• Member Since 9th Apr, 2015
  • offline last seen 6 days ago

PonyUpYourBits


#SunsetDisgust

E

Princess Twilight Sparkle went through the portal to find herself face to face with the Twilight Sparkle of the human realm. Is it a simple meeting or did they just stumble on something much more? The fanmade sequel to Friendship Games and the concluding chapter of the Equestria Girls saga.


I would appreciate any commentary or thoughts you can provide. I'm always looking to improve.

Chapters (12)
Comments ( 42 )

So... *Claps hands together* I'd like to say a few words.

Holy Hell...

This... Was... BRILLIANT!

You just accurately showed EVERY SINGLE OUNCE OF THEORY I possessed about the two Twilight's meeting each other, AND how Sunset Shimmer existed in the CHS world as a human.

I have only two words for you.

Well... Done...

Please...

FOR THE LOVE OF FAUST, KEEP WRITING THIS, I BEG OF YOU!

10/10, Five Stars, have a favorite and a like. You've earned all four.:twilightsmile:

Hrm. Tracking. Let's see where this goes.

This looks like it'll be interesting, and the writing's solid so far.

I'll be watching.

Meet
Greet
Break
Cancel
Return
Sneak

Six words for the chapter.

While the rest of it was well written and disturbing well thought out... I feel having Glimmer be a thief felt gratuitous. It felt like she was used only because she was a pony antagonistic.

6563101 I needed a way to bring the two of them together (since that's the crux of the story) but if there's a better method I'd like to know. It should be fairly obvious where things are going already.

I really want to tune this story so I don't mind toying around with things. However, because of the structure of the story there's really only one viable antagonist so I do need to work towards that.

6563843

I have no idea where you're going with this. So I can't say, and I'm genuinely sorry about that. But there's something wrong if you can slip any antagonist character into that dialogue and their actions wouldn't change.

This is beautiful. Everything makes sense! :rainbowkiss: I can't wait for the rest!

6563848 Very well. I'll do another chapter and we'll see how it plays.

I apologize for being cliche.

6563904

I've heard a lot of possibilities for Glimmer. Conformist substitute teacher. Student body president who wanted Canterlot High to have uniforms. A teacher at Crystal Prep. But her just being a thief in league with this world's Shimmer feels... petty.

BTW? Reason they recolored Lightning Dust to be Indigo Zap in Friendship Games? They felt Lightning Dust was TOO NICE to be a Shadow Bolt!!!

6563919 You know what? That is something I will apply.

I agree, using them was a poor choice. That will be something I'll change on my next revision. There is no reason to use Starlight Glimmer and Lightning Dust as human Sunset's cohorts. I just wanted to experiment with giving human counterparts different personalities from their human selves but frankly that is unnecessary.

I imagine that's what happened when they originally tried to use Lightning Dust before creating Indigo Zap.

Tracking...

Here comes the disaster which might rip the two worlds into one!

...


...




...

I blame the mirror.

7072674
Actually, it is the opportunity that Sci-Twi needs to finish her work to stabilise the magical energies! I'm sure that Juvie-Sunny will be suitably shocked to meet her superhero counterpart!

Besides, the native Sunset needs a second chance and there is one thing that the Seven are better at than anything else!

dun dun duuun.

One does what one can.

"Wanted you to meet my other friends," Rainbow Dash said to Jade Jewel when they arrived. "Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Twilight Sparkle, and Fluttershy," she said, going around the table. Everyone waved when their name was called and Jade Jewel and Pearlescent did the same. "We have another friend too but she had to miss lunch to work on something."

:ajbemused:"And what does that make me?"

Yup. Semi-corrupted scientific little bookworm Sunset is.

Wait so rather than trying to turn over a new leaf, she wants to become a demon?

7535368 Honestly, that's why I'm frustrated that I didn't fully characterize her the way I wanted by having her interact with the other students. It doesn't give her the sort of justification for her actions that I was hoping for.

My rationale is that if she can't get along with everyone, she'll just make them fear her and she'll do it however her dimensional counterpart did it. It's a bit of a leap but as far as being something you might see in Equestria Girls, it doesn't seem outlandish (since...truthfully, Equestria Girls leaves a fair bit to be desired as far as motivations and rationale in itself).

Plus you also have to remember she's been down this road before at her old school, hence her falling in with Jade and Pearlescent. The fact they made friends with these new students while she's still stuck in her same rut pushed her over the edge.

Human Sunset has power cravings.

Those who seek power and those who are least able to wield it. Your doppelgänger learned that lesson the hard way, Sunset Shimmer. How many must suffer so that you do likewise?

Nothing good will come of any of this. I wonder if Pearlescent and Jade will realise that before or after Sunset drags them to hell in her pursuit of power she is unable to understand and unable to really control?

My suggested solution? Give 'Amber' everything that she thinks she wants and wait until it leaves her cowering in a crater surrounded by those who vanquished her, preferably in Equestria.

Then, and only then, can her other-dimensional twin start talking to her about the things she really needs and how she is supposed to get them.

It may be necessary to kill the human Sunset Shimmer to protect everyone. I'm just sayin'. If it was impossible to reason with Midnight Sparkle, Sunset would probably have been forced to kill her and her own counterpart is a lot more contemplatively psychopathic than Twilight ever was.

From Sunset's Magical Communication Journal:
"Did you find her Princess Twilight?"

"We... found... We found enough to identify positively."

Wait what happen to the other Susnet?

Please let Pony-Sunset find a second portal that Starswirl had made and forgot to tell Celestia about, this way she can get home somehow and if Human-Sunset got through to the other side they can send her back through the second portal then.

What a nice cliffhanger you gave us. Better to hold onto it...

I can't really see pony Sunset giving up magic to become a regular human and I think princess Twilight would at least try to rebuild the portal.
They even have an dimensional anchor with Sunsets diary.

But thats just my humble opinion.

Please oh PLEASE have Princess Twilight finds Starswirls notes on how he made the portal in the first place, this way she can rebuild it and open the gate between the worlds so Pony Sunset can return whenever she wants.

This would be an implausible end if they hadn't already done this with Starlight Glimmer in canon!

Somehow I don't think this is the end of the story... Just the last chapter in this part of it...

8283682
Mmmm...not going to get defensive but I would like to discuss that.

I feel like my scenario is different to that one. One of the main reasons I have a problem with Starlight Glimmer is that they reformed her by having Twilight forgive her, despite all the calamity she caused, with very little actual redemption taking place. Her transgressions (stealing her cutie mark and keeping her captive as well as disrupting the timeline for her own petty revenge) were against Twilight directly but Twilight just blithely overlooked all that in the spirit of "well, it's better to show her how to be good rather than have a dangerous unicorn with all that power out there being bad". That is a lot to just plaster over with a hug (especially when you consider the other five ponies were also wronged by her and they forgave her just as effortlessly).

I generated my scenario to be about acceptance of wrongdoing as well as the fact that there is no turning back in this case. Sunset is going to be stuck in Equestria one way or another and she knows she was the one who did it to herself. Add to that the Twilight of Equestria has never been wronged by this Sunset, just been told of the bad things she did in her own dimension, and I see room for more genuine acceptance. Twilight isn't forgiving Sunset because she has nothing to forgive and Sunset herself is repentant for her misdeeds and wants to make the best of the situation she's stuck in (no one knows who she is in this world and she hasn't built up a negative reputation here; it's the very definition of a "fresh start", which could have been true for Starlight as well but I digress). It feels more legitimate when you look at it like that.

It strikes me as odd that Celestia or Luna wouldn't have seen the incoming transcripts and recognized Sunset. Just a minor potential plot hole... don't mind me. Otherwise, I'm intrigued.

8303504
Don't start questioning Equestria Girls logic too much, you'll get pretty deep. If you're going to get into that you'd also have to address how the original Sunset even managed to become a student at CHS in the first place.

These sort of questions rolled through my head too when I was writing this, it's best not to dwell on them, lol. I believe TVTropes refers to it as the "MST3K Mantra".

I feel like the ending was a bit rushed or something. I mean, this time the girls didn't friendship&tolerate Sunset into submission, which would give her reason to reconsider her agenda. They just barely stopped worlds colliding, accidentally trapping her on the wrong side (which, to some degree, is what she was aiming for). And then she's all "How wrong was I! Friendship is magic etc." and it's done. Granted, she herself considered a fresh start already, but still.

Disregard all above if she's actually bidding her time to try and conquer all of Equestria when she's ready. (Mwa! Ha! Ha! All your spell are belong to us! Silly little ponies!)

Having said all above, it's great story overall! Interesting idea and skillful writing. Keep up good work!

Having the read all the series, I can't fav this. I won't downvote it, but the fact that the portal is closed permanently here just ruins it for me.

And as horrible as Legend of Everfree was, I have to give it more since it kept the portal open among other things.

Why do I have a feeling this is going to turn into an interrogation

Yeah I had a feeling that was going to end something like that

Anyone else seeing a developing pattern with things like this and people like her

Again developing pattern here

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