“I can’t believe I managed to find the formula to break the barrier between different universes!” Twilight thinks to herself giddily. “And now Celestia is sending me and the girls through the portal to meet with the leader or leaders of the first race we meet. Hopefully we'll be able to start a peaceful relationship with them.”
“Let’s see, oh this is perfect, I think we landed right in front of a group of… dragons?! Okay, okay, calm down Twilight, they might not be like dragons from Equestria, and they look civilized and… they’re looking at us in shock and… horror? Wait, why do my hooves feel wet? And why is there a choking sound coming from behi-OH MY CELESTIA THE PORTAL’SBURSTINGOUTOFHISCHEST!!!!!!!!!”
MLP:FiM characters are owned by Hasbro Studios
Lume characters are owned by me
Rated Teen for mature language, blood, and dark themes and moments
If you dislike the story, please leave a comment down below to give me ideas on how to improve
6595129
Just because you're the first to comment, I'll give minor spoilers, don't read if you don't want to:
1. There will indeed be rage, there will also be fear, lots and lots of fear (Especially considering that's the element the main character uses)
2. There will certainly be a lot of conflict... while on Lume, the home world of the dragons, but only the regular amount of conflict you would expect while on Equestria. Also gore, lots of gore. (Most of it is Metuo getting his limbs chopped off)
3. Not so much terrible jokes by Rainbow Dash..... BUT LOTS OF TERRIBLE JOKES BY ICTUS AND PINKIE PIE!!!!!!!!!!!
If anyone asks, no, Falx is not a self-insert. I just used his name in my username. I had already thought up his character and name before I started my FimFiction account.
A good start.
Well paced, has an interesting premise. Very descriptive action.
One thing you might want to do is not use the character's name, over and over. Supplement a description or a title, like in the case for Applejack: the Green eyed mare, the Farm Filly, the Cow Pony, the element honesty, and so on. Just a suggestion, it sounds more interesting.
This is a solid piece.
6669807
Thanks, I'll try to get around to reading your story that you just posted, I haven't had the time yet.
yay i found a fellow dragon (that was not human once)
HEY watch it missy
oh god is the portal arent it?
6704088
Read on to find out.
6595209 DEAR GOD NOT THE JOKES!
huh... this went better then i thought
6705072
My characters have already gone through a lot, and considering what Metuo's gone through already, most of which was witnessed by his friends, he's not going to get angry at everyone who causes him physical pain. His friends don't like seeing him hurt, but they also know that he can take it and that he wouldn't want them to seek revenge.
So in other words....
That shit ain't gonna happen!
6706056 alright seems legit
....don't Pegasi channel magic through their wings to fly?
6740983
That's more of a passive ability that pegasi do. Caelans use all of their abilities actively like a unicorn casting spells, they can just use it through more parts of their bodies than unicorns. Unicorns use magical energy through their horns. Caelans use it through their wings, muscles, breath, and fore-claws. And their abilities are only as flexible as their element. (ex. fire can't be used to breath underwater.)
6741725
I would also like to point out that Caelans and other winged dragons are able to fly without channelling . Pegasi, on the other hand, have to use their magic in order to fly, it just feels like they're using an extra muscle when they use too much. If that helps at all.
Bluetooth
6965679
???
6966819 connecting wirelessly sounds like Bluetooth to me.
6967916
It's magic dude. EVERYTHING is wireless.
6968763 everything is Bluetooth and NFC.
6968924
Yep.
6968928 one step closer to magic
6986116
What? Sh#$, thought I fixed that. Don't worry, after the first chapter, I keep it in present tense.
Adding to my reading list for later.
Just curious, is this some setting of your own making? The crossover tag is throwing me off since I can't find anything related to any of the names or terms mentioned except this story...
6986881
Yep, crossover with my own personal story that starts out when Metuo first appears on Lume and everything going up to the start of this story.
6986881
I should probably take that crossover tag off since it's not a crossover with an actual media that's viewable to the public.
Also, "remember to slap that like button with your face!" -SkyDoesMinecraft
Ooooooooooo....
I like this. I like this a lot.
I also like F#%KING DRAGONS!!!!! YEAH!!!! DRAGONS ARE AWESOME!!!!!
I'll read all of this if I have spare time.
Other than that, you've gained yourself a fellow follower.
7032023
Thank you very much! I'll follow you in kind. My dream is to one day get enough followers where it would just be ludicrous for me to follow them all. But until that day comes, my policy will be to follow anyone that follows me.
Well, even though I finished reading this some time ago, I'll say this. It's not bad.
7678656
I unpublished several chapters for editing. And I've also finished two more after that and another is in progress. But I've also started working on another project so the hiatus might last for a bit. If all the chapters that are done were published, it would have 18 chapters. I don't know, I've just hit writers block with this one.
Dude good job whish this kept going
If you need some one to bounce ideas with let me know maybe that what you need to break through your block