Pinkie tries to talk with her sisters about the Hearth's Warming Eve they just celebrated.
Huh, so that's why she moved out.
Edited for clarity after feedback.
Do my eyes deceive me? Second page of Popular Stories?
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- Member Since 28th Jun, 2013
- offline last seen February 25th
The Devious Writer
"Inspiration comes and goes; that's neither a good or bad thing. It just means that I'm going to sit here and be lazy until I don't want to be." ~Some a**hole who quotes himself.
The Devious Writer
Joined 28th Jun, 2013 ·
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Walk in, expecting genuine heartwarming with side of funnies.
Walk out, amused but vaguely disappointed.
6567526
Well, that happened. The Pies aren't so bright, are they?
That got a little hard to follow. When you were writing, you stopped posting who was saying what, and putting in how others were reacting. It was not too much of a problem at first, but it started getting confusing at the argument of who was saying what. I actually had to go back and re-read it because I at first thought Limestone was calling Maud stupid.
This was so awesome! I was laughing so hard
6567967 Thank you!
It wa a bit on the confuding side. I wouldn't mind having seen limestone and AJ hoof it out in yard after holder boulder fell
Confusing at parts on who said what. Still, funny.
Not bad. Good slice of life elements.
But really needs some editing. Never be afraid of dialogue tags. The conversations were a bit hard to follow in certain parts.
6568221
6568067
6567603
I did some editing to make it more clear. Not sure if it's enough. Thanks for reading my story and leaving feedback!
A little hard to follow, and how was Marble suddenly downstairs and part of the fistfight? She got carried off to her room for safety, remember?
6570372 She went downstairs to check on them after someone smashed a bowl. Pinkie went down later.
That was fun. xD
It was a bit confusing at times. It was extremely difficult to tell who said what, and what exactly was happening at the end.
6576476 Hm, could you point out areas where it's hard to tell who said what? I've received many comments about this, and I've added dialogue tags to show who's saying what, but it's apparently still confusing, and I'm not sure where. It would be great help, thanks!
6576482
Here, for instance. The way the line is structured implied that it was Pinkie who spoke, when it was actually Marble.
6576516 Hm, I thought the fact that Pinkie blushed at a compliment would imply that said compliment is being directed at her, not said by her. But checking this site's writing guide, it seems action tags have to explicitly involve the speaker.
Thank you! I'll see if there are other instances I do this.
when they where doing the prank with playing dead it was a bit hard to recognize who was speaking. but otherwise good story
Great story.
Alright so Marble got knocked out for real then, if by accident. Even Maud thought she was in the next life and broke stoic nature and freaked out, that was kind of funny actually. XD