Marjoram

by Nekiyha

Dreaming and Explanations

Pain is present in every breath, every beat of my heart, every thought. The pain is everywhere; in my magic, in my blood, sunk deep into my bones. I'm not dying, but I wish I was.

Megan, my mentor and one of few friends, is dead. She died saving me and my twin. Megan poured all of her magic, all of her life into us, and she died because of it. However, she didn't have enough magic and life to save us like she'd thought. Splitting one life between two didn't fix the problem.

Carnation is dying, and I can't help her. My twin, the pony that I've never gone more than a day without seeing, is dying by inches in front of me and I can't save her. All because I'm too weak to try to do what Megan started.

I can't separate my magic or my life from myself, because my magic is tangled up with Megan's, still trying to kill off the illness within me. I know, the doctors know, Celestia knows, it will not succeed. The magic is only strong enough to kill off the weaker bacteria in my system, then the illness will become resistant to magic. It will be a miracle if I'm ever cured at all.

The threat of illness, of being sick forever, is something I can live with. Make me walk across hot coals, cut off my horn, make me unable to use magic again, and I will find a way to come back. But I don't know if I'll survive Carnation's death. She's always been there, helping me, protecting me when I couldn't myself, offering support when I need it. I can't imagine life without her.

Even now, when she's conscious and lucid, she tells me not to give up, not to worry. She tries to comfort me as she lays dying. Whether she knows it or not, its me that soothes her fever. Its me that's trying to make her last days (weeks, perhaps?) comfortable.

Celestia helps, when my body gives out. She's here with us more often than not, trying to see if there's anything her alicorn magic can do. She's had no luck, and I doubt she'll find something in time to save Carnation.

Carnation...strong and beautiful, always willing to talk through problems, more than willing to fight if its needed. She wants to be a guard, and now she'll never be one...though I thought I heard Celestia mention making her an honorary one, then promoting her to a full guard posthumously. She didn't tell me though, I overheard.

I hope that's what Celestia does. You'll be so proud, Carnation. You've always wanted to be like Kafir, just settled down, unlike him. Gods I hope you don't linger...you're in so much more pain than I am…

The door opens, and I look up from Carnation's barely breathing body to face the door. Celestia is there, her face sombre and her eyes sad. She holds a tray overflowing with food with her magic. When she sees I'm awake, she offers a sad, soft smile.

“She's the same,” I whisper, laying my head back down. Celestia probably already knows, but I want to tell her everything anyway. Just in case.

Celestia sets the tray down on the night table closest to me, “C'mon, Marjoram. You must eat something.”

“I'm not hungry,” comes automatically to my lips. It's not a lie.

“I know you're not, but you still need food to function.”

That's debatable. I suppress a derisive snort, but obediently tear my eyes away from Carnation, turning to the soup Celestia brought. Tomato-basil, my favourite. Still not hungry. I choke down half the bowl, soaking the bread roll heavily in the warm liquid before eating it.

Then, I'm back to my previous position, where I can keep a close eye on Carnation. I can see her breathing, can be right there when she wakes up, and not need to worry about bending my body into odd shapes to fit into a chair for all hours.

I can hear Celestia sigh. Against my will, I'm keeping watch after all, she drapes a thick blanket over me, and gently slides a pillow under my head.

“I'll keep watch for a while. You rest.”

Despite myself, my eyes begin to close. They're burning with exhaustion, and my eyelids feel like they're weighed down with lead. Despite everything, my eyes slide shut, and I know no more.

(LINE BREAK)

I woke to the sounds of screaming outside of my window. My eyes felt crusty, and I ache everywhere, “Last time Carnation and I try to go troll hunting,” I muttered scathingly under my breath, while getting to my feet and going to my window.

My window faced the small town square, very convenient for pony watching. Very convenient for watching the other ponies play and make fun of me and my family. Mostly me. My mother and I were the lone unicorns in a tiny village of earth ponies. That made us odd.

I stared into the street, wondering why anypony would be screaming at this hour-

“Marjoram!” Carnation called from downstairs, her voice tinged with worry and fear.

I ran downstairs, tripping over my little legs as I go. At 5, I was lot smaller than should have been. Once I got outside, I saw something that's burned into my dreams forever.

My father, half covered in a sheet, clearly dead. Even to my young eyes I knew something was very wrong. I could see blood pooling under him. Later, I'd learn that a tree fell and crushed him. He survived long enough to get dragged back to the village, then died shortly after. My mother was beside him, sobbing hard, Kafir stood beside her, clearly unsure of what to do.

Carnation was standing in our doorway, sobbing hard. Neither of us would really understand what had happened for a while, but the accident would scar is in more than one way.

Weeks later, my mother would be dead too. Her magic had consumed her, and Kafir had vowed the same wouldn't happen to me. We sold our house, what part of it was still standing since Father never got a chance to fix it after I nearly burnt it down, and we sold most of our possessions. The only things I kept were a small bag of clothes, the only picture that remained of the five of us together, and a little journal I had saved from the fire, burnt around the edges. Mother had been lucid when she bought me it, and I had saved it on impulse.

Mother was rarely lucid, as she had been dropped outside the village shortly after birth. Her adoptive parents never realized young unicorns needed training until it was too late, and by then, her mind was already half in the world of magic, and half out. Now she was gone, starved to death because Carnation and I failed to bring her out of her latest, and longest, trance.

“Marjoram-”

Now, we're in Canterlot. Carnation and I have just turned six, Kafir is just fourteen. We're all we have, and we're in the capital of Equestria, not knowing if we'll survive the night. We don't have any money, barely three bags worth of belongings, and I'm a six year old unicorn with no training, who can barely make my horn light up with my magic.

“Marjoram!”

(LINE BREAK)

Celestia knelt beside Marjoram, trying to convince the unicorn to wake from whatever nightmares he was suffering from. He was talking, but making no sense. So far, Celestia had been unable to wake Marjoram at all.

Marjoram was suffering from a fever, and despite Kafir's unease, was unlikely to wake for a while. Marjoram's coughing was held at bay, but the fever that raged through his system was as unkind as they ever were, forcing Marjoram to pant for breath, shaking with chills.

“It's going to be a long night, Twilight. Why don't you put Spike to bed while Kafir and I move Marjoram into a proper bed? Take your time, Twilight. I need to have some words with Kafir,” Celestia's tone of voice left no argument.

Twilight nodded, ushering Spike into the little loft that they would share. Celestia used her magic to levitate Marjoram up off the couch, and gently brought him into the basement, where a spare bed waited. Kafir followed behind Celestia, clearly worried.

Once Marjoram was in bed, safe and warm under the blankets, Celestia turned to Kafir, her eyes shining with anger that was rarely felt.

“I don't know what excuses you have for not coming back for your family, I don't want to know what you were doing as your sister lay dying, and I don't want to know how you ignored the letters Marjoram wrote you.”

Kafir looked down at his hooves, “I only received the one you wrote, then one that Marjoram wrote telling me that Megan had saved them. That's it, I swear.”

Celestia stared down at Kafir, “That may be so, but I don't care. I'm going to tell you what you left your brother to deal with alone.”

Kafir's blue eyes widened, “But-”

“No buts,” Celestia conjured two chairs, sitting down in one before gesturing that Kafir sit in the other one, “I'm going to tell you what you abandoned.”

Kafir sank into the chair, staring down at the ground.

Celestia took a deep breath, centering herself, “After you left, I obviously took them both in. The first few years were tough, as they had to adjust to city life, and new dangers and excitement. Marjoram tended to stay in the morgue after he met Megan, even though she wouldn't let him see dead bodies for a while. Carnation helped my gardeners in the gardens, and began to learn to be a guard. She was far too young, of course, but she was hopeful.”

Kafir nodded, a bitter smile forming, “Yeah. She always wanted to be like me.”

Celestia nodded, “Yes. She did. Shortly before their fifteenth birthday, a sickness swept through Canterlot. I quarantined the city, and both of your siblings did their best to help. Carnation, surprisingly, got sick first. I thought Marjoram would succumb first, since he was always the sickly one out of the both of them. After Carnation fell ill, it didn't take long for Marjoram to do the same.”

Kafir nodded, “He stopped taking care of himself, didn't he?”

“Yes, he did. Megan tried to cure them with the cures that had worked with others, but found the strain was more...difficult to remove from their lungs. In an insane hunch that I doubt any pony has ever tried before, Megan channeled all of her life and magic into Marjoram and Carnation. Of course, Megan died, since she spared nothing of herself in the attempt,” Celestia sighed.

“However, the reaction didn't happen like Megan hoped. Carnation's body didn't react well to the sudden influx of someone's life force and magic being thrust upon it. Megan extended Carnation's life by a few weeks, but did nothing to combat the actual illness. The last week of Carnation's life was spent in feverish delirium that I could only soothe by making sure Carnation was pumped full of the strongest sedatives we had.”

Kafir let out a shaking breath, but said nothing.

“Marjoram on the other hoof, reacted rather well to Megan's magic. If she'd used all of her magic on him, I have no doubt that he'd have been cured forever, likely with some added benefits as well, as Megan's magic so complimented his. However, the magic could only clear out some of the bacteria, and it couldn't completely fight of the strongest bacteria. I couldn't use my own magic to cleanse the illness from Marjoram until it was too late, and the bacteria had become resistant to magic. It's all I can do now to stop the coughing when he's unable to stop it himself,” Celestia sighed, shaking her head.

Kafir licked his lips, “I can't believe he survived at all.”

“He almost didn't,” Celestia murmured, “After Carnation died he just...stopped. It took me six months to get him out of his room, took me another two to get him to study with me again. After that, he decided to become a mortician, after all Megan had taught him much. He became the youngest mortician ever in Canterlot, after serving a short apprenticeship at the other mortician's in Canterlot.”

“Wow.”

“He watched Carnation die,” Celestia said quietly, “He was there, almost every second of every day. He made her feel better when he could, even when he was so feverish himself he thought he saw your mother standing in the corner. He almost died trying to keep his sister as comfortable as possible.”

“No wonder he hates me,” Kafir whispered brokenly, “What do I do?”

A deep, shuddering breath sounded from the bed, drawing the attention of both Kafir and Celestia.

“Nothing.”

Author's Note:

I don't even know if I like this one. It's nice to get a bunch of exposition done, though. Now you guys have a bit of an idea about where Marjoram is coming from. And why he hates Kafir.
Don't worry, I'll be moving on in the show's actual plot sometime within the next chapter or two.
Please let me know what you think. I don't bite, honest!

Comments

[Nekiyha]

6682625 Haha. Just posted a new chapter, enjoy!

[Elsaack]

So, is Kafir Marjoram brother? I'm going to assume but I didn't see it stated, though I am pretty sleep deprived at this point.
Liked the flow of Marjorams dreams. Though yeah, this was a pretty big exposition dump. But it fits pretty well. Wonder why these letters didn't get delivered.

[Nekiyha]

6683041 Reasons why Kafir never got them will be explained next chapter. Celestia doesn't want to know the 'why', because she knows going back in time and screwing with the past could seriously mess up the future, even though it would potentially save Marjoram a lot of pain. Marjoram is the type to know 'why'. Part of what makes him such a good mortician.
Anyway, glad you enjoyed!