Now That The Reunion Is Over
From The Desk of Twilight Sparkle
✶
Dear Family, Friends, and Concerned Litigants,
On behalf of the Twinkle-Nebula-Frie-Neutron Family Reunion, I would like to start this letter out with an apology. For starters, when I invited the yearly family reunion to be held at the Castle of Friendship in Ponyville, I had no idea how many of our family’s relatives would actually show up. Normal attendance at our reunion in Fillydelphia has been hovering around double digits for many years now, and I calculated that the castle guest rooms would be able to accommodate the entire reunion and then some. To my surprise, attendance at this year’s 454th reunion exceeded all expectations, coming in at just over four hundred and twelve ponies at the reunion dinner, plus one special guest who I will get to shortly.
A special thanks goes out to Sideshoot, who has taken responsibility for tracking the family tree, and is the researcher who discovered a relative common to three of my friends. Windpipe was a pegasus back in the early days of Cloudsdale who is a relative by marriage to Fluttershy's family. She had three notable offspring: Tweetie, an irrepressible prankster pegasus who we suspect married into the Pie family primarily for the name. Twinkle, the mother of our founding family unicorns. And Twiggy, an earth pony whose offspring would eventually include the Apple family.
Thanks to my friends (and newfound relatives), we were able to house all of the extra relatives who would not fit into the castle on the evening before, however Mister and Missus Cake would like to state their disappointment with whatever guest seems to have rearranged Sugarcube Corner's bakery to match the Fibonacci sequence, and Applejack is still upset at whatever guest was practicing multiplication with her brother, whatever that means. Also Fluttershy would like to pass along a special request to anypony who stayed at her house and happens to notice a number of small silky objects in your luggage, most probably attached by webbing. Please send them back within the next week. To her. Not me.
Due to lack of information of their ongoing feud, I regret that the Nebula and the Neutron branches of the family were housed in the same wing of the castle, although that was no excuse for the midnight graffiti raids from both sides leaving derogatory mathematical formulas on each other’s doors, as well as the breakfast food fight that still has Spike cleaning scrambled eggs out of the curtains. Incidentally, if anybody will claim room 27B as their work, I believe you may have solved the Neighmann hypothesis, if you can recreate the area under the scrambled egg stains regarding the non-trivial zero. Also, we would like to thank whoever fixed the kitchen toaster, and we would appreciate it if you were to send back instructions on how you did it, or even return to demonstrate your technique. The kitchen is now totally filled with toast, and the pressure is growing. Please expedite your reply.
I would like to pass a special apology along to the entire reunion in regards to the arrival of Glar’dohan the Mighty, Spike’s mother. It was entirely my fault that I failed to inform Spike that the reunion was supposed to only be for direct relatives of the four sisters from the original family, and running around while screaming at the top of my lungs and summoning alternate dimensional copies of myself for support during the event probably was not very helpful to the mental state of the rest of the guests. For those of you who were still hiding or fled after her arrival, Missus Mighty did apologize and gave back most of the property which she seized upon breaking through the back wall of the castle and interrupting our reunion dinner. If you are still missing items, please contact Spike with a full description and he will be glad to mail them back to you. Also, if you can find Twilight Sparkle Delta Prime, please notify us at once. She/he is needed back in her/his dimension as soon as possible to stem an invasion of giant ants.
Also, I would like to congratulate the family of Gardenia Giorgi on her new cutie mark, discovered while she and several other young ponies were being cared for by our own Ponyville Cutie Mark Crusaders in their foalsitting service. Under the tutelage of Scootaloo, she discovered a new Closest Spherical Packing method using a hexagonal array in order to maximize the number of grapes that would fit in her mouth, and by coincidence the same process worked in her verification experiment to see the number of young ponies who would fit into the broom closet on the first floor of the Castle of Friendship.
As much as I would like to invite the family reunion back to my castle next year as planned, I have been served with a restraining order prohibiting it, so as a compromise location, I have scheduled next year’s reunion at my brother’s castle in the Crystal Empire. You may have recognized him as the tall stallion in the back of the room who was laughing so much every time something went wrong. In any event, all of us will be more than happy to see you again next year at the 455th reunion.
Bring your family photos.
Sincerely
Princess Twilight Sparkle, Family Reunion President
P.S. Arrive prepared to spoil Princess Cadence and Shining Armor's new foal. The next reunion is scheduled a week after her due date.
P.P.S. Never mind about the comment on Sugarcube Corner's rearrangement. It turns out that it was just Pinkie Pie being Pinkie Pie.
⁽*⁾ NOTICE: The information contained in this mail transmission is intended by Princess Twilight Sparkle for the use of the named individual or transdimensional entity to which it is directed, and may contain certain encrypted or plaintext information that is privileged, confidential, embarrassing, of questionable origin and/or protected from disclosure under applicable laws enforced by Princesses of which I am one so you better watch it, Buster. Any unauthorized viewing such as showing it to my brother, who has received a somewhat different letter, is strictly prohibited, whether by an error in the postal system, transdimensional scrying, quantum entanglement, psychic powers, changeling impersonation, failure to give your mailmare a blueberry muffin at least once a week, or any other means. Not intended as legal advice, for that please contact Quantum Valebant in the Canterlot Courthouse.
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First comment for the author. I've always found it funny that the Legal term for Quantum doesn't match the Physics term.
quan·tum - ˈkwän(t)əm/
noun
1. PHYSICS
a discrete quantity of energy proportional in magnitude to the frequency of the radiation it represents.
2. a required or allowed amount, especially an amount of money legally payable in damages.
An excellent letter. Not quite as much hijinks as you'd expect from a true Sparkle extended family reunion. I hope for a sequel that outlines the 455th reunion.
Wut
i.memeful.com/media/post/edvEWyR_700wa_0.gif
i want more
That was wonderful.
Oh man, I loved this during the Writeoff.
Wonderful story. I laughed all the way through it.
Intredastink.
Well, that was just wicked cool, and that statement would be followed by three exclamation points had I not spilled coffee into my keyboard and disabled the top row of keys, which is also why this aside is not in parenthesis.
So being hyper destructive nerd is in Sparkle's blood, I never knew.
I would love to read stories about Spike spending time with his Mom
One: that must have been a very awkward thing to discover.
Two: I feel a little conflicted by this story. The whole thing is interesting and funny, which leads to a problem. On one hand, I am curious about a lot of what happened and want to know more about it because of how hilarious it would be. On the other, I don't think actually writing it out would be able to do it justice. There is way it could be funnier if it was actually explained.
Happy to see this is on Fimfiction, especially since I love the idea that Twilight nerdiness and inadvertent destructiveness are family traits. Thank you for expanding it to Fimfiction standards, especially that delightful footnote.
This is pure gold. Liked and fave'd.
6551234 Nice, I liked this one alot...
Hope you do another once Shining Armor and Princess Cadence's foal is born continuing this arc...
I wonder how many female members of her family have the first name Twilight.
Twilight Twinkle, Twilight Velvet, and Twilight Wish are the first ones to come to mind.
This, just... This... All of this... Should have landed 1st place! I loved every line of it! And fear for my lungs and ribs.
.... Have you been running lines of scratch-n-sniff pony pictures again?
P.s. This is absolutely marvellous!
Magnificent! ...and it was probably wise to overlook any mention of catering, laundry, or waiting-in-line at the bathrooms.
6553102
There was a lot of other stuff going on, but mostly less destructive things they already know about, such as Uncle Zeno demonstrating his technique for carving a pumpkin into two pumpkins. https://xkcd.com/804/
(if confused, http://www.explainxkcd.com/wiki/index.php/804:_Pumpkin_Carving )
6551234
Drives me a little spare too when terms are (mis)used.
In defence of the humble quantum, almost every term in Legalese means something different from common usage.
Though, in both the Physics and Legal dialects, they both have the sense of a specific amount, so there's something.
6551234
Well, really, "quantum" means "how much" or "how large" (or "as much [as]" or "as large [as]") in Latin (source), so...
Physics: "How large is a basic packet of energy?" or "How much energy does the basic packet contain?"
Law: "How large is the payment that must be made?" or "How much money is contained in the required payment?"
It makes sense to me, at least.
Not to self, crash Twilight's family reunion.
I'll feel dumb as hell but at least I'll have a good time.
That was a fantastic read! I laughed so hard I woke up my sleeping wife who then herself couldn't stop laughing as I read it aloud. Good show!
The most diabolical of graffiti.
Seriously though, more of this please and thanks.
6553276 That would mean stories about Spike, which automatically means nobody would give a flying fuck.
This... was a thing... that i surprisingly want moar of...
6553572
I'm going to give up if there is one named twilight twilight
6554942 wow arent you a prick?
6554948 No, but I do have a story roughed out called "Twinkle Twinkle, Speaker to Dragons" set during the Equestrian Dispora, right after the Windigo.
6554260 I'm so tempted.... I do have Monster.
6553276 You know, it could be done as humor.
Spike looked up at the towering dragon standing rather awkwardly at the front door of the Castle of Friendship. The tip of one giant claw was still extended, and the peals of the doorbell were still echoing through the empty crystal hallways as a pleasant counterpart to the screams of terror still coming from Ponyville, most likely because of the dragon, of course.
"Mom!" Spike scowled up as much as he could do while fighting a smile. "You know what Twilight told you. No visiting in the castle without enough warning to calm down the town." He watched as a screaming pony with her mane on fire galloped past, headed for the stream. "It'll take *forever* to calm them back down again."
"I know, son." Glar’dohan scuffed one gigantic talon in the flowerbed, plowing up most of the nastursiums Spike had been saving for Rarity's lunch sometime this week. "It's just... Well. Your father kicked me out of the cave, and I don't have anyplace to stay."
6555001 I read your PM I would love that I hope it has some cute moments too though
6551234
what did you do... this is chaos... I love it
Why couldn't you show us what happened at the reunion?
I read this entire thing in Cecil Palmer's voice.
Considering exactly what the Twinkle-Nebula-Frie-Neutron family is/could be capable of, it's strangely fitting.
This explains a lot.
Good to know that Twilight isn't the only massive nerd with a bad tendency to inadvertently screw things up while trying to fix said thing.
Actually, that worries me. Considering the amount of ponies (and otherworldly beings) that showed up, that can't be good for Equestrian civilization.
6554948
Twilight Square?
6555001
as long as she doesn't have a kid named little star
We need a sequel about the next reunion.
Have at thee Shiny Ass, you know, MOST military high ups at least TRY to keep their Shiny Armor under wraps and NOT on public display.
Really though I have only three words to describe my reaction to this story: OH MY GOD! Laughing to hard for anything else
6556192 That's like every BraeMac clopfic ever. Seriously. It was a metaphor for sex. Multiplication? Procreation? Durr.
6555928 Or Black Star. God help us all if that guy gets reborn as a poneh. We'd all be fucking screwed.
Those poor foals packed into the closet!
1,101 words (supposedly, cos the total says different).
1,101 views.
Now ain't that something.
Well, the Crystal Empire is going to fall next year. Should we evacuate the populace?
now i wanna actually see what happened. .3.
This was absolutely hilarious.
It's also a nice nod to the original Twilight Twinkle, aka Faust's original name for Ms. Sparkle.
6551234
Gives that Bond title "Quantum of Solace" a new definition for some, doesn't it?
Funny. Lighthearted. Good.
Loved this!
It was good, but when I read the title I was hoping that we'd get the mother of all crossovers with Twilight Sparkle, Jimmy Neutron, Philip J. Fry (and Professor Farnsworth, of course!), and maybe Dr. Regal, head of the Dark Nebula crime syndicate (from Megaman Battle Network 4 and 5).
6558248 You may have read it in the Writeoff.
Pffft. I love little things like this so much. :D