New Names and Old Skin
I look up, adjusting my glasses. "H-huh?"
You chuckle slightly, pointing at my ankles. "It's just that... that..." Something slices your smile in half, and you roll your eyes at yourself. "Eheheh... ehhh..." With a flash of red and yellow hair, you turn around and finally exit the vacant movie theatre. "Forget it. Let's catch up with the others."
"No! Wait... please..." I stumble after you, legs still stiff from sitting in the same place for two hours. I can already feel my hands wringing each other as I shuffle quickly to catch up with your pace. "Tell me. What did you say?"
"Nothing." You toss your arms as you toss your breath. The narrow walls of the hallway blur past us. I feel cool jets of air conditioning blasting me with each step. I'm shivering. You're steady as a beat. "I'm not Pinkie Pie," you drone. Such a stale voice, and yet that stainless smile. "I have no business saying out loud whatever goes through my head."
"Sunset, I really wanna know," I say. I push my glasses back up the bridge of my nose. It's the one thing that keeps me from shivering. "Because it almost sounds like you called me 'pigeon toes.'"
"Heh... I did."
I nearly bump into the doorframe on the way out into the main hallway. "You did?"
"It's a term I learned shortly after coming here," you ramble as we pass by poster after poster of cardboard bric-a-bracky. "It refers to a way in which a person stands, with their legs bent and their toes facing inwa—"
"I know what it means," I say, hiding behind a brief smirk. "It's just..." I brush a lock of hair over my ear, only for it to fall back loose. "I-I don't get what it has to do with me."
"Only because you stand pigeon-toed. Like... a lot."
"I do?" I bite on my bottom lip. This is only the third time I've hung out with my brand new... friends... and already I'm doing something clumsy. Goofy. Stupid. "I... I'm sorry..."
"Pffft... nothing to be sorry for, Twilight," you say, pushing the glass exit to the theatre open. Your head turns my way, and I'm swept up in those eyes... what color are they? Teal? Sea foam? A hydrous phosphate of copper and aluminum? "Actually, I think it's kinda cute."
"Oh! Heheh..." I smile, raising my fingers to my chin. "That's good! Cuz I..." My eyes nearly scrape the insides of my lenses. "Wait, what—?" Bonk! My head collides with the glass. "Ow!" I rub my skull, opening the door next to you.
"What are you doing, Twilight?"
"Rubbing... my head?"
"I was holding the door open for you."
"Oh. I-I'm sorry..."
"Ungh..." Just like that, those hydrous phosphates roll towards the starry night sky. "Will you please stop apologizing for everything?" You chuckle, letting the doors swing closed behind us. "You're with friends, remember? Here... lemme see your head."
"Uhhhh..." I lean back precisely thirty-six degrees—give or take a positive or negative variance, brought on by the sudden palpitations of my pulmonary arteries. All the while, your head looms closer, the faint smell of jasmine growing richer, and my stupid little voice growing thinner... squeakier. "It's nothing! Honest! I used to bump into doors at Crystal Prep all the t-time!"
"Hmmm... no bruise. That's a good thing." Your finger brushes across my brow. It's surprisingly delicate, just like the tone in your voice right now, the flutter of your lashes. "Yeesh, Twi... anypony... er... anybody tell you that you've got super fair skin?"
"I derma?" I wince. "Erm... I-I mean... I do?"
"Hey! Slowpokes!" Rainbow's unmistakable voice rasps from several feet away. We both turn to see her standing besides Applejack, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, and Rarity. "If you're done headbutting each other—get your tails on over here and say good night!"
"Who're you calling 'slowpokes,' Rainbow?!" you bark back, smirking. "Did that movie stink so bad that you and the others had to high-tail it out of there before the credits rolled?"
I follow you through a swiftly dispersing crowd of theatre-goers, all heading off for their parked cars across the joint mall/theatre parking lot. I spy teen friends, giggling in tiny little gaggles as they pile into convertibles. Groups of guys bro-fist each other before parting ways with casual waves and shrugs. It's a crowd like this that used to rattle me to the core. At Crystal Prep, I'd bounce through the entire mess like a pinball in high socks. Here, though, it's different. By your side, I feel like an ice breaker is leading me to someplace warm... and yet frightening all the same. I can only walk closer to us.
And then I hear the tell-tale soft breaths of a blissful friday evening. On either side of us, couples shuffle along—their pace slow, limping, loving. I see a girl leaning her head against her beau's shoulder with a soft sigh. A tremble overwhelms me, and I force it away with gritting teeth. My eyes wander up the sleeve of your dark jacket, to the yellow bands that brandish the shoulders, like arrows marking the holiest of holy spots. I stand icily in place, clutching my wrists until they feel like breaking.
After the resulting sigh, my hearing returns, and Rainbow Dash is already halfway through some vomit-inducing critique: "...and that other dude had—like—no reason for living through what he did! It was just a sympathy grab to keep the audience on board with the already nonsensical plot!"
"I felt that the unpredictable nature of the machete killer's competence was what made the suspense truly compelling!" Rarity says, smiling. "Also, that paintball mask is sooooo 'neo-gothic chic.'"
"Did y'all see how that one cheerleader's throat opened up like a geyser?" Applejack wipes her brow. "Whew! Color me crazy, but I'm gettin' shades of Apple Bloom's volcanic science experiment over here!"
"I thought those dogs at the end were very cute," Fluttershy says, humming.
Rainbow blanches. "Flutters? Those... mutts were the killer's accomplices! They were last seen dining on the transfer student's entrails!"
"Mmmmm... maybe so." Fluttershy clasps her hands together. "But the dobermans they got for the role looked like really... really sweet puppy actors."
"Eeeeughhh..."
"I liked the explosions at the end!" Pinkie chirps.
"Actually..." I hold a finger up. "...pyroclastic lava flows and the resulting basal landslide make it next to impossible for an oxygen-dependant organism to witness actual volcanic lava up close, meaning that a surveying geologist would be long dead before ever having the werewithawal to compare molten rock to the spurting leak from a cheerleader's exposed jugular!" I smile... but soon that smile dips.
Everyone stares back at me, blinking.
"Uhm..." I twirl a lock of hair, leaning back... back behind you. "I-I liked the explosions too."
"Woohoo!" Pinkie Pie bounces around you to hug me. "I'm telling you, girls! Isn't she the best new-new Twilight or what?!"
"One thing's for sure," you say with a chuckle, folding your arms. "The Twilight from Equestria would never have lasted a single minute through that flick."
"Whew-wee! Ya ain't kiddin'!" Applejack tilts her hat back. "She may be a pony princess, but I'd pay out my nose to see her get past that bit where the old feller gets his legs chopped out from underneath him by the machete launcher!"
"Wait..." I grimace, leaning back. "Th-that happened?"
Rainbow smirks slyly at me. "Were you closing your eyes...?"
"Erm..." I push my glasses, only for them to slide back down my nose. "M-maybe...?"
The group chuckles.
Fluttershy leans in. "It's okay," she whispers. "I was closing my eyes too. Especially at the beginning with the syrupy bit."
"Fluttershy, that was a pre-show ice cream commercial." Rainbow face-palms. "Mmmmnnghwwwwddddd..."
Honk Honk Honk.
"Ride's here!" Pinkie waves and waves at an arriving minivan, beaming. "Over here, Maud! You're just in time too!"
The driver's side window rolls down, and Pinkie's older sister stares out with granite eyes. "Did you enjoy your evening entertainment of cinematic exploitation and blood sport?"
"Heehee! And how! You should come watch an encore showing with me tomorrow, Maudy!"
"No thanks," she drones, leaning back into the vehicle. "I read the book." The sliding door opens automatically.
"All aboard the Pie Express!" Pinkie hops backwards, motioning inside. "Come on, Fluttershy! Rarity! We'll drop you both at home!"
"Yes. Much appreciated, Pinkie," Rarity climbs on board and buckles up. "I shan't entertain the thought of walking home alone after watching that. Bbrbrbrbrrbbrrr..."
"Good bye, Applejack," Fluttershy waves. "Rainbow. Sunset. Heeeheee... Twilight." The door shuts and Maud begins driving away. "Have a safe trip home!"
"So long, guys!" You say, waving back.
"Uhm, Sunset?" I lean in, my voice hushed. "Did Fluttershy just... giggle when she said good-bye to me?"
"Heheh... so you noticed, huh?"
"I don't get it." I brush a hand over my head. "Is... is there popcorn stuck in my hair or something?"
You sigh, and those eyes grown thin, glistening in starlight. "Oh Twilight." You open your mouth to say something else...
"Whelp, time to get this show on the road!" Applejack waves as she and Rainbow shuffle off towards a red pickup truck. "Rainbow, promise me that you'll warn me of the speed bumps next time we roll into your condominium."
"Hey! Not my fault the contractors ten years ago paved that place to cramp my style!"
"You two carpooling together again?" you ask from afar.
"Why not? Saves on mileage! And Big Mac will kill me if I stick him with an empty tank the next time he has to haul apples in from the orchard!"
She and Rainbow Dash slam the doors shut while Applejack starts the engine.
"Heh..." Rainbow rolls her eyes, kicking her feet up on the dashboard. "...I just lived through this fall's most grueling horror movie, and she drives me home on the fruitbox express!"
"Shoes down. Buckle up, sugarcube."
"Rnnnghhh..." Rainbow rolls her eyes and complies. "Yes, Mom."
The truck backs up. We see a final flash of Applejack's waving hand, followed by a honk. "See y'all Monday!" The thing zooms off, picking up a gust of wind.
I shiver suddenly, clutching my shoulders while rubbing one leg against the other. "Guhhhh..."
"Twilight, you see, this is the problem!"
I look at you, gulping. "What is?"
"You and your silly attachment to your old crystal prep uniforms!" You wave a hand at my vest and pleated skirt. "How many times have we warned you? It's totally not 'movie night' wear! I'm shocked that you didn't freeze your legs off in the movie theatre!"
"I-I happen to like my uniforms..." I gaze off down the emptying parking lot. "...and they were super expensive," I add with a mutter.
"Yeah, but bits—er... I mean money isn't everything, Twilight! Besides... Rarity's offered you tons of new outfits, hasn't she? Even preppy stuff that's at least warm."
"I... I really don't want to put her through the expense."
"Twilight, it's called gift-giving," you say with a warm smile. "It's what friends do."
"You mean..." I lean my head to the side, still hugging myself. "Like how you bought me my movie ticket tonight?"
You blink suddenly. Your eyes dart aside. Hydrous phosphate... crumbling. "Errrr... yeah..."
"Even though all the other girls paid for their own—"
"Ahem. So..." You plant your hands on your hips with a bright grin. "Uhhh... wh-when's your ride getting here?"
"My ride?"
"That's right." The hair kicks at your red and yellow locks, like a bonfire in the midst of autumnal night, warming me.
"... ... ..." I breathe. "Well, usually Shining Armor picks me up around two thirty in the afternoon..."
"Uhhh... Twi? We're at a movie theatre on Friday night. We're not at school, remember?"
And just like that, I wrench my eyes off your billowing threads. My eyes search the penumbra of starlight, searching for a conversation I had with Shining right before riding with Pinkie Pie to meet you and the others here. And that's how I realize I had no conversation at all.
"Omigosh!"
My legs bend apart, toes facing inward.
"Omigosh omigosh omigosh!"
I beat my skull. I wish I could beat my brain instead.
"I forgot to ask him to pick me up! I forgot!"
"Whoah! Yeesh... calm down, Twilight—"
"Rrrnnngh!" I pace in a tight circle, clutching my glasses to keep them steady atop my furiously shaking head. "How could I be so forgetful?! So absent minded?!"
It's not like I was distracted... consumed... vexxed with the last-minute task of putting on the right dress uniform... concocting the perfect blend of hair conditioner... the right frame to my glasses—all coming together to present myself in a way that's not too bold... but not too weak either... just so I could be... I don't know... digestible? For my friends? Was I some sort of crazy sacrifice cooked up for someone? Cooked up for... for...
Oh gosh. Oh jeez. Jasmine. I put on jasmine body lotion right after the shower. I smelled like you all night... and we sat side by side in the movie theatre. We sat together and we smelled the same. Oh gosh. Oh gosh oh gosh oh gosh—
"I didn't ask Shining to pick me up tonight after the movie!" My voice cracks. I spin towards you, instantly crumbling under the weight of those sea foam eyes. "Oh Sunset, I'm so smelly—er... I-I-I mean sorry!"
"Heeheehee..." You raise a knuckle to your lips. Those yellow cheeks become fatter, the eyelids curved at the bottom. "It's—hahaha—alright, Twilight."
"But... b-but you're laughing at me..." I hug an elbow with my other arm, gazing down at my crooked feet. "First Fluttershy. Now you. It's... it's like I'm that clumsy egghead at Crystal Prep all over again."
"Twilight..." You place a hand on my shoulder, and suddenly there's a lighting storm in my chest. "Nobody's laughing at you. It's just that I think you're... I-I mean... the girls and I..." Something freezes over. I see a lump forming in your throat, and your hand lifts off my shoulders. The fingers curl delicately in the air, as if conducting some secret orchestra. My pupils dance to them, hypnotized, until at last the lump melts out of your mouth in a breathy sigh: "Hey..." Warm, soothing. "How about I fix this? Make it all better for you, huh?"
"Sunset...?"
You motion me along. "Come on. I'll give you a ride home."
"A... a ride?" I blink. Hard.
"Yeah. It's the least I can do."
"But... but you drive a—"
"Pffft. So what? It'll be safe. I promise." You wink over your shoulder. "And... I promise not to hit any speed bumps along the way."
I wring my hands together, shuffling nervously after you. "I... I-I'm not Rainbow Dash."
"Yeah. I've noticed."
"But... but I didn't even bring a helmet."
"Hey! That's perfectly fine!" You shuffle around a black and silver beast of a motorcyle, the same one I've seen you ride to and from the Canterlot High property every morning and afternoon. You reach into a compartment on the back and pull out—not one—but two headpieces. "I've got one for you too!"
I stare at you... at the helmets... then at you again.
Your eyes roll, scrape the heavens, then swoop back down to caress me along with a smile. "Twilight, I always have a spare. Don't give me that look."
"Uhm... what look?"
"Here. Put this on." You hand me the helmet in question. "Pivot it the other way—thaaaat's it. Uhm... might wanna take your glasses off first."
"But... h-how will I put them back on?"
You point. "Visor."
"Oh. Eheh. Of course."
You slip your helmet on and are about halfway through fastening the chin-strap when you pause. Your eyes squint through the visor—straight at me. "Here..." And that's when you pull off that trademark jacket of yours.
"Uhm..." I've finally wriggled my head into your spare helmet, tucking the edges of my hair in. "What are you doing—?"
"Take it." You dangle the article straight in my face. Soft shoulders and a yellow chest loom behind the laced sleeves and collar of a milk-blue blouse. "It's going to get pretty chilly when we hit above forty, and you're already doing the arctic shimmy with your hands there."
I blink at my palms, which are clapsed firmly over my shoulders. A flushed tremor runs through my upper body, and the only way to hide it is to comply. I slide one arm through the black article, then the next. It's surprisingly comfy... and somehow seems bigger on me than it is on you. It isn't until my third straight breath that I'm overcome with the sudden magnification of jasmine in my olfactory nerves.
Oh gosh...
"Okay then. You ready?"
"Ready?" I ask my, my voice echoing against a visor. I turn to see that you're already straddling the bike, leaving a little bit of room for a little bit of me. "Uhmmm... how... h-how do I even...?"
"Well, first, you sit."
And so I sit.
"And then..." She throttles it, priming the beast to life beneath us. "...you relax."
I try. Oh gosh, do I try. There is a tremor between my legs and it's running on dead dinosaur juices burning deep within a four cylinder heart.
"And next... you grab ahold." A brief flicker of a smile behind plastic and more plastic. The starlight casts a sheen on the visors between us. "And I'll take care of the rest, 'kay?"
"Uhm... grab ahold of what?"
"Well, me would be a good start."
You?!? "You?!?"
"Either that or the sissy bar right behind you."
"Uhhhh..." I look back at a flimsy pigtail of a leather-and-metal strap sticking out the back end of our seat. "I-I don't think so."
"See? Knew you were a gifted student for a reason."
"So... uhm... how? I-I mean where...?"
"Here..." You reach back, and a firm hand grips mine. "Around the waist. Like this." I follow your motion, and soon I'm leaning to the back of you, gripping around your middle. "See?"
"Okay..." I gulp. The helmet and jacket are doing a massively good job of hiding these trembles that I am totallynotexperiencingrightnowokay. "Like that?"
"... ... ...not so high up, Twilight."
"Eeep! S-sorry! I'm so sorry!"
"Heh. I didn't see nothing." Vrmmmmm! "And here goes!"
"Guh!" I hold on tight as the world blurs around us. Adrenaline courses through my body, firing the synapses in my brain to fill in the horrific gaps of motion blur.
It occurs to me that the first time I ever saw you on a bike was three weeks ago. I was a sobbing wreck, dropping arrows all over the archery course. You were speeding around on a dirt bike, narrowly avoiding giant poison death tentacles pouring out of dark cross-dimensional hell portals while my talking dog shrieked in panic. Oh... how I wish all of that could be happening right now instead.
This is the absolute best-worse thing. I feel like the universe has set this up. It's a booby trap, just like the kind that my fellow students used to spring on me at Crystal Prep. By the fifth consecutive time, I stopped being startled by them, though I still feigned surprise just to keep them amused... to keep them off my back.
It was so much easier... back then... pushing people away. But now that I'm drawn in to all these new friends? And to you most especially? I don't know what to expect, and it's frightening. I feel so scared and cared for all the time. It confuses me. These Elements... these Harmonic anchors that have tethered me to this new future. I'm not sure I can take it. There's got to be a catch... a major fall that I'm plummeting for... being ferried away on noise and madness just like this bedlam bullet you're throttling us forward on—
"Four Eighty-Three Faust Street, right?!?" I hear you holler above the puttering engine.
"Huhh?!" I lift my head up from the back of your blouse. I press my fingers to my glasses—only for them to clank off the visor of your backup helmet. Looking up, I realize that we are at the red light of an intersection, and there's a pair of soft eyes gazing back at me through aluminum and plastic. "What was that?"
"Four Eighty-Three Faust Street! Your home address!" You point to the right. "It's just two blocks that way, right?"
I blink. I nod. "Yes! Yes it is!"
The light turns green. You salute back at me and look forward just as you put on the accelerator. I see the tiniest curve of a smile under that chinstrap and...
Vrmmmm!
We roar forward again and I'm...
I'm warm.
There's a chill all around me, autumn's best and worst in one throw, and yet I feel perfectly fine. Perfectly safe.
This is no trap at all. Or, if it was, I'm okay with it... just like I was okay with sitting next to you during the bloody movie we all watched for two hours straight... the times where I kept flinching, closing my eyes, scrunching, curling... towards you. Something warm and gentle held my hand, and it wasn't buttered popcorn.
There were giggles. It wasn't a funny movie. How come they all stopped the moment I stopped flinching at the merest hint of that warm touch? Like soft rain at the tail end of thunder, only to repeat again, twice as delicate and beautiful.
I smile into the cushions of my helmet... into the back of you. This could be something else. It is something else.
And all too soon...
...it ends.
You lower the kickstand and lean the bike to the side. "What did I tell you?" You lift your helmet, tossing that hair like the fiery mane you were born with. "No time at all!"
I tilt my head to the side, pouting. The front gates to my family's three story house never looked so ugly before.
"Hope your big brother doesn't think I'm trying to show him off or nothing," you say. It's an empty joke, and an even emptier threat. You deliver it with a full smile. "But I don't think he'll mind that I got his little sister home safe."
"He won't mind." I stumble off the seat, teetering slightly. "And neither do I."
"Uh uh uh..." You snap a finger. "Helmet."
"Erm, right." I fumble a bit, almost forgetting to take off my glasses first. Once I've taken the right thing off and put the right things on, the world comes into focus, with your face in the center. A second sun beneath this starry veil. "Thanks. For everything."
"Hey, I had a great time." You rest against the bars of your bike. "Don't you see? This whole friendship thing isn't so bad, isn't it?"
"No..." I shudder. "I-I guess not." I shudder some more. "Oh!"
"Oh, what?"
"I... uhm..." I fumble with the sleeve of your jacket. "I-I need to give you back your—"
A hand stretches out.
I look at it. I look at you.
You lean back, your face straight. Downcast eyes measure the weight of something you've been meaning to spill out of your lungs for a long time now. "Keep it..."
"Keep... it...?" I blink. "Sunset..." A nervous titter. "This is your jacket!" I emphasize: "The jacket."
"It's a part of me, yes..." You nod, your eyes slowly traveling up. Soft. Frail. "But a part of me I can finally do without... the last part. Besides..." You gulp. "On you..." A gentle smile. "...I think it takes on a new life."
I grip the sleeves of the thing. Pensively. As if I'm a penitent pilgrim wandering upon the virge of a holy eclipse. "I... I don't get it..."
"That's okay, Twilight," you say. "Just know this. The fact that you're here... that we're both hereright now... and not drowning in some crazy burnt crater caused by magic... mmm.... You squirm slightly, leaning back on the bike. "...it just goes to show how lucky we are. That I am." You look at me, eyes glossy. "That you came into our lives the way that you did."
I bite my lip. A sniffle escapes my lips.
"... ... ...Twilight?"
"You're talking about the other Twilight of course." I fiddle at the edges of your jacket's sleeves, feeling unworthy of this new skin. This sweetness. Jasmine. "The one who fixes everything. Me?" I rub a moist eye beneath my fogging glasses. "I'm just the one who breaks everything."
We're sitting in the theatre again. I'm cringing... shrinking away from the gore on screen. That warmth embraces me. Protects me like the ride open.
My eyes refocus. I look past the fog to see your hand holding mine.
"And helping you put it all back together is one of the most beautiful things I've had the pleasure of doing in this world," you say. "You... make me feel like I'm not so alone in that." She shudders. "Like there's something good and innocent at the end of everything. A reward... almost..."
"A... reward...?"
"Twilight, would you believe me when I tell you that I... that I-I would never... ever do anything to hurt you?" You exhale. "Especially after all you've done to make me realize where I stand in life?"
I gaze at you, a torch that threatens to burn me alive. Somehow, I think there's a stronger, healthier woman that emerges on the other side of the blaze. So, with a heart-pounding nod, I smile on through it.
Your smile is waiting on the other side. "Good night..." You lean back, your hand finally letting go, and just like that the burning stops. "And pleasant dreams..." You slide the visor down. "...pigeon toes."
VRMMMMMM!
And you're gone. I stand behind you in your past skin. And somehow... it's not so bad. I know there's a sunrise coming, sooner than later. I've stood on the crest of it all my life.
The sigh is a happy one, and it tugs me through the gate and up the stairs to my family's home.
A teeth rinsing, a hair brushing, and a long... long shower later...
I shuffle across my bedroom, petting Spike in his little dog bed.
I collapse on my mattress, but I'm not alone. Over my pajamas... over my once cold spine and shoulders... I'm wearing the jacket. It's sweet, like jasmine, and on into the night it feels like you never stop hugging me.
I smile, because there's something about the truth that's warmer, that makes me squeak and sob all the same.
"Heehee..." I giggle into my pillow, hugging you back. It's a very tender thing, christened in tears. "...'pigeon toes.'"
I have a new name now. I carry it gently past the veil of sleep... and it protects me like a nightlight.
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That was just beautiful. But then again, the instant I saw my fav alt account post a Sunlight story, that was to be expected.
I hope you'll explore this pairing a bit more~
My goodness, that was adorable.
SunLight? Hell yes, please!
cute
HeeeheeeheeeeeheeeHHEEEEHEEEHEHEEEEEEEEAAAHHHH--
I did an actual double-take when I saw this story. I thought this account had been put out to pasture. Glad I was wrong.
And goddamn if it isn't cute. There's something about this pairing that just... works. And this story does it justice better than many that I've seen. I'll echo Misago in saying more would be welcome.
This was a treasure. A fantastic and amazing treasure.
I can't even begin to explain just how much I loved it. From the vocabulary, to the characyerization, to just -everything-.
I just wish there was a way to have more. I just love this so much that I'm left unsated. Gasping for more. Gosh, this was just... a treasure.
Currently one of my favorite ships. Thank you. This was an extremely entertaining story to read. You seem to have a way with words that can make the simplest story beautiful. Gosh!
That... Ending... My... Heart... So... Cute...
*flatlines*
this is so cute but,,,, WHERE'S THE KISS I WAS WAITING FOR?!
Was hoping the next blue harvest post would be another AppleDash story, but...
...this was a cute read nonetheless -- I can't lie. Felt natural, had the warm fuzzies, and it was worth a chuckle or two from sheer cuteness overload. I give it to you: When you write romance, you never fail to deliver.
Hot damn. I'm not the biggest fan of your paragraph structure or the way you use ellipses, but I'll be damned if some of the prose here wasn't downright beautiful.
The way you write make me feel like a billion sun all imploding and creating another world that than proceed to explode again.
I love that....
I want more....
Please do more.....
6586103 This is what is so beautiful with this story right now
They don't need to kiss...
Not yet...
I laughed so hard at the name of this. One of my friend's nicknames is pigeon toes because he has them.
This was interesting. Very well-written.
6588054 That can wait until the sequel.
Since I was just rereading this:
I think there are some quotation marks missing in the middle.
To be honest, I was a bit thrown off by the 2nd Person perspective at first. That style isn't my usual cuppa tea.
However, I got to say I liked this. It's very subtle and it flows really well covering a tiny set of actions. You wring quite a lot of drama out of very few ingredients and that's just beautiful in it's own right.
There are a few word choices here and there that make Twilight's inner metaphorical monologue sound just a touch too poetic, but that's a quibble and an exceedingly small one at that. Overall it sounds good. Sounds natural and unforced. The lead up to the ending is sweet and I enjoy how it can be interpreted multiple ways for the readers and the characters.
That's some pretty tight storytelling.
good story but i just cant picture sunset with out her jacket plus she did change jackets between the 2nd and 3rd film any ways (or did she change after the first )
6638272 It's first person, not second person. The POV is being referred to as "I". Second person refers to the POV as " you".
6669243 Well, actually it's both. Twilight is telling the story from first person, but at the same time she refers to the reader (In Sunset's position) as you. This is confusing.
6669486 The reader isn't Sunset. This misconception arises from the fact that the "you" pronoun is rare in first-person literature, but it DOES happen occasionally.
Have you ever had internal thoughts about someone in your life, and subconsciously formatted them into a hypothetical conversation, as if you were speaking to them, even though they weren't there? We might stomp away from an argument, fists clenched in furious regret, asking "Why don't you understand?" Or kneel at the grave of a dearly departed, whispering, "I miss you so much." Or sit at a table for dinner, hands clasped, praying, "Thank you for this meal".
People do this, some very often, because we silently wish that the thoughts we were feeling, the things we were saying, could actually be heard by the person we were directing those thoughts to.
This is what Twilight is doing now. The "you" is referring to Sunset, but the usage of "you" does not mean Sunset is us. It is merely the narrative style of Twilight's internal voice, and its purpose here is to express how much Twilight desires to say these things out loud to Sunset, even if she can't quite work up the courage to do so.
In fact, earlier someone compared Twilight to Helga Pataki from Hey Arnold, and I thought it was an astute comparison for this very reason.
She refers to Arnold as "you", but we are not Arnold.
I loved the story having these little details which gave so much more to it. That little background story of her friends around the pair. The description of Sunsets eyes.
Reading this is like viewing a beautifully composed painting. Lovely work.
In hope that this all leads to something and doesn't end here.
Okay I just want to say that the perspective you chose for this story is freaking painful to read. You can't do first-person AND second-person narrative perspective. If the story is first-person narrative from Twilight's POV, it shouldn't be narrating TO the reader as a second-person observer. It's just...weird, wrong, and all kinds of awkward to read.
That said, this is a sweet, touching little shipping fluff story. I would upvote and fave it, but I can't because of the bizarre 1st+2nd perspective thing. It was just too much of a chore to deal with.
6677969 It's not second-person, yo. I refer you to my previous comment: 6669518
6715926 It's first-person with the reader understood to be second-person. Which is just a terribly confusing way to write.
6715942 No it's not. It's first-person with Twilight narrating in poetic second. When she says "you", she's referring to Sunset, not the reader. The reader doesn't exist.
Did you watch the 30-second video I linked? Or read the post I linked? Should I just--? Ah fuck it, I'll just quote it.
6715993 Believe it or not, I am aware that the "you" in the story is Sunset Shimmer. You seem to be hung up on that fact as an excuse for this "poetic second person" style, and are determined to ignore my point, which is that it is awkward to read.
6716027 And I quote:
I'll accept the backpedal though.
Moar of thiiiiiis. I neeeeeeeed it.
Simply beautiful. Every word is so delicately placed, and the mystifying feeling of Twilight's metaphorical journey through her own thoughts is on point. The perspective is interesting; it's rare to see a story written as though the protagonist is telling the tale to a second person. It all works. Very sweet, had me damp-eyed at the end. The only other thing I would've asked for is a kiss, to affirm each other's feelings, but that's just my insatiable appetite for romance talking. This story's atmosphere is perfect without an outright act sealing the deal. Although, if you ever decided to write a follow-up story to this one where the two girls officially get together, I'd be very, very happy to see it.
Celestia, I wish to see this happen
I loved it, all of it.
But, all the epic daww aside, this line?:
This is the best thing I've read in a long while. Bloody marvelous.
Oh god. SciTwi is, to put it in your words, adoracute.
And that's definitely not the shimmy she wants to be doing.
Show him up?
Don't forget to end the speaking dialogue with ( " )
Not a bad story, but i agree that it was "painful" to read. though, i have heard of other stories written like this, this would be the first i have read... but i like the story enough to give it a fave and up vote it.
(just in case anypony is wondering, the writing style, unless i am mistaken, is called "character x reader")
You are truly the prince of purple prose.
Beautiful, my friend. Gorgeous.
6843003 You ain't the only one, buddy.
You keep his(her) shirt(jacket), (s)he keeps his(her) word.
There was a slight stumble in the beginning until I realized Sci-Twi was the narrator and I, the reader, was Sunset Shimmer (or at least, she was narrating as if to Sunset anyway). This was fun and a super endearing and cute thing.
That was freaking cute