sunset back towards the coffee table. It was a little crowded with all of them clustered around the single, short, small table. Sunset ended up having to snag the pillow off her bed and use it as a cushion to sit on the floor. Still, she was smiling and happy. They hadn’t gotten Dracula, but last night had still been a win. The entity was stopped, and their friends were saved. As Principal Celestia said in the car, that was what mattered most.
Now they only had to figure out what to do with Spike.
~~~
“Celestia, my dear, to what do I owe the pleasure? Don’t tell me you already have a few new jewels I can add to my collection?”
Principal Celestia stepped through the front door to Mr. Chord’s manor as he held the door behind her. He was an older looking gentleman who liked to dress in very out of date styles. It was never the same style, but it was also nothing that came from any recent trend. That morning, he was in tan slacks, a white button down shirt, and a brown vest. He was wearing a red ascot, and one of the shirt’s sleeves was rolled up to his elbow. His hair was its usual unruly mixture of white and black, and he waggled his bushy eyebrows at her as he spoke. She could also see his mismatched, colorful socks clashing with his black shoes.
“We had an incident at Crystal Prep last night,” Celestia said as she turned to face him. The foyer to the mansion was perhaps the least chaotic room of the whole place. All the other rooms were choked with collectables from all over the world, both precious and mundane. Even from where she stood, Celestia could see his prized collection of pez dispensers sitting next to a set of Egyptian canopic jars in the neighboring room.
“An incident. My, doesn’t that sound ominous. Can I offer you some tea? Won’t take but a minute to boil some water.” Mr. Chord made a sweeping motion with both arms, gesturing to the kitchen.
Celestia raised her hand and shook her head. “No, I need to get back and talk with the princesses of Equestria. We’ve got a werewolf we have to try and hide now. Before that, however, I need to tell you something. While the girls took care of the entity at Crystal Prep, they found something else. There was a portal there, and lab equipment had been set up to study it. I looked at the equipment, David. It may be more advanced than I remember, but I’d never forget that design aesthetic. That means General Tirek is sniffing around.”
“You do know how to ruin a pleasant morning, Celestia,” David said as he let his arms flop to his side. He then sighed and brought his hand up to his face to stroke his gray goatee. “To think, all these years you and Luna have managed to stay under their radar after going rogue, and it’s a portal to another world that could blow your cover. Even I wouldn’t have taken that wager. Though, I am surprised your little troop of girls hasn’t started poking around.
“I mean, your counterparts in Equestria are powerful, eternally-youthful princesses,” David said, bringing his hand to his head and using his index finger to approximate a unicorn horn. “Compared to them, being just the principals of a high school does seem so mundane. Doesn’t it, Agent Sun?”
“It’s not just about me and Luna anymore,” Celestia said, trying to keep her tone pleasant, though there were some undertones of irritation. “We’re all in deep trouble if they get any closer to this. We need to know where they are so we can stay ahead of them.”
“Yes, yes. If there is one thing David Ichabod Samuel Chord is good at, it’s sticking his nose where it doesn’t belong. In fact, I had something I was going to send your way.” David moved to a small table in the foyer of his manor, on which was sitting a manilla envelope. He picked it up, turned, and then walked it back to Celestia. “I heard an interesting rumor about a new student Principal Cinch had procured from another prep school. I go to the country club with the husband of the other school’s principal. According to him, it’s all his darling wife is complaining about these days: her brightest student, offered a full-ride scholarship and some unknown amount of grant money to transfer. It was all because some project at Crystal Prep that had been abandoned when another student transferred out.”
Celestia took the folder, cracking it open and looking at the papers inside. There were numerous records of the student in question, but the picture clipped to the front made her body tense. She took it off the paper clip and held it closer to her face. “We had always wondered where she was, who she was.”
David nodded. “Yes, it seems Principal Cinch recruited her specifically because of the resemblance. She’s just as brilliant as well. Perhaps not as much as Twilight, but she’s much more hands-on. You should see the summer internships she’s taken. Though, I imagine if things have gone down at Crystal Prep, she may not be there anymore. General Tirek isn’t one to let valuable assets simply slip away, especially the smart ones.”
Celestia put the picture back in the folder, closed it, and tucked it under her arm. “Thank you, David. Please give me a call if you find out anything more.”
“Of course, Celestia. Please give the girls my best,” he said as he watched her turn and start walking back towards the door. “And maybe next time, we’ll actually enjoy a spot of tea before we start trying to outmaneuver a secret government organization. I have some lovely tea cakes as well, perfect for espionage or a board game luncheon.”
~~~
“So how did your family take the news?” Sunset asked as she and Twilight worked in The Library. They were sitting cross legged near the coffee table, working on a large piece of gridded paper. It was too big for anywhere else except the coffee table and the kitchen table, and they needed to keep the kitchen table clear for the dinner that was soon to arrive.
“Well, there was a lot of screaming at first.” Twilight adjusted the ruler she had laid out on the table before using it to draw a straight line on the paper. “Shining grabbed an umbrella as a weapon, while my father grabbed our coat rack. They’re still skeptical about all the crazy stuff Cadence and I told them, and they weren’t happy I was putting myself in danger. Cadence, however, really helped explain how important it was. That and we may have underplayed how long this has been happening.”
“So, you're not grounded?” Sunset asked as she jotted down some numbers on the other side of the page.
“Oh no, I’ve been grounded for the first time ever,” Twilight said with a hollow laugh. “I can’t stay here at night for about two weeks, and my parents are locking me out of my home lab in our garden shed at home. They say I can still help, if you girls really need it, but require that the principals have to call them first.”
“Think of it this way, it could have been worse,” Sunset said before hearing a key slipping into the lock of the door. She smiled and stood up from the floor, brushing out a few wrinkles in her skirt as the door to The Library opened.
“The food has arrived,” Spike said as he came through the door. In the days after the incident at Crystal Prep, they had gotten in contact with Equestria about Spike’s werewolf problem. It was a complicated puzzle to solve. They couldn’t simply drain or suppress his magic without putting his new, intelligent mind at risk. At the same time, keeping Spike locked in The Library like a prisoner was too cruel. Equestria’s brightest minds, including Princess Twilight, were working on a long term solution.
In the short term, they suggested some concealing clothing and provided an enchanted scarf.
Spike set down the bags of food on the kitchen before lifting a hand to the scarf. His entire body was hidden from head to toe, each article of clothing tailored by Rarity to obscure his lupine form. Sandals obscured his paws, and extra-baggy pants hid the unique shape of his legs. A hoodie covered most of his head and upper torso, and he wore gloves for his hands.
The final piece was the enchanted scarf that wrapped around his muzzle. It somehow managed to flatten and hide his long, canine snout. Sunset hadn’t figured out if it was a dimensional distortion charm or just an illusion spell, but there was no arguing with the results. With all that clothing, and as long as Spike only went out at night, he looked like a very tall, beefy person that had no tolerance for cold.
“Did the delivery driver give you any trouble?” Twilight asked as she drew a few final lines on the paper.
“Nah, he was cool,” Spike said as he pulled off his scarf, his muzzle reappearing out of the folds in the fabric. “He even asked if I was a famous football player or something. I told him I was more into bodybuilding, he took the money and the tip, and drove off.”
Sunset chuckled a little as she came up beside the kitchen table, drawn by the smell of the food they had ordered. After the Crystal Prep incident a few days ago, and Spike clearing out the kitchen in one evening, they had been enjoying some of the local area’s finest takeout until a proper grocery run could be made. “Well, I suppose that’s exactly what we hoped would happen. So, which bag is yours?”
Spike finished taking off his gloves, slipped them into his hoodie’s pockets, and then grabbed the heftier of the two bags. “These are mine. The two salads, Twilight’s enchilada, and your quesadilla are in the other one.” Spike took a few steps back into the kitchen, plopped down onto the floor, and began to rummage in his bag for his first taco.
“Come on, Twilight. You want to eat before Shining comes to pick you up, don’t you?” Sunset said as she began to set out their portion of the meal.
“Just a second… and… done.” Twilight tapped her pencil against the paper, dotting one final ‘i’ before smiling, standing up, and walking towards the table.
Spike opened his maw and ate half of his first taco in one bite. He chewed a few times, swallowed, then spoke as he prepared for another bite. “What have you two been working on anyway? Doesn’t look like your regular homework.”
Twilight sat down, set the foil-wrapped enchilada off to one side, and took the lid off her salad. “It’s some plans for a few renovations to The Library. The principals petitioned the princesses about it, and in the end, they all agreed we could use some more space, if only so you're more comfortable, Spike. Sunset and I were just roughing out an idea we had. It’s no proper blueprint, especially since I couldn’t get a copy of the school’s plans off the internet, but I think it’s a good starting point for any architect.”
“We might have made it too ambitious, but it’s probably better if we start big and work our way smaller based on the budget.” Sunset set her salad to one side to eat second and focused on the box in front of her. She cracked it open, smiling as the tantalizing aroma tickled her nose. She reached down a hand, taking the first piece of the quesadilla and lifting it to her mouth. Long strands of cheese stretched and snapped, and Sunset bit down. She smiled as the flavor danced on her tongue, but she couldn’t help but notice Twilight cringing from the other side of the table.
“What?” Sunset asked, covering her mouth a little since she was speaking through her food.
“N-nothing,” Twilight said, forcing her eyes down onto her salad.
Sunset found it odd, but she shrugged and took another bite of her quesadilla. As she chewed, her eyes wandered the room, trying to picture some of the changes she and Twilight were hoping to make to The Library. Their little operation would be expanding, but it would be for everyone’s benefit. There were still portals that needed to be sealed, and long as there were portals, new entities would come into existence.
They also hadn’t forgotten about Dracula, either. Applejack and Rarity reverting after The Master’s defeat had given everyone renewed hope that Fluttershy would be free of her own curse, if they could just find Dracula.
Sunset took another bite, smiling and nodding her head. She couldn’t know what the future would hold, or if she’d ever have to unleash the she-demon again. But she did know that, as long as she and her friends stayed together, they'd be able to succeed in their mission. They’d protect the human world and keep Equestria’s existence a secret.
After all, what could be worse than a prisoner of Tartarus coming through a portal?
===============
The End
===============
Well, that's all I wrote, at least for now. I won't lie, I had fun with this little variance of the Equestria Girls. The sequel hooks aren't there just to tease. I do hope to return to this story line at some point. Still, even if I tied everything up in a neat, little bow, some of you would probably still be asking for more.
So I hope you enjoyed what was this years Halloween special, and yes I still count this as that. First chapters were released on Halloween and it was done before Thanksgiving. That counts in my book, especially when another Halloween special went on for months. 
Anyway, I want to extend a big thanks to Illustrious Q, El Oso, Kevinltk, Grand_Moff_Pony, & Winston for their help with pre-reading and editing.
Finally, as always, I make my one request. Please report all typos via PM.
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I hope you return this this story line at some point, too. I really enjoyed this concept and hope to see more.
Well, now to speculate at who Principal Cinch replaced Twilight with. Not a lot to go off of, but:
My first guess is Moondancer. Now wouldn't that be a twist?
Starlight is a second.
derpicdn.net/img/view/2015/7/5/930028__safe_twilight+sparkle_blushing_princess+twilight_upvotes+galore_smiling_cute_simple+background_open+mouth_magic.jpeg
derpicdn.net/img/view/2015/7/13/936034__safe_twilight+sparkle_meme_screencap_upvotes+galore_cute_image+macro_drama+in+the+comments_moondancer_adorkable.jpg
Definitely want more of this world. Those sequel hooks are well done.
And I take it the third person Luna mentioned about that bracelet - the one who could use it but not necessarily maintain control - is Human Twilight, in reference to her Midnight Sparkle form?
And I love the connections you've drawn of how the various parallels between worlds really work. D.I.S. Chord, General Tirek, Agent Sun...damn!
6662562 My guess was human-world!Sunset, given that Principal Celestia/Agent Sun (now there's a story I want to know about) wondered "where she was."
Looking foward returning to this world, very interesting sequel hooks there Pen Stroke!
6662653
Hmm...good point. My brain was still fixated on the "replacing Twilight" bit.
Well I personally cannot wait to return. This was an excellent story and I look forward to more
6662562 I personally assumed it was Human Sunset. Celestia mentioned she and her fellows had been looking for her for some time, which doesn't square with Moondancer. I suppose it might be Starlight though... that would be interesting. Though, I really think the comment about her extra-curricular activities and hands-on style hint more strongly to Human Sunset.
6662562 Oh come on, its obviously Sunset Shimmer.
I'm guessing that vampire never heard what happened to Sombra.
I would certainly like to see more of this world, if only to find out what could be worse than a Taurtarus escapee.
First, excellent story.
second, great sequel hook.
third, just keep being cool.
this was so bucking awesome
. I'll admit I was very skeptical at first but I'm glad that I gave this story a chance and enjoyed every chapter of it. Can't wait for the sequeal
And then everything changed when David and Celestia start talking about hidden government organizations and secret agents. In a chapter called simply "quesadilla".
Well, that was a pretty awesome story! Everything from the fast-paced set up to the action to the characters' struggles were a lot of fun and very interesting to read. I was immersed from start to end. And with these new revelations expanding the world and the stakes, it will be very interesting to see where this goes. *patiently sits and waits for sequel*
Amazing story! Can't wait till there is a sequel, cause those hooks really left me wanting more. Great work, man!
I can't wait to see what you do with D. I. S. Chord. Brilliant name. Also, what exactly is he hiding with Celestia and Luna?
Good conclusion, yet so much else is hinted at. I really hope you come out with a sequel someday, but otherwise, great Halloween story with most of the immediate threads wrapped up.
I'm leaning towards it being the other human Sunset Shimmer too. Pony-Sunset is quite intelligent too (as the Science of Magic short showed that, and being Celestia's former student), so using her human counterpart would probably appeal to a spiteful Principal Cinch. My second guess would be Starlight Glimmer, she would be one of the meanest possibilities.
And suddenly Principal Celestia and Luna aren't so ordinary. Hope Mr. Chord stays friendly, I'm liking him, and already bad enough they're fighting a General Tirek. Too bad Sunset had to power up into her raging she-demon form, instead of the Daydream Shimmer form but that's probably not possible without the full group present. Sunset burned a monster, but still, wonder how Princess Twilight or Celestia would react to that. Sunset won't be able to rely on something as convenient as the Rainbow Power to conveniently fixing everything and throwing the bad guy back in Tartarus. And hopefully she won't have to rely on that demon form more than once in a blue moon or else the girls might not be able to calm her down. Great story, nice Halloween treat.
I was about to be really mad this was over.
Then I was super stoked for a sequel.
Uh, hell yeah you are! This story is way too good of a concept to just leave it be. Don't hang us out to dry on this one, Pen Stroke. This is one of the best ideas I've seen in recent memory. Please keep this going!
Well, this was a fun story, and I'm glad to have helped with editing and pre-reading.
Looking forward to seeing what happens with the sequel, too!
Don't know why, but I'm getting the feeling that soon enough they'll have taken too long to deal with Dracula, and Fluttershy will be stuck as a vampire forever. Either that or it already happened. It's not like they waited three nights to deal with The Master after he infected their friends.
This was great! I admit I'm pleased that the vampire villain got wrapped up so tidily, and that it turns out he was really just a starter villain. These additional hooks at the end are GREAT; I LOVE your portrayal of Discord and of the Principles being secret agents of some kind (IMMORTAL SECRET AGENTS MAYBE?). And I just bet that that was Starlight Glimmer's file Celestia was looking at. These final chapter really makes me feel good about this story as a prequel for something even bigger and more mysterious is very appealing! I can't wait to see what you do with it whenever you get back to it.
Very well-written story, super entertaining and world-building! Thanks for the enjoyable work!
This is a very good story that far as I can tell holds itself together very well and both keeps itself to its own lore and narrative without really disrupting or ignoring the lore of its parent series. You actually managed to do something very rare and surprise me with a very well designed misdirection ploy about what Sunset's trump card was. I had fully believed she had brought a gun with her, and though I fully expected her demon form would make an appearance after her dream sequence, I was not expecting her to have been planning on possibly triggering it the entire time.
In fact the only real complaint i can level at this story is that it is too good and that I now really want to see the forth EQG movie just be this and produce a spin off series based in this world. Yet I know this will never come to pass and I'm now all the sadder because of it, you glorious monster.
Hmmm, so, Discord and Tirek both have inserts in this storyline?
...Where's Chryssi?
You were right of course. I want more of this story. Seems like it'll be quite the fun chase no matter where it goes.
6663208 So much this.
I can understand you not knowing, Sunset. But Twilight and Rainbow should be able to tell you exactly how much more worse Humans are than anything from in the Magical land of Equestria...
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Somewhere, on another plane altogether, a little red phone on a desk rings.
"WE GOT ONE!!"
6664443 Right?
6662562 Or what if the student bears a resemblance to Sunset?
Definitely a fun story, and I enjoyed it very much. Especially the sequel hooks.
And I'm immeasurably happy to know that we aren't totally stepping on one another's toes with our story ideas, and delightfully surprised that both of us are thinking along similar lines. But very happy that you don't seem to have Zecora playing a part as yet.
Honestly, a bigger sequel that really fleshed out this AU more would be awesome. All around fun read, can't wait for more in the future
Sequel?
She also used a lot of magic normally before becoming a she-demon again. No word on that box though.
I feel Rarity, Twilight, and Applejack had a harder night than Pinkie and Rainbow. Flutters and Sunny did have it the worst though.
WEAR IT!
How much does this Mr. Chord know and why?
Ok, why the hell does Celestia know about a general and what his tech looks like? Why is she a principle?
Ok, there is a mysterious history I want to know about now. Obviously Celestia and Luna know more than they let on and them being at CHS is no coincidence.
The Sunset that has yet to become a demon or pony?
Hmmmm, why is a chapter named after it though?
No you didn't! There is still the problem of Twilight cringing at Sunset eating a quesadilla. Does Sunset have some massive canines now?
That would be fun to explain to Twilight's parents. "Soooo, the person I work with is slowly becoming more and more of a demon. It's cool though, she has become it before in the past and only a school was wrecked."
Aww, you ended this masterpiece too early!
I would love to see how the sequel turns out (if you do one), considering your awesome skill!
Sequel
Wait, why does he have four nam- Ooooh, I see what you did there. Clever.
6667249
One would think 'Mr Chord' would have made it obvious alone.
As to the story, it is a fun world I'd like to see more of.
Just...not till after you do more in the Depths-verse, because yay body horror!
Now I wonder more about D.I.S.Cord than ever. Of course General Tirek is going to investigate a huge threat to national security like portals popping open from another dimension, it would be incredibly negligent for some government agency not to be doing that! But does Discord run a rival agency? Or are he and the Principals just retired from the Game?
Hehehe, looks like human Twilight was traumatized by quesadillas as well.
You have done a WONDERFUL job on this, I can't wait to see the sequel. (when you get around to it.)
This was interesting indeed! I've greatly enjoyed it!
:3 I freaking love this story! this was a fun read and will definitively give it a second reading in the future and i'm really exited for the sequel. again great story and looking forward to future tales from you
This is awesome!!
spoilers ---> Human Luna and Celestia ex-agents of a mysterious organization and possibly finally having a sight of human Sunset Shimmer! I'll bet she was the girl Cinch had transferred from another school. 
And Discord! David Ichabod Samuel Chord!! Genius!! 
PLEASE WRITE MORE!!
That was very entertaining, great story. I'm definitely looking forward to that sequel.
No exhaustive comment like I normally would leave, I'm too far behind on story updates.
Okay so Im going to guess the girl is starlight and does this mean chrysalis and/or possibly sombra are going to be introduces in the sequel. anyways great story I had a good time reading it and am defiantly going to have to read some of your other stories.
6679005
More likely its the human world sunset shimmer.
---"We had always wondered where she was, who she was.”
David nodded. “Yes, it seems Principal Cinch recruited her specifically because of the resemblance. She’s just as brilliant as well. Perhaps not as much as Twilight, but she’s much more hands-on.---
Who else but twilight has another them running around we dont know about?
6741274 Yeah I guess it could be her to. I just said Starlight because their would be less confusion, in my opinion, because their would be two Sunsets and so it would make more sense to introduce previous enemies, although since I've had some time to think about it and thanks to this comment I can see many ways this story could do the same thing or something different with human Sunset if/when he makes the sequel. Plus even though Friendship games did show that Sunset is almost as smart as Twilight we have also seen that Starlight is to.
As I bookmark this to read later, just gonna throw out there - I suddenly wanna remix the Buffy the Vampire Slayer intro for Equestria Girls.
6667249 i didnt get it on the first bounce either...
6668714 it is far more likely that this is Hulk type scenario. oh sure, the military unit after the Hulk said it was for national security, but in reality, the general in charge did not want Banner destroyed or stopped...he wanted to make more Hulks and turn them into super soldiers. this could very well be the same thing, weaponizing magic in a non magic plane would make for a nuclear level threat at best and at worst a devastating and unstoppable weapon, either way, it is not something that should be in the hands of one who has absolutely no clue what theyre dealing with and is under the dilution that they can control it once they have what they want just because its them who have it...
6763430
What a surprise, when you keep it a secret from everyone then everyone else has absolutely no idea what they are dealing with! That's the fault of Celestia, Luna and Sunset for not telling others.
Outside of the narrative constraints of a movie, how would the government working with Sunset and the Equestrian be less able to control magic than the Equestrians on their own, who obviously have not been able to control things and frequently underestimate the threat, to a great risk of the public's safety?
If you mean the rather cliched plots from the Hulk, where without exception every single military/government official has no concern for public safety and only wants to secretly capture the Hulk and all have idiot balls the size of a Buick strapped to their backs, then coming forth publicly and forming diplomatic relations with the wider world is how you prevent that. Right now if the government figures anything out, they can just legally detain Sunset Shimmer as an undocumented immigrant in a secret facility. If she's some sort of diplomat from the nation of Equestria, recognized at the UN, it's a lot harder to quietly kidnap her.
6763540 from the story content, yes, i am talking about those Hulk plot points. Tia practically says that this Crystal Prep opperatin was funded by a military black ops leader she may or may not have a history with. Cinch has already shown that she has little understanding of real magic but she suspects all that it can do, and if this General Tirek is anything like his Equestrian counterpart, then him getting magic is the last thing the girls want. also, going public with Equestrias existence is the exact opposite of what everyone involved with the Library wants. so no, a UN rep would not solve the problem it would create more
6763879 Yeah, going public is the opposite of what everyone in the library wants for personal reasons, it's just in the best interest of the public at large that they know they are under threat.
Certainly revealing the existence of Equestria to the world at large would make it harder for Sunset Shimmer to live a normal human life and even attend high school at all. Whether her discomfort and desire for anonymity outweighs the lives of all the people threatened by monsters is a judgement call, and of course its better for a High School Principal and Vice Principal to make that call, rather than the government, it's not like its the government's job to make decisions about public safety or anything.
6763905 seriously? ur going thoat route? did u even read the story? a government decision was made, just not by the human government...Princess Celestia, Princess Luna and Princess Twilight Sparkle all agreed that it was better for both the Human world, and Equestria, that the existence of magic could not, and should not, become public knowledge to the Humans outside of a few trusted individuals as Humanity as a whole was not ready to possess that kind of power, nor should they know of Equstria so as to protect their little ponies from rampant human greed. one untrained Unicorn foal having a magic surge can cause hundreds to thousands of bits in damages depending on their magical power output, and thats a complete accident. an untrained human whos trying to cause destructive damages could end lives. and it would not be an accident. the Ponies have had thousands of years to master and refine the use of Magic to an art form, a part of everyday life, thus it is natural to them and they have precautions against abuse of magic at the ready at all times. human kind does not have that kind of advantage, in fact, the exact opposite is true. as demonstrated by Principal Cinch during the Friendship Games, when she pressured Twilight to use the magic she had collected to win and maintain her precious 'undefeated' status, normal Humans had no defense again Midnight Sparkle when she was ripping reality apart, and Cinch chose to book it rather than face what she had unleashed upon the world and encouraged her students to do the same. if not for Sunset and the rest of the Hu-Mane 6, Midnight Sparkle would have destroyed the entire plane to get to Equstria just to fully understand magic. all of ur arguments up to this point indicate that u did not read the story and have no knowledge base to make any claims at all, which makes all of ur points completely moot. and if this is getting to long for u to read as well, heres the short versions:
u say many things, but ur words r silent...and i do not hear them...
6763975 the Princesses decided for Equestria, because they are the government of Equestria. They're not the government of earth, they have no authority or jurisdiction over earth, or sufficient knowledge of humanity or the world in general to decide what is best for earth. Neither does Sunset Shimmer with her high school knowledge of history have the ability to judge such a momentous decision.
Teaching humans in general magic is quite different from just informing them of the threats, but lets talk about teaching them. Yes, clearly magic can be dangerous, and Equestria has had thousands of years of learning how to safely teach and control magic, which is why it is incredibly selfish of them to withhold this knowledge from earth. Controlled testing in a safe facility would be hundreds of times safer than whatever random experiments are being run now. If they can safely test nuclear weapons, than earth and equestria working together can device ways to safely test and teach magic.
Sunset keeping magic a secret was what led to Twilight Sparkle activating her amulet and causing these problems in the first place. Twilight would not have run those reckless experiments if Sunset had gone public in the first place. And when Cinch told Twilight to activate the amulet because what's the worst that could happen? Maybe if Sunset had warned others "hey, if you over-absorb magic you turn into a crazy demon-monster" then Twilight may not have taken such a risk.
Humans have no defense against magic because they have no knowlege of magic. Twilight Sparkle is one teenager (admittedly a super-genius) who built a magic-absorbing device in a few weeks, once she suspected magic exists. If Everyone knew about the dangers of magic, how long before everyone in the greater Ponyville area is carrying a safer version of those devices (safer because it is built by a large committee/company of smart people instead of one inventor with no one to check her work or suggest better alternatives) so they can suck the magic out of attacking monsters, rather than be helpless? Or if not everyone, at least the police.
Right now, in this story Cinch and a rogue general who seems to be the worst part of the government already know about magic, and the rest of human government and society can't reign in their reckless experiments because Sunset and both sets of Celestias and Lunas deciding to keep the truth from the world. Checks and balances only work when the public, or at least qualified decision makers, have the information in hand. No one with the right authority can check Cinch and Tirek because magic is a secret. If Cinch and Tirek do eventually get people killed with their magic experiments, the blood will be on the hands/hoofs of everyone who kept the secret.