For awhile now, Princess Luna has guided and kept safe the Cutie Mark Crusaders. Now at long last they have achieved their goal. She throws a party to celebrate the occasion and opens up the doors of friendship to another
I am a fan of Star Wars, Danny Phantom, Phantom of the Opera, comic books, He-Man and She-Ra. I love to write stories espescially crossovers.
For awhile now, Princess Luna has guided and kept safe the Cutie Mark Crusaders. Now at long last they have achieved their goal. She throws a party to celebrate the occasion and opens up the doors of friendship to another
Very sweet story, although quite rushed. You should do more here, describe the party, how they talked with each other, what they did during the party and so on. Maybe also delving in more how Diamond Tiara hates the life with her mother, having Luna and the Crusaders talk to her about it.
There is a lot of potential in this story, but you also got to use it!
There are also quite many sentence construction mistakes, so I suggest you getting a pre-reader.
Thank you very much. :)
6582896
You're welcome.
Did you release a second chapter called "Uninvited Guests" just two hours ago and then deleted it again?
If so, out with it! I can't imagine how this story could be continued, but pony fics (or chapters of pony fics) one has written must be shown to the world! It can only make you better as an author.
Edit: Forget what I said. Just saw your other story and that it's actually the first chapter of that one.
6583628 Yeah, I uploaded it to the wrong story